My head fell into my hands.
“Who’s the guy with the long hair?” Mr. Bias inquired. “You know, the one who couldn’t peel his eyes off Lilly long enough to avoid tripping over that backpack?”
I chuckled. “He tripped? I didn’t see that.”
Mr. Bias laced his fingers on the desk. “Absolutely. Is he new here?”
“He’s new to town, I met him in the Alps. He’s already out of high school and is renting a place from Luke’s parents. I guess they’re just hanging out before class.”
“No kidding! You know the moment I graduated high school, I refused to step into another? Then I got a job here,” he breathed, his smile evaporating. His eyes became glossy and distant and his chest heaved.
His grin returned when his mind did. “How do your parents feel about this?” he asked, pointing to the paper.
“My mom was there when it happened. She feels bad for us, and she said everyone makes mistakes.”
“It’s true!” he said. “Absolutely! Most aren’t this dumb, but then again, it could have been worse!”
I wondered why I even bother coming to see this guy. “What do I do about Luke?” I pondered.
Mr. Bias cracked his knuckles. His gaze rested on the hula poster above my head, but he was back shortly. “All couples have periods of disagreement. His friendship is fine, and I think he will sort out his feelings and determine what’s really important to him, eventually.” He raised his eyebrows. “Does that help?”
I shrugged. “I guess.” I showed him my ring finger. “He got me this before dumping me.”
Mr. Bias’ eyes popped. “Damn!” He covered his mouth instantly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to swear,” he hissed. “That must have cost a fortune! He didn’t ask for it back?”
“No,” I said. “Is that a good thing?” I always figured jewelers won’t give refunds on engagement rings, because if people break off the engagement then the ring is considered cursed, and can’t be sold to anyone else.
“That depends,” he said. “Is he rich?”
“His dad is.”
Mr. Bias held his chin. “Hmmm. Well, he may want you to keep it as a memory of him; he may want to torment you with it; or maybe he doesn’t miss it, and neither does his bank account.”
I rolled it around on my finger. None of that really made me feel any better.
“How do your parents feel about that?” he asked, pointing to my ring.
“My mom’s happy for me,” I said. “I didn’t tell my dad yet. He’ll freak.”
“Good, good,” he said, and fell silent for a moment.
My throat began to hurt, and I knew I was close to breaking down.
“Did you decide if you’re still going to college?”
I shook my head no. “I was still going to move with Luke to Prince George, but then this happened,” I said, motioning toward the paper with my nose. “So who knows what will happen now.”
Mr. Bias nodded thoughtfully. “And how are midterms coming?”
“They’re not for a few more weeks,” I reminded him.
“I meant, are you studying for them?”
I shrugged. “I’m not exactly behind in my classes.”
He grinned. “That’s what I like to hear!”
I looked down at my lap. “I guess I should go. I don’t want to be late for writer’s workshop, it’s the only class I really like.”
“Good, good,” he said, his fingers tapping the desk. “Well, Miss Morrison, if you need anything else, don’t hesitate to ask! I’m here to help!”
~ ~ ~
I was relieved Luke still sat next to me in class. Surely if he hated me, he wouldn’t bother.
He was writing when I walked in. As I went to be seated, I could feel his eyes do a roll down my body.
I wanted to say “Hey,” like nothing had happened. I wanted to smile at him, to see if he’d smile back. I wanted to get him to talk to me again.
And if none of that worked, I wanted to beg him to take me back.
After adding my incomplete project to the pile on Tweezer’s desk, I sat beside Luke. His scent was heavy in the air, and it was making me hot. Wistful. Hungry.
And I’m not talking about food.
I pulled out my notebook and peeked over at him. When I caught his gaze, he licked his lips and looked away.
The room quieted down, and it was then I heard it, coming from Jenna and Karma’s table. My blood turned cold when Karma said,
“I should sleep with him.”
Jenna giggled. “Oh my God, you today, me tomorrow!”
