by Combs, Sasha
Pulling away from her after he broke their kiss, his eyes strayed down, to see what she was wearing. The soft mocha color of her dress and jacket, complimented her soft brown skin. When he looked into her dreamy hazel eyes, William was lost again. He’d never imagined falling in love so fiercely but it had happened and he’d been powerless to prevent it. The journey of their love had taken them both by surprise.
When his brain had regained control for the moment, William laced her tender fingers with his. He led her to the couch across the room, for them both to be seated. He didn’t speak until they were sitting wedged beside one another. Whenever any stretch of time passed, keeping them separated; when the distance had been removed, their passion always surged with neither of them being able to think clearly. He knew they both needed these few seconds to gather themselves.
Resisting the urge to kiss her again, William traced his finger along the side of her face. He reasoned, if he couldn’t kiss her, he at least owed himself the touch of her warm flesh.
With his yearning restrained, William inhaled whiffs of her cologne before speaking. He knew this fragrance well; the aroma had a calming affect on him, hushing his mounting desire.
“I was’t expecting to see you today. I’m sorry if I didn’t give you the opportunity to talk before my lips were all over yours.”
Pamela smiled, her eyes lie resting on their joined hands. When she directed her gaze up to meet his, she could still see the same desire that flooded her when he crossed the room, taking her into his arms. Whenever she came to Washington, their eagerness to be with each other couldn’t be stifled. This office on a few occasions had been the place they made love in. Pamela, cringed over those memories because her obsession with him had grown into something neither had been prepared to deal with.
Smiling tightly, she said...
“I heard about you going away to your mountain retreat. Mom isn’t convinced that you will go but dad disagrees. He’s betting that Frederick is the one person capable of persuading you to get Morgan out of town for a little while. I hope my father is right because you and Morgan need to spend this time together away from the city.”
William stared at her for a moment because when they last had this conversation, it had been his idea that now was the time to tell her parents about their relationship. They had not set a date or a time, but the subject had been thoroughly discussed. Even then, William didn’t truly mull over the idea of taking a vacation. He allowed his staff to make plans but he had not signed off by saying that he would go. Either way, Morgan and his parents would go with or without him to his home in Montana. The election had not been his only concern, and the memory of his dead wife wasn’t an anniversary he wanted to mark on his calendar. Everyday Bianca’s presence was missed but he had learned to live with this. And time had healed all wounds.
The stress that Frederick had noticed when the idea of taking a vacation had been broached; William’s tension had nothing to do with his job, the campaign or his loss. William had begun to tire of the hush-hush dating. Letting only his secretary Mandy in on his clandestine meetings with Pamela. This kind of sneaking took a great deal of work. William knew that Pamela wasn’t looking forward to telling her parents about them. He also knew that she had countless concerns about the press and she wasn’t ready to be compared to his late wife Bianca. Yet, they both accepted that at some point their relationship would have to be outed. William wanted to disclose the information now but Pamela had been trying to persuade him to wait until after the elections. William had consented to this but he wanted to tell Michael and LaShawn; giving them the opportunity to digest the news before the media got their paws on it. That had been the plan, but Frederick had nixed it when he came up with the family vacation idea then announced it to Morgan, his parents, Michael and his staff.
William examined Pamela’s face, looking for something to help him understand her reasoning. He wanted to talk to LaShawn and Michael about their relationship but she was trying to persuade him to go out of town like everyone else. As he puzzled over this, he thought about one other nagging thing. Pamela still had not told him why she’d traveled from Wilmington to Washington.
“Pamela, I know that this trip affects our plans to tell your parents about us but...after my vacation, I do intend on stopping by your parents house before returning to Washington. This secrecy has gone on long enough. I also want to tell Frederick. He’ll need to prepare for damage control, if there’s going to be any.”
Pamela squirmed in her seat, feeling uncomfortable due to this situation. She only wished it was as easy as William was making it sound.
“William, I think we may need to keep our relationship private a little while longer. At least until...”
Her eyes went to the ceiling, unable to grasp a number from the air. She still had not thought this through. Pamela had hopped on the first flight out, arriving in Washington with only the clothes on her back. She’d texted her father with a lame excuse, telling him she wouldn’t be in the office for a few days. When she landed, Pamela felt her purse vibrating and she was quite sure the phone gyrations were due to her father returning her text. She just didn’t have the nerve to peek at her phone to see if she’d been right. Doing so would mean responding to whatever message he’d sent. Ignoring it would mean pretending the message had not been received.
Still waiting on her to stop staring at the ceiling, William guided her chin back down, forcing her eyes to look squarely at him.
“Pamela...we’ve had this conversation. I’m ready to tell Michael and LaShawn. I’ve been dodging them for months now. They know that something is up and I think it’s time to tell them why I’ve been acting so strange.”
“Dad thinks that it’s your campaign...he doesn’t think that it’s a woman making you act so peculiar when he tries to talk to you.”
