by J. K. Coi
Gabriel was never going to get enough of watching her. For someone who’d lived countless lifetimes beyond his own thirty years, she was so untried as to sometimes be naïve, and yet strong and valiant as well. Her innocent experience of the simplest things made him want to give her the world, give her everything.
Finally, she sighed. “Gabriel, why did you want to bring me here?”
Setting down the small backpack the resort owner had lent them that held their picnic lunch, he took a few steps away from the blanket, not ready to sit beside her just yet. Now that they’d stopped walking, he could already feel the rabid need to consume her doubling up on itself again.
All it took was one look at the color staining her cheeks the same pink as her full lips, and the impulse to crush those lips beneath his became virtually impossible to ignore. He needed to see the mark of his possession in her brilliant blue eyes.
“Gabriel?”
This morning, he’d told himself it would be best to get them out of the cottage because he couldn’t bear to be stuck inside that one-room torture chamber all day. He didn’t want what time they had left to be spent in a dissection of his heart and soul, mind and body, until he either went crazy or turned himself over to Lucifer and washed his hands clean of the whole damn thing. Gabriel also didn’t want to risk hurting Amelia again.
His stomach muscles clenched. The truth hurt, but his behavior last night had proven that he couldn’t touch Amelia at all anymore. Not without his every wild impulse raging completely off the charts.
Rubbing the back of his neck, he saw the question she’d asked repeated in her eyes and finally shrugged. “I thought you’d like it here.”
That was partly the truth, but looking out across the vista of gold and red leaves against a backdrop of turbulent, blue-black clouds, Gabriel knew he’d brought Amelia here for another reason as well. He wasn’t going to kid himself. Even if their plan followed the course they’d plotted out together, he seriously doubted he was getting out of this alive. He’d already come to terms with that, but if the angels were homing in on them and his days were numbered, he wanted to give Amelia something special to remember him by, something she’d never have in her angel realms.
“What do you think?” he asked.
She leaned back on her hands and looked up into the sky. “It’s beautiful.”
“It reminds me a lot of my place up north.”
“Your house in the woods? The one you retreat to every winter?”
“I forgot for a minute that I’m talking to a little peeping Tom who already knows everything about me.” He’d bought a place in Ontario on a whim a few years ago, and a year later he’d taken his first vacation ever and spent it alone in his new cottage.
“I’m usually there during the dead of winter. The lake is frozen and the summer cottagers are gone and it’s very isolated. Lately, it’s also the only place I can write music.”
Amelia nodded. “I think I understand. Being surrounded by all of this must be very inspirational. It’s like a direct link to the force that binds everything together.” She paused, looking down at the stone held tightly in her thin fist. “It makes you realize how closely we’re all connected, how much we affect each other. Humans. Angels. Animals and plants. Everything has life, and the choices we make can give or take those lives in the blink of an eye.”
Her eyes darkened, the shadows swallowing up the bright blue of her irises as she gazed past him, into the stormy sky.
Chancing a step closer, Gabriel sat beside her on the edge of the blanket and gripped her chin in his hands, turning her to face him. “Why did you give up so easily?”
Frowning, Amelia shook her head. “What do you mean?”
“Why haven’t you continued pressing me to relinquish Lucifer to you?”
She visibly paled. “I agreed—”
“Don’t lie and say you saw the wisdom in my plan, because you know as well as I do it doesn’t have a chance in hell of succeeding—which is just about the same chance we’d have if we did this your way.”
“Don’t talk like that.” Her brows furrowed with a chilling determination.
Good. They were both going to need that. A dogged refusal to fail might be the only thing on their side right about now.
“I wouldn’t have gone along with any plan if I didn’t believe it could work,” she said. “We don’t have any more room for failure, so it has to work and that’s that, isn’t it?”
“But why? I’ve come to know you better than you might think, angel face. You’re an open book to me now. And even if you could pretend otherwise, having been on the receiving end of your stonewall act a number of times before, I can tell when you’re keeping something from me.”
Her eyes widened.
Damn. He hadn’t wanted to be right, but wasn’t surprised to find she’d kept him in the dark about one more thing.
Just one? Are you sure?
Only now he didn’t know whether to be scared or furious with her. “What is it, Amelia? Hell, I thought we were past this kind of shit.” It was all he could do to keep from reaching out and shaking the truth from her. “What aren’t you telling me this time?”
The wind whipped thick strands of Amelia’s hair across her cheeks, but she remained absolutely still. Thunder rumbled in the sky above them and a hawk let out a long screech, but neither of them paid any attention to the turbulent beauty of nature now.
Gabriel stared into Amelia’s crystal gaze. Not blue.
She blinked, but not before he saw his own reflection glaring back at him from those pale orbs. Wild hair and a curling snarl, deep lines creasing his forehead…and burning red eyes.
Lucifer. He suppressed a shudder. It shouldn’t matter, but something was going on with Amelia, something that had started last night. He couldn’t put his finger on how he knew this, but it was there in the corners of his memory.
