Looking for Me

Home > Other > Looking for Me > Page 4
Looking for Me Page 4

by Betsy R. Rosenthal


  on the sofa bed,

  or so she thought,

  and ran to the store.

  But after she left,

  they started to bounce

  and bounce

  and bounce some more.

  Then the bed closed up

  and they were stuck

  until I came home

  and changed their luck.

  I Wonder

  If a sofa bed swallowed me up

  like a hungry tiger,

  would anyone care?

  With twelve kids to look after,

  would Mom and Dad notice?

  Would anyone notice

  if I wasn’t there?

  It’s Hard to Stay Mad at Bubby Etta

  Since it’s so cold outside,

  I don’t want to take the long way home,

  so I stop by today

  to warm up a little,

  but really to ask Bubby Etta how

  she could have left Mom in Russia

  for so many years.

  She tells me that she tried

  to bring her over sooner

  and that it hurt bad in her kishkes

  to be so far away from her.

  She says she saved the money

  people gave her

  for bringing their babies

  into the world

  so she could bring her baby

  to America.

  “My husband,

  he used that money to bet on horses,”

  she says,

  “but he always lost,

  and that’s why it took so long

  to buy your mother’s ticket.”

  So

  it was really

  my step-zayde Jacob’s fault!

  I never liked him

  anyway.

  It’s Our New Year

  Mom says Rosh Hashanah

  is the gift of a new start for each one of us

  and that we need to think hard

  about the bad things we’ve done all year.

  I bet every year Bubby Etta thinks about

  what she did a long time ago—

  leaving Mom in Russia.

  And I hope Zayde Jacob thinks about

  how it was his fault

  Mom couldn’t come here sooner.

  But I have to think about what I’ve done.

  So for starters,

  I think about how

  I let the ice pan overflow

  so many times

  and threw those greasy peanut butter balls

  against the new wallpaper

  and especially

  how I slapped Annette so hard

  it left a mark.

  Mom says we need to

  tell the people we’ve hurt

  that we’re sorry

  and promise to do better

  in the new year.

  She says that on Rosh Hashanah

  God hears our apologies

  and decides what will happen to each of us

  in the coming year.

  So I’d better hurry up and get started

  saying I’m sorry.

  I don’t want God

  to get the wrong idea about me.

  Like We Do Every Year on Rosh Hashanah

  With our new clothes

  from Bubby Anne’s store

  (hats and white gloves for the girls,

  suits and ties for the boys)

  and our new starts,

  we walk to Bubby Anne’s shul,

  we climb the ancient stairs to the balcony,

  where the women are praying,

  and we give Bubby Anne

  a peck on each cheek

  (her cheeks are nice and soft,

  not prickly like her husband’s).

  Then we walk three blocks

  to Bubby Etta’s shul.

  I take Melvin’s hand, and we

  go up the creaky stairs

  to the women’s section.

  We peek down from the balcony

  at the men bowing up and down

  and mumbling in Hebrew.

  And even though I don’t understand

  a word of it,

  I like hearing the sounds—

  it’s like a visit with an old friend.

  When we find Bubby Etta,

  we squeeze over to her seat

  and give her kisses, too.

  She pats our cheeks

  and whispers, ‘‘L’shana tova,"

  warming us up with her smile.

  I like the Bubby-kissing part

  of our New Year,

  even though it’s nothing new.

  As Long as I’m Here

  While I’m in each shul,

  I pray to God

  that this year I’ll figure out

  who I am

  in this big family of mine.

  I don’t want to seem greedy,

  so I just pray

  for a little hint of who

  I could possibly be.

  I sure wish I knew

  if God’s listening

  to me.

  October 2

  I wake up today

  thinking that maybe this year

  Dad’ll say something.

  But he doesn’t.

  I act fearless, like Marian,

  and run up to him at the door

  as he’s leaving for the diner.

  “It’s my birthday today, Dad,” I say.