“Well now that he’s single, think of the possibilities!”
They laughed.
I sensed he’d heard that, because he froze when she said it. And not looking for his reaction was the hardest thing I’d ever done.
Tweezer entered the classroom. “Quiet down!” he ordered, and started taking attendance.
I stopped breathing so I could hear their whispers. And when they’d finally shut their traps, I had a hard time starting to breathe again, because I was edgy as hell.
Luke’s leg brushed mine; or maybe I’d moved mine, or imagined it? I couldn’t be completely sure.
I stressed about how Karma planned to get him to sleep with her. Sure he said he’d never cheat, but that was before he and his friends stormed out of my life. That was before he “dumped” me—to borrow a word from our town’s personal Enquirer.
I saw him watching me with my peripheral vision. When my head turned ever so slowly, he still held his gaze. From his intense stare, I had an idea of what he was thinking, and it wasn’t about classwork.
And, admittedly, I liked that.
“Adonia!” Tweezer said in a huff. “What do you think?”
“Karma’s a bitch!” I blurted.
People roared with laughter.
Cheeks red and in a panic, I looked at Tweezer. “What? I didn’t hear you.” I glanced at Luke, who was still looking at me, but with his crooked smile. Next my glance moved to Karma, who wasn’t impressed.
I so wanted to shoot her look back at her, but I was afraid I’d look jealous, and he’d know I am.
Although he probably figured out I’m the jealous type when I scoured his pockets to read texts from his freakin’ cousin.
“I said, what do you think about this article?” Tweezer pointed to the newspaper.
And that not only made me nervous, but I found myself profusely angry. “It’s poorly written. The reporter is a moron, it is gossipy and inaccurate and the interviewees, including Karma—who asked that her last name be withheld to protect her privacy—is clearly more stupid and psycho than my best friend will ever be. Her friend Jenna can’t even answer some interview questions without saying ‘Oh my God’ and ‘like’ every five seconds. They are both tasteless, shallow, and they need a new hobby because I think even the football team is getting sick of them.”
It all came out faster than I thought. In fact, I don’t know where the words even came from, because they seemed to shoot out before they even crossed my mind.
People gasped. Some guys chuckled.
My blood still boiled when Tweezer raised his eyebrows. “That was more in-depth than I was looking for, but thank you, Adonia.”
I shrunk in my seat a bit.
“Why do you stick up for Lilly?” Jake asked me. “What she did was plain stupid.”
“What’s stupid,” I spat, “is that the whole town is reading about it in the paper because two ditzes went to the media for attention. Well Lilly’s my best friend and I don’t care what any of you think.”
And then I did something I never thought I’d do. I turned to the school sluts and spat,
“You’re just jealous because she’s prettier than you, smarter than you, and obviously gets better than you. Maybe you should go get your Diaper Genie back, you can stuff it with your shitty attitude!”
They leered at me.
Luke’s foot touched mine. He was breathing heavy, and his
eyes were impassioned.
“Excuse me,” I uttered, got up and hurried out of there.
I’m not sure what came over me, but it was so unexpected that it was freaking me out.
I didn’t expect to bump into Gino when I turned the corner in the hall, and I didn’t expect him to grip and hold me, either.
“Why are you crying?” he breathed, his eyes deep.
Oddly enough, I gripped him even tighter and inhaled his leather. “I take it you didn’t see the morning paper?” I said, tears streaming, my head flat against his chest.
“Yeah, what’s up with that?”
I let him go and sat on one of the steps in the staircase. He followed me. “I’m guessing those girls went to the paper. I just freaked out on them.” I looked at him. “Are you that mad, that you can’t talk to Lilly? Because now Luke won’t talk to me.”
Gino looked down thoughtfully. “Honestly, her whole story was kind of weird. For some reason, though, I never imagined it’d be fake. I don’t know if I’m mad, or confused… It’s a really big thing to lie about, and I think in some way I’m permanently scarred. I’m gonna have some trust issues.”
