by Nicole Dykes
I place my crutch in its usual place and Jax props his legs up on Alex's coffee table. He pops the top off his, taking a drink. “So, what the fuck is up your ass today, man?”
I groan, not wanting to talk about it, but leave it to Jax to ask in that way. “Nothing.”
He grins and turns on the large flat screen TV that sits on the mantle in the large open living room. “Bullshit. You’ve been pissy since we left your appointment. Did something happen?”
Jax doesn’t stay during my appointments. He either drops me off or hangs out in the lobby which I’m grateful for. Call it trying to be macho or archaic if you want to, physical therapy makes me feel weak. That’s the last thing I want to be around a beast like Jax. Or anyone for that matter. “Nah. It was the same ole shit.”
Please drop it.
Of course he doesn’t and nudges me instead. “I know. You’re pissed they gave you a big burly dude instead of a hot piece of ass for a therapist.”
I shake my head, not able to stop the smile and take a drink of my beer. “You caught me.”
“You thinking about that bitch, Tiffany?”
I have thought about her off and on since she ended things. I have a ton of free time, but I’m not pining for her. That’s not why I’m in a terrible mood. “No. I don’t think about her at all.”
He laughs and I think he’s about to prod further when I hear Alex’s footsteps in the hall and we both turn to look at her as she enters the room.
I take in her appearance as I hear Jax let out a high-pitched whistle and say, “Damn Cinderella. What’s up with the ballgown?”
Something is off. Really fucking off. She doesn’t look like the Alex I know at all. Her hair is pulled up in a tight bun. Her makeup is subtle. The thing that really gets me though is her dress. It’s obviously expensive and some sort of fine satin black material but it has long lacey sleeves with a matching collar that goes all the way up to her throat. The skirt flows down to her feet and is an actual gown. Her fine body is covered up and she’s missing that sexy edge that just screams Alex.
Alex fidgets with the black skirt, smoothing it out. She’s clearly uncomfortable. “Jax what the hell are you doing here?”
He laughs and claps my left shoulder with his meaty hand. “Just hangin with my good buddy, Shriller.”
“Yeah well you assholes better not make a mess.” She gestures wide to her living room, “I mean it. Not one fucking crumb.”
I nod my head agreeing to her rule, but Jax just scoffs. “Please. I’ve licked chocolate sauce and whipped cream off of your ass on this couch. Since when did you get so fucking uptight and worry about things getting dirty?”
Fuck that’s not an image I want in my head. I look over at Jax, a little disgusted. “Ugh, man, I’ve slept on this couch!”
He just chuckles, proud of himself and I look over at Alex who is horrified by Jax’s oversharing. “Jesus, Jax! If Charlotte were here, would you be bringing that shit up?”
He’s totally unfazed and answers with a casual shrug of his shoulders, “Yeah, probably.”
I can’t help the laugh that escapes my mouth at his honesty, but can see Alex’s irritation and decide to change the subject by asking, “Where are you off to?”
Alex turns her attention from Jax to me. “Just the club with Stephen.”
“The country club?” I ask.
“It’s sure as hell not a fun club dressed like that.” Jax adds.
Alex rolls her eyes at his statement. “I’m thirty. I’m going to an adult dinner at the country club with my fiancé, not shaking my ass at some night club for people in their early twenties.”
“Are they having some big charity event or something?” I question, trying to figure out that dress.
Her head shakes, “No. It’s just a really important dinner for Stephen with several of his colleagues and his boss so he bought me this dress.” She says that and then shrugs her shoulders, trying to seem nonchalant, but I know better. “It’s no big deal.”
“Holy shit, Alex. You’re letting him dress you now?” I ask this, my tone more pissed off than it should be.
Jax, who is always helpful, adds, “Damn, what’s next? He gonna order your meal for you? Maybe cut up your steak?”
“Fuck off, both of you.” Alex is definitely pissed off, no doubt magnified by it being both of us confronting her.
