by Mari Carr
“Son of a bitch.” A scowl marred Silas’s face when he dropped onto the stair after attempting to lurch to his feet. He looked too much like the man who’d joined their videoconferences from the emotional tundra he’d isolated himself in while living in Alaska.
“I’ll take a rain check, okay?” Sam hoped Silas would forget by the time he’d healed up when he offered, “You can take a free swing once you’re back to normal.”
“Not necessary.” Si crossed his arms over his chest. “It just sucks, you know? There’s so much to do. I can’t pitch in like I want. I know I say this every damn day but… Fuck. Colby crashed at the dinner table last night after covering JD’s shift. I couldn’t even help him to bed. Lu had to do it. Do you know how shitty it feels to watch your spouse shoulder your burdens? Both of them really. Colby wouldn’t have been so fucking tired if I could have worked beside him yesterday afternoon.”
First of all, Lucy was actually Colby’s wife not Silas’s. Technically. Sam had always known she’d belonged with both men even if his adolescent mind hadn’t comprehended all the possibilities the world held. They’d seemed right together. He’d never admit it to Silas, but watching Lucy suffer after his brother’s desertion had been hard for everyone left on the ranch. So much grief.
“They have you here, Silas. That’s what they need most. There are plenty of hands to do grunt work. And if there’s not enough labor, I can collaborate with Cindi to estimate some increases in the payroll budget and how that’ll affect operating income. She’s supposed to bring me the profit and loss statement sometime today so I can dig in a little deeper. We can juggle things around. Make it work without eroding margin. If not… I can cover it.”
“Sure. Whatever. I don’t know what the fuck you’re saying, but I get the point. Still, what the hell good am I to anyone like this?” He yanked the ripped denim of his jeans, baggier over his healing thigh.
“We’re stronger together.” Sam gazed out at the ranch. “Which is why I should have ignored you all and called Sawyer right away. We should all be home. You’re not the only one with the brand on your back, you know.”
“Let me see it.”
“What?” Sam glanced over his shoulder, then faced his brother once more.
“Take your shirt off.”
“Kinky, Si. Shouldn’t you save that for Colby?” He laughed when Silas flipped him the bird.
“Or maybe you pussied out?” Si raised an eyebrow.
“Hell, no.” Sam grabbed his T-shirt and whipped it over his head. He spun on his booted heel, facing away from his brother to display the design he’d swear he’d been born with. Even when Snake had etched it into his skin, he’d imagined the artist scratched away a covering and let it shine from within, where it had always lived.
Sam opened his eyes. Which is when he saw her. Cindi. Approaching from the direction of the barn, fifteen feet away and closing fast.
“A present from your older, wiser brother. Happy early birthday.” Silas flicked Sam’s earlobe as he gained his feet. It stung every bit as much as it had when they were young.
Motherfucker.
“You can thank me later,” Si whispered before he limped into the house.
“Wow.” Cindi stood in the patchy grass at the base of the porch stairs, cradling the financial binder she’d made for Sam. She cleared her throat. “Um. Nice tattoo.”
More like holy-fucking-smoking-hot man with ripped shoulders and amazing artwork nestled between them. It had seemed organic to his body from the glimpse she’d gotten before he spun around.
Smart, sexy, sophisticated, cut and tattooed? She couldn’t help but stare. Damn the dim barn for stealing the discovery from her two weeks ago. Her body ached for a rematch.
His T-shirt hung from his fingers and she willed him not to cover up the spectacular view. When he looked like he might, she asked, “Could I see it before you do that?”
“Hmm?” He didn’t seem to understand her question.
She climbed the stairs, trailing her fingers over his shoulder to keep him still while she circled around behind him. Standing on the riser above Sam, she set the binder on the floor of the porch, then outlined the enormous compass that spanned the width of his back.
“This is gorgeous.” Cindi resisted the devil on her shoulder. The corrupt bastard encouraged her to lick the swirled shading around the emblem.
