I laughed in his face. “Fucking lame, Ocean. You are acting irrational and you know it. You just want to sit around and throw your god damn pity party and you figure this is the only place you can be left alone while not leaving her side.”
He jerked the bed down as he leaned forward. “Her name is Livie not Sunshine or any other pet name you have for her.”
“I can call her whatever the hell I want to! She doesn’t belong to you, numb nuts. She’s a big girl, one that can make her own decisions no matter how fucked they are. If she lets me call her Sunshine, then that’s what I’m calling her!”
“She’s mine and I say you call her by her fucking name!”
I leaned forward to make sure he gets my point when I say it. “Just because you took Livie’s virginity doesn’t make her your fucking property asshole. You’ve fucked plenty of virgins and you never claimed them. I met her first and she’s fucking Sunshine to me.”
I saw his fist come up off the bed to connect with my face, but he stopped his punch in midair to look down. Tugging on his shirt was Sunshine’s small, bruised and trembling hand.
Chapter Three
Ocean
That was it! What kind of pussy would say some shit like that? If he wished it were him that took her virginity then he should have claimed her first. Livie was mine. I loved her.
My fist came up, launching for his face when I felt a tug on my shirt that sent shockwaves of awareness through me. My head snapped down and pulling on the rim of my shirt was Liv’s trembling hand.
I looked up at Law whose face was whiter than usual as he stared at her hand still weakly trying to grab my shirt. Her eyes were still closed, but she had her lips pierced as if she was focusing on trying to do something. I looked up at Law again who was still frozen.
I pushed him hard on the shoulder to get his attention. When he looked up at me with a dazed expression, I rolled my eyes. Such a fucking punk.
“What the hell Law? Don’t just stand there! Go get your mom!”
He let go of the side rails, stumbling back a little. “Yeah, yeah mom.” He hauled ass out of the room once he got his legs to work.
I looked back down at Liv who was still trying to grab at my shirt. I leaned in closer to her and that was when she finally slipped her hand under my shirt. Her fingers were shaking and unsteady as she pressed them against my skin. Her hand was ice cold and her touch made my body break out in goose bumps. As she rested the back of her hand on my stomach, the trembling in her fingers calmed down a bit.
I leaned down to bring me face closer to hers. “Come on, Livie. Open your eyes baby. Open them for me. Please. I’ve been here with you waiting for this. Baby, open your eyes.”
I could tell she was trying by the squinting of her eyes and the way she was pulling her lips in. I moved the IV lines away from her neck, pulling down her hospital gown to expose her neck. I looked at the door then quickly leaned in kissing her on my spot that I’ve been missing so much.
When I pulled back, my heart skipped a beat and my breath stalled. Her eyes were fluttering rapidly as she tried to gain control of them.
I reached under my shirt to grab her hand, steadying it against my stomach. As the rapid flutters came to a slower opening and closing of her eyes, she frantically searched around the room looking dazed and confused.
I used my free hand to steady her chin so she could focus on me. “Hey baby. I’m right here. Look at me. Don’t worry about anything else, just look at me.”
With what little strength she had, her cold and trembling hand squeezed mine. Her blinks slowed down to longer, more tired blinks until she was able to focus on my face.
She tried to open her mouth to speak, but I shook my head at her placing my finger over her mouth. “Don’t speak. Law went to get Aunt Layla. She’ll be here soon.”
Her eyebrows pulled together as she tried to squeeze onto my hand tighter.
“Stop Liv, I’m not leaving. I’ll be here, where I’ve always been.”
The door swung open as Aunt Layla rushed to Liv’s bedside. Two other nurses came in, along with the surgeon who performed the surgery on her arm, followed by Law.
Aunt Layla looked at me with a stern look. I knew that look meant to keep my ego in check and step aside, so I did just that.
As I let go of Liv’s hand, her eyes started to blink fast again and her heart rate spiked. The nurses rushed to either side of me to see what was happening.
