by Tia Fielding
Kaos jolted into movement and did as told without questions. He grabbed the pizza boxes, took them outside, and placed them on the closest surface, the truck’s hood.
The pizza somehow triggered Emil? What in the hell?
With his brain a mess of confusion and guilt, he left the door open as he went back inside to open the kitchen window to air the cottage out.
The others were still in the corner, Emil in his little ball of misery and Makai as his large, awkward rock of comfort.
There was nowhere for Kaos to go, nobody to comfort him, to assuage his guilt or explain, so he did the only thing his body could do and left the cottage again. He got into his car and drove off without looking back.
It was daytime and a Tuesday. He hoped he’d gotten to know people a bit better or had at least been in town longer. The only people he really could call friends at this point were Mr. Miller and Padraig, and somehow he didn’t want to go to the old man with these kinds of feelings.
He drove to the animal clinic and parked in front, then went to the door. He wasn’t sure why he was there, just knew he needed to see a friendly face, and Padraig seemed like his best option.
The clinic was quiet, so he opened the door and stepped inside.
Chapter Six
THE MORNING had been quiet so far. There were no set appointments, so Padraig had been taking stock since he’d arrived, just waiting for calls to come through. He didn’t wish for emergencies, that would’ve been cruel of him, but he loved helping animals and their humans and he disliked being bored.
Of course there was always something to do—making sure everything was tidy, cleaning if it wasn’t, reading veterinary journals, making sure he’d ordered enough this or that, and so on. He just didn’t like having nothing to do.
“Idle hands are the devil’s workshop,” he murmured, quoting the Bible and, while doing so, his mother, rest her soul.
The gentle bell above the front door chimed, and Padraig perked up. He got to his feet from where he’d been crouching by the supply cupboard and went to the waiting room door.
“Hi, sorry, I was—Kaos?” He stared at the young man, who looked so utterly miserable that Padraig’s heart clenched. “What’s wrong?” He couldn’t help but make his way to Kaos and almost hugged him, but Kaos jerked away like a skittish animal. Padraig took a step back and raised his hands nonthreateningly.
“I… I didn’t have anywhere else to go,” Kaos said, then hiccupped and wrapped those long slender arms around himself. He looked more like a man today, without any makeup on that Padraig could see.
“Uh….” Padraig looked at the clock on the wall and decided to take a lunch break right then and there. “Come on. I was going to drive home for lunch,” he lied. “You can either ride with me or follow me?” He didn’t stop to think about what he was doing, just worked on instinct like he often did with his animal patients.
“Okay,” Kaos said quietly, seeming not-quite-there. Whatever had happened to bring him there must’ve been somehow traumatic. Then he blinked at Padraig and said, “I’ll ride with you. I don’t….” He raised his hands, which were shaking a little.
“Okay, come, let’s go through here.” Padraig locked the front door and turned over the sign that said he wasn’t at the clinic but to call as usual. Then he led Kaos to the back and grabbed his keys off the hook by the door—it had become apparent he was likely to forget them in random spots, which wasn’t exactly good come an emergency. Marcus had installed the hook by the door, and if the keys weren’t in Padraig’s pockets, they were on the hook.
He locked the door behind them and went to his car, waited for Kaos to get in, and put his seat belt on before starting the drive home.
If the ride had been any longer, Padraig was pretty sure Kaos would’ve gnawed his fingernails and torn his cuticles to shreds. They were almost at the house when he couldn’t take it anymore and reached his hand in an attempt to make Kaos stop hurting himself.
Again, Kaos shrunk away from him, this time against the car door, just for a few seconds before he relaxed again. “Sorry,” he murmured.
“It’s okay. I’m sorry I startled you,” Padraig said, doing his very best not to let his anger toward whomever had hurt Kaos show.
At least the skittishness seemed like an old hurt, somehow, a reflex. Whatever was going on today, it wasn’t about what had happened to him in the past, but rather something current.