“I’m sorry about your mom, and grandma.”
He shrugged. “They’ll get over it, eventually. My ma’s a tough lady. My grandma’s even tougher.”
“Are you through with her?” I asked, referring to Lilly.
“I don’t know,” he said. “Should I be?”
I shook my head no.
“Your mascara's running,” he breathed, wiping my cheek with his heavy hand. His hand fell to my shoulder.
I wiped my eyes. “Are you going to lunch?”
He shook his head. “I’m actually leaving for the day, my parents called. They need me at the restaurant.”
He shifted, about to get up. “Luke loves you. You’re all he talks about.”
I burst into tears. “Then why won’t he talk to me!”
“He’s really kicking himself. I’m not even mad about being tossed against the locker anymore. I mean if I had a sister and some guy knocked her up, I would have done the same thing. He didn’t know she lied, so I have no reason to hold a grudge.”
“You looked like you wanted to beat his ass,” I said with an awkward laugh.
He grinned. “It crossed my mind. But he’s my friend, you know?”
“I can see why he’s mad with me, but it was either tell him and have Lilly mad at me or keep quiet until what happened, well, happened.” I sighed. “It’s like I’m constantly having to choose.”
Gino looked down. “If you have to choose, just choose the right thing.”
I hugged myself. “It’s hard to know what the right thing is when I’m stuck in the middle.”
He squeezed my hand. “I have to go.”
“Okay,” I breathed, looking into his eyes.
“You’ll be okay?”
I nodded.
He bit his lip. “What’s with this Troy, is he a nice guy? I don’t talk to him much. There’s a wall there.”
I nodded again. “He’s a really nice guy. Charming and sweet.”
Gino crinkled his nose. “Well that sucks.”
~ ~ ~
Luke’s forehead was flat against his locker after third period. He looked stressed, and I was afraid to approach him, because I was afraid of rejection.
My heart stopped when I saw Karma. She stopped before him and said something, fiddling with her hair.
His heart was racing—I could see it in his stance, in his stiff posture, in his face. It’s not that he was excited, though, it’s that he was angry. And I’m not sure what he said to her, but her eyes widened, and she recoiled in such a way that I knew it was really bad.
She hastened down the hall like her pride was hurt.
He ran his hand through his hair, slammed the locker shut and leaned against it.
It was cold out, but I was on fire. I was raging mad and brutally embarrassed all at once. The next few months would not be easy.
In my Jeep, I let the engine run. Heat gushed on me full-blast. I was trembling, but it wasn’t from the cold.
I knew it would be a long weekend, and I wasn’t looking forward to it. Any time without him feels like an eternity. He’s not the only person in my life, but he completes my life.
I took off my ring, held it in a fist and burst into tears. More than anything, I wished he weren’t my best friend’s brother. Then I wouldn’t need to choose. And maybe, just maybe, we’d have something resembling a normal relationship.
But even without Lilly, I’m not sure what we have is normal, or ever will be. I’d never felt this way about anyone before. Our love is so deep, so intense, so spiritual, it almost scares me—because without him, what would I be?
He showed up in my life one day, and transformed my very being. Either he stole my heart, or I just up and gave it to him; either way, he has it, and he’s not giving it back.
I was never sure what I wanted, until I met him.
But then, he’s the kind of guy every girl wants: Hot, smart, sweet, sensitive, caring. The things he does, the things he says…
Luke Pawlak is every girl’s dream. And the sad truth is, that can be a real nightmare.
XVIII
Saturday was spent writing a book about the guy I’d just lost. At least he was talking to me in that.
This is why I love writing—I can make anyone do anything. I can shape them, I can hurt them, I can name them Jenna or Karma and kill them…
And it’s all legal.
At around five o’ clock, Sullivan knocked on my door. It was open, but I was too busy writing to notice him.
I laid on my bed with my laptop, my chin on my hand. “What’s up?” I uttered.
He waved the previous day’s paper around. “I see you’re famous!” he said with a smirk.