“Ladies, give him a minute before we start.” Aunt Layla nodded at me to make it quick.
I leaned in to kiss her forehead and then pulled her quivering hand up to my lips for a reassuring kiss. “Liv, remember I’m right here. They need to take care of you and you know I can’t do it myself. Calm down baby, I’m not going anywhere.”
I kissed the back of her hand again. Her face turned into somewhat of a frown. I think that moment was the first time in two weeks that I actually smiled.
Even in her condition and barely being able to move or speak, she was being as stubborn as ever. I laid her hand gently at her side, finally letting go.
The nurses unlocked the wheels on the bed while Aunt Layla disconnected the IV’s from the machine. The doctor held the door open as they wheeled her out less than a minute after I let go of her hand. .
“Where are you taking her?” I called to my aunt.
She turned to me with a smile on her face, something I haven’t seen since Liv was admitted. “Don’t worry, we’ll bring her back. The doctor needs to run some tests. She’ll be in much better shape when we bring her back.” She hurried out the door after her crew.
Law moved back into the room before the door could close on him. I looked up at him leaning against the door running his hand through his hair before he made eye contact with me.
“Look man, I’m sorry about what I was saying, but I meant it you know.”
“Yeah Law, so did I. She’s not just any other virgin, you know that. I fucking love that girl with all of me. There is no one else, Law. No one.”
“So looks like you got her back. Congrats, I was hoping she’d come back to you.”
I shook my head at him. “She came back to us, not just me. I’m a dick, but even I know how much she means to you. I don’t like it, but I get it.”
He kicked off the wall, making his way towards me. “You know she’s going to Shiloh’s Therapy Facility, right? I looked it up and researched all the workers. Hell I even did a fucking background check on the entire staff, Ocean.”
I could have laughed at him for that, but I just didn’t have laughter in me anymore.
“It’ll only be for a month so she can attend physical therapy and talk to someone about what happened. The facility is about an hour away and visiting days are Tuesdays and Sundays.”
My chest tightened thinking about her alone in a rehab facility. I was there once, alone and pissed off at the world because I was there. I’m thinking her reaction will not be much different, but she had to get through this to find herself again. I was praying that she did because honestly for me, I was a lost cause without her.
My other half was gone, my mother left abandoning me when I needed her the most, and the woman that I finally fucking gave my heart to just tried to kill herself. I wasn’t enough for anyone to stick around for.
“When is she leaving?” I was glad he had all the details because the less I knew about this the better. If it were up to me, I’d take her away and lock her ass up until she got over her shit.
“Mom wants her there as soon as possible. If all her tests turn out well enough, she will leave tomorrow.”
The knife that resided in what was left of my heart twisted and turned as I tried to keep my composure. “I’m going with you, Law. I’ll try not to make a scene but I can’t let her go without me.”
“Yeah man, I know. I wouldn’t have pictured it any other way. I’m really sorry Ocean. You do know that she truly loves you because too seriously pass me up, she’s got to love your sorry
ass pretty bad.”
His attempt at humor was lost on me. I shrugged my shoulders unconvinced. If she loved me that much, I should have been enough to keep her from wanting to kill herself. It was that black and white for me.
I understood that she didn’t love herself the way I did, but I still should have been enough for her to stop, to call for help, to call me for help. I would have been there for her.
In the middle of my thoughts, Law grabbed me pulling me into a hug. I wanted to push him off, punch him in the face, and send him to hell along with everyone else, but I couldn’t. I reached out grabbing onto to him and we cried together like the two fucked individuals we were.
Chapter Four
Livie
I wasn’t completely sure if I was dead, alive, or stuck in the in-between lately. It was dark, quiet, and cold most of the time.
Every now and again, I would be conscious enough to hear the husky sound of Ocean’s voice then music. The music was the same every time I was coherent enough to pay attention.
