My heart needed one thing and one thing only. It needed someone to love hard. It needed to find that perfectly imperfect girl that would shatter my heart on sight, then leave me scrambling to pick up the bloody pieces.
I looked around the room again, wishing Sunshine would barge through the door like she did at my studio the first time we met. Maybe this time I would let my dick lead and take her for myself.
I ran my sweaty and clammy hands over my face, rubbing at my eyes. My body was jumpy, my nerves where shot, and my god damn jaw was killing me! Courtesy of ram-fucking-bo!
I sat up in bed, contemplating on whether or not I should walk into his bedroom and fuck his face up just for the hell of it. It had been years since I had my jaw knocked off the hinges. The first and last person to do it was none other than Ocean.
I let my head fall into my hands as I thought about what Sunshine would do if she were here and saw me like this.
I stood up from my bed, pulled on my running kicks, grabbing my iPhone and ear buds. Push-ups, sit ups, and pull-ups just were not cutting it anymore.
It didn’t matter if I did five hundred of each lately so I did the next best thing, run. I would run until my lungs burned and collapsed on themselves or until I found a bridge high enough to jump off of.
I tied the string to my gym shorts tight. I didn’t bother putting on a shirt. Hell, who knew, maybe I would run into a fine ass girl and she’d fuck me proper just because I had the most perfect eight-pack she’d ever seen in her life.
Then I wouldn’t feel so bad fucking her pussy loose.
****
Ocean
I woke up with a splitting headache. It felt like I was having brain surgery without any anesthesia as my skull was being sawed open.
My eyelids felt too heavy to even bother opening so I laid still, trying not to do anything but breathe. I didn’t want to think because I’d think about my Liv.
I didn’t want to breathe in too deep because I’d smell her vanilla scent consuming me in her absence. I also didn’t want to feel because I would start craving the sensation of Liv’s naked body sleeping next to mine. And lastly, because I just went down that fucking list in my throbbing head and did everything I didn’t want to do.
I pushed the big red button that was labeled do not push!
I laid in bed and let my mind slip back into nothing into a place where my heart couldn’t feel or hurt, not bothering to get up or care if it was night or day. Not giving two shits if I’d been sleeping only for a couple hours or days, even weeks.
Chapter Nineteen
Livie
Running. I was running as fast as I could towards him. Only it was so dark I couldn’t see, think, or hear. All I knew was that I was running and I had to get to Ocean before it was too late. My lungs stung, my nostrils and throat burned as I tried to pull as much air into my body to keep my tired and heavy legs moving. Finally a light. The light was stationed on the outside of our condo. Running full speed up the stairs, I reached the top and ran right through the door. What I saw on the inside of my home stopped my run, breath, and heart all at once. On the floor with a knife in his hand, Ocean was slicing open his arm as I’d done in the efforts to stop the pain, giving in to my demons, and ultimately removing myself from everyone’s life I’d ruin. I couldn’t move, breathe, or speak because my heart was literally shredding into pieces. I could feel each fiber that made up the rhythmic muscles of my heart being pealed back and ripped off forcefully. Ocean’s face turned ghost white as he looked up at me. With one last smile, Ocean slumped to the side as his arm bled like a flowing waterfall. A never-ending flow of blood pooled around him inching its way towards me. NO! NN-O-O! NO! OCEAN NO!
“Whoa. Whoa Sunshine. It’s okay, wake up.”
The smooth voice crept into my nightmare and brought me back to the other side. The side where I could open my eyes and not see the man I loved and needed right now more than anything bleeding to death the same way he’d found me.
When I looked up to see Dulce watching me, I broke down in tears.
She sighed heavily before crawling into bed with me. “Hey, don’t do that. Please, I have a reputation to upkeep. With you shedding tears like that… well then I’m going to have to join you, and trust me beja (beautiful) we don’t need that, okay.”
I simply snorted in response, not able to stop the tears from streaming down my tired and pained face.
