by LJ Baker
Literally.
“Then are you ready for this?”
“I guess as much as I’ll ever be.” He reached his hand up to touch the face in the mirror and the images fell away, rippling back to nothing more than his own reflection. “So how does this work? How do we get introduced?”
“You’re on your own there cupcake. You know who she is, now figure out the rest yourself. You have four weeks, starting at midnight, which gives you about forty-five minutes to get your shit straight. Oh and I don’t recommend any more fingering chicks at the bar. You need to refrain from screwing other women while you are pursuing her.”
“You want me to only fuck one girl… for a month?” Luc’s mouth dropped open and he stared at her with an incredulous look.
“Seriously? Of course I expect that. You’re never going to find true love if you can’t keep it in your pants for five minutes.”
“Five minutes is fine, but a month is totally different.”
“No one is asking you to become celibate. You can fuck your girl of the month. But if she finds out you’re screwing anything with a vagina, even if she is your soul mate, she is going to kick your ass to the curb.”
“So the guideline is anything with a vagina? How about if—”
Harley slapped Luc in the side of the head with a magazine she grabbed from the table. “No fucking around.”
“Maybe we should only pull women from a pool of those interested in polyamory.” Luc shifted on his feet and considered only having sex with one woman for the next four weeks. He’d never done that except during a few dry spells where he was more interested in punishing things than screwing them.
“What do you think is going to happen after you find your soul mate? Did you think you were going to get to keep her locked in a tower while you went off fucking every maiden in the realm?”
“How did we end up back in the medieval period?”
“Luc, be serious for a minute, will you?”
“First you tell me I have to be monogamous, now you want me to be serious? Are you mad at me or something?”
Harley stared blank-faced at Luc and pumped her hands in and out of fists.
“Look, I realize that monogamy is a foreign concept to you, but if you go around fucking any chick you please, your soul mate is going to hand you your balls on a plate.”
“Okay fine, but that doesn’t count on special occasions, like my birthday, or Chinese New Year, or international pancake day, right?”
“It counts every day of the year. All three hundred and sixty five days.”
“So leap day is all mine?”
“Leap day is included. You’ll have to commit to one woman. Forever.”
Luc slumped onto the arm of an overstuffed chair and took in the gravity of forever. Being with one woman for the rest of eternity was definitely a concept Luc needed to wrap his head around, but if that’s what it took to have his soul mate, to leave behind the monotony, as crazy as that sounded, then he was willing to do whatever it took.
Harley shook her head. “You’re the one who wants to find true love. If you aren’t serious about this, then say so now and we’ll give up the whole game before it gets started.”
“No. I’m definitely serious. If you’re sure I need to stick with only one partner for each period, then I’ll do it. But you better be sure you know what you’re doing, Harley. Or at the end of seven months, I’m going to be so horny, I’m going to come to you to make up for lost time.”
Harley laughed, only partly amused with his ultimatum. It didn’t matter that she was into chicks. Luc knew she would screw him if he wanted her. She certainly didn’t complain the last time.
“Okay, Ronnie Falcon… let’s see what you got.”
Chapter Three
“Freddy, I don’t care if the teacher said you can bring home the class snake. You aren’t having that thing in here. Who the hell has a class snake anyway?” Ronnie signed the stack of papers the kids gave her, minus the snake consent. She did a quick skim on each, not really reading them, and tossed them onto the table, narrowly missing the fruity o’s that Jen spilled when she was arguing with Maeby.
Freddy was the youngest of the three, at eleven years old, but he was by far the most mature. It probably had something to do with his IQ being somewhere in the genius range, but their parents tried to treat him as a child for as long as possible. Next in line was Jen. Although two years older than Freddy, Jen acted more like she was Freddy’s age, if he had actually acted his age. Maeby was the oldest. Sixteen. The age of secrets and boys and bucking authority. Ronnie certainly had her hands full with that one. Not that Ronnie herself wasn’t a handful at that age. She had been much worse than all her siblings combined, but her parents knew what they were doing. They had their shit together. Or it always seemed like they did.
“I don’t have time for this shit you three. Get your crap and let’s go. I have a job interview in thirty minutes. If you make me miss it, you are all eating mushroom soup again for dinner.”
“Yuck. I’m ready. It’s not my fault Maeby takes an hour in the bathroom. She isn’t the only one who needs to get in there, you know?” Jen slapped Maeby in the back of the head as she was doing a touch-up on her eyeliner, resulting in a line of black that streaked across the older girl’s temple.
“Are you frigging kidding me? I’m going to kill you, Jennifer.” Maeby ran after her sister and more chaos ensued. By the sound of the blood curdling screams, it wasn’t likely to end quickly.
Great.
Ronnie closed her eyes for a long moment and counted to ten in her head the way her mother used to when the kids were driving her crazy. If she didn’t, she would have ran after the two girls and cracked their heads together. Maybe they’d end up unconscious. They’d all be late, but it would make her feel better. For a few minutes anyway. Of course, then there would be blood to clean up too. She didn’t need anything else to clean up.
