Drops of her tears fall on the shirt
along with the water she sprinkles
before she presses down the iron.
“What’s wrong, Mom?” I ask.
“Just thinking about Melvin,” she says,
her voice catching on his name.
I wish I knew the right words to say
to help her iron
her sadness away.
No One Will Come to See Me Get My Award
Nobody in my family
has ever gotten a school award
and I’m afraid Mom’s too sad to come
and I’m sure Dad doesn’t even know
what grade I’m in.
So no one will come see me
get my student achievement award.
No one will clap
when the principal calls my name.
No one will swarm around me
with congratulations and hugs.
What should be my grandest day
will be my saddest
because at least Mom
would have been here,
all dressed in pride.
Mom would have been here
if Melvin hadn’t died.
Awards Day, June 2, 1937
Eunice’s family is here,
crowding her with hugs and kisses.
She pulls away, beaming,
and we seat ourselves
on the stage.
She’s smiling and nodding
at her family of fans,
and I stare
at my hands
folded in my lap...
“Edith Paul,” the principal calls
in a deep, serious voice.
I walk to the podium
to receive my award,
and out of the blue
I hear an ocean of wild clapping
and whistling.
I look out at the audience
and see them in the back,
grinning and waving,
like a mirage—
Mom, both my bubbies, Aunt Ruth,
Sylvia, Daniel, Marian, and all the rest
of my brothers and sisters.
Even
my father.
After My Last Day of School
I go back to McGee,
head down the hall,
find her in the classroom,
boxing up her books,
pulling artwork off the walls,
packing away our whole school year.
“Edith,” she says,
“I’m so glad you came by.”
Miss Connelly doesn’t know
that I couldn’t stay away,
that I wish she could be my teacher
forever.
“My mom’s giving me money for college,”
I announce.
“That’s great news,” she says,
stepping right up to me,
closing all the space between us
with a giant hug.
I wish Miss Connelly
could hold me like this
forever.
But I’ve learned
that there is no forever,
and when she lets go,
I turn to leave quickly
so she won’t see
the wetness in my eyes.
She calls to me
as I walk out the door,
“Edith, when you’re off at college someday,
I expect to hear from you.”
And I go,
knowing I’m on my way
to being so much more
than just plain Edith
who’s number four.
AUTHOR’S NOTE
I always knew that I would write the Paul family story one day. Looking for Me is a part of that story. My mom, Edith, is the eleven-year-old-turning-twelve narrator, so most of these incidents are based on her memories. Not everything happened exactly as I’ve written it. For the sake of the story, at times I had to change the roles and ages of some of the characters and fill in the blanks with my own imagination as to what might have taken place.
I collected these stories in my head at first, and later with a mini tape recorder switched on while I pumped my mother and my aunts and uncles for the stories of their childhood. Every adventure, mishap, tragedy, and delight in this book happened in one form or another and involved some member of my mom’s enormous, rambunctious family. How do I know? With my relatives, there is no such thing as a quiet family gathering. When my mom and her brothers and sisters get together, they are unstoppable. It doesn’t matter how many times we’ve heard them before, the stories flow until they flood the room. Since each of the brothers and sisters has a slightly different take on every story, like in the game of telephone, many of these tales, through their telling, have changed over the years.
Edith, “the little mother,” eventually grew up to become an extraordinary mother to my brother and me. And in case you’re wondering, she did end up going to college, the only girl in her family to do so. Her brother Danny, who went to college on the GI Bill after serving in the military, was the only other Paul child to earn a college degree.
Since the surviving eleven siblings all went on to marry and have children of their own (no more than three each), I have dozens and dozens of cousins. I count myself lucky to be so rich in family.
