by J Q Anderson
“I’m going to fill up the bathtub, okay? I’ll be back in just a second.”
I don’t want him to go, but I nod, leaning back onto the couch. My eyelids are heavy. I am so tired. I let them drop, even though he told me not to.
He’s back and says my name again. Then holds my hands and squeezes them.
“You are so cold,” he says. I feel cold, but want to tell him the cold comes from within. My jacket is off. He removes my sweatshirt and ski pants with some effort. I wish I could help, but my body feels as if it’s made out of led. He strips off the rest of my clothes until I am left in a camisole and my underwear. I’m not wearing a bra and feel exposed, but I don’t care. Jake carries me to the bathtub and slowly slips me in. The water is too hot and I gasp from the shock. Jake holds my arms and tells me it’s okay. It’s just warm, he says I need to get used to it. I think he’s scared because he keeps repeating it’s going to be okay. I’m safe. I lean back onto the bathtub and he holds my hand.
“Natalia, try to stay awake, okay?”
The way he says my name brings tears to my eyes.
“Jake…”
“Shh,” he says. “You are going to be fine.” He pulls out his phone and calls Dani. Why is Jake calling Dani? He tells her I’m okay, then says his villa number. He tells her I need dry clothes. I am exhausted and close my eyes while they talk. Jake doesn’t let go of my hand.
A knock on the door wakes me. I startle and Jake squeezes my hand.
“It’s okay,” he says. “It’s just Dani. I’m going to open the door.” He lets go of my hand.
I frown.
Dani barges in and her face falls when she sees me.
“Nati. What the fuck.”
“Dani,” Jake interrupts. “I need to get her out of the bathtub. Then you can strip the rest of her clothes off and we can wrap her into this.” He shows her a robe. Dani helps him and they lift me out of the bathtub. I feel a little stronger and manage to stand up. Then Jake leaves and Dani seats me on the toilet. Water pours down onto the floor and I start shaking again. Dani helps me strip naked and into the robe.
Jake comes back into the bathroom and carries me to the couch, then wraps a blanket around me. I close my eyes. I’m just so tired.
“I’ll make her some tea,” he says.
“Jake. Shit. She can’t walk back to the lodge like this. People will ask questions and after what happened at work today she doesn’t need that kind of attention.”
“Let her stay here. She can have the bedroom and I’ll sleep on the couch. I’ll have her give you a call in the morning.” He leaves, to make tea I think, and Dani sits next to me on the couch, assessing my condition. I’m still trembling and it seems like the warmth of all the blankets in the world wouldn’t be enough. Dani brushes my hair off my forehead. “Nati. I can’t get you back to our room right now. Do you want me to stay here with you? I just need to get a few things and I’ll be back.”
I shake my head. “It’s okay. I trust Jake. You… should go. One of us… should be there. Just in case… people ask.” My teeth rattle.
It takes Dani a long time, but she finally agrees to leave me at Jake’s villa. She says she will be back in the morning and tells me to call her if I need anything. I look up at her because I don’t have a phone. She rolls her eyes. Obviously she knows this, since she’s been in our room and most likely found the remains of my cell phone.
“Just use Jake’s phone if you need me,” she mutters, then kisses my forehead. “Are you sure you’ll be okay? Jesus, Nati. You gave me one shit of a scare.”
I nod and she sighs, then stands up and says goodbye, thanking Jake on her way out.
Jake makes quick work of lighting the fireplace by the couch where I am. He makes me drink the tea. When I am finished he sits beside me and wraps his arm around my back. He pulls me to him as he rubs my arm to keep me warm.
“How are you doing, Natalia?”
“Fine,” I mutter and close my eyes. I just want to sleep, but the images of what happened in the last two days are overwhelming as they flash through my mind. Warm moisture fills my eyes and I start crying against Jake’s chest. His arms tighten around me.
“Shh… It’s okay. You are safe.”
I cry harder, because I am safe and at the same time I am not. For the first time in my life I have no idea of what I’m going to do next. All my years of careful planning, crafting a perfect future for myself, are gone. My future with Marc is gone, and I can’t shake that off. I am tired and a big part of me wants to let all the rest go to hell. Jake kisses my hair and says nothing.
We stay like that until I’m too tired to cry anymore. He begins to lift me up and says he will take me to the bedroom, but I clutch his arm.
“I want to stay here. Is that okay?”
He says it is. Then asks me if I need anything and kisses my temple.
“Can you… stay?” I ask him. Our eyes lock and I think he feels sorry for me. I hate that he pities me, but I don’t want to be alone and right now that is all I care about. I don’t want to close my eyes and see Marc, or Tango’s face as I slid down that icy run, or the thoughts I had when I was lying on the snow and I thought… I just don’t want to think about any of it. Jake nods and relief floods me, so I smile. His answering smile is dazzling and for a few moments everything else moves to the background and there is only Jake. He pulls me to his chest again and lays back on the couch. It is deep enough that we can snuggle and I nestle myself against him, his arms circling around me. The heat that radiates from his body envelopes me and it feels so good I almost start crying again. I press my face to his chest and his scent invades me. He smells like suede and body wash and salty sweat. It’s a heady combination and I want to bury myself into him. He kisses the top of my head.