In a flash her eyes returned to normal.
“What was that? I know what’s happening to me. But what the hell is happening to you?” he demanded. Part of him worried she was getting sick again, but that didn’t make sense. It had only been a few short days and she looked just as strong as she had the first day he met her—if not stronger.
Anger and hurt burned in his gut. He reached for her, but his fingers never had a chance to close over her arm. She knocked him aside with quick, jerky movements.
“Amelia, what is it?”
She raised her open palm to the sky. Before he could ask what she was doing, he felt the hot sizzle of power that circled her, manifesting in a glowing ball of blue flame floating just above her hand.
Their gazes met over the fire, the short licking flames reflecting in her eyes—eyes that filled with tears as she started to shake. He lifted his hand and opened his palm beneath hers, supporting her. Instinctively, his mind reached out to soothe the blaze until Amelia closed her fingers into a fist and extinguished it.
Why was she performing her angel tricks for him all of a sudden? What did it mean?
“I couldn’t do that before today,” she admitted. “Fire is not part of an angel’s power.”
“But…I did that back at—” Understanding dawned. Of course, he’d known that Lucifer was no regular angel. “Fire may not be included in the average angel’s bag of magic tricks,” he said slowly. “But it is standard issue for Archangels, isn’t it?”
She nodded.
“Holy shit,” he muttered. “You’re…you’re an Archangel?”
Gabriel’s stomach rebelled. He didn’t know what to think. He remembered Michael’s ice-cold logic. That one was even more frigid than Amelia at her most emotionless. Did it mean she’d have no choice but to return to the same state? He didn’t know if he could bear seeing her that way again.
He thought of the dark angel twisting and writhing inside him. That creature was furious, driven, greedy. Lucifer had become an Archangel, and his soul was consumed by emotion—horrible, angry, desperate emotions, but emotions noneth
eless. Obviously, the same rules didn’t apply.
“Did you know this was going to happen?”
“Not until last night.” She blinked.
Gabriel wiped the tear that escaped her lashes before it tracked all the way down her cheek, even though he had to clamp down on the corresponding surge of adrenaline and power that came with even so small a touch.
“What does this mean?” he asked, confused. “Why is it happening to you? Why now?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know, but…”
“What?”
His heart broke at the look of such deep despair in the woman he loved so much. “I’m scared.”
Oh, God. “You think the transformation will break you. You think that’s what drove Lucifer over the edge.”
“So you know why I can’t risk merging Lucifer with my soul. Not now.”
Given this new development, Gabriel could well imagine what might have happened if Amelia had succeeded in her attempt to steamroll him into giving in to her last night. The power of two Archangels converging into one…
“I’m too unstable, and the result would be worse than—”
“Worse than my plan.”
Amelia had a right to be scared, but he couldn’t believe the transformation that turned Lucifer into a monster would do the same to her. From what he understood, Lucifer had been evil already. There was none of the brutality and rage in Amelia that Gabriel was constantly fighting to keep at bay in himself. When she regained her emotions, she’d shown such a depth of love, sacrifice and compassion that even most humans would never feel. Amelia wasn’t mired in viciousness. He didn’t believe she was in any danger of being corrupted by her power.
“That’s not going to happen,” he insisted, filling his voice with all the love he wanted to give her in return for all she’d given him. “You’re nothing like Lucifer, baby. What may have turned him into a demon will only make you better, stronger.”
“You can’t know that.”
“I’ve seen what you’re made of, angel face, and all of it’s light. All of it’s beautiful and pure. I’m certain of you and how strong you are. I trust you.” And he did. As a human, angel or Archangel, Gabriel finally realized that he could, and did, trust this woman with his life—and with his soul.
She let out a deep, shaky breath, as if she’d been waiting for those words, had needed to hear him say that he believed in her.
“That’s why I also know this plan is the best one we’ve got,” he finished.
“You said yourself that this plan of yours sucks,” she snapped. “It might be the only one we’ve got, but it’s still risky and I don’t like it.”
“I know, but I’ll take risky if it gives us a chance.”
“I was supposed to have protected you from Donato, not handed you over to him.”
He heard the regret and self-loathing in her voice. He wished he could take that pain away, especially since he knew she was going to blame herself if they lost and he died.
“And you did protect me. God, you saved my life more times than I can count.” He wanted to hold her so badly.
“How can you say that? I failed you at every turn.” Her voice broke. “You wouldn’t be in the middle of this chaos now if it weren’t for me.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, babe. This destiny has been mine since the moment of my birth. Lucifer was always going to seize his chance, whether you were there to stop it or not. We both know that. But if it weren’t for you, I’m sure Michael would’ve taken me out already without a second thought. Either that, or I would’ve given up a long time ago. If it weren’t for you, I would’ve welcomed the darkness and let it consume me, because it would’ve been just what I deserved. But I didn’t. Because you brought light and love into my life after I ceased to believe those things even existed.”
And I don’t know how I’m going to live without them.