GLOSSARY
auction: The Paul family was able to keep its home because of the Home Owners’ Loan Corporation, founded in 1933 under President Franklin D. Roosevelt, which helped homeowners keep their homes and avoid foreclosure during the Depression.
bubbelah: Yiddish term of endearment meaning “darling.”
challah: Special egg bread, often braided, eaten by Jews on the Sabbath and holidays.
crackers and oleo!: During World War II, instead of saying “bread and butter” when hand-holders were separated by something coming between them, they’d say “crackers and oleo” because of the shortage and increased cost of butter. Oleo is margarine, a butter substitute.
gefilte fish: Poached fish patties made from a mixture of ground fish, mostly carp or pike. A traditional food typically eaten by Ashkenazi Jews on the Sabbath and holidays.
kinder: Yiddish for “children.”
kishkes: Slang for “guts.”
knishes: Baked or fried turnovers filled with potato or meat or cheese.
l’shana tova: A greeting used on Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, meaning “to a good year.”
mezuzah: A small parchment scroll inscribed with biblical passages in Hebrew and inserted in a case. The case is attached by Jewish households to their doorposts, as required by Jewish law and as a sign of their faith.
milkhikh: Yiddish for “dairy.” The kosher laws forbid the mixing of meat and dairy.
pirogen: Small pastry turnovers with a filling. Can be made sweet or be filled with things like chopped meat or mashed potatoes.
potato latkes: Potato pancakes.
Rosh Hashanah: The Jewish New Year, which follows the lunar calendar, usually occurs in September or October.
schmaltz: Rendered (melted) animal fat, usually chicken fat. Often used in Eastern European—style Jewish cooking.
Seder: “Order” in Hebrew. The Passover Seder is a Jewish ritual feast that marks the beginning of the Jewish holiday of Passover.
Shabbos: The Yiddish word for the Jewish Sabbath, which begins on Friday night and concludes at sundown on Saturday night.
shayne maideleh: In Yiddish, “pretty girl.”
shul: Synagogue.
Workmen’s Circle Lodge or Arbeter Ring: A national organization founded in 1900 by progressive-minded immigrants to promote Jewish community, Jewish culture, and social justice.
yarmulke: The skullcap worn in synagogue by Jewish males and worn every day by Orthodox Jewish men.
zayde: Yiddish for “grandfather.” Jacob is Edith’s step-grandfather.
zhyd: Pronounced zid. Russians used this word as an offensive
term for Jews and enemies alike.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Most of all I’d like to thank my mom for digging deep into her past to patiently answer my constant questions, and her many siblings for telling their stories to me (and anyone else who would listen) over and over and over again. If not for Edith, Sylvia, Mildred, Danny, Raymond, Marian, Annette, Melvin, Lenny, Sol, Jack, and Sherry, Lookingfor Me would not be. And I thank them, as well, for all the love and laughter that accompanied those stories. Unknowingly perhaps, all of them set me on the path to becoming a writer.
My dad, too, was instrumental in my choice of careers. I thank him for teaching me that good writing is the key to unlocking many doors.
Sonya Sones and Ann Wagner have seen the poems for this book so many times that they must have all the lines memorized by now. I thank them from the bottom (and the top) of my heart for their continuously insightful input. The Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators deserves my undying gratitude for awarding me a Work-in-Progress Grant for Looking for Me. If not for the grant, this manuscript might not have gotten into the capable hands of Erica Zappy, who was one of the grant judges and subsequently became the editor of this book. Thanks go to SCBWI for paving the way, and to Erica for her enthusiastic embrace of my story.
Last, but not least of course, I want to thank my husband, David, for being my biggest cheerleader, and my three kids, Adam, Sara, and Joel, for giving me a small taste of the fulfillment my grandmother found and the challenges she faced raising twelve children.
Minnie Paul holding Danny. Sam Paul holding Mildred (left) and Sylvia (right) in front of their row house in Baltimore.
Bubby Anna
Minnie holding Sherry.
Sol, Sherry, and Jack, from left to right.
Sol in front of the family diner.
Melvin sitting on a piano bench.
Jack, Sol, and Lenny, from left to right.
Jack and Sherry in the backyard of their Baltimore home.
Christmas. Raymond, far left; Marian and Sylvia sit on either side of their father. Sol stands with Sherry, Annette, and Lenny. Danny stands by the door.
Sam, Minnie, and Sylvia, their first child.
Edith and Bubby Etta.
Sherry, Lenny, and Jack in their backyard.
Edith at her college graduation with her sister Mildred.
Looking for Me Page 7