“Amazing,” he whispered.
Returning his smile, I asked, “What’s amazing? And why do you keep saying that?”
I watched his tongue sweep across his lip as he smiled again and shook his head. “You. I…just really enjoy being with you.” I beamed, my heart pounded in my chest.
Slightly embarrassed, but awestruck I replied, “Well, I enjoy being with you too.” Smiling back he bent down and kissed me again. Long and hard as his hand slid behind my head, pulling me in closer.
A knock at the door interrupted one of our most romantic moments I’ve ever had with a guy.
“Did you make plans with anyone?” he asked. I shook my head that I hadn’t. He pecked my lips as his brows pulled in. He sat up when a second knock echoed throughout the apartment.
“It’s probably just Vanessa wanting some girl time,” I told him as I stood up quick. “I’ll get rid of her and we can finish what we started,” I tossed out over my shoulder as I walked over to the door, adjusting my clothes and my hair as I made my way.
I swung the door and greeted her, “Hey Vanes…” I stopped short as I stood there staring at the gorgeous blonde goddess before me. Tina stood there smiling happily as she peered around me.
My heart stopped.
My stomach churned.
“Hey Aubrey!” She waved and pushed passed me to get into our apartment.
“Tina.” I continued to stare out to an empty hallway with my heart caught in my throat. I swallowed the lump back down and turned around. My eyes met Clark’s right before he flicked his back to Tina’s.
“Baby, I did it!” Her voice filled with nervous excitement as she practically ran to him. Clark stood quickly as he adjusted his shirt over his stomach. Just seconds ago my hand had swept over that same area he was trying to cover up.
He ran a hand through his hair as he questioned her, “You did what?” His eyes flicked to mine before back to hers quick. She turned her head to me nervously and I got the message that she wanted to tell him something in privacy. I pointed to my door as I pressed a fake smile and walked into my room. I closed the door and pressed my ear against it while my heart thumped wildly in my chest and my stomach churned.
Their voices were muffled, but I still understood perfectly, especially when she cried out, “I finally left Hank!”
I stared at the beige carpet begging myself not to get sick right now. For some weird sadistic reason, I tried to listen to more of their discussion—not that I could hear anything considering my heart pounded so loud, I imagined they’d hear it out in the living room.
The conversation was mostly one-sided. Either Clark had nothing to say or spoke very quietly. I sank against the door as I realized what I thought I had with someone was nothing more than what I had made up in my head—again. How stupid was I to fall for Clark of all people and to think that something could actually be between us?
The sound of Clark’s door shutting could be felt in my heart. At least I assumed it was his bedroom door. After news like that, why would they leave the apartment?
Nope. That was what I needed to do.
Leave. To clear my head.
I swallowed hard, attempting to keep the tears back as I pushed all thoughts of what they were probably doing right now to celebrate her new freedom. I grabbed my jacket and walked out of my bedroom.
Just as I thought…his door was closed and I heard soft voices. I grabbed my purse off the floor and my keys from the bowl by the door. In my most passive-aggressive move, I slammed the door shut. I wanted Clark to know I left. Maybe he’d at least feel some sort of guilt for making me hurt this way.
The wind whipped cold air at my face and the irony struck me. I was warm in his arms just moments ago and now I was out walking the street in frigid temperatures, alone. My life had changed in just a matter of seconds with just a few words from another woman. Not just any woman though. Deep down in Clark’s heart this was the woman he really did want in his future. The one he really hoped, but he would never admit to. She would someday leave her boyfriend to be with him; she fulfilled that promise. Now that Hank was gone for good, Clark would get what he secretly hoped for.
Where does that leave me? Alone on the street, walking as the freezing air whipped at the tears streaking down my face. They now were more like icicles. I ducked into a coffee shop to gather my thoughts.
After ordering a hot coffee, I sat down on a bar stool facing the giant window. People watching might let my mind wander aimlessly so I could try to forget my breaking heart. I blew on my hot coffee as I heard the faint buzz of a text from my phone. I ignored it as I stared at the passersby.
“Funny meeting you here,” a deep voice boomed from behind me. I swallowed quick and hoped I hadn’t looked like I was crying. I turned to see Blake’s smile drop and realized how horrendous I must look. “Hey.” The warmth of his hand on my shoulder and his caring expression helped lift my mood just a little. “Are you all right?”
I pasted on my fake smile and nodded. “Yeah.” I waved my hand. “Just doing too much thinking,” I attempted to joke. He straddled the bar stool next to mine and placed his coffee on the bar.
“Wanna talk about it? I’m a really good listener.”
I shook my head. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about how hard I just fell for Clark. Blake knew Clark and everything about him too well. Being made a fool of by the rest of the bar didn’t really appeal to me.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, hoping to change the subject. He gave me a faint smile knowing I didn’t want to discuss my problems. I was grateful for that.
“I just felt like getting out of my apartment this morning and decided to go for a walk. I haven’t had coffee in a long time and used to come here a lot. I guess it was meant to be I ran into you, huh?”
I smiled and gave a small laugh. “I guess so.”
After a nice long chat with Blake and being asked out tonight, which in my spiteful, angry state, I accepted. I really didn’t want to go back to the apartment just yet so I sent a text to Vanessa.
