by Nell Iris
“You want me to stay?” Asher asked, green eyes shining with concern.
I rose on my toes and kissed him, humming with happiness as his stubble prickled my lips. “It’s okay. Go on. I’ll join you when we’re done.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.” I pressed the green button on my phone. “Hello, Mother.”
“You need to come home, Cory.”
Oh, great. It was going to be one of those calls. I threw myself down on the couch and sighed. “No.”
“For heaven’s sake, will you listen to me?”
Closing my eyes, I pinched my earlobe. I did not want to have another argument about Asher, but maybe it would be easier to get it over with? “All right. Go on.”
“You need to come home at once. The Senator is sick.”
My eyes flew open, and I jumped to my feet. “What’s wrong with him?” My grandfather had always been the epitome of health, and I couldn’t remember ever hearing him even sneeze.
“They’re not sure. Your father is going to speak to the doctor.”
“Fuck.”
“Cory!”
“Oh, give it up, Mother. I’ll buy a ticket. I’ll text you the details.” I hung up.
I checked flight times and found one that would leave for New York in three hours. If I hurried, I could make it. I bought the ticket, booked a cab to take me to the airport, and threw a few clothes and my phone charger in a bag.
Staring for a second on the laptop on the coffee table, I decided to leave it. It would be a message to Asher that I was coming back.
Taking the stairs two at the time, I came thundering into the bar. Asher and Benji looked up, and Asher reacted immediately and met me halfway.
“What’s wrong?” He pulled me into a hug.
“I have to go back to New York. The Senator is sick.”
“What’s wrong with him?”
“Mother said she didn’t know.”
He cupped my cheeks and turned my face up so I could meet his gaze. “You want me to come? I’ll come.”
My lower lip started trembling. “Kiss me,” I whispered.
He did. A kiss full of tenderness that was everything I needed.
“I appreciate the offer,” I said when he pulled back, “but I’ll go alone. I’ll call you if I need you.”
“Promise?” His voice rumbled through me, and I wished I could take it with me.
“Of course.”
He carded his fingers through my hair, dragged his rough fingertips over my neck and across my collar bones, and didn’t take his eyes off my face for even a heartbeat. I dropped my bag on the floor and snuck my hands under his T-shirt, resting them on his stomach.
“Asher. I’m coming back.”
“Yeah?”
“I have stuff all over your apartment. And I swear on your tummy-hairs.”
A wide grin spread on his face, just like I’d hoped it would. “And I know you’re too obsessed with my fur to break an oath like that.”
“That’s right, dummy. But I really have to go, or I’ll miss my flight.”
“Text me when you land.”
“I will.”
After one last kiss, I picked up my bag and turned to Benji. “Take care of my man while I’m gone.”
“Consider it done. But get your pretty little behind back here quick, you hear? I can’t stand him for too long.” He smiled and waved at me as I rushed out the door, promising I’d be back soon.
* * * *
Bright and early the next day, I greeted George, the doorman in my grandfather’s condo, who escorted me to the elevator and turned the key for the penthouse. When I’d called my mother after I’d landed the day before, she’d ordered me to get a good night’s sleep and be here as soon as I woke up.
Staring at my reflection in the polished brass panel, I tugged my earlobe. On the flight yesterday, I’d realized that it was unlike my mother to not know what was wrong with The Senator. She was the queen of control freaks, and she always demanded answers. Usually, she got them.
But when I’d asked her about it, she’d been evasive. Something wasn’t right. Was The Senator dying, and they didn’t want to tell me over the phone?
The elevator announced its arrival with a loud ding, and when the doors slid open, I was greeted by my mother.
“Good morning, Cory,” she said. No smile. No hug, no “How are you,” or “How was your flight?” Just cold politeness.
As I followed her through the enormous condo, I pulled out my phone and tapped out a quick text to Asher.
At The Senator’s now. Just wanted to say I miss you <3
When we walked into the study, he was throning in his usual place behind his antique, mahogany desk. Even though he had been retired for years, this was where he spent most days. To be honest, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he slept in his chair, too.
“Good morning, Grandfather,” I greeted him, and he responded with a regal nod, worthy of emperors. “Where’s Father?”
“He’ll be here shortly. Sit.” He gestured to the chair across the desk, and like a good little boy, I obeyed.
I swept my gaze over him, taking in everything from the steely gray hair, to the crows’ feet, and the deep brackets surrounding his mouth. Nothing looked wrong. His skin tone was healthy, he hadn’t lost any weight, and he seemed as vigorous and determined as ever. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be too serious.
No one uttered a word as we waited for my father. Again, I wished I’d allowed Asher to come along. Even if he’d stayed in my apartment as I visited, I would have loved knowing I had someone on my team.
After a couple minutes, my father joined us. Dressed as usual in a dark suit, an elegant shirt, and a discreet tie, he nodded at me and sat down next to my mother.
“Very well, let’s get on with it,” The Senator said.
“How are you, Grandfather? Mother said you are ill?”
“Yes, well, I instructed her to say that. We had to think of something to make you return home.”
