Tainted Love: A High School Bully Romance: A Pacific High Novel

by Nichole Noel

  “Connor has the capacity for being kind? Color me surprised—there!” she adds while threading the final button. “You look like a million bucks, Sades!”

  I blush. My friends are great and really supportive, but I’m not used to compliments. The only thing that mom seems to be able to talk about is how much weight she needs to lose and, while she never makes comments about my weight, her shopping choices and justifications reveal her thoughts on the matter.

  “Broccoli is low carb, low calorie, and so good for you!” and other thinly veiled comments that really hammer home how disappointed she is in my size. I’m getting better at ignoring her, but between her shit and Connor’s reaction, it’s hard not to feel a little insecure about my body.

  “Okay,” Kennedy says while smoothing out the fabric of my dress. “Now that you’re all settled, I have to decide between slutty devil or slutty angel.”

  “The slutty part is a must,” I joke.

  “Agreed. What’s the point otherwise?” And I realize that she doesn’t get I’m joking, which is funny to me. But it’s nice that she’s so confident. With her looks, it makes sense. But she’s also really great at lifting up the people around her. I don’t know what I’d do without Kennedy and Sarah. Probably throw myself into the bay and turn into a selkie or something dramatic like that.

  Kennedy skims through the costumes with her hands, like she’s getting a feel for them before she tugs out a glittery red dress—guess she’s settled on being a devil.

  “That’ll look great on you,” I say and it’s the truth. Kennedy is a bit willowy, almost like a dancer, so she can pull off the most dramatic looks while I get stuck feeling out-of-place in almost everything. I’d hate her if I didn’t adore her so much.

  “Hmm… Maybe. We’ll stick this in the ‘check back later’ pile.”

  We spend another two hours deciding between costumes for her in which she narrows her choices down to four dresses, all of which will make her look like a queen.

  “C’mon,” Kennedy says before lifting up her dress pile. “Let’s get these back to my place so I can decide.”

  “Drop me off at work on the way?” I ask, checking the time. I have about an hour or so before my shift starts, and I sure would prefer not having to walk to work.

  “You got it, Sades—and don’t forget your dress! I’ll take it back to my place.”

  I thank her, gather up my dress and corset before we head out into the school and head toward the parking lot. It’s bright and cloudy, as opposed to the dark and stormy it’s been lately, and I’ll take what I can get.

  I don’t exactly miss the sun. With my pale skin, I don’t do well in it, but I do miss the brightness. It’s lush and green here, but that’s diminished some by the super rainy and dreary weather. I can only imagine what it’ll be like in the winter.

  Kennedy and I get to her tiny car and carefully pile our dresses in the back. After a quick pitstop at a coffeeshop drive through, she drops me off and I mentally prepare myself for another night of work, homework, and maybe, if I’m lucky later, sleep. And if I’m really lucky, no more run-ins with Connor O’Brien.

  ******

  My life seems to be passing in a blur and the more I try to stop to breathe, the harder it gets. So, I find myself on the day of the party startled that it’s come up so quickly. I thought I had more time to mentally prepare myself for this! Kennedy comes to pick me up, dresses in tow, while I do some breathing exercises to keep from giving into my social anxiety.

  “But what if I make an ass out of myself?” I mumble as Kennedy tugs me down the driveway.

  “I’ll be there. I’ll make a big enough ass out of myself for the both of us,” she jokes. “It’s not going to be that bad, Sades. And, if it gets bad, we’ll just leave. I have a car for a reason and you know I don’t drink.”

  I do know that about her. She’s lovely and charismatic without the aid of anything, except maybe caffeine. Sarah is a bit more outgoing than I am, years of having to work at a summer camp will do that to a person, I guess, but Kennedy definitely ends up having to drag us along to social events as Sare and I get burnt out quick.

  After a fast drive over, in which Kennedy continues to reassure me that things will be ‘fine, better than fine, fun even!’ we get to Sarah’s house, which is cute and cozy and filled to the brim with her mom, step-dad, and three step-brothers who are all under sixteen. S

  he has another, older step-brother, Silas, who’s away at college. Seth, Sam, Saul—seems, Sarah’s step-dad and ex-wife had a theme—are all pretty annoying, but Sarah manages to get us into her room without incident.

