The first squad of 309 Mounties was assembled in 1874. Scoring an early point for multiculturalism, if not for sensitive language, Macdonald had specified that the new force should be a “mixed one of pure white, and British and French half-breeds.” Pay was 75¢ a day, and recruits had to be between 18 and 40 years old, physically active and able, and literate in either English or French.
Sit quietly: New York’s Attica prison has a teargas system installed in the cafeteria.
On June 6, the Mounties got their first orders to move out. They were headed for the wilds of Manitoba and were to be accompanied by Henri Julien, an illustrator/reporter from the Canadian Illustrated News. (Julien had been given an all-expenses-paid invitation to make sure the Mounties’ heroic march west received adequate public attention.) The police, dressed in their scarlet best, mounted their horses and prepared for a journey...to the downtown train station. There, they loaded their horses onto train cars—an effort that Julien called “long, tedious, and amusing” in its disorder. At 3:30 p.m., the train whistle blew, and “amid the cheers of a vast crowd, we glided out of Toronto.”
They headed across Ontario and straight into the United States. There was no cross-Canada train yet, so this police force, created in no small part to repel American incursions, headed for Chicago, where they transferred to a train that would drop them off in Fargo, North Dakota. After that, they boarded another train that took them to Fort Dufferin, Manitoba, the last outpost of civilization. From there, they marched 800 miles through plains, woods, rivers, and swamps on their way to Fort Whoop-Up in Alberta. Their mission: to clean out the whiskey sellers and horse thieves, keep peace between the Europeans and the people of the First Nations, combat general lawlessness, and enforce a firm border with the United States...by force if necessary.
TAMPING DOWN WHOOP-UP
It took three months for the Mounties to arrive at the fort. By then, the whiskey sellers, having heard the Mounties were coming, had cleared out. There was also no evidence of hostile natives or a gathering storm along the American border. It was an anticlimactic start for the NWMP, but for many, the best sort of anticlimax. Peace was established without a shot, and for their first few years, the Mounties had to deal with few crimes worse than horse theft. Since there was no judicial system set up, the commander at Fort Whoop-Up got himself sworn in as a justice of the peace so that he could judge civil and criminal cases there.
In 1876 the Mounties got their first real taste of combat when they defused a tense situation after 5,000 Sioux, led by Sitting Bull and pursued by the U.S. Army, fled over the Canadian border. The Americans were seeking revenge for the bloody defeat at the Battle of the Little Big Horn. Mountie commander James Morrow Walsh was assigned to deal with the situation. He organized an ad hoc NWMP headquarters at Wood Mountain, where the Sioux had set up camp, initiated a close friendship with Sitting Bull, and managed to keep the peace.
Bad car-ma? 40% of car-theft victims admit they left their keys in the ignition.
GOLDEN AGE
Keeping peace in Canada’s Wild West continued to be the Mounties’ primary mission. In 1895, they headed over the Rockies for the first time to regulate the influx of Americans crossing the Alaskan border during the Klondike gold rush. They collected customs duties, confiscated guns, and required that each miner be equipped with at least a ton of food and survivor gear to prevent mass numbers of needy people overunning Canada. During this time, the Mounties managed to maintain a reasonable amount of order in a chaotic situation, expelling troublemakers while sensibly not making an issue of popular illegalities like prostitution and gambling. Prospectors, not necessarily a law-and-order bunch, were impressed by the Mounties’ conduct, and their reputation spread across the world.
Around this same time, though, Canada’s government started talking about dissolving the NWMP. Prime Minister Sir Wilfred Laurier thought the Mounties’ golden age had passed; they’d done a good job of keeping order on the frontier, but Canada was moving into the 20th century and needed smaller, regional police forces. Despite discussions in Parliament and Laurier’s push, the Mounties were popular, especially in the west, and the measure never caught on. Instead, the Mounties became the country’s official police force in 1920 and got a name change to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. They also were becoming the stuff of pop-culture legend.