Kaos nodded. “It’s… it is what it is,” he said, choosing his words carefully. No platitudes of “it’s not you, it’s me” or “it’s okay,” because those weren’t true, it seemed. Padraig respected the hell out of Kaos’s honesty in that moment.
He drove into his usual spot and got out of the car, knowing Kaos would follow. Except he didn’t. When Padraig turned back to look at him, Kaos was staring at the house, his eyes as wide as saucers, frozen on the spot.
Padraig moved slowly in his field of vision and opened the passenger’s side door. “Come on. You should see the inside,” he deadpanned.
Kaos snorted in surprise. “It’s… awesome,” he finally managed to say as he slid out of the car and closed the door after Padraig moved away.
“Yeah, it’s really nice.”
Kaos trailed up the stairs behind him, and by the time Padraig unlocked the door and gestured for him to go in, Kaos seemed to be more… back to his usual self. As if the house had shaken him out of the shock somehow.
Padraig headed to the kitchen, expecting for Kaos to follow him. It shouldn’t have surprised him when he hadn’t. He was looking at everything on the walls, from the holiday photos to Faye’s horrible painting.
“Your husband was gorgeous,” Kaos said finally, nodding toward a photo where Marcus was smirking at the camera as he lounged on a deck chair in Hawaii.
“Thanks.” Padraig smiled, realizing it didn’t hurt to actually look at the photo. He’d taken everything down when Marcus had died, but he’d put some back up in the last few months. Not everything, but a few, including that one. “Want some chicken salad and toast?” Padraig went to find plates and grabbed utensils.
“Sure, thanks.”
Kaos wandered to the other side of the kitchen, taking in every minute detail. Padraig wondered if he would’ve peeked behind every closed door if Padraig hadn’t been there. It didn’t annoy him at all, just amused him. The curiosity was endearing.
“This place is amazing. Like… truly,” Kaos said with a bit of reverence when he got to the breakfast nook.
“Can you grab drinks? Orange juice for me, and whatever you want.” Padraig portioned them both some of the chicken salad he’d made the night before and buttered the toast.
Kaos did as asked, and soon they sat at the small table. They ate in silence for a couple of minutes, before Padraig cracked.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, just as Kaos’s cell phone rang in his pocket.
Kaos tensed, dug out the phone, then frowned at the screen before muting it. “Makai. I’m not…. I fucked up, Padraig,” Kaos said quietly. He put the phone on the table, but at an angle so he couldn’t see it.
“It can’t be that bad if he’s calling you.”
“I… I got pizza for us for lunch.” Kaos let out a disbelieving little huff, as if the absurdity of the situation was just too much. “I didn’t know that was one of Emil’s triggers.”
Padraig frowned. That couldn’t have been good. He cleared his throat. “Yeah, I knew about it. When Marcus wanted to repaint the clinic, a lot of people came by to help, including the Newmans. Nora had to take Emil home when someone came in with pizzas come snack time.” It had been heartbreaking, and later Marcus told Padraig what had happened to Emil. He had to talk to someone, despite patient confidentiality, and Padraig knew more than he should’ve.
“Did your husband treat him?”
“No, not really. He took out some stitches for him, but that was about it. After the pizza thing, Emil came in to explain why he’d bolted
, because he was on the ladder when it happened and almost fell off…. It was a mess.” Padraig frowned and sighed.
“I put the pizzas inside and went out with the cats. They came home, and Emil went inside alone. The sound he made….” Kaos’s eyes filled with tears, and Padraig had to force himself not to reach out to him.
Instead, he busied his hands by taking a sip of his juice. “Well, I think the trigger might be bad, but it was probably made worse by the surprise and because it was his home. You didn’t do it on purpose—you just didn’t know. But since it’s been a while since what happened to him, he might also recover faster, despite the shock.” Padraig looked at Kaos’s phone, which vibrated by the fruit bowl at the end of the table. “You should pick that up.”
Sighing, Kaos wiped his eyes and reached for the phone. It looked as if he was trying to pet an angry, hissing cat with how carefully he was moving his hand. He lifted the phone to his ear. “Yeah.”