Jax raises his hands in surrender, but I’m too fired up to let it go. It’s been a really shitty day and this is just too much. “Seriously, Alex? You’re totally covered up.”
She shrugs, “It’s classy.”
“All the good stuff is covered,” Jax says the same thing but in his own way.
She turns away from us and moves some stuff out if her usual purse to a smaller black one and my eyes notice the back of her neck. It’s bare. Not a trace of ink. “Where the hell is your badass black and red tattoo?”
Alex turns around quickly and this gets Jax’s attention. “You got your tattoo removed?”
She puts one hand on her hip and rolls her eyes at him. “Of course not.”
“Well it’s not fucking there anymore,” I point out.
She faces me now and I stand up, grabbing the crutch and walking over to her. “I didn’t remove it. I just covered it up with makeup for tonight.”
I stare at her stunned and my eyes scan the rest of her. Her ears usually have several piercings, but are left with one single traditional piercing in each one. Her nose usually has a diamond stud, but it’s also been removed. “You took out all of your piercings.”
Jax who is still sitting on the couch shakes his head, “ That’s fucked up.”
I look Alex dead in the eye. “I agree. What the hell is wrong with this guy? He covers you head to toe, makes you cover tattoos and take out your piercings and on top of it all, he won’t touch you. There is definitely something wrong with him.”
Her eyes bug out of her head when I say that and I hear Jax exclaim, “What? He won’t touch you? For how long?”
Fuck! Alex looks like she is about to rip my head off. “Thanks a lot, shithead.”
She glares at me, and Jax asks, “Alex why are you wasting time with this asshole?”
“You know what? I don’t have to defend my relationship to anyone and I’m sick of this shit. I love him. That’s all that matters and you guys are supposed to be my friends. You should just support me instead of being total assholes.”
With that, Alex leaves the apartment, slamming the door behind her.
For some reason, I can’t let her leave like this and go to him. I don’t say anything to Jax and as fast as I can I walk out of the apartment and catch up to Alex where she is waiting for the elevator.
She looks at me with ice in her stare and her arms folded. “What?”
“I’m sorry okay? I just assumed Jax knew that. I thought since you told Brooke, you told Charlotte and if Charlotte knew, Jax would.”
“Well I didn’t tell Charlotte. Only you and Brooke knew. It’s not something I’m proud of and I really didn’t want anyone to know. It’s humiliating.”
Her head dips down with that statement and I can’t stand to see such a confident woman dragged down. I lean in the crutch so I’m close enough to tilt her head back up to my eye level with my finger. “You aren’t the one that should be embarrassed. I’m sorry I told Jax and that I upset you, but this shit is just so unlike you.”
The elevator doors open and Alex just walks in still looking defeated. I stand between the doors to keep them open and she sighs, “This is what I want. I want marriage and stability. I want kids running around like heathens and a life with someone. So what if I have to bend a little.”
I shake my head. “This isn’t a little bit. He’s changing all the best parts of you. The things that separate you from the brain dead bimbos and Barbie dolls. The true you. One badass chick who doesn’t take shit from anyone.”
That gets a small and brief smile from her but then she presses the ground floor
button and stands so close to me that I momentarily let the sweet smell of her subtle perfume soak in. “I’m still that girl. It’s just one night. I’m late, I have to go.”
Her eyes have fear in them as if she doesn’t even believe that, but I feel her small hand on my chest as she gives my chest a gentle nudge shoving me out of the way. The doors close and I’m left alone in the small hallway outside of Alex’s apartment.
I sulk back into the apartment and take a seat next to Jax. We both stare at the TV and he grunts, “I don’t know what the fuck she sees in him.”
I take a sip of my beer. “Me either.”
His phone rings and he fishes it out of his pocket and takes it. After a quick conversation with Charlotte, he hangs up. “Well, I gotta get going.”
He stands up and despite the funk I’m in I can’t resist giving him shit. “So, the missus calls and you come running?”
