by Kat Bellamy
His shoulders fell as his eyes rose to meet Colt’s, full of hope and hesitation. “You told me once that you felt like I was always trying to fix you, and you were right. But I wasn’t trying to fix you for me. I just hated to see you wasting so much potential because you didn’t think you were good enough for anything else. Because you were afraid to reach for what you really wanted.”
“You were the only thing I wanted then,” Colt said quietly.
“And that’s changed.” Jason smiled a little. “I can tell. And I’m glad. I know you’ve always put me up on this pedestal, Colt, but I’m not enough to be all you want. I’m just a fucked up, overbearing, anal-retentive control freak who’s obsessed with the rules, and half the time, even I don’t know what I really want.” He looked up at Colt nervously. “With one exception.”
“I might have other things to fight for now, Jason, but you’re still the thing I want more than anything else,” Colt admitted, feeling his throat tighten up. “I just want you safe more than I want you for myself, and if you’re with me, you never will be.”
“I don’t believe that,” Jason said passionately. “I won’t pretend like I understand what’s going on, and part of me isn’t even sure I want to, but I know you. No matter how much you think you’ve changed, you’re still the man I love and if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you’d never hurt me. You’d never let anything bad appen to me.”
“I can’t guarantee that.”
“You can’t guarantee that I’ll be safe if we’re not together, either. What happened last week is proof of that,” Jason said, taking his hand. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take, either way.”
Colt stared down at their hands, resenting his own for how automatically it entwined with Jason’s. “Even if it means that there are things I have to keep from you to keep you safe? Things I can never tell you?”
“I’m not saying I like it,” Jason grumbled. “But if I have to live in the dark, I’d rather live in it with you than without you. I love you, Colt. The only way I know to be me is by being yours.”
Colt was suddenly very aware of just how much pollen there was in Susan’s garden. He cleared his throat. “You sure you wouldn’t rather be Andrew Wilbur’s?”
Jason rolled his eyes. “Andrew is a good guy, but dating him would be like dating my reflection. I’d rather be with someone who challenges me. Sometimes past the point of sanity…” He gave Colt a playful smile that made him contemplate just how much trouble you could get in for fucking your boyfriend in someone else’s rose bushes. Surely being the new Alpha came with some perks. “But I love every minute of it.”
“Okay, then. If you’re really good with this, then you know where I stand.” He paused, looking down at the flowers in Jason’s hands. “But uh, I’m not sure how I feel about you bringing me flowers.”
Jason gave him a flat look. “It’s a gesture of apology.”
“It’s a gesture of making me feel like a pussy.”
“You are such a —“
“Pig with internalized heteronormativity, yeah, I know,” Colt said, pulling Jason into his arms.
“Not quite the phrasing I would have gone with, but that’s about the gist of it,” Jason said, smiling against his lips. “I’ll civilize you yet.”
“You can try, but you wouldn’t be the first.” Colt closed the gap between them, kissing Jason the way he would have the last time if he’d known it would be the last. He finally pulled away only because Jason needed to breathe.
Dating a human could be such an inconvenience, but damn, was it worth it.
In the light of the half moon, Jason looked even more enticing than usual, and for once, Colt didn’t have to worry that it was his ghoul instincts that thought so. There would always be part of him that wanted Jason as a predator wanted prey, but he knew as he held the man in his arms that there were instincts that went far deeper than that. Being a monster was in his genes, but loving Jason? That shit was carved into his very soul.
“You know,” Jason said breathlessly, gazing up at Colt. “I think I like you just the way you are.”
“You wouldn’t say that if you knew everything about me.”
Jason gave him that smile again. God, that smile. No matter what lay ahead, that smile was enough to remind Colt of why he put up with all of it. The bullshit politics, the undermining, the backstabbing madness that had become his daily life when all he’d ever wanted was a simple one. Human or ghoul, blue collar drudgery or power struggles in the upper-echelon of the Kinship, having Jason in his arms at the end of the day made it all worth it. He would fight the entire Assembly to protect this man, if that’s what it took.
Hell, he’d probably do it if Jason just asked nicely.
“See, this is how it happens. You say that, and then I argue that I can only prove you wrong if you actually tell me everything. It’s a circular argument.”
“I see your point,” Colt mused. “Guess we’ve come to an impasse.”
“We have, indeed,” Jason said in mock seriousness. “You know, there’s only one way to solve this.”
“Oh, yeah? And what’s that?”
“You come back to my place and fuck my brains out,” Jason said with a perfectly straight face. He was usually so put together and proper that his vulgarity was at once a shock and such an instant turn-on that Colt was pretty damn sure it counted as a fetish.
Colt struggled to fight back a smile as Jason took his hand and pulled him toward the car waiting at the curb. “Far be it for me to question your expertise in mediation, but I fail to see how that’s supposed to help us reach a compromise.”
“Well, then I’ll just have to show you,” Jason said, leaning on his car door. He looked back at the house. “They won’t miss us, will they?”
“Stan just got home to his wife after being in jail for months. I don’t think he’s even gonna notice we’re gone.”
Jason grinned. “Then let’s go home.”
Colt stopped short of the car and stared at Jason for long enough that he saw concern creep into his boyfriend’s eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Jason asked.
“Nothing,” Colt murmured, taking a step closer. He cupped Jason’s face in his hands, taking a moment to appreciate every feature even though that face had never once left his mind. “Just thinking about how fucking good those words sound coming from your lips.”
Jason’s gaze softened. “Take me home, Colt,” he whispered, his voice full of a desperation Colt knew all too well. For the first time, he was able to recognize that Jason felt the very same need for him.
Colt found his lips again, taking his time as he tasted Jason’s flesh. He’d been too uncertain to allow himself the luxury before, but he considered it a well-earned reward for the control he’d fought so hard to win. “Baby, you don’t gotta ask me twice.”
But he wasn’t about to complain.
The End.
Newsletter
This Ghoulish saga continues January, 2018.
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About the Author
Kat Bellamy is an author of MM fiction and urban fantasy. Ghoulish is her debut series. When she’s not writing, she spends her time watching bad horror movies and losing board games.
katbellamy.com
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