I wasn’t sure if he was talking about the car or Beau, but either way, he was right.
“Let’s do this,” I said with a smile growing on my face. Yes, it would be hard saying goodbye to my family, but it was going to be worth it. Not only for the chance to see where things might lead with Beau but to also forge a name for myself in a series that Dad hadn’t been involved in before. Mum told me a little bit about the team, just the basics like the team name and where they were based.
Once we’d finished breakfast, everyone else went on ahead, leaving Angel and me to get my bike home. “I can’t believe this is really happening for you,” she said.
“I owe it all to you. If you hadn’t pushed Mum and Dad, I don’t know if I ever would have found the courage to do it myself.
“I think you would have. Or they would have. Someone would have realised it was the only logical plan.”
“Can’t you just take a compliment?”
She screwed up her nose. “Nah, it’s easier to make you work for it. So on a scale of one to just jizzed in my pants, how excited do you think Beau will be when you tell him?”
“I don’t know, but I can’t wait to tell him.” My mouth twisted into a smile at the thought.
AS SOON AS Angel and I returned home, I charged straight for my room and opened Skype. When I saw Beau’s light on, I breathed a small sigh of relief and pushed to call him. It was only then I realised he still hadn’t texted back.
It’d been almost twenty-four hours since we’d last spoken. Too long considering how we’d left things.
Instead of Beau’s face though, the blonde batter-maker’s face filled my computer screen. “You got some nerve callin’ here,” she said.
I couldn’t believe her nerve. “Excuse me?”
“You don’t even care, do ya? Are you happy ruinin’ folks’ lives? How could ya do this?”
My heart beat against my chest. What the fuck was she talking about? “Who the hell do you think you are?”
“I’m—”
“Cass, don’t.” Beau’s voice was heavy and commanding. “Let me talk t’her.”
She gave me a death stare before giving up the space in front of the computer.
When Beau’s face came onto the screen, it was worlds away from the one I was used to. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair dishevelled, and his expression cold. He barely mumbled a greeting.
“Hi,” I said, knowing the single word was grossly inadequate for all the things I needed to say. To apologise for.
He waved off my concern. “What d’ya want, Phoebe?”
A knot twisted my stomach at the defeated sound in his voice. “What?”
“Why’re ya botherin’ to call me?”
“Because I wanted to speak to you.”
“It don’t matter what ya want. Not no more.”
“Is this about what happened yesterday?” I asked. “I’m sorry. It’s just something I’ve had to deal with for years, and it’s hard for me not to react.”
Again, he ignored my apology. “Did ya think this, us, was serious?”
My pulse galloped around my body, pounding in my limbs and through my head. “I thought—”
He sighed and cut me off. “I mean, we ain’t been exclusive, have we, darlin’?”
What was he saying? I was trying to figure it out, but I felt like I was missing something. Then it struck me, and I couldn’t shake the image of frosting girl out of my head.
“There have been other people?” I asked. Because I was trying to force the words out through a throat that felt three sizes too small, they came out with almost no volume. Did she think I was trying to muscle in on her territory? Is that why she was so pissed?
His jaw ticked as he nodded. His expression, already tired and drawn, turned resigned—his irritation clear on his features.
“I don’t understand,” I admitted. “I thought we both knew what this thing was.”
“So did I, darlin’, so did I. I thought it was obvious. That it didn’t need to be spelled out. Shoulda known our li’l arrangement couldn’t last though.”
Was I nothing more than an arrangement to him? Why hadn’t he just let me go if he’d never had any intention of anything serious? I’d have had months to get over him by now if he had. And the sting of leaving him that night in July was nothing compared to the burning ache that coursed through my body. “You were the one who pursued me, Beau, don’t forget that.”
He gave a derisive laugh. “How could I possibly forget that? How could I forget that pretty face of yours?”
I’d thought he’d cared about me, that he’d fallen in love with who I was. But he hadn’t. It was all about my looks.
“What are you saying, Beau? That this is it? We’re over?” I thought of everything Mum and Dad had said that morning. Everything they’d done to get me to the States because I’d been so insistent that what Beau and I had was the real deal. I was such a fucking fool.
“You don’t honestly ’spect me to hang ’round any longer, d’ya?” He glanced away for a moment as if steeling himself. When his gaze turned back to me, it was hard—like something inside of him had broken. “It’s been real fun, darlin’, but I’m done. I ain’t gonna be pinin’ over it.”
Tears burned my eyes, but I wouldn’t give the arsehole the satisfaction of letting them fall. “If that’s what you want. If it all meant that little to you, then fine, I guess. I’m not going to fall apart just because you can’t handle who I am.”
“Meant that little? Are ya—” he cut himself off and clenched his jaw. “No, you’re right. I guess it meant nothin’, and it don’t hurt to remember that.”
If he’d shot me through the heart with a bullet, it would have been less painful. Still, I held myself together enough to say, “Fine. I guess this is goodbye then.”
“Guess so.”
I disconnected the call right before my tears burst from me, unable to be contained even a second more. How had I been so stupid? I’d thought he was different. Thought he’d meant all the crap he’d told me about us being special. About him being a virgin. Had that even been true? Had it just been a way to worm his way into my heart? Was it all a fucking game to him?
