My subconscious is telling me that I have to wipe the memory of Gabriel out of my head. I am not sure how I am going to do that, but it is the plan. If he appears again in the night, I will tell him to leave me alone. I spend the rest of the day reading some kind of romance, hoping that I will resolve my dilemma soon. In the evening I go to bed early, hoping that I won’t have to see Gabriel anymore. Fortunately for me, he doesn't show up, but I feel betrayed even more, as it shows that he listened to me.
The next day I am expecting to see George and I spend the whole day mentally preparing for this evening. I avoid going out outside the house that day; I am not ready to see Gabriel as yet. I know he is there but I feel like a coward.
Mum calls to check on me and mentions Christmas, she talks about the mysterious man who she is seeing and I’m glad that her life is more interesting since I’ve moved away. In the evening, I leave the house to pick up George from the bus station.
The weather’s terrible and with the wind and rain hitting my face, I decide to run back to the house and grab my winter jacket. I try to make an effort for George, so I reapply makeup and style my hair, I have my best jeans on and my reflection in the mirror shows that I’m in a better mood today. I am dreading stepping outside again but I can't hide in the house for the rest of my life. When I leave, Gabriel is outside the house; even though it’s dark I can see him clearly on the street staring at me. I ignore him and decide to drive to the station instead of the original plan of walking; looking at the mirror, I wonder if he would follow me and try to pretend that my heart won’t react if he does. I assume that Sprites are able to travel, but I don't know and I don't want to find out, the less I know the better I feel about the whole situation. When I drive out of my street, he is still there following me with his blue eyes. His expression is unreadable.
The bus station is busy and after struggling to find a parking space, I’m forced to leave the car and walk a few minutes to the station. When I finally get there, I have a few minutes before the bus arrives so I go to the shop to get a drink while I’m waiting. I feel tension in my body as I walk; I notice Gabriel who is staring at me, looking irritated, but maybe this is just my imagination.
There are a few more Sprites around me and a few of them nod towards Gabriel. He is making me nervous and uncomfortable but I can't let him see my apprehension. I focus on the fact that I’m here to see George and try and put it to the back of my mind that Gabriel is even present.
As the bus approaches, relief spreads over me, a few more minutes and I will be able to escape Gabriel's intimidating expression. A beautiful blonde fairy woman is standing next to me; she’s almost the same height as me with porcelain skin, my body tenses but I try not to let her know that I can feel her next to me. As George leaves the bus, he looks around trying to find me and takes out his phone, presumably to check if I have contacted him but disappointment spreads over his face after he sees that I have not attempted to ring or message him. I am just about to wave to him, but the beautiful fairy walks up to him, whispers something in his ear as if she’s reading my mind and then walks off, looking pleased with herself. He then notices me and smiles. I can’t help but think what she must have said to him.
‘Finally you started to think straight,’ he says, unexpectedly kissing me long and passionately on the lips, and I don’t hold back.
8
He smells of familiar aftershave; my heart doesn't react like when Gabriel touched me but I kiss George back as wholeheartedly as I can. From the corner of my eye I can see Gabriel who is staring at me, and the satisfaction hits me unexpectedly. His body shifts showing his annoyance but within a few seconds he is still again. I feel like a child for making him jealous but I don’t care.
‘Well, hello to you too,’ I answer. ‘It's too cold to stand here, let's go.’
When we get to my car, George holds my hand and talks about his day in London. I am regretting that I deliberately made him feel this way, but maybe I was just imagining that he was angry. I ignore my heart and decide to follow my head. The mixed emotions are galloping all over me. It is late when we get to the house; Amy is watching TV with Richard and it looks like Carl and Michael are out. After a short introduction and delicious dinner, I am able to relax. The scowling image of Gabriel finally fades away. I try to enjoy a long evening with the people close to me. Close to 1 o'clock in the morning, I am sleepy. George has his arm around my waist. Richard and Amy have just left to get to bed.
‘Let's go. You’re tired,’ says George. Reluctantly, I get up and we walk to my room. ‘At last but not least, I have you for myself.’
He wraps his body around mine. I am quite dizzy and I know it's because of the wine that I drunk earlier. He begins kissing my neck gently, moving his hand around my body. The memorable heat extends to my stomach: he has always been rough with his touch, and I used to enjoy it but I am not sure if I still do. He takes off my T-shirt, and we move to my bed while he is trying to get rid of my trousers. I don’t protest, as I want to feel his warm body next to mine.
‘Gently,’ I whisper when he starts kissing my stomach. I am trying to enjoy his urgent, forceful touch on my skin. He laughs and takes off his clothes. He presses his lips against mine urgently, looking for my tongue while spreading my legs with his. I can feel the excitement but in the back of my mind, everything he is doing doesn't feel right. I am gaining pleasure from his aroused body, but then I realise that George isn’t Gabriel. That’s when reality hits me and I push him away saying:
‘I’m sorry; George but I can’t do this.’