Padraig couldn’t tell what Makai was saying, but Kaos’s expression told him it wasn’t anything too bad.
“I’m at Padraig’s,” Kaos said in a very quiet voice. “My car’s at the clinic. Yeah, he drove.” He sighed and rubbed his face with his hand. “I’m okay. Is…. How is Emil?”
Again, Padraig couldn’t hear what Makai said, but if he was to judge by the way Kaos’s shoulders relaxed, it was good news.
Makai talked some more, but soon Kaos let out another long sigh. “Okay. I’ll be back later. Yeah. Bye.”
“Emil’s okay?”
“Yeah, he had a flashback, but he’s fine now. Resting with the cats. Not blaming me. All that….” Kaos grimaced. It was obvious he blamed himself, even if Makai and Emil didn’t.
“Good. You shouldn’t be blaming yourself either. Accidents happen when people have trauma in their pasts. Triggers can be anything—you know that, right?” Padraig speared some chicken and half of an heirloom tomato with his fork.
“Yeah, I have mine… as you’ve noticed.” Kaos smiled wryly.
“This is why people need to communicate.”
Kaos continued to eat, too, and toward the end of the meal, he seemed to get tense again.
“What are you thinking?” Padraig asked when they got up to take their dishes to the sink.
“That I have to go back there to that tiny little cottage with no room to remove myself from the situation if it becomes too much.” Kaos looked like he wanted to wring his hands but managed not to.
“It’s really small, isn’t it? I’ve been there for the cats, and I don’t know how three of you and the kitties fit there at all,” Padraig admitted.
“We don’t, really, but I haven’t even started to look at any other options yet.”
“I have room,” Padraig blurted out without meaning to. He ducked his head a bit and scratched the back of his neck. “I mean, this is a big empty house. I don’t like it being empty. There’s two completely free bedrooms upstairs. One of them I use as a home gym, so there’s equipment there.”
“Really?” Kaos looked surprised as he turned to look toward the stairs. “The house is that big?”
Padraig snorted. “Yeah. There’s a dining room, office, and a sunroom in the back of the house on this level. Upstairs has three bedrooms and two bathrooms, and that’s not even counting the master with the attached bathroom.”
“Holy shit. Were you planning on a family or what?” Kaos asked, then must have realized how insensitive that might’ve sounded, and his eyes widened comically. “I’m sorry I—”
“No, I get it. Don’t worry. We weren’t thinking about having kids, but we had a lot of friends. We liked to entertain, and we talked about fostering maybe—kids or animals, we hadn’t decided. The house was cheap for what it was when we were moving back to town. Well, I moved back—Marcus wasn’t from here,” Padraig said as he herded Kaos toward the stairs. “Go look. See the bedrooms and figure out if you want one of them.”
“I….” Kaos moved toward the sturdy stairs hesitantly.
“The one on the left, at the top of the stairs, is the master. The right side is guest rooms.”
Kaos nodded seriously and then ascended the stairs in a sedate, thoughtful pace.
Padraig loved the house. There was the master bedroom, with an attached bathroom and walk-in closet. Then a small bedroom he assumed was supposed to be a nursery to the right side of it, with a joined bathroom with the next room. And on the very end of the hallway was the other large bedroom, which had its own bathroom. They’d speculated that was the older kid’s room, or maybe for grandparents or something. In any case, they’d renovated it, and now the big bathroom in the largest room was pretty much just as nice as the master’s. After all, there was a tub with jets in there, along with the shower, while all the master bath had was a large, luxurious shower cubicle.
Sometimes, when Padraig had had a rough day, he went and soaked in the guest-room tub just because he could. It was still odd to walk back to his bedroom afterward, though. It felt like there was something eerie about all the empty rooms.
At least the downstairs was more lived-in. He worked in the office a lot, and every now and then when he managed to wrangle the holiday stuff from his sister—she’d still cook, even if he hosted—the dining room got some use too. The sunroom had some plants, but not as many as when Marcus was still alive. All in all, the house was going to waste with him roaming around in it alone like some tragic Austen hero.