I picked up my phone to send him a text because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to find my voice and talk to him again. I don’t know how things got so fucked up, but I need to know you won’t share the photos you have of me. I can’t stand the thought of them ending up online.
It was almost five minutes later that a reply came. It’s too late for that, and you know it. It ain’t like you actually meant them for my eyes only. I know all about women like you.
My stomach fell and I scrambled for my computer. Bile rose in my throat as I did a Google image search on my name. Sure enough, at least half of the photos I’d sent Beau—including one of me with only my own hands covering my breasts—were some of the first results. Fuck. My hands shook as I slammed the laptop shut.
The betrayal rocked me to the core, and I was too numb to feel the sting of rejection. I’d never felt so stupid. So used. Dad was right. All men were arseholes, and would do whatever necessary to bed the girl they wanted. And now Beau had risked tanking my career on top of it all.
Knowing that Mum and Dad were waiting downstairs to see what Beau had thought about my news, I tried to pull myself together. How could I admit to them how stupid I’d been? They were finally treating me like an adult, and look how badly I’d fucked up my first big decision. How could I back out of the contracts Mum had spent so long arranging? How could I admit that I’d been taken for a sucker by an arsehole and turn back on everything?
Trying to find some inner peace, enough space to sort through my swirling thoughts, I glanced around my room. All around me were the reminders of my US trip. My gaze fell on the strip of photos from the Fun Spot photo booth. Looking at the images, it was easy to see why I believed Beau had felt something for me. Either he was a damn good actor or that look was one he’d granted a number of girls.
His words circled through my head, “We’re not exclusive are we, darlin’?”
Feeling a surge of anger rush through my limbs, I reached for the photo. Just as I was about to tear it in half, there was a knock on my door.
“Hey, girlie, you decent?” Angel called out, no doubt thinking I might have let excitement over being so close to being back at Beau’s side manifest into a virtual sex session. If only she knew.
I didn’t answer her, choosing instead to cross the room and open the door wordlessly.
“I’ll take that as a—shit, Pheebs, what happened?” She stepped into the room and closed the door behind her.
It was only when she asked the question that I realized my whole body was shaking. No tears fell, but I was cold and my skin felt too tight—like a dress three sizes too small—and tremors raced through me. One look at her worried face and my tears came flooding back.
“We—we—we’re over,” I sobbed when I found my voice.
“What? Why? Didn’t he want you to go to the States?” She moved onto my bed and I crawled up beside her.
“I never even got the chance to mention it,” I admitted as I wrapped myself around her body to draw the comfort she offered.
She leaned her head against the top of mine. “Tell me what happened.”
I told her all about the confusing conversation from start to finish, including telling her about the photos ending up online.
“It’s a good thing he doesn’t live in Australia, or I’d fucking kill him,” she said.
“You’d be in line behind a few others.”
She held me tightly. “I’d muscle my way to the front. No one takes the wind out of my girl’s sails without dealing with me.”
“What am I supposed to do though?” I asked. “Mum and Dad have worked so hard to get me in one of those cars. They’ve pulled in contacts and favours from all over the place. Can I really back away from that?”
“They’ll understand. Your dad will probably go crazy and try to get over to the States to kill the guy that hurt you, but they’ll understand.”
“How did it all become such a mess?”
“Because men are arseholes.”
“I should have just stuck with you, my Angel.”
She kissed the top of my head and tangled her legs through mine. “You and I both know it would never work. The way you felt about Beau in the beginning is proof of that. Even if he’s an arse, don’t let that break you. Don’t let him break you.”
“You’re right.” I sat up a little straighter.
“I am?”
“I can’t let him break me. I need to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Show him I won’t be fucked with. Show him a bit of the Reede attitude.”
She pulled away from me. “Do you mean go to the States?”
“Yeah.” I pushed myself up. How dare Beau lead me on like he had. I would make him explain himself, and if his explanation wasn’t satisfactory, I would make him pay.
“Are you sure?”
“Never been surer of anything. Maybe it’s all a misunderstanding, and if it’s not, at least I can kick him in the nuts when I’m within striking distance.”
“What are you going to tell your parents though?”
“Nothing. As far as Mum and Dad will be aware, I’m doing what I planned to do originally. I’m heading over to follow my heart. I just hope they don’t stumble onto the photos that have gone up online.”
“Are you sure?”
“When have I ever let anyone fuck with me?”
She chuckled. “Never. I think you need to tell your Mum about the photos though. She’ll be able to get PR onto it to minimise the damage.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Even as I said the words, I had no intention of admitting to Mum that I’d been stupid enough to send photos to a man who was callous enough to post them online.
THE FOLLOWING morning, after everyone had gone to school and work, Mum pulled me into her home office. Nikki sat in the playpen in one corner, playing relatively quietly until she saw me. Then she reached out to be picked up, her little fingers pumping in and out of fists as a whine crossed her lips.
“Did you want to tell me something?” Mum asked as I lifted Nikki from the playpen and sat with her on my lap.
