by T. Rudacille
***
“Brynna? Brynna?”
At first, I believed it was James. My eyes snapped open, needing to see his face, needing to know that he was there. When my vision focused, though, disappointment, and admittedly, a shot of fear broke over me; it was Don seated in front of me.
I jumped, ready to attack him for what he had done. He had mentioned something about embracing our powers, and I certainly had. I was going to show him just how ready I was to utilize my new killer instincts by ripping his throat out. How dare he drug James and me? How dare he steal Penny, Elijah, and Violet away? How could he strike such fear in their hearts without reason? How dare he keep me here so that I could not absolve that fear for them?
Once again, my hands were cuffed behind my back. I wondered where they had procured the cuffs but prayed that they had stolen them off one of my father’s thugs in a bloody fight that ended in said thug being no longer of this world. Dare to dream, I suppose. My mind was racing through more thoughts than what could have been possible to process at once, and yet there I was, processing every last one.
“Yes, I’m sorry about those.”
“Do not fret.” I muttered in a voice quiet not from fear but from physical weakness. I stifled a yawn. Whatever drug they had slipped into our drinks had drained all the energy that I had left. My deep, sedative-induced sleep had done nothing to remedy that exhaustion.
“I still have my feet.” I told him as the yawn burst forth despite all efforts to suppress it. “If you come any closer, I will kick you squarely in the face.”
“I don’t doubt it. I won’t be coming any closer. Would you like to talk?”
“About what, dare I ask?”
I ordered my racing heart to slow. I would not show fear in front of him or anyone else. Doing so would accomplish nothing. Instead, I would start negotiating. Blubbering like a three-year-old frightened by a shadow in the closet was going to render all my points moot. A man would not negotiate with a woman who cried. He would simply look down on her for dissolving into a display of weakness he would never know, for his breed was different.
Strange thoughts…
“Where are Penny, Elijah, Violet, and James?” I demanded first. Despite asking such an emotionally heavy question, I kept my voice as emotionless as possible. Remaining calm when asking whether or not the members of one’s family are even still alive is quite challenging, as I am sure you can surmise.
“They’re alright. They’re just down the hall from you. Given the current climate between ourselves, the cave-dwellers, as you call them, and the Bachums, we’re lucky to have these cells below the house. Adam told me that they were used for these same purposes hundreds of years ago, during yet another war between himself and the Old Spirits. That’s what they’re called, officially.”
“I want to see them. I want to see that they are all alive and unharmed.”
I was in no mood to learn any new information for the first time in my life. Nothing he was saying mattered to me. The only thing that mattered was knowing that they were safe.
“They are. Well, your boyfriend isn’t. He came out of his sleep early, just as they were cuffing him. We had to take him down.”
My heart erupted in a fiery, volcanic explosion that replaced my blood with burning, agonizing lava. They had killed James. Oh my God, oh my God…
My eyes must have been bugging because Don leaned forward, shaking his head vigorously and wearing a look of great concern.
“Oh, sweetheart, no; he's not dead. Of course not! We don’t hurt those we don’t have to hurt.”
I could not suppress it; I sighed in relief.
“I apologize for the misunderstanding. I can hear your heart racing. That really frightened you. May I ask you a question, just to satisfy my curiosity?”
I did not respond. I was still reeling from those brief yet incredibly painful moments where I had believed that James was dead. I had not known where to begin grieving, even. I hated the man in front of me for even mistakenly leading me to believe that I had lost James.
“Do you love him?” He asked before I had been given a chance to refuse his question.
I stared at him, stunned by the brashness of what he was asking. I did not understand how he could believe that intimate details of mine and James’s relationship were any business of his.
“I only ask because I find the pairing strange. No judgment.” He held his hands up and smiled disarmingly. “But he is much older than you. He probably graduated college before you were even born!”
“Not that it's any of your business, but our age difference does not matter now. It never did, but it especially does not now, given that we are immortal. At least, you proclaim that we are immortal. Or was that some intricate, lucid dream I had after you very rudely drugged me and my much older boyfriend?”
“I did say that. It’s the truth. But you still haven’t answered my question.”
“Why do you even care?” I demanded, and my aggravation leaked through my facade of calmness. “It truly is none of your business, wouldn’t you agree? What do my feelings for James, at any degree of intensity, have to do with you?”
“I told you that I’m just curious.”
“Well, I am going to stick with my original answer, thank you so much. It is none of your business.”
He smiled slightly.
“That’s never a good answer, Brynna. It implies shame, in this case at your relationship with a man so much older than you. It sometimes denotes that one person’s feelings aren’t as strong as the other’s, if they are there at all. So, is it you who doesn’t love James when he loves you, or the other way around?”