  “Oh yeah, how old are you?” he asks.

  “Twelve.”

  Then he pulls some coins

  out of his trousers pocket

  and counts them into my hands.

  “Here are twelve pennies,” he says.

  He doesn’t even say Happy Birthday,

  but that’s okay.

  I’ll still remember this day always

  because it’s the first time my dad

  has ever given me

  anything.

  The Dreaded Bee

  Ugh,

  today’s the school spelling bee

  and they give me the word,

  minuscule.

  I ask for its meaning.

  “Very small,” they say.

  Then I sound it out in my head,

  m-i-n-i-s-q-u-e-w-e-l-l.

  I’m the worst speller

  in my class.

  Maybe I should just pass.

  M-i-n-e-s-c-u-e-l-l.

  I’m the worst speller

  in school.

  And when I spell it out loud—

  m-i-n-a-s-k-e-w-e-l,

  I feel

  just like

  my spelling word.

  Nobody’s Surprised

  At the school spelling bee,

  nobody’s surprised

  that the last one standing

  is smarty-pants Helen Krashinsky,

  and nobody’s surprised

  that the first one down

  is me.

  Diner Division

  I’ve missed a lot of lessons at school

  because I’ve been out sick

  with whooping cough—

  a cough louder than the crash of coal

  rumbling down the metal chute

  into our cellar.

  Now I’m having trouble figuring out

  the problem Miss Connelly wrote

  on the chalkboard:

  How many gallons of gas

  can someone buy at nineteen cents a gallon,

  if they’ve got two dollars to spend?

  So I turn the math question

  into a hot dog problem

  because I don’t know about gas,

  but since I help at Dad’s diner sometimes,

  I know all about

  the price of hot dogs

  and I can always figure out

  just how many chili dogs

  two bucks can buy.

  Winter’s on Its Way

  And I wish I had new shoes

  to wear on t
his rainy day.

  But I don’t,

  so I stuff cardboard

  deep down in the soles

  of my hand-me-down-downs

  and pray I’ll get to school

  before the rain

  soaks through the holes.

  A Borrowed Holiday

  I love the sparkling lights downtown,

  and when I was little,

  I loved sitting on Santa’s lap,

  whispering my wishes

  while I was itching to start licking

  the candy cane he was going to give me.

  Mom has to tear me away from the stores,

  where every toy I’d ever want

  is crammed into the windows

  as tightly as my family in Dad’s car.

  I love hanging up stockings

  on Christmas Eve

  and going to bed,

  knowing by morning

  there’ll be tangerines in the toes

  and walnuts and filberts and hard candies

  and maybe some crayons or jacks

  filling up the rest.

  And best of all,

  I love waking up extra early

  to a mound of presents

  (there’s only one for each,

  but with so many of us,

  the pile gets pretty high)

  and a family stampede.

  So when Freddy, a neighbor kid,

  says Christmas isn’t mine,

  I tell him he’s wrong:

  “Of course it’s mine.

  Everyone celebrates Christmas.”

  Then I ask Mom,

  and she says it’s not really ours,

  but we’re borrowing it

  because here in America

  we can celebrate

  anything we want.

  Another Christmas Morn

  Last year

  Marian said “Pee yew”

  to the green coat she got for Christmas.

  Marian said

  “Pew yew”

  to what Bubby Etta gave her, too.

  So this year

  Mom filled Marian’s stocking

  with orange peels and coal.

  Now she really

  has something

  to “Pee yew” about.

  My Present

  When I unwrap it,

  careful not to rip the brown paper

  so Mom can reuse it next year,

  I find paper dolls inside.

  I can’t wait to show them to Eunice,

  but when I get to her house

  and see what she got for Christmas—

  roller skates with a shiny key,

  a new ruffled dress,

  a bingo game,

  and a porcelain doll—

  I feel like saying “Pee yew”

  to my present, too.