“Jake.”
“Hmm?”
“Thank you.”
He kisses my head on the same spot and I curl up against him. His hand strokes my arm rhythmically and it is soothing. The clock on the mantel says it’s one thirty in the morning and I yawn as exhaustion claims me.
Slanted sunlight filters through the shutters of the living area of Jake’s villa. I flutter my eyes open and stir slightly. My body is stiff, but Jake is still asleep at my side and I don’t want to wake him. He probably had a shitty night’s sleep on this couch, and he had two empty bedrooms. I look up at him and as I move his eyes open and meet mine. They are liquid amber. He smiles.
“Good morning.”
“Good morning, Jake.” I smile back.
“Sleep well?”
I nod. “You?”
“Yes. How do you feel?”
“Better than I deserve.”
He sighs. “You scared me, Natalia.”
I press my face to his chest so I don’t have to look in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
He strokes my hair and I close my eyes.
“You want to tell me about it?”
Normally I’d say no. I don’t talk about my feelings to anyone, except Dani. It makes me uncomfortable and I don’t think it’s anyone’s business. But I do want to tell Jake. It surprises me and I don’t fully get why I want to tell him about it, but I do.
“That night, when you and I said goodbye after our date, I felt like I needed to see Marc. It had been a while and I guess I needed the reassurance that what we had was real. So I bought a ticket to L.A. I wanted to surprise him.” I let out a humorless chuckle. “I surprised him, alright. A half-naked chick wearing only his T-shirt opened the door.”
“Seriously?” He frowns and his jaw locks.
“Seriously.” I sigh.
“Then what?”
“Then… I told him he was a cheating son of a bitch and walked away.”
“And he just let you go?”
“There was a cop on the street and he told Marc to leave me. I went back to the airport, but the first flights were not till the morning.”
“You spent the night at the airport?”
I shrugged
. “Honestly, that didn’t really matter at that point.”
His arms squeeze me. He kisses the top of my head.
“I’m sorry, Natalia.”
“It’s ironic, Jake. How I thought there was something wrong with you because you have no expectations when it comes to relationships. It is actually genius.”
He lets out a long sigh. “No, Natalia. It is not. It is lonely.”
I look up at him and his expression tells me that last thing slipped out. “I would give anything, anything, not to feel the way I am feeling right now, ever again. It’s not worth it, Jake. And you know what’s worse? It isn’t the fact that I won’t be with Marc the rest of my life that hurts the most. I realize now that it is letting go of the dream of the life we would have had together. That’s fucked up, isn’t it?”
“Do you love him?”
I frown. “Yes. I do. I… did, actually. I don’t think I could ever look at him the same way I did before. Something broke inside of me that night. It can’t be put back together.”
Jake nods. “Deception is a tricky thing. I actually know exactly how you feel. That’s why I chose to live my life the way I do.”
“And you are smart. Love is highly overrated.” I pull myself up and he’s watching me with a pensive expression. I want to ask him what happened to him that makes him understand how I feel. But I don’t. He said he is a very private person and I don’t want to pry.
“Coffee?” I ask to lighten the mood.
Jake makes coffee and I call Dani to let her know I am okay and that I’ll wait for the morning shift to begin, to avoid running into the other employees on their way to work. Jake and I sit at the kitchen nook to have our coffee. Outside, the snow is shimmering under the morning sun. The view from these villas is spectacular. The resort charges a small fortune for them and now I know why.
We have an easy conversation and he is not happy when I tell him I didn’t practice swimming. I have decided to go forward with my internship, so we make plans to meet after my shift that afternoon for a swimming session. I am working noon to four, so it gives him plenty of time to do other things. He says he will hike back to the spot where he left our skis and will bring them back to his villa. I pack my ski clothes in a garbage bag he gives me and look up at him.
“You were supposed to come back Wednesday. What changed?”
He shrugs. “I had a couple of people to meet in downtown Aspen.” He doesn’t make eye contact and doesn’t explain further. I wonder if ‘people’ means clients. I squash the thought because the idea of Jake with other women is revolting to me. I don’t know why it bothers me so much, but it does. I don’t want to think about Jake’s line of work right now.
“See you later?” I smile as he holds the door open for me. His answering smile sends a whirlpool to my stomach. I lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek.
“Later,” he says, and he’s still smiling.
I work my shift feeling almost normal for the first time since I came back. The Marc nightmare is starting to fade to the background and even though I am two-thirds full of dread, it seems to be receding. I also don’t want to admit that the other third of me is filled with thoughts of Jake. Jake is a dead end and even though he rescued me from death he is far from being a knight on a white horse. But I’d be lying if I said that knowing I will meet with him after my shift is not making me smile more than I should be smiling after breaking up with my fiancée.
I am waiting at the pool at four thirty sharp, like we agreed. Jake shows up wrapped in a robe like the one he put on me last night. Maybe it’s the same one? I am bundled in a long parka, sitting on the edge of the pool with my feet in the water. It is like 90 degrees in the pool and it feels heavenly. I give him a little wave and he smiles. He looks like a Greek Adonis, all six feet four of him in that long white robe. He sits next to me and kisses my cheek. My heart wakes up.