  “Thanks for letting us get ready here,” I start and Kennedy cuts in.

  “Yeah, there’s no way I was going to get out of my house dressed like a slutty devil, so thank you.”

  Sarah shrugs. “It’s no big deal. You guys know what you’re getting into with my step-brothers, so lock the door or you might have to deal with annoying interruptions while we get ready.”

  I take her advice and go slip the lock closed on her door. I’m not interested in dealing with bullshit from boys and, fortunately, Sarah’s mom seems to be doing a great job at wrangling her sons in with a movie and pizza—we love her. She even brings us some pizza.

  “You girls have fun!” she says, with a cheery smile and rosy cheeks. She’s adorable and I see where Sarah gets her looks from. Her mom is like an older, more outgoing version of her—copper hair and all. “And if you need me, call. I’ll be up all night.”

  “Thanks, Mom!” Sarah replies, and I can tell she appreciates the offer.

  Must be nice to have a mom that’s willing to come out at one in the morning to save your ass from whatever. I wonder whether my mom would come to get us—maybe, but then I’d get a thorough scolding and probably grounded, so I’d never risk it.

  I’ll just continue to pretend to be the adult that my mom expects me to be while trying to juggle high school life and work.

  Super simple, right?

  Sarah must notice my drop in mood because she flies a piece of pepperoni pizza right before my eyes. “Eat up, Sades. Gotta keep our energy for the party!”

  “Yeah, and we still have to do hair and makeup,” Kennedy cuts in. She already did her hair at home, so it’s just Sarah and me that have to get a move on. Sarah has decided to go as some sort of animal—a bear? A cat? I can’t tell, and at this point, I’m too afraid of offending her to ask.

  “I don’t really need much of that, but I’ll help with Sades,” Sarah says while munching on her pizza.

  “I need all the help I can get,” I joke and they both roll their eyes.

  “Untrue, and stuff it. Literally—with pizza!” Kennedy instructs before sitting behind me on the floor. “You’re gorgeous, I’m gorgeous, Sarah’s gorgeous, and we’re going to have a gorgeous night out together, okay?”

  “Okay,” I manage around a bite of pizza while Kennedy starts in on my hair with a straightener. It takes forever to flatten my hair, only for her to switch over to a curling iron to fashion my hair into fake curls.

  “You know my hair’s naturally curly, right?” I say, wincing as the curling iron gets just a touch too close to my scalp.

  “Yeah, and Regency curls are different from natural curls, Lizzy,” she jokes. “We’re going movie-regency, so lots of fake curls and an updo. You’re lucky I’m a professional at this.”

  “I’m lucky you’re such a great friend, in general—you too, Sarah,” I add.

  “Hmmm, I think we deserve each other,” Sarah says before scooting in front of me, a giant makeup bag at her side. “Allergic to anything?”

  I go to shake my head, but Kennedy squawks, so I say, “Not that I know of.”

  “Guess it’s a good night to find out,” Sarah drawls. “Who doesn’t want to go to a party with literal red rings around their eyes from an allergic reaction?”

  “Sounds like the best way to make my entrance at a party, as the girl with pink eye!”
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  We all laugh and, soon enough, Sarah starts in on my makeup and, thankfully, I don’t have any allergic reactions to anything she uses, not that I was really anticipating it. And, after Kennedy’s hair magic and Sarah’s makeup expertise, I come out looking pretty good on the other end.

  “Shit, I should get you two to do my makeup and hair every day,” I marvel while looking at my reflection in a hand mirror.

  Kennedy laughs. “You can’t afford me on the daily.”

  “I can show you how I did your makeup,” Sarah offers and I giggle at her attempt to soften Kennedy’s joke.

  “Nah, I think I’ll stick with boring Sadie for now, but thanks, Sarah. And screw you, Kennedy,” I say with a wink.

  Kennedy sticks her tongue out at me. “You know it’s true. I’m an expensive bitch.”

  Well, she definitely has more money and time than I do, but she’s never really that showy about it. It’s almost like she lives in a different world where things like groceries, gas, and rent never factor in. If anything, I’m envious of her, but I love that she’s so open and giving, even if she does like to tease.