“It is neither.” I replied icily, “It is none of your damn business.” I wanted him to be angry at my resolve not to answer him, but he merely smiled and studied me closely again.
“We could use someone like you around here. You’re worthy of knowing our secrets.”
“I have no interest in your secrets, nor would I ever work for a man who resorts to assault and murder in order to gain a place in the world.”
“James said something about you being so mature, but that was perhaps the most idealistic, youthful thing I’ve ever heard, especially given what you’ve witnessed.”
That insignificant excuse of a man was attempting to belittle me. As he laughed somewhat hysterically at what I had said, I forced my rage to remain level. I focused only on obtaining the answers that I so desperately needed.
“You have spoken to James?”
His laughter subsided, but he ignored my question.
“You’ll see things my way, Brynna. You’ll see that my actions are the result of not having a choice. It’s either us or them.”
“Did Adam ever explain exactly why it is that we all cannot live here together peacefully? Do not roll your eyes at me like I am some wide-eyed, empty-headed flower-child, Don!” I snapped at him loudly. I had stunned both him and myself with my outburst, as it was the direct result of the fact that I was truly, dangerously angry.
“You want to know the reason why he won’t allow all of us to share his planet? We can’t. All of that conflict on Earth led to so much destruction, not to mention the end of the world as we knew it. He can’t risk that here. This place is pure. That’s why it’s called Purissimus. I can’t imagine destroying this world like we destroyed ours. Can you?”
I did not answer. He continued, undeterred, as though he had not asked me a question at all.
“If we destroyed this place the way we destroyed Earth, it would be terrible. It would be an abomination. It would be absolutely horrible to commit the same crime twice, don’t you agree?”
This time, his large eyes met mine. I could see his resolve staring powerfully back at me; he would not continue our conversation unless I answered him. Because I was desperate to find Penny, Violet, Elijah, and James, I did not hesitate in replying.
“Yes, I do. But you cannot tell me that there are no ways for us to live here tog
ether. Send one group to the north, one to the south…” I sighed in frustration, “I do not know! I never intended to follow in my mother’s footsteps. I would never have been able to solve disputes between countries. I cannot solve this one here. But violence is certainly not the only answer.”
“You’ve almost been killed by them, and yet you still sympathize with them?” He was incredulous at the strength of my heart. He was in awe of it. I was not flattered.
“I do not generalize an entire group of people based on the violent actions of a few. Also, I do not finish battles that were started by others for reasons I do not know.”
“Perhaps not. I can see that you're not keen to the idea of fighting, which is perfectly fine for now. Your conflict resolution skills might need some toning up, but let me say this: your mother wasn’t able to solve any disputes, domestic or foreign. She was very good at starting them, though, wasn't she?”
I did not answer once again. I scowled just at the thought of her.
“Now, I'm drawing a blank on your mom. I can't place her appearance at all in my mind. Is she the red-headed woman who with your father?”
“No,” My expression darkened even more at the mere mention of Maura. “And I will not talk about her.”
“About the woman with your father, or your mom?”
“Both.”
“Does that other woman bear a resemblance to your mother?”
“No.” The anger was bubbling up, threatening to boil over. I forced it down, trying to picture something, anything that would suppress it. Penny’s smiling face came into my mind; the mental sight of her beautifully youthful happiness absolved my anger but brought forward new fear and sadness in me. I wanted so desperately for her to live a safe and happy life. It had always been my intention to ensure that Penny lived a wondrous, carefree childhood, unblemished by any of the horrid things I had experienced as I grew. She would always have my love, when I had not had anyone’s. She would remain innocent and naïve for the duration of her youth because I would never allow her to see the cruelty or sickness of evil men. She would never know regret or pain. I would spare her from all of the most unspeakable things of the world even if such never-ending protection cost me my own life.
Racing thoughts again. Focus, Brynna.
“I was almost killed by Adam’s people.” I changed the subject. It was the perfect way to erase those unpleasant memories and recollections.
“But Adam is on our side now. He won’t let you forget that. He will show you how good it is to be on his side, Brynna. Plus, you were also almost killed by the Old Spirits, too. You took one of them hostage.”
“Where is he?” I asked, though I barely cared.
“We delivered him to Adam. He is very grateful.”
“I am sure he is.” My heart dropped. What I felt now was the sting of regret on which I had mused briefly but had not expected to actually experience. Was that boy going to be another body hanging in the woods to warn enemies away from Don's stronghold? I could not bear the thought of sending a young man to his death. Although, if everyone truly was immortal and ageless, I had no way of knowing exactly how old he was. His aging might have stopped hundreds of years earlier, for all I knew.