“All my brothers have the same one. Got them when we turned eighteen.”
“No shit.” She imagined lining the four of them side by side along one of the fence rails, naked from the waist up, their tight asses highlighted by faded denim. Their bold tattoos would make a striking image, not to mention the solid men carrying them.
Despite the heat of the afternoon, she shivered.
“Only difference is the letter. Obviously, Si’s N is the highlight of his.” He peered over his shoulder.
Cindi couldn’t help herself. She traced the ornate E on Sam’s right side. “I have to admit, it makes me think better of you.”
His shoulders shook beneath her light touches. “Because I’m not such a giant nerd?”
“What? No.” She somehow progressed from admiring his ink to massaging his back. He didn’t object so she kept kneading the solid expanse. The planes of muscle soaked up the pressure of her fingers. She traced her thumbs along either side of his spine, savoring his groan. “Because you never really abandoned your home. You knew how important this place is. How fortunate you were. Are, actually.”
“Hell, yes.” He turned around.
Her hands naturally rested on his shoulders, steadying them both where they perched. Eye to eye, she couldn’t deny he told the truth
“I never doubted Compass Ranch was special. I wouldn’t have traded it or my family for anything. But loving where you’re from and aching to see the rest of the world are two different things.” He shrugged, lifting her hands a bit.
She understood what he meant. When her parents were alive, she’d flown all over the globe and loved each of the distinct cultures she’d explored. Those experiences had helped her be sure this was the place meant for her.
“So you always planned to come back?” She wondered where he’d been these last two years. Other than behind a desk in Manhattan.
“I guess I didn’t think that far ahead.” He frowned. “No, maybe that’s not true. It’s more like I never imagined Compass Ranch wouldn’t be waiting for me after I’d done what I needed to do, however long that took.”
“I guess that’s what happens when you grow up somewhere so stable.” She leaned toward his strength. The idea alone attracted her like few other things could. “I’m not going to lie, Sam. I’m jealous.”
His hands landed on her waist when she would have broken their contact.
“Of what, Cin?” The nickname from him sent shivers up her spine. “Is it better to understand from a young age how things really work? Or to live in blissful ignorance until your life is ripped apart and taken away forever? Maybe I haven’t learned how to cope. Maybe I won’t be able to handle it. You know, like when a person tries to learn a language after their formative years. Sometimes it’s not possible. Sometimes losing things can fuck people up even when you were sure your bond would stay solid no matter what.”
“Is that what you’re scared of?” She cupped his cheeks in her palms.
“Yeah.” He let her guide his head to her chest. “I’m afraid pulling JD out of the equation will be like taking the keystone from an arch and everything will tumble to the ground. What else will change? How much will survive? It’s like knowing a massive earthquake is about to shake up everything I’ve ever known and alter the landscape forever.”
“I can understand that.” Since he’d broken the horrible news to her, she’d had many sleepless nights herself. “But I honestly don’t think that’s the case. You’re going to be okay, Sam. You and your brothers will carry on. You’ll uphold the traditions and values your dad instilled in you.”
“So
what has you frightened?” He must have detected her trembling.
“Losing my home.” No reason to lie.
“That won’t happen.” Sam lifted his head and brushed his thumb over the corner of her lips. “No one’s forcing you out, okay?”
“You’re sure?” She swallowed hard. “I sort of thought now that you were back, you might want the cottage for yourself.”
“No way.” He frowned. “I’d never steal your place. JD has made it clear you’re part of Compass Ranch. The cottage is your home as much as the room upstairs is mine for now. Probably more. The baseball posters are a little outdated. And I sure could use a bigger bed.”
A soft laugh puffed from her lips. Relief overwhelmed her better judgment. “So you’re saying I should buy you a Playboy calendar for Christmas?”
“More like a print of Monet’s Water Lilies.” His hands surrounded her upper arms.
She could do one better than that. He wouldn’t have to know the painting she gifted him with was an original. “You have good taste in art.”