  Sarah has a better understanding of where I’m coming from, what with four brothers and parents who have lots of bills, but even she has a sense of stability in all that chaos. With mom and me, there’s no stability, just a lingering worry over when the bottom is going to drop out from under us next.

  Anyway, I need to help Sarah and Kennedy get ready. So, after I get my corset cinched—with Kennedy’s expert help—my dress slides on and I’m ready.

  Sarah takes no time at all considering she’s going dressed up like “a grumpy cat,” as she finally reveals.

  Sarah’s slutty devil costume doesn’t take long to put on and she leaves her hair long and wavy, which looks pretty wicked with her cute, glittery horns. She even has a little tail that she keeps whipping around. The boys are going to love her and her cleavage.

  Once her makeup is perfect, and let’s be real, her makeup was already perfect, but she touched herself up regardless, she asks, “All ready?” I swallow and Sarah grins before declaring, “Let’s go have some Halloween fun!”

  Taking a deep breath, I try to relax and settle my nerves. It’s one party and I intend to have some fun and pretend like the rest of my life isn’t a complete mess for one moment. Don’t I deserve that much, at least?

  As we all funnel into Kennedy’s car, I let myself just sit, relax, and enjoy the moment. For once in my life, I get to be a silly teenager, so I’m going to enjoy it no matter what, and no matter who keeps popping up in my life to antagonize me. This night, it’s ours. And I can’t wait to see what fun it brings us.

  ******

  It doesn’t take us long to get to Bobby’s house and, to my surprise, he actually greets us at the door, which is a bit old fashioned, but I wonder if he’s just trying to control who gets let into his party, which makes me feel a bit better—at least Connor won’t get in now, because everyone knows Bobby hates him.

  “Have fun! Party’s in the basement. The punch has vodka in it,” he says like we’d be interested.

  Kennedy gives him a wink. “Driving, but thanks for the heads-up.”

  “I’m not, and I love vodka,” Sarah whispers as we enter the house and I laugh in surprise.

  “Never took you for a drinker,” I say.

  Sarah shrugs. “Summer camp will do that to you. Lots of sneaking in booze and drinking in the cabins, but I only drink socially,” she adds.

  “Have fun, I’ll even hold your hair back if you get sick,” I assure her.

  Sarah laughs. “Nah, not tonight. Just a fun level of drinking—no binging.” The grimace on her face makes me wonder how many times she’s had to spend the night praying to a porcelain god.

  I can sympathize with that. I’ve drunk exactly once and it was way too much. At my cousin’s wedding, one of my other cousins kept sneaking me drinks, and I ended the night in the bathroom and didn’t even get to enjoy any dessert.

  It was the worst. Haven’t had a drink since, not that it’s easy for someone my age to get alcohol, but the kids around me always seem to manage it despite the drinking age.

  At any rate, we make our way into his huge house. It has like two upper levels and a basement in a west coast mansion style, but it’s actually not too tacky. We get directed to the stairs by another partygoer and it’s decorated with streamers, balloons, and tinsel, which is fun.

  We head down the stairs and into the party room, which is packed and smells like pizza and perfume, which is really overwhelming at first, but it tapers off the more time we spend in the room.

  The three of us enter the room and Kennedy immediately splits off to go say hi to her drama club friends, leaving Sarah and me to stand around a bit hopelessly before we discover the food and drink table, so we head there.

  It is still a bit strange. People are actually coming up and talking to me. I almost feel like I’m making new friends as Sarah and Kennedy’s groups try to get to know me as the night goes on. I half expected to hate the entire thing, but everyone is being so nice, and I look cute as hell, so I’m actually getting some positive attention for once, instead of just getting ignored or bullied.

  Kennedy is super into her drama club clique, and Sarah ends up hanging with her camp people, but I’m doing okay. There’s even one boy in particular—Michael—that I’ve been dancing with, and who seems to be interested in hanging out with me.

  He’s sweet, tries to talk to me over the loud music, isn’t bothered when I tell him I don’t drink, and smiles a lot. He’s cute, not in a like ‘over the top, fantastically handsome so I’m definitely an asshole because I know it’ kind of way, but in a sweet, wholesome kind of way. I like it.