“He would like to speak to you, too. Would you like to see him now?”
“No. I want to see that they are all okay. The longer you stall, the more I am beginning to believe that you have done something to them. I want to make sure they are alright.”
“For the sake of the one God, Mr. Abba, let the young woman see her dear ones.”
It was Adam’s voice. He was entering the room with the same effortless charm and predatory nature of the Serpent who had targeted another man sharing his very same name. He moved behind me, sending a chill that twisted around my spine like two rough hands wringing a rag dry. After kneeling down behind me, he freed my hands. I could feel his eyes watching me.
I jumped up and turned abruptly to face him. It was all his fault. We would have lived peacefully in our campsite until the day we ran out of food. We never would have known any of that violence if he had not attacked us so senselessly.
I spun around and lunged for his throat. I was stunned that he did not stagger back a single step after I had run into him with every bit of strength left inside of me. His hands came up and lazily peeled mine from around his neck. I prepared myself for a physical blow that never came. He merely chuckled and held my wrists lightly to my sides.
“There is no need for that, Ms. Olivier. I would not hurt you even if you had chosen the other side.”
“I have not chosen any side!” I actually stomped my foot to show the frustration that had been building inside of me for the previous half-hour of conversation with Don. I could not stand not knowing if my family was alright. I wanted to beat in the man's head for even allowing me to question whether they were safe or not.
“Even if you do not realize it, you have chosen a side.” Adam's smile widened, and his eyes gleamed maliciously.
“I have not done anything of...” I trailed off when my brain began to turn pirouettes once again. “God or Gods, what is wrong with you people?!”
I put my face in my hands as I swayed on my feet. Adam reached out to steady me. At first, I shook him off, but then I had no choice but to allow him to hold me upright.
“Just take me to them.” I ordered weakly and immediately, he turned me to face the door.
“Can you walk?” His voice was gentle as his arm wrapped around my shoulder. I nodded; even if I could not, there was no way I was allowing him to carry me.
He let me take a few cautious steps before he tightened his grip to ensure that if my knees were to crumple out from beneath me that I would not hit the floor. With every step, my mind cleared just a little bit more.
“Now, please do not be alarmed by his appearance. He is going to be alright, I promise you.” Adam was still speaking gently, as though he was soothing a screaming child. I glared at him as he opened the door.
James was sitting, handcuffed to his chair, facing the doorway. His head was rolling from one side to the other as his eyes did the same in their sockets.
“Oh, my God…” I managed to gasp out as I rushed forward and knelt in front of him. “James?” My hands were on his face, “James! Honey, wake up.” I shook him carefully, noting that his face was bruised severely, and there was blood dribbling from one side of his mouth. The next time I spoke, I was not shocked to hear my voice break. “James, please wake up, baby!”
I pressed my forehead to his, fighting the tears that so desperately wanted to fall. Perhaps I would feel stronger if I just allowed a few to leak out.
No. I needed to remain defiant. I could beg for James to come back to me through frenzied, quickened, suffocating breaths, but I would not shed a tear.
“Did… they… hurt you?” His voice was so weak and low, I believed I had imagined it. I leaned in when he repeated himself.
“No. I am alright. Look at you, honey…” The crackling in my voice made him open his eyes.
“I’ll be fine.” He was trying to raise his voice above a whisper for my sake. “Have they said anything?”
“Too much has been said. It would take too long to repeat it all. What matters is that they do not intend to kill us, which is a plus, surely.”
“Indeed, it is.” He nodded and looked into my eyes. I put both of my hands on his face again before kissing him for a long, tender moment. “Don’t worry about me, baby. I'm tough; I can handle it.”
“I am worried about you. Beating you up was unnecessary.”
“I was ready to kill every one of them to get to you. It was necessary, or else they’d all be dead.”
“I know,” I pressed my forehead to his again, “They have Violet, Penny, and Elijah. They have Quinn, Alice, and Nick, too, but I could not care less about that.”
“We need to stick together now. We need to start caring about them. They’re just kids, baby. We need to start watching over the
m a little more.”
“I sincerely doubt that any of them desire our protection. They are much too proud, which is admirable. It is also very convenient for our sake.”
“I’m being serious.” He told me as I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head against his chest. I was comforted by the sound of his heart beating steadily. He was truly in no danger of succumbing to his injuries. “I already feel a little better, sweetheart. I felt better the minute I saw you.”
“Yes, because the sight of my greasy, matted hair, dirt-covered clothes and body, and smeared makeup has rejuvenating powers to rival Adam’s.”