Hearing this didn’t make William feel any better. Michael had always been his sounding board over the years. Even when he and Bianca were having marital troubles when he first ran for public office; Michael had listened to him rant. And his good friend had made him see reason. Not being able to talk to his best friend about Pamela had been difficult. Even now, he wanted to tell his friend how madly in love with her he was. He wanted Michael to know that he’d found the love of his life and that he wanted to marry her before his campaign was over but he couldn’t because his lover is his best friends child.
This hush-hush surreptitious part of his life had begun to bother him, making him feel that he was doing something wrong. He also didn’t like Pamela being treated this way. From the second they began this journey, William felt guilt over not being able to be seen in public with her. He knew that she deserved better.
Coming to a standing position, William began to pace the room. He was pass the breaking point and he wanted this to end. He would not wait until the end of his campaign to reveal his relationship with her. Waiting until after his vacation would be difficult enough. William looked at her, hardly able to believe that Pamela would encourage him to endure more months of secrecy.
“Pamela, there has to be a better compromise. Keeping this a secret isn’t healthy for either of us. Think of your parents and how difficult this will be on them once they learn how long we’ve been dating. I’m not even sure if my relationship with Michael will survive this. That’s the reason I think we need to get this over with now.”
Pamela wasn’t the crying type, she was made from tough stock. As the only child to successful attorney’s, she’d learned how to be in control of her life. Not once did her parents safeguard her behind a wall, never allowing her to experience the world. Her family knew wealth and no privilege was ever denied her but Pamela was taught to be a responsible person. She was strong and not weak minded, which is the reason when she decided to go to business school, neither of her parents tried to change her mind. She always knew it had been their dream that she join their law firm as an attorney; but they were pleased when she chose to be their office admini
strator after graduating from college. Pamela was more like her father than her mother, which is the reason, her tears surprised her. She dabbed at the water as if the salty liquid was a foreign substance she was seeing for the first time in her adult life.
“I’m sorry William...” Her fingers mopped at the wetness on her face.
William kneeled at her feet, taking her hands into his, while searching his pockets for a handkerchief.
“Pammy...” His pet name for her soothed her nerves. Hearing him call her the name he’d invented, caused Pamela to lean forward resting her head on his shoulder.
When she spoke, her words were a muffle of sense and disconnected sentences. William held her close, hating that he’d made her cry. This was a touchy situation and he knew that he shouldn’t have pressed the issue.
“This is all my fault.” She said, “ I should have been more careful. I know you and dad are good friends. Why did we do this? My mom is going to be so...”
Pamela inhaled a deep breath before continuing.
“My mom... O William, she’s not going to like this. She has preached to me about this for years. She volunteers at the inner city schools. How can I tell them this? I’ll just have to go away for a while.”
Nothing was making any sense. William guided her back by her shoulders. With a sidelong glance he studied her. He still didn’t know why she’d come to Washington and he wondered if her tears were more about that reason, then him insisting they tell her parents about their romantic relationship.
“Pamela, baby...talk to me. Why are you here...and I want to hear the truth? Why are you crying because if it has anything to do with what I’ve said, than we can just scrub it.”
“William we can’t scrub this. We can’t just make this go away.”
William was a politician and he knew if there was a problem, there were a multitude of ways that problems could be dealt with. He wasn’t as convinced as Pamela that her worries couldn’t be sidelined until they were ready to face them. He hugged her close, rubbing his hand up and down her back.
“Pammy, whatever it is, we can deal with it on our own timetable. The most important thing that we have to remember in this, is that we love each other and that won’t change. I’m here for you and I’m not going anywhere.”
The tears didn’t stop. Pamela was crying so hard, she started hiccuping. Her attempts at breathing and the involuntary jerking of her body was comical but William couldn’t bring himself to smile. Something was wrong and he needed to stop her from crying long enough to figure out what the problem was. He needed to get her out of his office and to their secret place outside of Washington. In spite of what he knew had to occur, it couldn’t with her crying. Pamela had lost control and he needed her to be composed while leaving the building without him. She would need to travel alone in a cab, while he followed behind her at least one hour later. This is the way they always handled her visits to his senate office. They never left the building together and they were never seen using the same route to drive anywhere. When William’s driver dropped him off at the secluded house, his job was to watch the senator from the driveway to ensure his safe approach to the house. He didn’t know that Pamela was waiting for William inside. At this house, they could be themselves, with no watching eyes. This house is where he needed to get her. Rarely did they ever talk about personal things in his office. Except for the few times that they ended up making love on his couch; William was always able to keep their visits platonic. Although this had been their experience, he knew their cunning wouldn’t work today. Whatever her reason was for crying, he would have to manage the tears before getting her out of his office.
“Pamela, darling...talk to me. Why are you crying?”
Pamela lifted her head. Even while crying, she looked so beautiful to him. He couldn’t believe that her old boyfriends were foolish enough to allow her to slip away.