“Ready?” he says. I nod and shrug off my parka. He does the same and gets into the water first, then holds my hand to pull me in. I still.
“Come on, chicken. You have this part down, remember?”
I smirk, but oblige.
Jake is all business today. He makes me stretch my arms in front of me and grip the edge of the pool while I kick with my feet. He stays close and makes corrections. I feel safe because he’s standing right next to me and I am no longer afraid I will drown. Somehow, being so close to my death last night has significantly diminished my fear of drowning. I know I owe that to Jake, so I want to make his time worthwhile and show him I can do this.
He gives me a foam board and tells me to practice kicking while he swims right by my side. He seems so at ease in the water and I envy him. I can tell he loves it. He smiles and he looks so handsome I get distracted more than once.
Next, I stand and watch while he shows me the free-style movement of the arms. He makes me practice it at the shallow end and once I’ve got it down he tells me it is time to put it all together. I am nervous, but Jake reassures me that I’ve got this. I begin by pushing myself off the wall and practice what he’s taught me. At first I’m overcome by a sudden panic that I will sink, but Jake places his palm under my stomach and supports me. Before I know it, he’s pulled it away and I am freaking doing it. I push the water backward with my cupped hands like he showed me and don’t stop until I meet the wall at the deep end. I hold on to the edge of the pool, panting and grinning.
“I did it, Jake! I can swim. OMG!”
Jake’s smile is disarming and I have to fight the urge to kiss him because I am so freaking happy and it feels good to be sharing this moment with him.
I swim to the other side and he makes me practice it several times. When we finish, I am panting and only half-way full of Marc-dread and half full of happiness and Jake.
“Thank you,” I say, looking up at him.
“You are welcome. I am proud of you, Natalia. You’ve got this.”
The way he says my name combined with the fact that I just made him proud makes my chest swell. I jump and wrap my arms around his neck, startling him. His arms close around me and we hug each other for a few silent seconds. I suddenly realize how much more intimate this is because we are only wearing bathing suits. I slowly pull away and meet his eyes. I see pride in their caramel background. He’s got amazing eyes.
“Let’s celebrate,” he says. “Tonight. Dinner at my place.”
I open my mouth to question whether that’s a good idea, but he stops me.
“We already spent the night together and there is no risk of feelings being misunderstood, so dinner and a movie would be fun if you are up to it. My friends get here tomorrow and I won’t have the place to myself anymore.”
I smile, but can’t help a pang of disappointment. I don’t want our feelings misunderstood, but I also can’t help how much I like spending time with Jake. Dinner and a movie seem safe and exactly what I need at the moment, so I agree. He hands me my parka and out of the corner of my eye I see someone approaching. I look up and my whole body freezes at once.
Marc.
He is completely dressed in black, Armani, no doubt. His face is serious and determined as he gets closer. I frown. He is the last person I want to see right now and I also don’t want Marc to be a part of my memories in Aspen. At all. As far as I’m concerned Marc is a memory-wrencher.
He stops a few steps away and his clear blue eyes lock on Jake, trying to assess the situation.
“What are you doing here?” I snarl.
“I need to talk to you and you don’t answer my calls.” His tone is calm and that makes me madder. I look up at Jake and his eyes are burning a hole on Marc. Jake turns to me and his whole face is etched in fury. His hand flexes into a fist.
“You okay?” He says, ignoring Marc who is now looking at him full-on.
I glance up at Marc and nod, even though I want him to leave. In my mind, we are over and nothing he says will change that. But maybe this is inevitable and we need to have closure.
Jake gives Marc another murderous glare and tells me he’ll see me later. Then walks away.
“I’m cold,” I say to Marc. “Let me change.” I tell him to get his car and that I will meet him at the curb. I don’t want to talk to Marc here because this is my workplace and I have maxed out on drama last night. He frowns, but agrees.
We drive a few miles and stop by a small rest area with a view point of the valley. It’s breathtaking and in other circumstances it would be extremely romantic. Marc kills the engine and turns to me.
“I am so sorry, Natalia. Can we just… start over?”
I frown. “Just like that? Start over?”
“I’m in love with you.” He reaches for my hand and I pull it away.
“You have a funny way to show love, Marc.” I look up at him with narrow eyes. “How could you. How could you fucking cheat on me? I would never do that to you. You ruined everything.”
“You are right. I’m sorry. The truth is that this whole long-distance thing has been much harder than I thought.”
“That’s your excuse? It was hard? You could have told me before. We could have worked something out.”
“Really? Like what?” He snaps. “You are so wrapped up into working and getting the internship. Every minute in your life is accounted for, Natalia. I got the feeling we would never reach a point where it was just you and me. I need you by my side. I want you to be my wife. The rest has to come second to that.”
“Are you kidding? You were fucking someone else TWO FUCKING DAYS AGO.”
“She doesn’t mean anything.”
“Stop saying that. It just makes it worse. All it means is that you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants. Tell me something. How many were there?”
“What?”
“How many women, Marc? I want to know.”