He chuckled weakly and kissed my forehead.
“Yeah, it does.”
I squeezed him a little harder and closed my eyes, wishing that I could fall asleep there with my body against his, listening to his heartbeat all the while.
“That is a very sweet thing to say, though I am sure that you are exaggerating slightly.”
“I'm not, actually. Your ability to downplay yourself never ceases to amaze me.”
I changed the subject quickly.
“Don asked about us.”
“Did he now? I am shocked that he would so nosily pry into our business.”
I ignored his sarcasm.
“He is puzzled by our relationship. He does not understand what a young woman like myself would be doing with someone your age. He asked if I love you. It was quite random and aggressively forward of him to ask such a thing. It is no business of his.”
“What did you say?” James asked, and I pulled away to look up at him.
“Your curiosity is driven by your own need to know my feelings.” I accused him softly, “This is not the time or the place to discuss such things, James.”
“You’ll have to forgive me for wanting to know.”
“You are the only man I have ever met who actually cares what I am feeling.”
“Is that such a bad thing?”
“No. It is just interesting. Confusing, also, and you know how befuddlement does not suit me at all. When the time is right, I will tell you where I stand on the matter. Just know that I am very fond of you.” Looking into his bruised face that was still so handsome despite his injuries, I was urged to say more. I allowed myself to indulge my heart’s desire to express my feelings, even if just for a moment. “I adore you. I depend on you more than I have ever allowed myself to depend on anyone, and that is comforting, James. It is comforting to know that someone else is willing to care for me. I have done that myself for so long without complaint. That is why I say that you spoil me.”
“That’s not spoiling, Brynn. That's what is supposed to happen. It’s normal. It’s right.”
“Perhaps so. But it is as alien to me as the planet on which we are walking and the situation in which we currently find ourselves.”
“Our situation?”
“I was referring to both our relationship and the current conundrum with Adam and Don. They want us to stay here. I do not know why I feel such a reluctance to do so. They are offering us shelter, protection, food…” I looked at him, “It will be good for Penny and Violet to be around other people. It will be good for us, too.”
“To be around other people?”
“Yes, because we will be protected. I read his mind. He will allow you and me to live together. There will be no judgment, no chiding about our relationship. Of course, I do not care about that.”
“Nor do I, baby.” He closed his eyes after I embraced him warmly again. He burrowed his face in my hair and kissed my head. “You smell so good.”
“So do you.” I smiled brightly, “Do not ask me how that is possible considering that we have been living a life free of soap and shampoo. We have been bathing in streams, for the sake of all deities and Gods.”
He chuckled softly again.
“What?”
“I love that one. That’s one of your more famous Brynna-isms.”
“Brynna-isms?” I repeated through a giggle.
“That’s what I’ve been calling them mentally.”
“I like it.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.” I laughed as he moved forward with difficulty to kiss me. I closed my eyes and returned his kiss, feeling my heart fluttering madly in the way that I had become accustomed to experiencing. I had never understood how so many great writers could toil endlessly over love and all its counterparts. Hate I understood. Loathing was a motivator, driven by its God, Anger. But love seemed so trivial, so meaningless. I agreed with Maura who said that it was a “bloody waste of time.” Now, I understood what all the fuss was about. I could write endless pages on my feelings for James, which I would not acknowledge openly as charging dangerously close to the border of love. I shuddered to think what I would feel when I hopped over that invisible, mental divide.
I pulled away when a bitter, gnawing cold filled up my insides. Maura’s others words, so unwelcome, were echoing through every dark room corridor of my mind, which only a second earlier had been blissfully empty as James kissed me.
“They will trick you with their wiles, my dear. They want to make you weak. They prey on women to make themselves feel like men. It is all a play for power and control, for total dominance.”
“Tell me,” James whispered gently, “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
I shook my head, begging the warmth to return. It had been so serene, so divinely perfect. I should have known it would not last. My wise wariness of men was beginning to rear its hideously deformed head as my feelings for James grew.
“You have all the power over it, sweetheart,” James's eyes met mine, “You make the final decision.”
“I know. James, if you knew the full details of everything, you would not be so surprised.”
“I’m not surprised. I’m not upset. I understand, Brynna.”
“I know.” I nodded, feeling tears welling up in my eyes again. I wanted to love him. I wanted the defenses I had built so tediously for many years to crumple into nonexistence. I wanted James. I needed him. And he was right, I knew. Only I could decide whether or not I would advance our relationship. Only I could decide when to shut those protectively cynical voices down for good. Those beliefs that had a mind of their own were actually mine, and I could eradicate them if I found the power to do so.