“I know something magnificent when I see it.” He stared straight into her eyes.
How could she resist the tenderness there? Or the sizzle that sprang from the contact of their skin.
Cindi whimpered as she threaded her fingers into his still-short hair. The strands, longer now than they’d been when he arrived, teased the sensitive dips between her fingers and her palm. “Cowboy, are you going to kiss me or what?”
He ate up the sliver of space between them and pressed their lips together. His mouth curved against hers as he nuzzled her in an innocent connection. At least, that’s how it started.
Their lips parted simultaneously and they sipped from each other, sampling the flavor of their partner as though their first kiss in two weeks were a naughty version of an amuse-bouche. After relishing the appetizer, they progressed to the entrée. Or was it straight to decadent dessert?
She nipped his bottom lip, then licked the spot she’d pinched.
His hands migrated to her ass. They slipped into her back pockets, cupping her and keeping her close while he grazed her mouth with a series of fun yet sensual kisses. Making out with Sam was like nothing she’d ever done before. He was a lip-lock connoisseur. Each touch tailored for her alone—every reaction measured and incorporated into his next approach.
Cindi let him eat at her. Instead of the overwhelming vigor of the rough and tumble cowboys she’d relied on for comfort, he concentrated on making each glide of their lips a quality encounter.
She allowed her hands to roam across his back and next to his rock-hard abs. The gym had granted him definition. She enjoyed it more than the bulk of the men who worked hard and drank harder in the bunkhouse every night. She wished she could see him, all of him, in the dazzling sunlight.
“Didn’t take you long to put the moves on our little Cindi, did it, city slicker?” Jake snarled as he strolled through the yard with a half-dozen of the hands.
Engrossed in her honest exchange, Cindi hadn’t heard the guys approach.
Sam bristled.
“It’s not worth getting in a fight over.” She dropped one last peck on his shoulder. Better to walk than face Sam’s derision if Jake spilled the beans on their little game. Not to mention the world record she and Sam had set for sex on acquaintance. “I should get back to work anyway. The statements…”
He snagged the binder off the decking and thumped his hand on it. “Got them. Thanks.”
His sweet tone held no malice toward her, though he glared at Jake.
She descended the stairs, making sure to hold the rail since her knees were wobbly and might stay that way for a week.
“You can be such an asshole.” She slapped her palm on Jake’s shoulder to squeeze past when he crowded her. He knew better than to trail her.
Sam watched Cindi retreat with a mix of regret and relief. If they hadn’t been interrupted, he might have invited her inside for an iced tea or some afternoon delight in his too-short bed. While he had no doubt he would have enjoyed the hell out of her, he didn’t need that kind of stress on top of everything else.
“She’s a free agent. But you better limit your fucking to below the belt. Don’t break her heart or screw with her head.” Jake passed beyond good-natured teasing into something truly menacing. His hands balled into fists. “Or you’ll find you don’t have too many friends around these parts anymore.”
Why did it seem like all the cowboys stared at Sam as though he’d tried to run off with their kid sister or maybe even their daughters? Hell, all he’d done was kiss Cindi. Why should he fight it when she understood him so completely? He hadn’t even slipped his tongue between those supple lips.
Okay, maybe a tiny bit.
Not nearly as much as he wished he had.
“Everything all right out here?” Silas swung from the kitchen, coming to stand at the top of the stairs.
Just what Sam needed, his injured big brother to intimidate the bullies ganging up as if they’d like to flush his geeky head in a toilet. “Fine, Si. Everything’s fine.”
With one last look toward the barn where Cindi had disappeared, he headed inside. There was plenty for him to do now that he had data. Burying himself in figures came naturally.
Chapter Ten
Three weeks after returning to Compass Ranch
Sam peeked around the lace covering the kitchen window every time the rumble of an engine accompanied Vicky’s humming.
“I haven’t seen you this excited since you were a boy. Remember when JD set you up on those correspondence courses in economics?” Vicky paused sweeping the floor to kiss his cheek. “You’d pace waiting for Mr. Glenn to bring the mail.”