I could also feel it when Ocean touched me. The way he played in my hair or poured what felt like water on me. I could feel all of that, but I just couldn’t wake up completely.
I fought it at first, trying to will myself to wake up and see what was going on. When I realized that Ocean was there every time I was able to make sense of what I heard, I stopped fighting.
This time when I came back around to my consciousness, it felt different. I could feel my surroundings better and hear the beeping of things and air swooshing around me. The left side of my body felt like an elephant was sitting on it, rolling his huge ass over me repeatedly.
My body zapped and tingled with a weird current I wasn’t familiar with. It sort of felt like when your foot or arm falls asleep when you’re sitting or sleeping funny. I felt pricks and needles everywhere; even in places you wouldn’t think you would be able to get that sensation in.
Above all else, the pain I was in haunted me. I was afraid to completely wake up this time. My mind was so groggy, I couldn’t think about much except what was present. Trying to think about anything other than what I was able to feel and hear now would send me back into a deep sleep.
“Hey beautiful, it’s Law your favorite...”
That voice and those words…I recognized them this time. Law! I didn’t care how much it hurt my head anymore. I needed to get back to him; I needed to get back to my body.
His voice soothed me as I fought against the darkness that seemed to permanently reside in my mind. The harder I fought to wake up, the more painful it became. You would think I’d be enjoying the pain I was in considering I craved it at one time.
This pain, however, was deeper than I’d ever wanted for it to feel. It was permanent and irreversible.
A voice that caused my body to go into a frenzy ripped through my concentration. “She’s mine, and I say call her by her fucking name!”
OCEAN!
I made my mind reach out to any part of me that I could feel, even a little. Finally! I’m not sure which hand it was, but I could sense the feeling start to come back to it.
I concentrated on my fingertips willing the feeling to slowly move up my fingers, into my hands, then my wrist. My brain felt like it was going to explode at any moment but I had to try.
Ocean sounded angry and hurt. Law sounded emotional and drained. Of course, I was always the cause of pain and hurt so I didn’t have to think too hard to realize it was me that had caused their pain and anger.
“Just because you took the girls virginity doesn’t make her your fucking property asshole….”
Just a little bit more. I felt my fingers move and brush up against something. The room fell quiet as I kept trying to grip whatever it was my fingers where feeling.
Whoever’s body I was touching moved closer to me and when I finally rested my fingers on what felt like skin. I immediately recognized the shocks stinging my fingertips. It was Ocean’s body I was touching. I tried to rest my unsteady hand on his skin. Ocean’s hand took hold of mine and instantly a wave of familiarity and comfort came over me.
“Come on Livie. Open your eyes, baby. Open them for me, please. I’ve been here with you waiting for this. Baby, open your eyes…”
I’m trying! I’m trying damn it! What I felt next gave my body the electric jolt that it needed to comply with my demands. The familiar heat on my neck was what finally fused my mind back to my body.
My eyes fluttered open and I blinked wildly unable to control them. White lights and blurred spots were all I could make out at first. I tried to clear out the fuzzy spots but my eyes just kept blinking on their own.
I felt a warm sensation on my chin and then heard Ocean’s voice again. “Hey baby. I’m right here. Look at me. Don’t worry about anything else, just look at me.”
When his face finally came into view, I wanted to curl up into a ball, disappear, and then roll off the edge of the earth if there was such a place on this cruel world to do so.
His face looked pained with circles and bags under his beautiful eyes. He had a fully connecting beard growing in covering his strong jaw line.
All I could think was I did this to him. Even though he was smiling, I knew I was the one who caused the pain he was in. That much he couldn’t hide from me, even if I was still nearly unconscious.
I heard other voices and then numerous bodies surrounded us. Suddenly I felt nervous. I felt like they were here to take me away from Ocean and I didn’t want to go.
I tried to hold onto his hand tighter, but my body just didn’t have the strength to comply. Again, he smiled down at me like I’d just said something funny. It must have been a while since he smiled last because it seemed to hurt his face when he did.