He stops kissing me and looks at me, confused.
‘What’s wrong?’
I bite my lips, contemplating how to begin.
‘I can’t make love to you, I’m sorry.’
He gets up as if he can't understand what I am saying.
‘You never had a problem having sex with me before, so what’s changed?’ he asks, bemused as if this is some kind of joke.
I can't believe what’s going through my mind but I know that my feelings for George are false and pretending to be with him and using him to push the thoughts of Gabriel out of my head isn't right.
‘I’m sorry, I can’t explain it but I just can’t do this, George. I don’t love you.’
We had never discussed our feelings before, we had just enjoyed each other’s company but this is the truth – I don't have any feelings for him.
‘Don’t be ridiculous, Ania. I am horny so let’s just get on with it,’ he continues to move closer to me and touches my hand. I realise that he still doesn't grasp what I am trying to tell him and this makes me angry.
‘You have to leave, George, there’s someone else. I’m sorry but I didn’t mean for it to come out this way.’
His jaw drops as he sits back down on the bed, staring at me with disbelief.
‘You think I could honestly believe that you have managed to find someone better than me?’ he says in a patronising tone. ‘What did you invite me here for, then?’
‘I thought…’ I don't know what to tell him, my words stumble and I feel ashamed of myself; that I was full of revenge and stooped so low as to drag him all this way.
‘Don’t worry about it, Ania. I thought we could work out this misunderstanding between us before your mother…’ He doesn't finish, realising that he has said too much. I tense hearing the last word and look at him.
‘My mother? What the hell has she got to do with this?’ I shout, getting out of the bed. I can feel my pulse rising but he starts dressing and avoids any eye contact with me
‘It’s nothing,’ he mumbles under his breath, putting his trousers on. He looks around the room for the rest of his clothes. At this point, I am so angry that I can't control myself anymore and step closer to him.
‘My mother told you to make up with me?’ When he looks at me again I know that I have hit the nail on the head. I should have known that my mother had something to do with this and George is so stupid that he had lis
tened to her. My heart is hammering in my chest as I try and process this situation. George stares at me, terrified.
‘I’m sorry, Ania, she just suggested it and you were not meant to know about this. I want to be with you, I’ve missed you.’
I am not listening to his pathetic excuses. Something inside me breaks and I pick up the rest of his clothes and shout.
‘GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!’
‘But darling, where will I go? It’s late.’
‘I don’t care, George, just get out!’ I scream, throwing his clothes down the stairs. I’m shaking with anger. I push him out of my room and slam the door shut.
I don't even know when the tears started covering my cheeks. The noise of the door closing downstairs suggests that for the first time in his life, he has listened to me. How could I have been so stupid? Obviously, it wasn't his free will that brought him back to me but instead it was my interfering mother. How could she have known about us? The tears are streaming down my cheeks and I sit on the edge of the bed, humiliated. George felt sorry for me and that’s why he came back, pretending to be this new perfect boyfriend. My mother had caused all this by trying to sort my love life out for me. Why the hell did she have to get involved? I bury my head between my knees, wondering how much longer this could have gone on for. I lose control of my tears but I need to stop crying, feeling that I have brought all this on myself and deserve for it all to have blown up in my face.
‘I don't like to look at you when you are so sad.’
I instantly recognise this voice. I lift my head, making sure that I am not hallucinating and see Gabriel standing in front of me. The room is surrounded by darkness but I know it is him. My heart begins to race when he kneels by me, his blue eyes are shining. He is seeing all of me and I want to sink deep into the ground but I can’t take my eyes off him. For a long moment, we hold each other’s gaze. I feel myself getting breathless as he leans closer towards me and wipes my cheeks, clearing the tears. The wave of stimulating current passes down my spine.
‘You came here to humiliate me even more?’ I ask, hiding my face with my hands but he locks his hands onto mine and looks deep into my eyes.
‘Shush, I’m here because I can’t stay away from you,’ he whispers, and then he leans even closer. My whole body tenses when I notice that his deep-blue eyes are filled with lust. I shift to the side when he exhales; my blood begins to coarse through my veins. Then his lips touch mine gently, trying to test me again. This time I follow my heart and I return the kiss. He leans even closer to me, pressing his body to mine and pushing me against the door. I can't breathe when he kisses me more urgently, his lips are warm and sweet and my hands brush against his hair. My heart is hammering in my chest while his hand is stroking my naked back. I want to push him away to ask millions of questions, but I am locked underneath his body, unable to move. He stops kissing me and looks into my eyes.
‘I know you want this as much as I do. I can feel it in your heart,’ he whispers and playfully bites my ear.
I shiver, unable to respond. He can’t wait any longer as he lifts me and puts me onto the bed. My mind is blank, but I feel the heat spreading around my whole body when he starts to undress me. When I am naked, he begins kissing me again, touching every inch of my flesh, testing me again.