“Please, never utter that again.” He grimaced. “Was I really such a dork?”
“Nah. A serious little man, that’s all. It was cute. Still is.” She straightened the fabric, then whacked him in the ass with the broom. “Now keep your hands off my curtains.”
He settled into his spot at the table, unable to concentrate on fund analysis or the farm’s ledgers this morning. Watching Vicky complete her routine chores, it struck him how odd their life had become. Struggling for normalcy while nothing remained the same as even a month ago. JD aged about a year every day—a little more tired, a little slower. And here she was, still plugging along.
“Ma?”
“Sammy?” She winked over her shoulder, using his long-forgotten nickname.
“Are you okay?” He couldn’t think of a more subtle method than to ask outright. “With all this?”
She swept the same spot in the floor about a dozen times.
Rising from the table, he encircled her in a hug. “It’s all right if you’re not, you know. You can talk to me. I’m here to support JD, but I’m here for you too.”
“Oh, shoot.” Tears pooled in her vivid eyes. “I was doing fine. You’re so sweet, Sam. So different than your brothers. Not that there’s anything wrong with them.”
She lifted the hem of her apron to soak up the moisture leaking from her scrunched lids.
“Truth is, it’s hard.” She winced. “When I keep going it’s bearable. If I stop to think…that’s when trouble hits. It’s exhausting. Thank God we have Lucy to take care of all the medicine and check-ups. I don’t know how people do it when they have to go to the doctor’s office day after day. I’m starting to understand why that girl carts home Christmas presents by the trunkful. She’s an angel to her patients and their families. Still, how much can one person do? It’s too much to ask.”
Sam took the broom from her and finished building the tiny mound of dust.
“I’m here to help. We all are. Sawyer will be, too, soon.” He debated contacting the Coast Guard at least a handful of times every day.
“That’s the thing, Sam.” A huge sigh escaped her chest. “Wishing for more time is selfish. I know it. JD is hurting. More than anything, I don’t want him to suffer through a long, drawn-out affair. He’s determined to see
your brother’s wedding. And Sawyer…”
She clung to him then, making him stumble a few tiny steps to keep his balance. Sobs ripped from her throat, terrifying him. He held her close and rocked her as she had done for him on those nights his brothers had convinced him an alien hid under his bed, lurking until dark to rip him away from his family.
Like a brutal summer storm, Vicky’s grief was fierce, but rained out quickly.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Nothing to apologize for. I should have asked sooner.” He shook her shoulders a little. “When it starts to be too much, come find me. We’ll talk. Okay?”
“Deal. But, Sammy…if you’re this much better than the rest at handling your emotions…”
He separated himself and retreated a pace. “Yes?”
“Why haven’t you been knocking down Cindi’s door? I heard you kissed her. Is that true?”
“Jeez, Ma.” He slapped his palm on his forehead. “I don’t know if I did or she did or well, anyway, it was just one time.”
Plus one amazing night in the barn.
And she hadn’t come looking for him afterward. Probably for the best.
“From what I heard it was a really good one, though.” Vicky giggled as he turned red. To see her smile, he’d have suffered the mild embarrassment a hundred times over.
“You can say that again.” No sense in denying it.
“And you let her walk away? Nothing since then?” Vicky propped her hands on her hips.
“I was waiting for her to come to me.” He sank into one of the dining room chairs.
“What kind of nonsense is that?” Vicky squinted at him. “Women like to be chased.”
“Well, maybe not Cindi.” He shrugged. “JD told me not to scare her off.”
“And you think making out with her would have her hightailing it for the hills? I’m guessing you’re a better kisser than that! If not, maybe you better talk to one of your brothers. Lucy, Colby and Jody seem to have no complaints.” She laughed. “Honey, your pa didn’t explain himself well enough. Physical exchanges aren’t going to frighten that girl one iota. It’s this you need to worry about.”