THEY ALWAYS GET THEIR MAN
Today, the Mounties are one of Canada’s best-known symbols, but it wasn’t just their crime-fighting ways that made it so. The chief culprit behind the Mounties image in pop culture was a Winnipeg writer named Charles William Gordon, who wrote uplifting frontier adventures under the pen name Ralph Connor. In 1912, he wrote a novel called Corporal Cameron of the North West Mounted Police: A Tale of the MacLeod Trail. It sold like hotcakes...in Canada and abroad. The book starred an uncorruptible Mountie hero, some satisfying fisticuffs, and the rescue of a pretty girl. It also launched a whole line of Mountie adventures.
America’s population behind bars has increased 1,000% since 1980.
Where books went, Hollywood followed. By the 1950s, America’s entertainment capital had made a total of 575 films set in Canada, and many of those—including the musical Rose-Marie, involved the Mounties. Hollywood’s love did not go unrequited; from the early days, the Mounties cheerfully supplied technical advice to filmmakers, and even officers in active service. There were Mounties on the radio—including the popular 1930s show Challenge of the Yukon—and when television arrived, heroes like Sgt. Preston made a seamless transition to the new medium (though its snowy outdoor shots were filmed in Colorado and California, not Canada).
These days, the Mounties still appear in entertainment, but they’re also a legitimate police force; they act as Canada’s federal police as well as the provincial police for everyone except Ontario, Quebec, and Newfoundland and Labrador. (Those have their own provincial forces.) Not bad for a ragtag frontier police department whose first job was cleaning up a little fort called Whoop-Up.
MOUNTIE FACTS
• In popular culture, the Mounties’ motto is “They always get their man,” but that’s actually a Hollywood creation. That phrase comes from an 1877 newspaper story in the Fort Benton (Montana) Record in which the reporter wrote, “They fetch their man every time.” Hollywood producers read the story, jumped on the phrasing, and created the Mounties’ “motto.”
• The Mounties’ distinctive outfit—wide-brimmed hat, red jacket, black riding pants, etc.—is called the Red Serge because the red jackets were originally made from a type of English twill called “serge.” The Red Serge is only for special ceremonies and events, like the Musical Ride.
• Women became Mounties for the first time in 1974.
First use of ballistics evidence—matching a bullet to a gun to solve a crime: 1835, in England.
DUMB CROOKS:
OHIO STYLE
.We first collected these tales of not-so-wise guys for our book, Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Plunges into Ohio
MAN OF STEAL
The Crook: Matthew Binegar of Dayton
The Crime: The Ohio teenager decided to shoplift from a Kmart in Fairborn, so he shoved a DVD movie and a video game into his clothing and fled the scene. Binegar might have gotten away if not for his work “uniform.” He was a street performer for a local apartment complex, and was wearing a Superman costume when he tried to fly, er...flee. After a brief chase, the police nabbed Binegar. Why so brief of a chase? Because several Kmart employees had watched Superman steal the merchandise and called the cops. Binegar was found guilty of one count of criminal theft, served 52 days in jail, and was fined $200. (According to reports, he also faced a lot of criticism from his older sister Michelle, who called him “America’s Dumbest Criminal.”)
IF YOU DON’T KNOW, JUST ASK
The Crook: Adam Brown of Columbus
The Crime: Brown, 17, broke into an elderly woman’s home and ordered her to hand over the keys to her car. He would have su
cceeded in driving away...had he been able to open the garage door. He went back into the house and asked the lady how to get the garage door open. She told him; he went back and tried again, but couldn’t get it open. So he went back inside and asked for a more detailed explanation. She slowly explained the procedure. Finally, on the third try, Brown got the garage door open. But then he realized he couldn’t drive a car with a manual transmission. So he went inside the house again and asked the lady how to drive a stick shift. She slowly explained it to him—slowly, because 1) he wasn’t that bright, and 2) the police were on their way. When they arrived, Brown was trying to back out of the driveway. He was arrested on the spot.
Every 30 seconds, a lawsuit is filed in the United States.