‘Sleep now,’ he whispers in my ear. I want to protest because I want him so badly that my whole body shivers under his touch but I can't open my eyes. My lids are heavy and soon I find that I am drifting off into a dream.
Gabriel doesn't come back the following night and for some reason, I am glad that I can have a night for myself. The thought about what may happen next is surreal but I don't want to dream too much in case I get too ahead of myself. I don’t care about George; he is never going to change.
Amy leaves Swansea tonight to go to her parents’ and Carl and Michael are leaving after me. My suitcase is packed and while I am packing everything in my car, I begin to wonder how I am going to challenge my mother. No one apart from Gosia knew about my relationship with George, so I can't understand how my mother found out about him. Seeing Gabriel outside just adds more frustration to my bitter mood today. I can't look at him and not blush.
An hour later, I am ready to leave Swansea and mentally prepare myself for the four weeks ahead of me to spend Christmas break in London with mum. During the three-hour drive, I am torn between being angry with her and being happy that she made George see me. If she hadn't, maybe what happened between Gabriel and me wouldn't have taken place. I hate that she always wants to interfere with my life; even being 300 miles away from me didn’t stop her with mixing with my personal space.
I get to London in the early evening, the weather is even worse than in Swansea. It's snowing and being stuck in traffic for two hours doesn’t help to my already sour mood. When I get to my house in Kingsway, I smile, knowing that I am home. Mum is outside and I notice that she looks so different. She changed the colour of her hair and she is wearing makeup. Her clothes are more defined and elegant.
‘Finally home,’ she says, hugging me tight. She smells differently and I recall that she never used to wear any perfume before.
‘Hi Mum, You look great!’ I start looking at her from top to bottom and she giggles like a little girl as I take in the new and improved look. She has dyed her short black hair to a shiny light brown that makes her look younger. I’m not sure if she lost any weight but she looks better in her new clothes.
‘Thank you, darling,’ she beams. ‘I am so glad that you're here. I have so much to tell you,’ she continues, helping me with my luggage from the car. My anger somehow fades away when I see her so happy and realise that I had missed her a lot. I decide not the ruin the moment by talking about George and instead, put the conversation to the back of my mind as we make our way inside from the cold.
‘I need to know everything about this guy that you have been seeing?’ I ask staring at my mother that has changed so much already.
‘He is from Russia, but there isn’t much to talk about,’ she says, waving it off as if it isn’t such a big deal.
‘Are you kidding me, I am not going to sit here and pretend that nothing happened. C’mon tell me now!’
‘What do you want to know?’
‘What does he do for a living?’
‘He runs his own business; he does something with property development. I am not sure we don’t talk about work much.’
‘So how many times did you go out?’ I ask barley restraining my excitement. My mother blushes again and I can tell that she likes him; maybe that’s why she stopped nagging me all the time.
‘I don’t want to talk about me, I am more interested to hear about you?’ she chuckles.
‘No news,’ I snap, ‘C’mon you got to tell me everything. What’s he like and do you think that you are going to see him again?’
‘Oh I don’t know Ania, it’s just been a few dates, but I feel that he is looking for something serious,’ she finally says looking slightly irritated.
‘So when am I going to meet him?’
‘Will you stop it!’ she says raising her voice. I laugh; she never was very straightforward about men.
‘Ok fine’ I say giving up ‘Let’s talk about me then’
‘Good, but before you start you have to eat something, you probably haven’t had a proper meal since you left!’
I roll my eyes and start talking about University avoiding recent rendezvous with George. I don’t want to ruin her good mood and get into another argument. My mother starts preparing food.
Later on as I eat the traditional Russian supper Mum made for us, I wonder if I will ever be as happy as her. I have a few weeks where I can stop thinking about coursework and University and enjoy the Christmas festivities the month has to bring. Tradition being valued on our household, I invite Gosia over for the Christmas feast. When I mentioned the differences of traditional Russian Christmas to my housemates, they didn't understand why we have to wait until the se
venth of January to open presents and why we don’t have a turkey for Christmas dinner. They were surprised with the way Russians celebrate Christmas. Later that evening, I go to bed happy that I am at home and that Mum is adapting well to the fact that I am no longer living with her.
When I get upstairs, I have a shower and go to bed straightaway. I soon feel myself falling into a hazy sleep when Gabriel slides into my warm bed, awakening me by kissing my lips. I open my eyes, smiling.
‘Morning,’ I say as he wraps his body around mine.
‘I shouldn't have come here today but I wanted to talk to you.’ He starts kissing my neck gently and the familiar electric current connects us.
‘I know you belong to someone else, but you can feel the connection between us,’ I say, looking at him. His blue eyes are shining.
The Whispers of the Sprite (The Whispers Series #1) Page 9