He walks toward the door. “Damn straight.” He turns back toward me, “Unless you aren’t okay?”
“I’m golden.”
Jax leaves and I’m left alone with my thoughts and a bottle of whiskey.
Chapter 19
Alex
A
fter handing the valet the keys to my Prius, I haul ass up the marble stairs to the country club. I stop before going through the front door when I see Stephen, dressed in his tuxedo and pacing out front.
I race over to him and give him a kiss on the cheek, “I’m so sorry I’m late.”
He looks at his watch and then back at me. “I was starting to think I was being stood up.”
His tone is light and I let out a sigh of relief. I’m really late after my confrontation with Shriller and Jax. “I would never do that to you.”
His eyes rove over my dress and he smiles. “You look stunning, Alex. So elegant.”
His words should make me feel tingly and thrilled, but it feels off to me. When did I become the girl that needs someone else’s approval? “Thank you for the dress. It truly wasn’t necessary.”
Stephen straightens his posture even more than usual and situates his collar. “Tonight is very important to me, Alex. It has to go well.”
Got it. He’s really saying, “Don’t embarrass me.”
“I understand.”
He gives my lips a quick kiss and smiles at me with a pride that makes me uncomfortable. “Everyone else is already here. Let’s go.”
I nod my head with a sick obedience and when he takes my hand I follow him inside. We reach a table full of men and women dressed to the nines.
A tall man with salt and pepper hair stands to greet us and Stephen introduces him as his boss, Mr. Crenshaw. He is the top dog. Stephen then introduces me to the rest of the people at the table, the other partners and their wives. Finally, we reach Mitchell Wallace, the other employee up for partner.
Mitchell eyes me with curiosity, probably comparing me to his Barbie wife. Sizing up his competition.
“I’m sorry I’m late. I hope you all weren’t waiting too long.” I say as Stephen pulls out my chair for me and I take a seat.
He sits next to me and Mr. Crenshaw gives me a polite, tight lipped smile. “It’s quite alright. Lord knows we’ve been late to quite a few events due to Lillian looking at herself in the bathroom mirror while she’s been getting ready.” He says as he gestures to his poised, blond wife next to him. Then looks over to address, Stephen. “She really is exquisite, Stephen. Why the hell have you been hiding her for so long?”
It takes a second for me to register that he's referring to me and Stephen beams with pride. “Well, Alex is a busy woman.”
Something tells me the real reason I’m just now meeting his boss is this look I’m currently sporting is they type of woman he favors. My usual look would probably scare the hell out of this uptight prick.
He nods, accepting Stephen’s answer and then turns to Mitchel. “Why don’t you and your wife take a spin out on the dance floor?”
Mitchel’s expression is full of worry, but he stands up and offers his hand to his wife who gratefully takes it before he escorts her to the dance floor.
Mr. Crenshaw waits for them to leave and then turns his attention back to Stephen. “You know Stephen, this whole dinner is really just a formality.”
The man Stephen introduced as the VP flashes a greasy smile. “Yes. Mitchell is nice and all, but you have truly impressed us.”
Mr. Crenshaw nods his head in approval, as does the rest of the table. “Yes. I can’t believe how many hours you’ve logged. Especially these last few months.”
“Well Stephen definitely loves his job.” I state and it comes out more bitter than proud.
Mr. Crenshaw must miss my tone because he continues in his praise of my fiancé. “I mean for Christ’s sake, Mitchell left early last week for his eight-year-old’s soccer game.”
The men at the table all shake their heads, and the women’s looks range from shocked to bored. My God, I hate this place.
I subtly turn to Stephen, waiting for his response. He looks appalled and says, “Well you won’t have to worry about that sort of thing with me. I’m one hundred percent invested in this firm, sir.”
That gets a satisfied grunt from his stuffy boss and a literal pat on the back. “I have no doubt in my mind that that’s true son.” His eyes then fall on me, “And it’s wonderful that he has a woman that supports his career.”