“Okay Livie, what will make you feel better? What can I do to help? If you think you’re going to cry all night, then girlfriend, you just might get suffocated by your own pillow tonight and I’m not talking if they start asking questions.”
I semi laughed, snorted, and hiccupped all out once.
“Music. I need music.”
“Coming right up,” Dulce said as she bounced off my bed and skipped to her bedside table, grabbing her phone.
When she got back to me, she climbed back into my bed, pulling back the covers, and settling in beside me as she rested her head sideways against mine. She brought her phone up so I could see the screen. Her screen saver was a Dominican Republic flag. No wonder she was so beautiful.
“I’ll let you listen to anything you want for tonight only.” she said with a stern and serious tone but I could feel it in her voice that she was just giving me a hard time to cheer me up.
“The only condition, I will absolutely not be falling asleep to any country. Not that you look like a cowgirl but you do look like the type of girl who will listen to and love all kinds of music.”
I nodded to her observation because she was absolutely right.
Law was definitely going to fall head over heels for her. I can’t wait!
“Oh wait. I take that statement about country back but it only applies to Hunter Hayes because in those eyes, I could lose myself forever. So what will it be Sunshine? What can DJ Dulce play for you tonight?”
I thought hard and the only songs that seemed to come to mind were the songs that Ocean played to me in the hospital.
I ran off the list of the four songs to her that my brain has secretly memorized. She downloaded them and put them on a repeat loop, dimming the screen and placing the phone in between us at the perfect volume.
“Get some sleep Sunshine, tomorrow is a new day. I’ll be here to help get you through it.”
“Okay,” I said in a mousey whisper.
My dad must have worked his charming magic up in heaven because there was no way I was placed with this incredible girl just by chance.
Thanks Clooney, I knew you would look out for me.
I closed my eyes and let the sounds of The Script drag me to sleep. This time I wasn’t kicking and screaming. Instead, I let sleep come to take me willingly and hopeful.
Chapter Twenty
Livie
A loud and annoying blaring rooster cry boomed from the ceiling above me through what sounded like speakers dangling only inches from my face. Both Dulce and I jerked awake from the sound, bumping foreheads in the process.
“Assholes.” I heard her murmur under her breath.
As I blinked rapidly, trying to wake my eyes up the speaker above our heads came back to life.
“Go-o-o-d morning residents of Shiloh Rehabilitation. Today is Wednesday July 13th, and we are going to have a fantastic day. Do-o-o not forget any newcomers need to come to the administration building to pick up your schedules. Ha-a-a-v-e a great-t-t-t day.”
Okay, that fake ass tony the tiger announcer needs to be shot!
Dulce turned in on her side facing me. “Don’t worry, Sunshine. We have until eight a.m. to get our asses up. So if you want another hour, that’s cool with me.”
“What time is it now?” I asked as I cleared the Chihuahua sized lump out of my throat.
“Every morning the announcements come on at six a.m. sharp as a reminder for us to start getting up. You technically have until eight to get up but you need to be at your first scheduled meeting by nine a.m. sharp.”
My arm w
as killing me and there was no way I was going to be able to fall back to sleep, so I opted for the early bird option. “Actually, I think I need to get up. My arm is throbbing and I won’t be any good laying here.”
Dulce popped up, throwing the covers off of her. “Great, I was hoping you would say that. I was trying to be nice and all but I can’t lay in bed either. Once I’m up beja, I’m up.”
I smiled at her wondering why she kept calling me beautiful. I was in the worst condition of my life and another woman that looked like Shakira, of all women, was calling deranged and butchered up me beautiful.
She looked around the room before resting her eyes on me. “Let’s get you ready first, okay?”
I nodded and let Dulce help get me ready for the second time within the past few hours of knowing her.
****
Again, Dulce did as promised while helping to get me ready. While I used my good hand to clean myself as best as I could, she let me use her as my support system to help me hold my weight. Putting on my own clothes was the killer task as I tried hold my own weight and assisting Dulce in removing the clothes only to replace them with more. I was worn out before she finished clasping my bra.