Padraig went into the sunroom and looked out through the glass wall. It wasn’t good in the winter, not very energy conserving, but in other seasons, it was amazing. Now that it was starting to crawl toward winter, the backyard looked a little less nice than it did in the summer. It was still okay, though, with a large, even lawn where Marcus and his friends had liked to play soccer and other games during visits.
He checked in the laundry room, which was sort of under the stairs but accessible through the sunroom, and realized he should do laundry soon. He was diligent with his scrubs, but the rest of his clothing, not so much. Since he didn’t have many plans anyway, he put some of the laundry he’d brought downstairs into the washer and made a mental note to move it into the dryer later. He hoped he’d remember this time. He was known for doing the same laundry three times before actually getting it clean.
Padraig went back to sit on the sunroom lounge. He wondered if Kaos would take him up on his offer. It would be nice to have someone else in the house, and he thought Kaos might like the sunroom for his art, since the light there was lovely year-round.
“Padraig?”
“In the sunroom!”
Kaos walked in, looking a bit wide-eyed. “This house is amazing.”
Padraig chuckled. “Thank you. We always thought so too.”
“I mean, seriously. You’re really willing to rent me one of the free rooms?”
Padraig gestured at the other lounge chair, and once Kaos had sat down, Padraig leveled a look at him. “We both know you want the bigger one. Anyone would want it. You can have it if I can still use the tub occasionally, weird as that may be.”
Kaos smiled. “Busted. Yeah, of course I want that room. The bathroom is to die for. And yes, it’s still your house, so of course. Just give me a warning, and I’ll stay downstairs or something.” Then he seemed to catch what he was saying. “Shit, I’m really going to move in, aren’t I?”
Padraig laughed out loud. “Seems so. You pay whatever you can until you find a job. No, I won’t take no for an answer. Pay for utilities if you want, get groceries maybe. I’m not short on money, and I’d rather you spend yours wisely or save it.”
Kaos seemed to mull it over, then nodded seriously. “After I start making money, I’ll pay you actual rent. I’ll also cook at least twice a week and buy the ingredients.”
“Sure. And now you get to tell Makai and Emil you’re moving out.” Padraig frowned. He knew that might get a bit painful, but it would be best for everyone in the end.
“Oh yeah,” Kaos groaned.
“Okay. Can you drive me back to the clinic? I need to go talk to them. Make things right.”
“Yeah, let’s go. I should be back at the clinic anyway just in case.”
WHEN PADRAIG parked the Land Rover in his spot at the clinic, he turned to look at Kaos. “You’re welcome to move in whenever you want. I’m home pretty much every night unless I get a surprise call or my sister wants me for dinner.”
“Okay. Might be sooner than you anticipate for sure. Can you give me your number?”
“Yeah, let me….” Without thinking, Padraig reached for the glove compartment, and his arm brushed against Kaos’s knee. They both sucked in a breath and froze, but when Kaos didn’t freak out, Padraig opened the box and grabbed a business card. He handed it to Kaos and closed the box casually, as if neither of them was having sudden heart palpitations. Or maybe they were butterflies?
Padraig went back to work with odd sort of excitement coursing through his body. He’d be living with Kaos. The idea was as welcome as it was terrifying.
Chapter Seven
KAOS MADE a hasty exit from Padraig’s car and waved at him awkwardly before turning the corner and bolting to his own car. His heart was beating a mile a minute, and he clutched the business card in his hand like a child would a prized treasure.
What the fuck was going on with him? Had he really agreed to move to Padraig’s? The man was gorgeous and kind and lovely, but so were many others. What was it about Padraig that made Kaos throw caution to the wind and take that sort of leap?
He really needed to talk this through with Makai, but he also knew that he’d fucked up with Emil and….
Kaos frowned at himself and started the car. He made the drive to the cottage in silence, his hands sweating and heart pumping a bit faster than normal. He wasn’t going to panic. He wasn’t. He wouldn’t let it happen. These were his people, and it had been an honest mistake.