My whole body grows hot and suddenly my mind flashes to my future with Stephen. This is just the beginning of stuffy, god-awful dinners, where I am forced to cover up and bite my tongue. Of Stephen missing family dinners and special events. Of our future children having an absent father, who can’t be bothered to attend their games and recitals.
I can’t breathe. I feel hot and dizzy and suddenly stand up, feeling all of the judgmental eyes of the table on me.
Stephen stands and puts his hand on my shoulder with a genuine look of concern on his face. “Alex, are you okay?”
I nod my head, everything in slow motion. I’m seconds away from a full-blown panic attack. I have to get out of here. “I just need some air.”
I don’t wait for any responses and make my way out of the fancy dining area and finally walk out of the main door.
I let the night air full my lungs and try to calm down. How the hell did I get here? I just keep hearing Shriller’s speech from the elevator earlier playing in my head.
Stephen wants me to be like those women at the table. He wants me to sit there and look pretty while the men talk.
I pull at the stiff, lacey collar around my neck and jump when I feel a hand on my back. “Alex? What the hell was that about?”
I turn around and look at Stephen. His normally composed expression is now showing a hint of anger. “I told you I needed some air.”
“It was going so well. They were about to officially name be partner. I could feel it and then you pull this?” He looks like he wants to strangle me, and I’m torn because this is the only thing even slightly resembling passion that he’s shown me in months.
“Did you really mean what you said?” I ask him, knowing I won’t like the answer.
His face is full of irritation. “Said about what?”
“That you are completely invested in your work. Does nothing else matter?”
Stephen runs his fingers through his hair, trying to work out his obvious frustration with me. “Alex. I don’t have time for this. We need to get back inside.”
He reaches for my arm, but I pull it away quickly. “No. I need answers.”
He groans. In this moment, he resembles a child on his way to a full blown temper tantrum, but I couldn’t care less. This is happening. “Answers to what Alex?”
“Are you cheating on me?” My voice is a pathetic whisper.
Stephen looks like I slapped him. “What? Of course not. Why on earth would you think that? And why the hell are you asking me this now?”
“Because you haven’t touched me for over three fucking months!”
I finally found my voice.
Stephen flinches and then shushes me. “Alex, that’s private! What has gotten into you?”
“This is me! I need to know what’s going on. I can’t take it anymore. If you aren’t cheating then what is it? Are you just not attracted to me anymore?”
There is a flash of something in his eyes that I just can’t put my finger on before he says, “Of course I am. You are a beautiful woman.”
I shake my head. “Admit it, you bought this dress to cover my tattoos. You can’t stand that I have piercings. That I dyed my hair red. That I curse like a fucking sailor! You can’t stand my friends. Is there anything about me you like anymore?”
Stephen is turning red now with embarrassment but also a hint of anger, as we have gained some attention from people making their way inside. “All right Alex, I admit things would probably be easier if you weren’t so complicated. If you liked to look more like you do tonight. And as for your friends, can you blame me? I have nothing in common with them. I mean even their career choices are childish!”
Insult me, that’s fine; but my friends? Hell no. “Childish? What the hell do you mean they’re childish?”
He rolls his eyes at me, “Oh please, Alex. They are the definition of men-children. Playing around with vehicles all day. And Shriller? He almost got himself killed with his little hobby.”
I give them shit all of the time about being immature, but it’s different. I say it from a place of love. The way Stephen is looking right now, it’s like he thinks he’s better than them, which is pissing me off. “Hobby? Adam Shriller is internationally known and respected in the racing world. Kids have posters of him on their wall, aspiring to be just like him someday. Jax and Dylan have a multi-million-dollar business consisting of three shops, across the country. And none of this is impressive to you?”
He just looks at me with dead eyes and I just feel defeated. I ask, “So that’s it? I was right, you just aren’t attracted to me? I mean when we first met you couldn’t keep your hands off of me, so I know there was an attraction once.”