Ronnie wondered if their mother felt the way she did. It always seemed like she had everything together, like nothing ever bothered her. It was rare for her to lose her cool, especially in front of the kids. Not that she didn’t yell. With four kids, she certainly had plenty of reasons to, but even when she was angry, she was always still in control.
But Ronnie wasn’t her mother.
And she definitely did not have everything together.
She remembered the days before she went to college, back when their parents were alive and she was the oldest sister, instead of the mother. Everything was simple then. She had three bratty siblings that she did her best to ignore, even though they made it nearly impossible. Ronnie could almost hear her mother yelling at her to leave the little ones alone when she chased after them for taking her stuff, or playing with her makeup. It was the way things were supposed to be. Not like this. This wasn’t at all how Ronnie imagined her life turning out.
“I think you should punish them,” Freddy said, stuffing his share of the signed papers into his backpack. He pushed his thick-rimmed glasses up his nose and looked up at Ronnie with an disapproving stare. “That’s what mom would have done.”
He was right and they both knew it. Their mother would have handled everything with a calm ease that Ronnie never had. Everything she did with the kids turned out bad. Every choice was wrong. She just wasn’t cut out for this.
“Just get in the car, or I’m going to punish all three of you.”
“Maeby will just sneak out of the house when you go to work tonight.”
“What? Does she do that?” Ronnie’s mouth dropped open as she forgot all the times she’d done the very same thing at Maeby’s age and gotten away with it.
“All the time.”
Maeby froze, hands tangled in a clump of Jen’s hair, in the doorway to the kitchen. She was busted and she knew it.
“Get the hell in the car. Right. This. Minute,” Ronnie said through clenched teeth and the three did as they were told in silence, other than a single ow from Freddy, as
Maeby flicked him in the back of the neck on her way past.
Things were even worse than she thought.
All three of the little trouble makers had the sense to stay quiet until they reached their school. Ronnie’s pulse thumped against her temples as her blood pressure rose enough to leave her with a slight lightheaded feeling and an impending headache. She wasn’t meant to be a mother of three at her age. Or maybe ever. This wasn’t supposed to be her job. She was supposed to be in college, partying, and enjoying her life.
How did everything come to this?
Nothing was simple anymore. Nor would it ever be again. Ronnie’s head spun and for the hundredth time that week, she was reminded how much she missed her parents.
“I’ll be late today.” Maeby twirled her fingers around her backpack strap, standing just outside the car next to her sister. “I have a study session.”
“Yeah, with her boyfriend,” Jen said in a sing-song voice, then took off running before her sister could punch her.
“Boyfriend? When did this happen? You're only sixteen.” Ronnie stared at the younger girl and wondered what the hell she was doing. She didn’t even have a handle on her own life and she was responsible for three more.
And one who was old enough to date.
“It’s not like that. We’re just casual and we really do need to study. So, okay?” Maeby lifted her eyes, guilt clearly evident, hoping she would get away with whatever she was really plotting.
Ronnie sighed and nodded. What choice did she have? If she told her sister she couldn’t see the boy, she would sneak around, just like Ronnie herself did at that age. Okay, she did it younger than Maeby, but the idea was the same. For a brief moment, she realized how much she must have put her mother through, and was grateful that her siblings weren’t as wild as she was.
Maeby wrapped her arms around Ronnie’s neck through the open car door and squeezed, then took off running. “Bye,” she called after the car as she jogged up the front steps to the school.
Freddy was the last one to get out. He shouldn’t have even been in that school. At eleven years old, he was the youngest kid in high school in their town. He was pretty much a child genius, so of course, Ronnie had no clue what to do with him.
He gave her a little wave goodbye, but she grabbed his wrist before he could get away.
“No hug?”
“The kids are making fun of me enough already. Do you want me to be lynched?”
“Maeby hugged me and she’s sixteen.”
“She’s a girl. And she has no shame.”
“Fine, but you owe me an extra at bedtime.” She released his wrist, but grabbed his backpack before he could escape. “Hey, should I do something about the kids making fun of you?”
“No. I’ve got it. Just go to your interview. I do not want mushroom soup again for dinner.” Freddy yanked his bag from her grip and ran toward the school.
“What the hell am I doing?” she asked the empty car and dropped her face into the steering wheel until the row of cars behind her started honking. She honked back, flipped them off out the window, and yelled back. “Go screw off assholes!”
Certainly not appropriate behavior for a school parking lot, but she didn’t have it in her to care at that moment.
What she really needed was a fight. The pent up aggression inside her was building like a volcano and it was sure to burst soon. The last thing she needed was to lose it at the wrong time, or with the kids. She needed to get a handle on her anger. She could hear the words coming from her father in her head. He’d said them to her countless times over the years. He was right. She’d always known it. She just thought she’d have more time to get there.
Funny thing about time, you always think there will be more than there is.
***
Ronnie was five minutes early for the interview. She’d been sure the train was going to be late and she wouldn’t make it into the city in time. She should have drove, but after finding parking, she probably would have ended up late. Good thing it wasn’t a far ride, or she would have missed it entirely.