LEAVING THE SCENE
The Crook: Darren Wallace of Columbus
The Crime: Wallace thought he had what it takes to be a bank robber: a bank to rob, and a getaway driver. The only hang-up? His getaway driver was his mother...and she had no idea she was going to be used for that purpose. All Mrs. Wallace did was agree to drive him to the bank. After she dropped Darren off, she decided to run a few quick errands while he was inside. A short time later, Darren ran outside with his bag of money, but his mother was nowhere to be found. (She was actually two blocks away at the grocery store.) When she drove back up to the bank to retrieve her son, he was already in handcuffs.
GARBAGE COLLECTORS
The Crooks: An unidentified group of burglars from Fostoria
The Crime: The thieves broke into the Fostoria Bureau of Concern, an agency that serves the poor and needy and keeps little cash on hand. Apparently not knowing that, they stole a safe from the administrator’s office. What happened to the thieves is unknown; they were never caught. But Susan Simpkins, the bureau’s director, was thankful that the crooks took the old, empty safe that had no money in it, and left the new safe there that did contain cash. She’d hadn’t got around to throwing out the old one. Simpkins told police, “They did us a favor by taking it.”
THE SEQUINS OF EVENTS
The Crook: Larry Edmonds of Barberton
The Crime: Edmonds was under suspicion of burglarizing an Ohio home: The resident had caught him in her bedroom and gave his description to police. However, they found little tangible evidence that linked Edmonds to the crime. But he was acting suspicious, so the cops brought him in for questioning. During the interrogation, something sparkly caught an officer’s eye. Edmonds’s pants were hanging low, and sequins were showing around his waist. When the cop realized the sequins belonged to a pair of panties, he pressed Edmonds for an explanation. He admitted that the panties belonged to the victim...as well as the red string bikini he was wearing underneath the sequined panties. Officers then discovered he was wearing seven more pairs of underwear. Edmonds went to jail; the woman’s panties were returned. (No word on whether or not she kept them.)
On average, 80 people shoot at the Goodyear blimp each year.
DRAKEN TO
THE CLEANERS
Here’s a classic scam from our archives.
THE SIR FRANCIS DRAKE ASSOCIATION
Background: In 1913 thousands of people with the last name Drake received a letter from the “Sir Francis Drake Association,” an organization founded for the purpose of settling the estate of the legendary British buccaneer who had died 300 years earlier. The letter claimed that the estate was still tied up in probate court, and that since Drake’s death in 1596 the value had grown to an estimated $22 billion. Any Drake descendant who wanted a share of the estate was welcome—all they had to do was contribute toward the $2,500-a-week “legal expenses” needed to pursue the case. When the estate was settled, each contributor would be entitled to a proportional share. There was no time to waste—the fight was underway and any Drake descendant who hesitated risked being cut out entirely.
Exposed: The Sir Francis Drake Association was the work of Iowa farmer-turned-conman Oscar Merrill Hartzell. But he didn’t invent the hoax—the first of hundreds of similar swindles took place within months of Drake’s death in 1596. Hartzell got the idea for his version after his mother was conned out of several thousand dollars in another Drake estate scam. When he tracked down the crooks who had swindled her and realized how much money they were making, Hartzell decided that rather than call the police, he would keep quiet...and launch his own scam. Using the money he’d recovered for his mother, Hartzell promptly sent out letters to more than 20,000 Drakes. Thousands took the bait. Hartzell eventually expanded the scam to target people who weren’t even named Drake.
Final Note: By the time the feds caught up with him 20 years later, Hartzell had swindled an estimated 70,000 people out of more than $2 million. Rather than admit they’d been duped, many of the victims donated an additional $350,000 toward his legal defense. Hartzell was convicted of mail fraud and sentenced to 10 years in federal prison; a few years later he was transferred to a mental institution, where he died in 1943.
Do you? 1 in 4 Facebook users leave themselves open to crime by revealing personal details.
UNCLE JOHN’S
STALL OF SHAME
Don’t abuse your bathroom privileges...or you may wind up in Uncle John’s “Stall of Shame.”