“I should not be asking for your patience anymore.”
“Stop.” He kissed me again. I moved closer to him and kissed him back, “We have all the time in the world, baby.”
All the time in the world... That reminded me. I pulled away so I could look into his eyes. In my own, he saw that tremendous and dreadful fear that I could not sufficiently explain.
“What? What is it?” He asked as he tried to reach forward to grasp my face. Then, he remembered that his hands were still cuffed behind the chair in which he was sitting.
“He told me we are immortal.” I answered softly, “And we have stopped aging.”
“That’s…” He laughed softly to brush off the ridiculous notion, but in his eyes, I saw that he knew it was true with just as much certainty as I did.
“It is what everyone wants, isn’t it?” I asked with a slightly bitter laugh, “Every living creature, human or otherwise, is afraid to die. Yet here we are, wondering whether the gift of eternal life is right. We are not sure if we even want it.”
“It’s too much to think about now. Jesus, Brynn…” He muttered incredulously, “That was a bombshell and a half.”
“I know. I should have given you a warning. I am sorry.”
Don appeared in the doorway behind us.
“So, what have you decided? Good, you’re awake, James. How do you feel?”
“Seven of your people beat the shit out of me while I was still too drugged up to win the fight. How do you think I feel?” James asked, and I watched his eyes turn red.
“Relax. Look at me.” I had both of my hands on his face, “We need to let this go, baby.”
“I’ll let it g
o.” James told me loudly enough so Don could hear. “But you don’t want to know what I’m going to do if it happens again. In a fair fight, those seven guys would have been nothing by the time I was done with them. Let me remind you, too, that it took seven of your best people to take me down. Keep that in mind, Don, if ever you decide to pull that shit again, but especially, and you better listen and absorb every last syllable of this, especially if you put your hands on her again!”
“I don’t doubt any of that, James, what with your newly acquired strength. No one will be trying to hurt you, her, or the other kids again. That is a promise.” Don was slightly rattled by James's threat, but he plowed forward with the conversation, trying to keep things upbeat. “So, has Brynna told you what I have offered?”
“Shelter, food, community. Yeah, she told me.”
“And what have the two of you decided?”
“We don’t really have much of a choice, do we?” James spat at him, “It’s either stay here and live, or try to make it out there where there are natives and Shadows around every turn, amongst other things. Let me ask you, what do you think our decision is?”
“James…” I raised my eyebrows, warning him without words that we needed to make nice with those people, despite how sickening it was. I certainly was not going to grovel, but I was not going to complicate the situation with animosity and obvious aggression, either.
“Alright,” He barked at me somewhat more angrily than I expected, “I'm done.”
“I’ll go get Robert. He has the keys to your handcuffs.”
“Thanks, honey!” James called after him sarcastically.
“Hey…” I grasped his chin lightly and spoke as sternly as I could when he switched into his angry, disdainful mode. I found it very entertaining when said anger was not directed at me. “If we want to stay here, you are going to have to play nice with the big kids on the playground, lest you wish to get sand kicked in your face. And do not snap furiously at your girlfriend, lest you wish for celibacy.”
He could not help it. Despite his irritation at my suggestion, he laughed.
“You know I don’t wish for that. Not in the slightest. God, I’ve had a really hard day, and you’re threatening me with that? What are you? Oh, right; you're a monster. That's what.”
I giggled again before returning to the topic at hand.
“I am serious, James. We need to try for peace with these people. I do not trust them as far as I can throw them, especially since they have teamed up with Adam. But we need to stay here for our own safety. We are both proud to a fault. We need to suppress our urge to be vain and just go with the flow, as they say.”
“Baby, this is…” He stopped upon seeing the disapproving look on my face. “Do you really want to do this?”
“I do not want to. I just know that we have to. I will tell you the details of my conversation with Don at a more convenient time. Right now, you will just have to trust me when I say that we need to be here.”
He was still frowning when he nodded, but when he kissed me again, I knew that his dismay and irritation were not directed at me.
“Only for your sake, my love.”
I beamed brightly at the endearment and pressed my head to his chest. He rested his own on top of mine, and I closed my eyes, knowing that he was reluctant to stay but so thankful that we were. We were going to keep one eye open when we slept, surely. But at least we did not have to worry that natives would cut our throats in the middle of the night. We could handle the humans easily. We were evolving, and most of them were not.
I could not help but believe that we had the whole situation under control at last. However, believing was very different than knowing, I had discovered.
I knew that the danger was still evident around every turn. I knew that if there was ever a time to run, this was it.
What I don’t know is why I didn’t.