by T. Rudacille
***
“Keep Penny close.”
“Why?”
Violet was becoming more like me every day. Every command had to be questioned; even the most simple of instructions required detailed explanation.
“These people are not themselves. They are angry and itching for violence. They want to exact revenge on those responsible. No rash action is unjustified.”
“I don't think that they would hurt Penny and me, Brynn. We haven't done anything to them.”
“We are our father's children. Being his is plenty. We should be back by night tomorrow. Until then, stay up here. I have left plenty of food in your room.”
“You stole food?!” Violet whispered in terror, “Brynn, do you have any idea what Don will do if he...”
“He is not going to find out. He is coming with us.”
“I don't like this.” She said in a shaking voice, “This is bad. You're right, no one is acting like themselves. They're acting insane.”
“They are insane. Losing seven of our number had its desired effect. However, I sincerely doubt that the Bachums are aware that we are coming so soon. It is best to strike them when they are reveling in their victory.”
“Just be so careful!” She hugged me tightly.
I wanted to pull away. Then, my hands moved up by their own will and smoothed the back of her soft hair. I closed my eyes, enjoying that moment of sisterly love. It had been so long since I had allowed myself to be embraced by her. I had left her so quickly upon realizing that she was old enough to stand on her own. I wanted to apologize for my coldness; I never should have put such distance between us. My pride was still too strong. Any apology that I wished to be heard was stifled by my belief that I was always right.
I pulled away and rested my hand on her face.
“I never wished for you to see such awful brutality.”
“I know.” She reached up to swipe at her tearing eyes.
“I have never wanted to kill anyone. But those people attacked us unfairly. They killed seven of our people. I might not be Don's biggest fan, but I do feel great fondness for those we live with. I feel their pain, and some have lost their family tonight. I cannot imagine.”
“I know. You don't have to explain yourself to me. If you'd let me, I'd go with you.”
“I'd sooner let you die before me. Though honestly, the two circumstances are synonymous. If you were to accompany me into the north, you would more than likely die before I could save you. I cannot afford to have one eye on the battle and one on you. Do you understand?”
“I guess.” She crossed her arms. Any body language expert would say that the gesture was evidence of her feeling anything but understanding. I smiled slightly; she was so headstrong and so set in her beliefs. She could fight perfectly well, and yet I was sticking her on the sidelines. No amount of time that she stood with her arms crossed or her lips pursed in irritation would change my mind, however. She was not going to come with James, Elijah, and me to fight the Bachums. I would not lose her in that bloody struggle.
“Remember what I said. I will see you tomorrow night.”
I looked at her for one quiet moment of remembrance. If that was the last time I would see my sister, I wanted to etch every detail of her young, beautiful face into my memory. If I was going to die that night, I needed the comfort of familiarity; I needed my sisters' faces in my mind to remind me why I had lost my life. I would gladly die fighting for them. I shuddered to think of them facing that hostile world alone, without my guidance or tough love. I turned away from her, forcing those breathtakingly fearful thoughts from my mind.
“Brynn?”
“Yes?” I asked without turning around.
“I love you.”
I smiled slightly and turned to her, acknowledging mentally that whatever strife had been between us had dissipated.
“I love you too, Violet.” I was surprised that I had no urge to vomit upon saying such heavy words. Something was changing in me. Some softness I more than likely could not afford was beginning to set in.
She deserves your kindness, I reminded myself, Here of late, you have taken far more than you have given.
“No tears, ma'am. Keep it tough.” I ordered her, but my own throat had clenched. A renegade tear more headstrong than my will to suppress all feeling streamed down my face. I wiped it away and observed the drop on my hand as though it was a newly discovered species. My heart jumped in surprise and cowered in disgust at the sight simultaneously. Mainly, I was fascinated.
“Look at that. Real tears.” Violet told me, and when I looked up at her, she had many streaming down her face. She rushed to me and threw her arms around my neck. Though I allowed no more of my own tears to fall, I did hold onto her tightly, feeling that ever-present darkness rearing its head at us and bearing its fangs. It was poised to strike and hissing evilly in a final warning.
I walked away from Violet knowing something terrible was on the horizon. Whatever strength I had on Pangaea was going to fail me soon enough. My world was going to be rocked and squeezed in the iron fist of someone's rage. As I kissed Violet's head and left her there to tend to Penny, I swore to fight the impending event until my very last breath. When I returned, I would keep them in my sight. I would keep them next to me, destroying any harm, tangible or otherwise, that hunted them.
I should not have walked away.