“What?” My eyes widened. “What did you say?”
“Like your mother told you on the phone, it’s time to stop with the foolishness and get back to work,” my father chimed in.
My hand flew to my ear, and I pinched hard as I tried to process their words. But my brain was sluggish. Uncooperative. “Did I understand you correctly? Did you just say you lied to me to get me back to New York?”
“It’s not a lie when it’s in your best interest, Cory,” my mother explained with a patronizing smile.
“What? It was a lie. Or to put it in a language you might understand: you lured me here under false pretenses.”
“Cory.” The Senator’s voice cut through the room like a whip. “We had to make you see reason.”
I stuffed my hands under my thighs to keep them from trembling. My heart thumped in my chest, and I wanted to scream and yell at them. Overturn the antique desk, stomp my feet, and run out of there and never come back.
Of course, I did nothing of the sort. I remained seated.
“I’ve arranged an interview with the CEO of a large international corporation. He’s willing to overlook your recent…hiatus.”
“Oh. And how much did that cost you?” I blurted out, my heart beating so loud I was sure it was audible to everyone in the room.
The Senator’s eyes narrowed to thin slits. “I see it didn’t take long for that boy’s influence to turn you into a defiant brat again.”
Again? When had I ever been a defiant brat?
“Margaret.” The Senator turned to my mother. “If you had done as instructed and forbidden that boy to associate with your son, this would never have happened.”
“I tried to reason with John Cross, but he refused to agree.”
“You clearly didn’t put enough effort in your endeavor.”
Their back and forth made my head spin, and my breathing grew shallow. I had to struggle to fill my lungs with oxygen, but the more I tried, the harder it became. A
memory of Asher talking me down from a full-blown panic attack penetrated the beginning fogginess in my brain, and I closed my eyes and imagined my hand on his soft stomach. Rising and falling with every breath.
The conversation continued around me, but I didn’t pay attention to what was being said. I only listened to Asher’s raspy voice in my head.
“Breathe with me, Cory.”
I did.
Inhale, hold, exhale. Rise, hold, fall.
The memory was so intense, I could almost feel his tummy-hairs tickle my palm.
“Cory. Are you listening?” My father’s voice invaded my concentration, and I opened my eyes.
“No.”
When they all started talking over each other, I stood and held up a hand. They snapped their mouths shut as one entity, probably out of sheer surprise of my unusual behavior.
“Did you just say that you wanted to forbid me to be friends with Asher, but that his father refused to agree?” I asked my mother. She was too put together to allow surprise to be visible on her face, but there was a glimmer of something in her eyes that I’d never seen before.
“Did you?” I insisted.
“Yes.” It was The Senator who answered. “But your mother couldn’t convince Cross to forbid his son to fraternize with you. She didn’t think it would do any harm. Clearly, she was wrong.”
I expected the panic to resume its hold on me, but it didn’t. I was surprisingly calm. I’d distanced myself from what was happening in the room.
At least that answered the question of why she hadn’t forbidden me and Asher to be friends. It wasn’t for the lack of trying. I was going to kiss Mr. Cross when I got back home, no matter how loudly he protested.
Home.
That’s where I needed to be.
I turned on my heel and started for the door.
“Where do you think you’re going?” The Senator boomed and slammed his palm on his desk.
“Home.”
“Don’t be absurd. You are not going to throw your entire life away for a nobody.”
I froze. Then I straightened and turned to face my so-called family. “Neither Asher nor Mr. Cross are nobodies. They have shown me more understanding during these last few days than all of you for my entire life.” My gaze darted between the three stony faces, but I was not backing down. Not this time.
“I am never going back to my old life. Never. It almost killed me, but all you care about are appearance and reputation. You never cared about me or what I wanted. So I’m walking out that door,” I pointed in the direction of the exit, “and I’m not coming back. And you will not try to call me or contact me again. I will call you when I’m ready. If I’m ever ready. Do I make myself clear?”
None of them answered.
“I’m going to take that as a yes.”
I stared them down for another second, but turned around and walked out of there before my courage completely abandoned me. I held my head high all the way down the elevator, while saying goodbye to George, and when I flagged down a cab outside the building. I didn’t fall apart until I was hidden from the outside world behind the closed door of the taxi.
Pulling out my phone with a hand shaking so badly, I was afraid I was going to drop it, I managed to push the right buttons to call Asher.
He answered after the first ring. Had he slept with the phone in his hand?
“Hey, honey.”
His rumbly voice in my ear, thick with sleep, was all it took for the tears to erupt and spill down my face. I pressed my hand against my mouth to silence the sobs.
“Honey. What’s wrong?”
“I…I miss you.” I couldn’t tell him everything that was wrong over the phone. For that, I needed his arms around me. His warmth. His scratchy kisses.
“I miss you, too. You’re upset. Is your grandfather very sick?”
“No. No…I…I’m coming home. Can I come home?”
“Of course you can, honey. Are you okay?”
“No.”
“Do you need me to come get you? I’ll jump on a plane right this second.”