“Stop Liv, I’m not leaving. I’ll be here where I’ve always been.”
He let go of my hand and the calm he was providing me left. I felt my body begin to slip back into the dark corner in my mind. I let it because he said he would not leave me and I believed him.
***
“Honey, wake up. It’s Layla. Livie I need you to wake up now.”
This time when I opened my eyes, I didn’t feel so dazed and drugged; I did however still feel the elephant sitting on the left side of my body.
I looked up at Layla’s face to see Ocean on her left and Law to her right. Behind them, I saw Ocean’s dad. I looked around and I was definitely in a hospital room. The white walls and smell of sanitizing chemicals burned my nose.
When I finally looked down at myself, I confirmed I was lying in a hospital bed with a robe on. What made my head spin for a minute was the huge bandage wrapped around my left hand going all the way up to my shoulder.
The pounding throb became more prominent and I winced as I took in a deep breath. I felt Ocean shift as he stood by his aunt, but she held out her hand to stop him from moving forward.
Oh boy this can’t be good.
At least this time when I looked at Ocean, he was freshly shaven and seemed to have gotten back to his sexy brooding demeanor.
Layla stepped forward with a smile on her face that had hidden behind it bad news. She sat down on the end of my bed, I cleared my throat to say ‘hi’ but what came out sounded more like a duck quack.
Law laughed a little and that resulted in Ocean smacking the back of his head so hard he nearly tripped forward. Law held up is hands towards him while mouthing ‘sorry’ to me. I just shook my head at them and turned my attention back to Layla.
Chapter Five
Livie
“Livie, I’m sure you have a million questions to ask, but if you don’t mind, I want to do most of the talking before you do.”
I looked down nervously at my arm, then into Ocean’s eyes. He gave me a slight nod so I looked back at Layla and nodded for her to continue.
“Okay, I don’t want you to start talking just yet. You had a breathing tube in your throat for about a week and a half so it will not do you any good trying to speak. If I ask you a que
stion just blink once for yes and twice for no. Okay?”
I blinked once for yes and she smiled at me. “Great! Let’s start out with the heavy. Honey, you are here because two and half weeks ago you tried to kill yourself. Ocean and Law found you in your condo bleeding to death, literally. You used a rather large piece of glass from your office table to slice your arm open from your wrist all the way up to your elbow.”
She paused, taking in my expression which probably resembled a deranged person with memory loss being told they had just murdered someone and had no memory of it.
I looked around the cold and intimidating room, trying to find the memory that fit with me doing this to myself but I was coming up blank. I ran my free hand through my hair pulling at the ends trying to remember.
“Livie, do you remember doing this to yourself?” I looked at Layla and blinked twice as I continued to panic.
Ocean walked by Law who tried to stop him, but only got shoved back forcefully. Ocean grabbed the free chair and dragged it to my bedside sitting down bracing his arms on the bed. He laid his forehead on my right leg.
My good hand immediately moved to run through his hair, which provided me the comfort I needed to stay calm.
I looked back at Layla whose eyes were starting to tear up. Oh shit here comes the bad news. “Sweetheart, I’m not one hundred percent sure why you did this but from the exam I had to do on you, you’ve been cutting yourself for some time.”
I blinked once remembering that much about myself.
“You received a call from your father’s accountant on the night you did this Livie. Honey, your father passed away from a heart attack the night you tried to kill yourself.”
My hand automatically gripped a handful of Ocean’s sandy brown locks and he didn’t even flinch. My tears came down uncontrollably. I tried to keep it together, but my dad was gone!
How could I have forgotten about him? My Clooney was everything to me. The only person I had left to remind me I actually had a family…the days when my mother loved me and wanted me. My cries kept coming as I grabbed onto more of Ocean’s hair.
Oceans Submerged: Book Two, the Oceans Series Page 2