Truthfully, it probably wasn’t going to be an issue. They had nothing between them other than the brief moments fate had given, like scraps thrown to a dog. There was no future for him and Amelia. Either he was a dead man very shortly, or they might actually win this thing and then she would be going back to her own realm—this time with the rigid control of an Archangel to shore up her defenses against those pesky emotions.
Which meant they were at the end of the road.
It’s not enough time. I’m not ready. Of course, he was never going to be ready to lose her, but if Gabriel had learned anything from his past it was that every time he strived for something more, those who mattered to him the most suffered and died—a punishment for presuming that he should have a chance to be happy.
Happiness wasn’t something that lasted for the duration. In fact, Gabriel had long believed it was only a myth.
Amelia had crashed into his life such a short time ago, and damn, but he loved her so much. Something like that—it couldn’t possibly last, even between average people who didn’t have all the powers of the fucking universe stacked against them.
Love wasn’t strong, it was fragile like delicate crystal. Beautiful, but too easily shattered.
Knowing that wouldn’t lessen the heartache to come, but it brought his choices into sharp focus. Yes, he was going to lose Amelia to fate, but the thought of losing her pure, brave spirit to Lucifer’s madness made his heart bleed. He would do whatever was necessary to prevent that.
“Gabriel, are you—”
“Fine,” he mumbled. Their time had grown short. He could feel it in his bones and as a steady thrumming in his blood. Thunder boomed intermittently from the clouds hanging low in the violent-looking sky, partnered with short, far-off flashes of lightning. But he paid it no attention, only the aura of sorrow that enveloped his angel mattered to him now.
Reinforcing his mental walls just so he could touch her—walls that were weak and broken, but the only thing keeping Lucifer from ravaging what was left of him—Gabriel slowly lifted a hand to Amelia’s cheek. Even that was too much. His fingers started to twitch, then his entire arm shook. He was forced to draw back, closing the hand into a fist.
“Shit. Do you think you can put one of your angel force fields around me, or something?”
“I don’t know—”
“I need you to try, so that I’ll be able to touch you.” His voice was close to pleading. “Just one more time. I want to feel your body wrapped around me, your mouth against mine as I sink into you.”
She drew in a sharp breath, reaching for him, but Gabriel quickly leaned back.
“Not like this, baby. I can’t. It’s taking everything I have to keep him contained now.”
“You won’t hurt me.”
“I already have.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Amelia was amazed by Gabriel’s strength. She understood very well the beating he was taking right now, the irresistible compulsions Lucifer was constantly attacking him with. She knew because she’d already been using every mental ability in her arsenal to secretly bolster his natural shields.
He’d been holding his own against the dark angel, but the strain was definitely beginning to show. Amelia couldn’t take the burden from him, but she’d been attempting to help extend his endurance and give him a little more time.
They needed more time.
She narrowed her focus and concentrated, silent as she worked to effectively box Lucifer back into a small corner of Gabriel’s psyche. She had no idea if it would work, but after a few minutes the deep crevices in his forehead smoothed out just a little and the thin line of his lips eased.
Her extra walls seemed to be holding, but they wouldn’t last very long. If he was lucky, it would be a brief respite from the conflict, perhaps just enough to regain his strength. Enough for her to show him how much she loved him.
“Take my hand.”
He stared at her outstretched arm as a linebacker would contemplate a delicate crystal goblet, afraid to touch for fear of shattering its transparent beauty into a thousand jag
ged pieces. But she was no piece of glass.
“You can’t hurt me,” she repeated. “Trust me.”
He ignored her hand so she started to move closer to him, but his heated gaze pinned her in place. “Take off your shirt.”
Despite the cool weather, she didn’t hesitate, fingers swiftly pulling down the zipper of her jacket and dragging it off her shoulders. Her gaze never wavered from his as she reached for the hem of her sweater next, and then only for as long as it took to tug the garment over her head.
He waited, his face a mask of stark intensity. She could see he wanted more, and she wanted to give it to him. She wanted Gabriel to have everything that was within her power to give, and if the only thing she had left was this body…
Here and now, with the storm gaining power above them, she would give Gabriel whatever short time they might have left. She could have wished for him to be free of Lucifer and for there to be no more threat of celestial war. She could have wished she were a simple woman, able to live a normal human life with the man she loved. But that kind of thinking would have been pointless, and she was nothing if not realistic, so she made no wishes and decided instead to seize what she could, one moment to remember for always.
With care, she reached behind her back for her bra clasp. Her nipples were already hard and aching, pointed against the soft cups as she imagined his lips closing around them, his teeth pinching with gentle but insistent pressure.
Pulling the thin straps of the bra down her arms, she let the scrap of lace fall to the blanket beside her. She thought he would finally touch her then, that he would lever his big body over her and push her into the ground with his glorious weight. He didn’t, but the bright fire in his eyes leaped and danced, telling her he wanted to do exactly that.
The wind tearing her hair every which way was cold, biting, but it invigorated her and made her feel more alive. This was her moment to celebrate life and love, to celebrate humanity—all the things she had come to want and would never have after today.