With gentle strokes, he fingered through her hair, allowing long strands of her curls to wrap around his fingers. He loved the velvety texture of her hair. The motion of his hands served to calm her. Pamela inhaled deeply, trying to regain the control she was so well known for. When she believed that she’d accomplished this, she spoke.
“William, I went to see my doctor yesterday because I had two inconclusive home pregnancy test.”
William’s eyes went wide. He could hardly wait to hear her next sentence. So much so, that he forced his lips to remain closed.
“When I called to make an appointment, my doctor said that it might not be anything because I told him I did have what might be described as a period. The only reason I tested myself first is because my period came late and when it did show up it lasted for only two days. I was worried, so I took the pregnancy test but the lines were so faint, the test said that it was inconclusive. My doctor thought it would be best to do a blood test to be sure.”
Pamela’s inhalation sounded like a resignation of her next sentence. Whatever she would say, it was apparent she wasn’t happy over the results.
“The test came back positive. It’s a little early but my doctor is certain that I’m probably about five weeks pregnant.”
William did a mental check, taking him back five to seven weeks. He tried to remember where they must have slipped up. It didn’t take long for him to remember. While Pamela was showering, he’d stepped inside to join her. The condoms were on his nightstand, not in the shower. They had made love without using any protection. When they had first started making love, William had told Pamela that he didn’t want her altering her body’s hormonal chemistry, trying to avoid a pregnancy. He would be in charge of birth control. In hindsight, he wondered if he should have allowed her to protect herself like she’d wanted to. As he looked at her worried tear stained face, William hated that she was crying because he’d gotten her pregnant. Yet, in the mayhem that had now become their relationship, he could still see a bright horizon. For months, he’d wanted to marry her and now they had a real reason to speed things up. Pamela couldn’t keep using excuses to delay the blooming of their relationship.
With his mind made up, William leaned forward, kissing her softly on her lips. He smiled while saying in a soft gentle voice.
“Pamela, we can’t stall anymore. We have to tell your parents, then we must get married right away.”
“But,...what about your reelection? The voters will hate you for getting married so close to the anniversary of Bianca’s death. We have to wait William. We have to wait until after the baby is born.”
William’s eyebrows knitted together in a disagreeing frown. He stood, looking down at her speaking in a commanding voice.
“Absolutely not. I will not have my child born out of wedlock. I will not have people thinking ill of you. Not to mention LaShawn. Your mother will hang me out to dry if we aren’t married before you give birth to our baby. You know your mother Pamela. She works tirelessly with young girls at risk, trying to prevent them from getting pregnant while unmarried. It’s her Achilles heel because her mother had to struggle as a single parent raising her. You know this.”
Pamela could hear the mental ramblings in her head. Her mother’s voice was drowning out her fathers. Repeatedly, she heard stories telling her how her mother and grandmother struggled due to a deadbeat dad. Pamela never knew her grandfather because he didn’t want to have a relationship with them. LaShawn was one of his seven other children. Once this man had boasted about his virility. Spouting claims that should have embarrassed him but he was glad to have impregnated the four women of his seven children. LaShawn’s one shining hope in this story was that her mother never allowed her father to have any other children with her. The worst thing was that she had six half siblings that she’d never met, yet this didn’t shame LaShawn because she rose above it. LaShawn received grants and scholarships to get her undergraduate degree, then an African American law firm in Detroit paid for her law degree after she won a writing competition sponsored by them. Pamela had been raised to strive for excellence,
to respect family values and she didn’t want to disappoint her parents. She’d already crossed over the line by dating William. She knew it was wrong but she fell in love before she could stop it. After the funeral, and the house was practically empty, Pamela and William were nearly inseparable. At first it was her parents idea that she remain behind to help William during the early weeks after the funeral. There was still so much that needed to be done. Michael and LaShawn’s thriving law practice demanded their attention, so it had been decided that Pamela would stay behind to help William in whatever way she could.
The connection between them happened so quick, neither knew when or how it occurred but they felt a bond that was not that of two friends. When she returned home, William called her everyday. He would arrange for Pamela to fly up to Washington or to his home in Massachusetts. In the beginning, these meetings were strictly innocent but that quickly changed a month into their relationship. While sitting up one night talking, William began looking at her as a woman and not the young girl he’d watched grow over the years. Before they parted that night, he thanked her for being so good to him, then he showed his affection by kissing her on the cheek. The heat radiated from that single act caused them both to stare at each other in bewilderment. Without thinking or stopping to caution their next step, their lips met passionately for the first time. After that, every free moment was spent together or planning when they would meet privately to be alone. From the beginning, they each knew that their relationship wasn’t a fling. It was obvious by the way they made love and how sad they were whenever they were apart.
Pamela stood, causing William to stop his mad pacing. He looked at her now realizing that his child was growing inside of her. This made him view her with different eyes and his love surged to a point of almost bursting free from his heart. In his mind, he knew there would be only one way to make this situation right.