“Um, no.”
Mum’s eyebrow lifted. “Try again.”
“Yes?” It was clear there was something that she didn’t like and wanted to discuss, but I had no idea what that might be. It was impossible that she had found out about Beau’s deception already. “Do you want to give me a clue what though?”
She sighed and reached for her tablet. When she unlocked the screen, I saw it. Or, more specifically, I saw me. Me draped over my bike wearing nothing but a bra.
Without saying a word, Mum flicked the screen to another photo. And another. All the photos I’d sent Beau. All of them on Mum’s tablet. I shifted Nikki off my lap and back into the playpen.
While I had my back turned, I took a deep breath and prepared myself to try to explain. Angel was right. I should have said something. Fuck.
My throat tightened as I grabbed hold of the tablet under Mum’s watchful gaze.
Mum didn’t say a word. I almost would have preferred her screaming at me than the silent reproach she offered with one look at her face. Everything with Beau, with the cars, with going overseas, all just hit me hard. A tear slipped from me and dropped onto the screen. I couldn’t form words, not even to tell her I was sorry or ask how she’d found out.
A sob left me.
“Those photos all hit Google last night. The PR team got an email and we’ve been trying to do what we can to minimise the damage, but they’ve been shared and reposted a number of times already. And they’re the number-one story on the Gossip Weekly site this morning. Sweetie, what’s happening?”
“I was stupid,” I said. “I thought they’d stay private.”
Mum grabbed her tablet off me and went to grab Nikki—whose whimpers had turned to full-blown shrieks for attention.
“Pheebs. I know what it’s like to be young and in love.” Her voice was a quiet admonishment. “But you’ve been raised to be more savvy than that. Nothing on the web is ever private. Thankfully it hasn’t appeared to ruffled too many feathers with the sponsors yet, although we have had to field some calls. All I can say is at least they were tastefully done and weren’t full-frontal nudes.”
I nodded, unable to say anything else. I’d watched her deal with the fallout from nude scandals in the past—sometimes spinning it into a positive, but sometimes not.
“Fleur Amelia won’t stand behind you if too many more scandals like this come out. As a major sponsor, we need to keep them happy or the whole thing will fall apart. Can you promise me there’ll be nothing else like this?”
“Of course. I’ll be more careful in the future.” Even though I was responding to her question about the photos, my promise was to myself too. I’d never let myself fall in love with the wrong person again.
“Okay. Now, what did Beau say when you told him the news?” A sly smile played on her lips as she asked. We hadn’t had a chance to talk about it alone since my conversation with him.
“What? Oh, ah, he was really excited.” The lie rolled off my tongue too easily.
“Did you tell him the team name?”
“Yeah. He, uh, he said it’s a really good team. That I should fit in perfectly and have the time of my life.”
Her smile grew wide. “It’s going to be the biggest adventure of your life.”
She could say that again.
“I’m so proud of you.”
That made one of us.
A WEEK later, Mum and I were in the study with the paperwork that would see me heading to the States. After she closed the door, she went straight into manager mode. Running through the contracts, she pointed out the positives and negatives in as much detail as she could. Emmanuel Racing would have ultimate control over the car, but wou
ld be leasing staff and a car from a US-based team. That way they could have the expertise of the local crowd while getting a foot into the new market. They’d done it successfully a few times before with smaller overseas races. Usually they used local drivers, but they were putting their faith in my ability to keep the car straight and the team running.
It was a lot of pressure at eighteen, but also proved the trust my parents had in me—and increased my desire not to let them down.
Once we’d gone over all the details, she handed me a pen. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
It wasn’t a plea for me not to, just a clarification before I signed my life away on the new contract that would see me overseas for at least twelve months, with plenty of options for renewal.
“I think I have to. Dad’s right. If I don’t, I’ll probably turn around in a few years’ time and wonder why I didn’t take the chance.” It was almost too easy to pretend to be okay. My guilt twisted in my stomach as I said the words, but they weren’t a complete lie. If I didn’t try to get some payback, some closure, I would always regret it.
“I understand.” She started to offer me the pen but hesitated. “And you’re sure about Beau? I mean, I’m all for supporting you, whoever you love, but I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
Not letting her see the worry in my gaze, I reached forward and grabbed the pen, initialling and signing all the places I knew I had to as I said, “Beau won’t hurt me, Mum.” I mean, he can’t hurt me more than he has. “That’s the one thing I’m sure of. He’s a little clueless about some things”—like how much he hurt me and how I’ll make him pay—“but I’ve got to do this. I’m sure of that much.”
Mum leaned across the desk and ran her fingers over my cheek before cupping them under my chin. “I’m glad to hear it.” Her mouth flattened into a hard line as she stared at me and then a tear slid across her cheek.
I understood because whatever else, it had always been us. From the time I was born, it was her and me. Even though I couldn’t remember much from the time before Dad came back, I’d learned most of it in the time since, in stories repeated so often they were part of me. In all of them, Mum and I had always had each other, even when she’d had no one else.
Phase (Phoebe Reede: The Untold Story #1) Page 32