Honoree: Joseph Carl Jones, Jr., an alleged burglar
Dubious Achievement: Landing in the can after a trip to the can
True Story: On the morning of February 7, 2003, Janie Sidener of Mineral Wells, Texas, arrived to open the store where she worked. She should have been the first one in the building that morning, but shortly after she entered she noticed something unusual, so she looked around. That’s when she saw Joseph Carl Jones, fast asleep on a bed that the store had for sale. “Apparently he needed to take a break,” said police spokesperson Mike McAllister.
Sidener quietly called her employer, who called the police. They woke the burglar, arrested him, and hauled him off to the slammer. So what was it that alerted Sidener to the fact that something was amiss? Before his nap, Jones had used the bathroom...and hadn’t flushed.
Adding Insult to Injury! The store Jones had picked to rob was owned by the wife of the district attorney.
Honoree: Jon Carl Petersen, 41, head of the Iowa office of the U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms (ATF)
Dubious Achievement: Wrecking his own career with alcohol, toilet paper, and firearms (ATPF)
True Story: During Homecoming Week 2002, a pickup truck full of Indianola high school sophomores decided to TP some houses in town, an unofficial Homecoming tradition for many years. Too bad they chose the street where Petersen lived. And too bad Petersen had been drinking.
When he saw the kids throwing toilet paper in his yard, he jumped in his patrol vehicle and chased them with lights flashing and sirens blaring. When they finally stopped, he ordered the sophomores out of their truck and held them at gunpoint until police arrived...and arrested him. A sobriety test showed that Petersen had a blood alcohol level of 0.22%, twice the legal limit. He was charged with drunk driving, 10 counts of assault with a weapon, and two counts of simple assault. If convicted on all counts, he faces up to 20 years in prison and a $50,000 fine.
“Caught redhanded”—having blood on your hands—is a Scottish legal term that dates to 1432.
“He deserves what he gets,” said one of the kids involved. “It’s kind of stupid that he’s an Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms agent, and he was doing two of the things he’s trying to prevent.”
Honoree: Catherine Tarver, the mother of an accused murderer
Dubious Achievement: Using a public restroom to influence the outcome of a trial
True Story: In May 2003, Judge Walter McMillan ordered that Tarver be barred from Georgia’s Washington County Courthouse. Reason: A courthouse employee saw Tarver cracking open eggs and sprinkling chicken feathers, chicken blood, and what has been described as “voodoo powder” in the restroom. So Judge McMillan imposed a ban, telling her, “If I find any more eggs in this courthouse, you will face crim
inal charges.”
Sheriff Thomas Smith speculates that Tarver was trying to influence the outcome of the trial. “I think it’s a curse against the prosecution,” he told reporters. “There’s been four incidents of it in the courthouse bathroom where brown eggs have been busted. It always happened on the day of Brandon Tarver’s hearings.”
Tarver denies using voodoo. “I don’t even know what that is,” she claims.
Honoree: Dr. Michael Warren, a South Carolina dermatologist
Dubious Achievement: Turning his bathroom into an ICU—a peekaboo ICU
True Story: When the staff restroom went out of order in 2002, Dr. Warren cheerfully allowed female employees to use his private restroom. But when months went by without Dr. Warren making an attempt to get the restroom fixed, his staff became suspicious. That’s when they found a hidden camera in the doctor’s bathroom. Dr. Warren admits that he installed the camera but claims that he did so “as a security measure, after cash and checks were stolen from his office.” (No word on what a thief would steal from the doctor’s bathroom.)
In WWII, US troops in Sicily thought jailed Mafiosi were political prisoners and freed them. (Oops.)
THE REAL ZORRO?
Every cultural legend has to start someplace, even if it’s from just a kernel of truth, expanded and embellished until it bears no resemblance to the original. Here’s the possible origin of Zorro, the “bold renegade” who “carved a Z with his blade.”
BACKGROUND
Pulp fiction writer Johnston McCulley created the swashbuckling character Zorro for a tale called “The Curse of Capistrano” that appeared in All-Story Weekly magazine in 1919. Literary historians believe McCulley based him on a number of characters, most of them fictional...and at least one real human being. It turns out that the story of the real man’s life was just as unusual—and probably every bit as embellished—as Zorro’s.
Uncle John’s True Crime Page 11