And just like that, I could breathe again. His unwavering support and generosity soothed my betrayed heart. “No, it’s okay. I’ll manage. Just…be home when I get there.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
I knew he would.
Chapter 16
Asher was pacing the sidewalk outside his bar in long, anxious strides as my taxi pulled up to the curb. He tore open the door as soon as the car stopped rolling.
“Cory, thank God. I’ve been so worried!”
After my conversation with Asher, I’d had to turn off my phone. My mother had not adhered to the don’t call me, I’ll call you-rule and had blown up my phone. I’d texted Asher to let him know when I’d arrive and that I’d be unreachable, glared at the gazillionth call from my mother, and then powered down the damn thing. For a brief second, I’d considered throwing it out the window.
As Asher bounced on his heels and drummed a furious tune on his thigh, I paid the cab driver and retrieved my luggage from the trunk. Not until the cab drove away did I allow myself to collapse in Asher’s arms.
A glimmer of my old tenaciousness had asserted itself after my meeting with my parents and The Senator, and I’d distanced myself from the emotions gurgling up inside, threatening to erupt like a geyser. Instead, I’d gone through the motions, executing each step with an outward calm and deliberation so far removed from reality, it was frightening. My insides were a cacophony of sounds, like an orchestra all playing different melodies, but no one would ever have been able to see it from the outside.
I’d kept up the façade for as long as I only had myself to rely on, but here in Asher’s arms, I let go.
The trembling started small, with a twitch in my eye, but spread until my entire body shook. I had to fight to draw breath, each inhale loud and noisy. I clung to Asher, pulling at his clothes, desperate to feel his skin under my palms and his heartbeat through my fingertips.
When my hands made contact with his back, nothing else mattered. I could feel Asher bending down and picking up my bag, but it was distant and insignificant. My only concern as he led me around the back and up the stairs, was to run my hands over the familiar grooves and bumps of his body. No other sound registered in my mind except for his ragged breathing.
When the door closed behind us, shutting out the rest of the world, I could breathe again. Asher’s apartment had become my sanctuary. I associated the familiar smell of the suede couch and the ever-present scent of Asher’s beloved coffee with a place where I was allowed—and encouraged—to be myself.
But most important was Asher. He’d always been my go-to person when I was upset. The one I’d run to when I’d needed someone to talk to, someone on my side even from a young age.
Like when I’d been seven and taken a ride on my new bike and had fallen over and scraped both my knees badly because I’d ridden too close to the curb. My mother had patched me up, but instead of a hug, I’d been treated to a lecture about carelessness. Instead of her blowing on my boo-boos—at seven, I’d apparently been too old for that—she’d seen the accident as an opportunity to teach me about taking responsibility for my actions and how to take it like a man. Not until I’d been dismissed and limped over to Asher’s house had I found comfort.
No wonder I considered him my real family. My home.
He led me to the couch, knowing it was my favorite place in the apartment with its deep seats and soft cushions. Positioning himself sideways, he pulled me into the v of his legs, and wound his limbs around me, making soothing, nonsensical sounds in my ear.
He didn’t ask questions. Didn’t demand anything from me or tell me to man up. Just accepted me the way I was, flaws and all.
I had no words to express how much it meant to me.
His wordless noises changed to humming and eventually to the lyrics of the song he’d written about us. I took in every word, reveled in the smallest nuances of his voi
ce, and let his singing wash away the day like an ocean wave crashing onto a sandy beach.
Gradually, the shaking stopped, and my muscles relaxed. When he finished the song, I was centered. Almost back to normal.
“That’s the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard.” My voice was clear and steady, and I had a hard time believing I’d been a millisecond away from a complete meltdown.
“Thank you,” he rumbled in my ear.
“I can’t…I don’t…” I let out a frustrated sigh. I wanted to let him know how endlessly grateful I was for his support, but the words failed me. “I love you,” I said instead.
He rubbed his scratchy chin against my temple, and his fingers found their way under my shirt, where he dragged his fingertips over my skin, deep callouses snagging on my stomach hairs. Lowering his mouth to my ear, he whispered, “I love you, too.”
For a second, those four words made everything right in my world.
Until Asher’s phone went off. Maybe his idea of buying a gun and shooting it hadn’t been so bad after all.
“It’s a New York area code, Cory.”
“I can’t fucking believe them,” I growled, took the phone from him, and stabbed the red button. “We’re not talking to them. Don’t answer if they call again.”
“Okay.”
“And I need to talk to your father.”
“Now?”
“Yes. It’s important. Something my parents told me.”
He sighed. “Sure. I’ll call him and see if it’s okay that we come over.”
Shit. Everything that had happened this morning had made me forget Asher had his own issues to deal with. I was a self-centered jerk. Wiggling out of his embrace, I turned around so I was facing him.
“I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“For being selfish.”
“No, Cory. You forget I saw you. That was not you being selfish, that was you being in real distress. You scared the fuck out of me. Clearly, something bad happened with your parents, and whatever issues I have with Pops are manageable. Don’t put yourself down like that.”
“I see you, too.” I cupped his cheeks and caressed my thumbs over his stubble. “You’re not alone anymore.”