  The Grass Isn’t Always Greener

  With our measly presents,

  our holey shoes,

  our used-up clothes,

  and our same old dinner

  every Friday night—

  matzo ball soup and boiled chicken,

  I’ve been thinking

  we’re poor...

  until today,

  the day after Christmas,

  when our new neighbors,

  who have a lot of kids, too,

  invite me to stay for dinner.

  Their kids got no presents at all,

  have no shoes on their feet,

  and there’s nothing in their house to eat

  except potatoes and bread

  without any butter.

  Mildred, Queen of Chocolates

  She sits on her throne

  while we sit at her feet,

  our mouths watering

  at the sight of the chocolates

  her boyfriend Max gave her for Christmas.

  She examines each brown treasure

  and with a little push

  of her thumb

  caves in the bottoms.

  She drips

  the creams

  and caramels

  into her own mouth

  and shares the nutty ones,

  her least favorites,

  with us,

  her loyal subjects.

  I Love Christmas Break

  While we’re out of school

  for Christmas break,

  my friends Eunice and Connie and I

  run our own little school

  for the neighborhood kids

  and charge them a penny each.

  We teach them how

  to make aprons out of burlap

  for their mothers,

  and pinwheels

  out of construction paper and pins.

  I wish someday I could be a real teacher

  like Miss Connelly.

  But I stink at spelling

  and I don’t know

  what those big words mean

  that smarty-pants Helen Krashinsky uses,

  like preponderance, pungent, and pretentious.

  So I guess I’m not smart enough

  to be a teacher after all.

  Another Plaster Disaster

  Christmas break’s over

  and I’m doing my homework

  at the kitchen table

  when suddenly chunks of white plaster

  rain down on my head.

  I look up to see legs

  dangling from the ceiling,

  and I race up the stairs

  to pull Lenny free.

  They tell me that Lenny, Sol, and Jack

  were all jumping around on the bed

  when Lenny missed his step

  and fell through the floor.

  But Dad’s going to go through the roof

  when we call the plaster patcher

  who’s been to our house

  fifty times before.

  No Plaster Patcher This Time

  In the boys’ room,

  the plastic spacemen

  line up on the dresser,

  perfect BB-gun targets

  for Lenny and Sol.

  These crazy brothers of mine cheer

  when a BB makes a hit,

  and they watch

  the little men

  as they teeter and fall.

  But when Dad goes

  to paint their room,

  he makes them patch

  every one of those

  fifty million

  holes

  in their

  bedroom wall.

  We Are a Party

  I complain to Bubby Etta

  about not getting invited

  to Passover Seders, weddings,

  and bar mitzvahs

  because there are too many of us.

  She tells me, “Shayne maideleh,

  you shouldn’t worry,

  with so many kinder

  you are a party.”

  I guess she means like when

  Mom gives us each a penny

  and we go to the A&P across the street,

  where Mr. Kennedy fills up bags

  with candy and peanuts and pretzels

  for each of us.

  And when we get home with our bags,

  we sit out on the marble steps

  and play the movie star guessing game,

  giving out only initials as clues,

  and we sing our favorite songs

  from Snow White

  while we dig into our bags

  and share our treats.

  It’s a penny candy party,

  and with so many of us,

  we don’t even need to invite

  anyone else.

  It’s Not Always a Party Here, Though

  All of us kids are in the cellar clubroom,

  crowded around the Victrola,

  singing along

  to “Some Day My Prince Will Come,”

  the song we play over and over

  and over again

  because w
e only have three records

  and this one’s our favorite.

  But then Dad stomps downstairs,

  yelling, “I told you kids if I heard that song

  one more time...!”

  and he snatches the record

  right off the Victrola,

  scratching across the voices in mid-song.

  He snaps it in two

  over his knee.

  The little ones start crying.

  Even Melvin,

  who always has a smile on his face.

  And when Melvin looks up

  with his chocolate-colored eyes all watery,

  I hug him tight.

  Now everyone’s crying,

 

‹ Prev