My leg wasn’t too bad and I was able to maneuver around a lot better today. I knew my arm would be a whole other ball game. I would be surprised if I would ever be able to hold more than one pound in that hand.
There went my love for fighting, boxing, and jujitsu.
Dulce walked out of the bathroom and danced around her side of the room, prepping herself. She pulled out what I was dying to wear which was a camisole top and black sweats with a pair of kick ass Nike’s.
I, on the other hand, had to settle for shorts, t-shirt, and my chucks again. I’m pretty sure I have to see a doctor or someone of the sorts, to assess my wounds and change the bandages. I looked around at her side of the room and it was pretty bare. No family portraits, no pictures of herself with any loved ones.
There was nothing here that would remind her of a home. Not even a special someone it looked like. I wonder if she was an orphan like me.
There was a hard knock on our door before it opened and a tall skinny man entered with a wheel chair. I looked at Dulce’s face whose eyebrows were reaching her hairline. I stared at the wheelchair and back to the skinny man’s face.
He kind of reminded me of that scrawny geeky looking guy from the later seasons of the show Supernatural. Only he was the Hispanic version. He definitely had the typical Puerto Rican man look.
With a flushed face, he took in the sights of Dulce and myself; going back in forth between us. When I saw him shift the wheelchair to cover his hard on I almost gagged myself.
I think Dulce caught it too because she sucked her teeth and placed both hands on her hips. “Can we help you Garfield?”
I wanted to laugh out loud but I was afraid that something would hurt too much for me to enjoy the gut buster. He certainly did have a Garfield looking expression on his face.
He cleared his throat several times before speaking. “The names Oscar and I’m here for Acosta,” he pulled out a paper from his front polo pocket. “Livie Acosta,” he said zeroing in on my bandages. “I take it that would be you?”
I looked around for something to fling at his smug face but there was nothing heavy enough to launch in his direction. I also considered as it was my first official day, assaulting someone would cost me and the thought of staying away from my boys any longer than what I had to was not an option. I looked at this Garfield character and decided to be as much of an adult as I possibly could.
God I wish Ocean were here to punch him in the face for me!
“Hi Oscar. That would be me, Livie Acosta alive and present.”
His smug face turned up into an even smugger grin. “Morning Livie. If you don’t mind, I’m here to take you to administration. They’d like to see you right away.”
I considered what he said and was more than willing to go where I was being called but not in that damn wheelchair. Yeah I was seriously injured, thanks to my stupidity but I wasn’t a fucking cripple.
“Okay. Whatever you say, but I’m not going in that wheelchair.”
His eyebrow rose as he looked over my bandages again.
“I know what you see Oscar.” I bit out his name as if I’ve known and hated him forever. “I look like a broken and hurt person that would otherwise crawl into that wheelchair willingly but that’s not who I am. So it’s not going to happen. Call the administration office, president, or CEO of this place but I’m not getting in that chair.”
I glanced at Dulce quickly taking in the huge grin on her face and it instantly made me feel better about my approach.
Oscar shrugged his shoulders. “If that’s how you want to do it then it’s fine with me.”
Yeah I bet it is freaking perv!
“Can you just give me a second before you take me to administration?”
He nodded and closed the door lightly behind him as he stood guard of the door.
Immediately, my cellmate began to laugh.
“What’s so funny cellmate?”
She laughed even harder and I couldn’t help but think of Law when she smiled. They’re personalities were so similar. It was going to be a blast watching them hate to love each other. “Am I that bad Sunshine?” she said with a singsong voice that made me roll my eyes.
She even had that annoying quality that you couldn’t help but like—love… just like Law.
“Course not. That Garfield looking guy really rubbed me the wrong way.”
She walked around her bed, making her way over to mine and took a seat next to me. She brushed my hair back and I couldn’t help but feel like I honestly have known her soul for my whole life. It was almost creepy.