Being early didn’t help her though.
They made her wait over an hour in a small room that had a broken heater. Broken as in, blasting a constant stream of suffocating heat that filled the room like an out of control bonfire. It was hot enough in there to fry an egg and melt the mascara off Ronnie’s lashes. By the time she got called back, she was ready to just walk out.
She probably should have.
The idiot interviewing her had no interest in hiring her. She knew from the minute she walked in there that he’d only taken the time to interview her because he felt obligated to. Chances were, he’d already filled the position with some overachieving, testosterone-laden dick who played golf with his uncle or something.
The last thing she needed was her time wasted.
“You can’t honestly think you are qualified for this position, Ms. Falcon?”
“Do you think I would be sitting here if I didn’t, Mr. Jackoff?”
“It’s pronounced Ja-koof.” He shifted in his seat and tilted his head, like a pretentious asshole.
Which was completely accurate.
“Whatever.” Ronnie stared straight ahead at the fuckhead until he broke eye contact and started rifling through papers to avoid looking at her.
Jackoff.
“It says here that you had a six month internship at Rossman, Yowley, and Wise, but you left after only two months. Why did they let you go?”
“Of course you’d assume they got rid of me. I should have known that.” Ronnie snorted. “Did it ever occur to you that I left on my own? That maybe Yowley was a little handsy and liked to shove his fat meathooks under my skirt in the copy room? That no matter how many times I told him no, he cornered me in his office and locked the door, threatening to fire me if I didn’t let him have his way with me?”
Jackoff’s eyes widened. “Is that true?”
“No. He was a great guy. My parents died and I had to go home to take care of my three siblings. Would sexual harassment be a better excuse? Because we can go with that if it will get me a chance at this job.”
She knew right then that she should have let the lie stand. It wasn’t the best thing to have out there, but chances are, Jackoff would never share the story. It might have been the only thing to get him to consider her as a human being for five seconds. Not that it would have gotten her the job. That was over before it started. But it would have been nice to not be treated like a piece of trash.
“I… uh… Ms. Falcon, I think that—”
“Look, Jackoff, I’ll save you the time. There was no way you were ever going to consider me for this job, was there?”
Jackoff’s eyes went first to her tits and he considered the option. Maybe if she’d shoved them in his face he would have been flustered enough to give her a shot. But then he glanced at the full sleeve tattoo peeking out from under her shirt and finally landed on the blue streaks in her hair, and shook his head. “No, probably not.”
“That’s what I thought.” She got up, kicked the chair aside, which fell sideways onto the floor, and tossed her visitor’s badge onto his desk. “Your loss, asshole.”
Jackoff’s chin dropped as he watched her storm out of the office. Ronnie knew from the moment she sat down in front of that dick that he wasn’t going to give her a chance. No one wants to take a chance on a college dropout who couldn’t even finish a half year internship.
She was screwed.
She’d end up being stuck fighting underground cage matches until she was too old to get a spot. No one wanted to watch a wrinkled old hag get knocked on her ass. Then what would she do? It wasn’t just herself she had to worry about anymore. What would happen if the case worker found out what she was really doing for money? She had to get a respectable job. Or at least one that looked good on paper.
And she would have had that by now. If her life hadn’t gone to shit. If her parents hadn’t died. If everything she
ever knew wasn’t turned upside down in an instant.
After the last six interviews, she should have known this one would go the same way. It wasn’t like she didn’t try. She wore the appropriate clothes, thanks to her mother’s extensive professional wardrobe, luckily in her exact size. She had a polished resume, which despite her lack of formal job experience, looked good on paper. She even did her best to appear to be what they wanted. At least for the first several interviews.
Now she was just fed up.
Ronnie walked down the cold street in no particular direction for what seemed like miles. It was as if she were being led by some unknown force, sending her in a direction she’d never gone down before. She was grateful she had taken the train into the city, because she wasn’t sure she was in any state of mind to drive. Anyway, the crisp air helped clear her mind. At least it usually did.
It would have felt good to say that the day didn’t go as she’d expected, but the truth was, she knew exactly how things would turn out from the moment she woke up that morning. It wasn’t as if she planned on getting the job. Though she had hoped. It would have been nice if just one thing turned out in her favor.
Ronnie’s head spun and her hands tingled. All she really wanted to do was hit something. That was always her first reaction to stress. Even as a child when she lost her temper, she’d punch and kick her stuffed animals until they lost half their stuffing. Her father always told her that violence didn’t solve anything, but damn did she feel better after she’d wailed on a bear or bunny until it was a limp, flat heap.
It was too bad Jackoff hadn’t tried anything inappropriate. It would have felt great to drop kick the asshole. That probably would have ruined her chances for ever getting a job at a law firm in the state, but it just might have been worth it.
When she snapped out of her trance, she found herself standing in front of a bar, or a club, she wasn’t quite sure which, called the Devil’s Playpen. For some reason, it felt like it was exactly where she needed to be. There was a warmth drawing her toward it, almost as if a familiar hand took hers to lead the way.