“Ugh!” I groaned. “I don’t even want to talk about it!”
“Why not?” He sat Indian style on my carpet and looked up at me like a kid at story hour. He wore denim shorts and a florescent green shirt that gave me a headache. Or maybe it was the smell of his socks—the soles were filthy.
“You may think it’s funny, but I don’t,” I spat.
“I never said it’s funny,” he said, setting the paper on the floor and tucking his hair behind his ears. “Luke really dumped you?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s not talking to me anymore. He’s still sitting next to me in class, though.”
“Well that means he doesn’t totally hate you!”
“Thanks,” I said dryly. My head fell in my hands and I heaved a sigh. “I don’t know what’s worse, this or the last time he dumped me.”
I heard Sullivan gasp, and looked up. His eyes were wide as he looked at my hand. “You’re getting married?!”
“Shhh!” I hissed. I got up in a panic, looked into the hall and shut my bedroom door. “Don’t tell Dad!”
He frowned. “You’re going to get married without telling Dad?” He joined me on the edge of my bed so he can get a closer look at my ring.
“I have time, I’m not getting married tomorrow,” I uttered. “Although after what’s happened, I may not be getting married, at all.”
Sullivan shook his head. “Doubt it. He would have asked for that back!”
“Really?” I asked hopefully.
“Yeah. If I could afford a ring that wasn’t from a vending machine, I wouldn’t let Megan keep it if I dumped her. I’d want it right back.”
I knitted my eyebrows.
Sullivan crossed his arms. “She’s real,” he assured me.
I giggled. “Did I say she isn’t?”
“Plenty of times.”
“Tonight?” I asked, crossing my arms as well.
“Anyway,” he said, changing the subject. “Wanna go to the rental store with me? We can pick up some cheesy B-movies to watch.” He looked at my laptop. “You don’t seem very busy tonight…”
“What’s with you and B-movies?”
>
He shrugged. “They’re good for a laugh.”
I bit my lip, considering it for a moment. Then I said, “Okay,” because I knew I had nothing better to do.
I knew the odds weren’t good that I’d find Luke in a stone-age rental store, but a girl could hope.
I put on some make-up, and in a flash we rushed down the stairs. “We’re going out!” I announced, grabbing my coat, shoes, and Mom’s keys.
Dad showed up in the foyer. “Together?” he asked in shock.
“Only ‘cause she can drive,” Sullivan said. “I wouldn’t be caught dead with her otherwise!”
I rolled my eyes.
Dad shook his head and smiled. “How long will you be?”
“We won’t be too long, we’re just going to the rental store,” I said, putting my hand in my pocket. I was kind of surprised Sullivan hadn’t told him I’m engaged yet. Usually he jumps at the opportunity to make my life miserable, although I suppose recently he’s gotten better.
“Drive safe,” Dad said, and he saw us out.
The rental store is called Bernie’s. It makes me think of that 80’s movie in which those two guys masqueraded a corpse around all weekend, because finding him dead and calling the cops would have ruined their vacation.
The place was small and nearly deserted, as it was almost every time we went in there. It made me wonder how they were even in business with that kind of traffic, or lack thereof. I figured the only way it was possible was for them to own the building, all the movies, have no debt, and maybe live in the basement.
“How about this one?” Sullivan asked, handing me a DVD. Royal Pain was about a queen of England who found out she was switched at birth and wasn’t really the queen after all. The rightful heir to the throne was blackmailing and harassing her, and threatening her corgis.
“This looks cheesy enough,” I said, tossing it on the pile he held.
“Awesome!” He walked to the register and set six DVDs on the counter. It promised to be a busy night—maybe I’d even get my mind off of Luke.
“Can I get some cotton candy, and lollipops?” Sullivan asked, looking at me.
“Sure, why not?” I assumed from his tone that I’d be paying for it.
“I’ll have six bags of cotton candy,” he told the clerk. “Give me a box of lollipops, too.”
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