  He’s the polar opposite of Connor, which means he’s a few inches taller than me, rather than like a foot, he’s got sandy-blond hair and fair skin, instead of Connor’s dark hair and bronzed skin, and his smile’s obscenely perfect, like parents must have paid a fortune to get braces for it, perfect. His cheeks dimple when he smiles. His eyes are bright, blue, and beautiful. I feel like I could get lost in those eyes.

  I’m pretty sure he’s well off, most of the kids at the party seem to be, but he doesn’t seem to mind that I have a pretty normal job, or that I don’t drive.

  “Wanna hang out sometime?” he asks later, while we take a break from dancing.

  I’m so shocked that I basically parrot what he just said back to him. “You want to hang out with me sometime?”

  He grins like he finds my shock amusing. “Yeah, coffee or something? I’d like to get to know you better, if that’s okay?”

  I look around as if I can’t quite fathom that he’s actually talking to me and asking to go out on what sounds like a date with me.

  “Uh, I mean, sure?” I say eloquently.

  “That’s quite the answer,” he jokes. “But I’ll take it. Here, give me your cell and I’ll put my number in it—text me whenever. I’m free most evenings, so we can work around your schedule.”

  He’s nice, almost too nice, and the cynical side of me is just waiting for him to stand up, point, and laugh at my expense. But there’s no one watching us, and he seems like he’s genuinely interested in me, so I decide to clamp down on that voice and ignore it.

  For once, I’m just going to let myself dream and pretend that someone as cute and nice as Michael would be interested in me without any strings attached.

  Just this once, I’m going to pretend that I’m worthy of this attention. After he puts his number in my phone, I give him a text so he has mine.

  “Perfect. You wanna dance some more?” he asks before finishing his soda.

  I nod. I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun, especially with a boy… Probably when you were still friends with Connor when you both were kids…

  I try to clamp down on that mental thought. The last thing I need to be thinking of right now is Connor. I need to move on and forget him, and hopefully, he’ll
do the same and leave me alone. I have a nice boy right here who wants to dance with me and I deserve that. I don’t deserve to be bullied, and I don’t deserve to be treated like garbage.

  I reach my hand out and Michael takes it. His hand is warm and solid around my own as he leads us into the impromptu dancefloor where we spend the rest of the night chatting, dancing, and laughing while trying to avoid other dancers or people who are blatantly making out while they grind on each other.

  For once, it feels like things are finally going well for me. For once, I finally feel like a normal teenager. And I do my best to ignore the little voice inside of my head that tells me I shouldn’t get used to the feeling.

  Because you know, Sadie. You know, happiness never lasts for you.

  And why does that always seem to be the case for me?

  Chapter Eight

  So, if I expected things to settle down between Ainsley, her friends, and I, I was super fucking delusional. After my outing with Sarah, I return to school to find ‘virgin’ in big, bright, red lipstick on my locker.

  Which is so immature I can’t even handle it. I guess I should be happy that it’s lipstick because that means it’ll wipe off, but I still can’t believe that they went from calling me a slut, to calling me a virgin. As if the entire issue isn’t just about Ainsley and her insecurities.

  Which is so ridiculous because she’s one of the prettiest and most popular girls in the entire school. A little voice in my head reminds me that maybe the reason she’s so upset is because Connor keeps paying attention to me, even if it is negative attention. Which is another thing that’s so stupid I can’t make sense of it. He’s a bully. Plain and simple.

  And yet, he’s obviously attracted to me and, apparently, his dislike and attraction are warring with each other. Meanwhile, I just want to sleep and for him to figure out what he’d like to do—either stick his tongue down my throat some more or fuck off entirely. At this point, I’m expecting both and neither.

  I sigh and pull out some tissue from my backpack and get to work at wiping off the lipstick. I can just make out Ainsley and her little posse—Becca, Kiera, and err… someone I can’t remember, Mel? I’m not sure and I don’t like her enough to find out—anyway, I’ve had just about fucking enough of their laughing. So, I finish wiping off the lipstick and ball it up in my hand before charging over to where they’re hovering.