“Come on Sunshine, you handled yourself perfectly. I couldn’t have done that any better myself. Believe me when I say, I’m a total bitch when it comes to men.”
I caught how her hand reflectively reached for her neck and that’s when I noticed the deep, but still freshly healing scar along her neck. Like someone tried to slit her throat open and it made me sick.
I decided to put on the brave face because I obviously wasn’t the only one going through some shit. She was still healing and hurting and I needed to give her the same comfort and support she was giving me.
I slapped her leg with my good hand, bringing her back to the present and away from the past she was trying to run from. “You’re right, I did handle that perfectly and as far as the bitchiness goes, we’ll just have to see about that.”
With her smile back in place, she sucked her teeth. “Go get ‘em tigere (gangster).”
I broke out in laughter as I shifted my body forward and stood slowly, not wanting to wound the self-confidence slowly building deep within my chest.
Chapter Twenty-One
Ocean
I opened my eyes feeling like I’ve been asleep for a whole week, maybe longer. The last time I felt like this was in between fights. Everything from my eyelids to my toes felt sedated and cold.
I stretched in place, looking over to check what the time was. The date stamp on the digital read Wednesday, July 13th: 8:45 p.m.
I rubbed my face, trying to rub off the sleep. I was kind of bummed I hadn’t actually slept a week because that meant that not even a full day had passed since I left Liv. I left her alone, afraid, and wounded.
I knew she was strong. The only reason she lost it yesterday was because of me but I love her. Liv is love; I don’t know anyone who would let that go willingly. It also meant I would have to deal with Law. I shouldn’t have threatened him like I did. I would never really kill him… on purpose anyway. Turns out I was destined to drive those I loved to their graves early.
I shook my head and sat up letting the blood that pooled in my head rush down through the rest of my body. I had to come up with a plan. A plan that would keep me out of trouble, jail, and keep me sober.
First off, shower and then apolog
ize to Law.
****
Stepping out of the bedroom I heard someone in the kitchen and prayed it was Law so I could get this shit over with. The TV was blaring on MTV2 while Law was cooking what smelled like pancakes.
Yeah the man was hurting just as bad as I was.
Homemade pancakes were one of his comfort foods; I’m surprised he was not making fre… yeah, he definitely made a fresh batch of cinnamon rolls.
Shit!
I walked into the kitchen ready for what Law had to dish out. I was hoping for a verbal assault rather than his fists because I’m pretty sure I knocked his jaw off the hinges yesterday.
I cleared my throat as I leaned on the counter. “Hey Law.”
He didn’t acknowledge me, which was fair.
“Look we need to talk about yesterday.”
He continued flipping his pancakes. I opened my mouth to speak when he interrupted.
“Can you pass the OJ out the fridge?”
I felt like telling him to get it himself but changed my mind. I opened the fridge grabbed the juice and slammed the carton on the counter. “Anything else you need?”
“Yeah, I need you to fuck off. That would be lovely right about now.”
Okay I deserved that too. I took a deep breath to dismiss his hateful tone. “Come on Law, we have to talk about this. You and I both know if we don’t, it’ll only get worse and despite what you think, I don’t want that again.”
He stopped moving around the kitchen to turn and look me in the face. “You sure you want to go there, Ocean? Are you sure that you will not start threatening to kill me when I tell your sorry ass the truth?”
“Yeah, I’ll go there with you if that’s what it’s going to take to make us right.” I lied.
He laughed to himself while cursing me under his breath. He finished putting together two plates of food for himself. One loaded with stacks of pancakes drenched in syrup and the other with a whole batch of cinnamon rolls.
I wanted to reach out and steal one but we needed to get this over with first. He walked out of the kitchen, over to the dining table setting down his plates and returned for the carton of OJ. Didn’t even bother to grab a glass, he just twisted the plastic cap off and took a huge swig out of it.
Oceans Submerged: Book Two, the Oceans Series Page 8