Clark hadn’t run after me, so I knew he was most likely happy with Tina back in his life. I should have known she would come back. Although I never really thought she’d leave her boyfriend, I was pretty sure she would at least come back for another round. And what had I expected? That Clark would tell her to go away?
What Clark and I had was just a great friendship. He is someone I could joke around with and he’s someone who helped me through my troubled times. I scoffed at that thought and shook my head. Clark, the manwhore, actually helped me through my tough times. Who would have ever seen that one coming?
Vanessa: Movies? Or Lunch?
Me: Movies. Then lunch. Or the reverse. Doesn’t matter!
Vanessa: Deal. I’ll come get you when I’m ready.
Me: I’m not home. I’m down at Sav’s Coffeehouse. I’ll explain it all later.
Vanessa: I’ll be down in five.
I must have piqued her curiosity since Vanessa doesn’t usually get ready that quick. I sat back in my chair and watched the people pass by. Couples were laughing happily and parents were pushing strollers with their cups of coffee. Life was going on all around me and it realized I needed to do the same—get on with my life.
I had let enough of my life revolve around what other men wanted of me instead of what I wanted for myself.
The problem is that I want Clark and he’s not what I should want.
“BUT YOU CAN’T FALL for Clark. You know this. You’ve seen the way he uses women. Uses them and only calls them back when he wants more sex,” Vanessa lectured me on what I already knew.
Vanessa and I now sat at a table in a small café not even forty-five minutes after our texts. We scratched the idea of watching a movie the moment Vanessa saw my red eyes. She wanted details and after what I put her through, I wasn’t going keep her in the dark or to lie to her ever again. I had already told her about the little things he’d done for me. She knew already a
bout him painting my room. But then I spilled my guts about how close Clark and I have become. And then Tina came back.
I nodded, knowing Vanessa’s summary of Clark was right. “Vanessa,” I started. She looked up at me after stabbing her salad with her fork. “Remember when you were worried about Matt. When you had all those doubts about him, but he still did those little things that made you believe there was just something different about him. There was something more to him than the guy who slept with all those women.” She put her fork down and stared at me. She knew I had a point. “Matt stopped sleeping around. He loves just you.” I was hoping that she would give me some reason to hang on to my hopes for Clark, but deep down, there was something else that made Clark so different than Matt.
“Matt let go of his love. He moved on so he and I could have a relationship. From what you have told me, Clark really does care for Tina, even though his actions make that questionable. You’re the one who told me all this, Aubrey. Not to mention,” she paused, looking at the table before glancing back at me. “We can all kind of see it when he looks at her.” My heart sank. Hearing it out loud confirmed my real fear. Now that Tina wanted to be with just him, he would choose her.
I felt her hand on mine. “I’m sorry, Aubrey.” We both sat there quiet for a moment. Tears stung my eyes. I drew a quivering breath when the realization hit me that I was just being used until Tina came back to him.
“I really thought because of what I went through with Clark that maybe he could be…” I trailed off not even wanting to finish my sentence.
Vanessa sighed and stared at me for a moment longer. Before she spoke, she pressed her lips together as if she wanted to stop her words from coming out. “I…I don’t want this to come out wrong or anything, but, have you considered the fact that maybe you feel like you’re falling for Clark because he’s always there for you?
I shrugged and looked around the room.
“I’d suggest you try to be alone for a little bit, but I know you better than that,” she said smiling.
I sniffed back the tears that threatened and nodded. “I already have a date for tonight,” I told her through more sniffles. Just saying that out loud made me snicker.
I heard her fork clank on her plate. “What? When? With whom?” She asked, leaning in. I glanced up to see her eyes wide and her mouth gaped open. I had to chuckle a little and then I wiped away the last of my tears.
“Blake. He was at the coffee shop when I was bawling my eyes out. Did you know he just got out of a relationship?”
Vanessa’s mouth was still open as she shook her head to answer me. “Blake? From Allure? The bouncer? You’re finally going out with Blake?”
I nodded and then replayed what she just said to me. I’d told him no for so long and here I was completely distraught and finally telling him I’d go out with him. Maybe I’d wind up really enjoying his company.
If I can stop thinking about Clark being at home in his bedroom.
With Tina.
IT WAS time to actually slink back into the apartment. I couldn’t hide out at the café all day, but all I kept thinking about was how uncomfortable it will be between Clark and me. Vanessa gave me an encouraging smile as she entered her apartment. Turning around, I slid the key in the knob and inhaled deeply. Noting the TV was off and not a soul in sight, I exhaled and continued to my bedroom, stealing another quick glance to make sure no one was home.
Taking my time as I showered and got ready for my upcoming date, I couldn’t help but feel melancholy. I should be excited about my date with Blake, but I wasn’t. I wanted to be with Clark—not only the guy who kept saving me, but also the good friend who seemed to make my insides tingle whenever we were alone.
The fact that I was starting to get to know him on a deeper level, the personality he doesn’t show too many people, meant so much to me. It was as if I knew about a deep hidden treasure, but had to keep it a secret. But, he wasn’t my treasure to keep. Obviously, Tina staked a claim on his heart a long time ago, even if he never wanted to admit it. To Tina or himself.
OPTING for casual and not too sexy, I chose my dark blue jeans and a mauve long sleeve shirt. When I tugged it into place, I noted it still clung to my curves. I wasn’t trying to showcase my assets like I used to.
Considering Blake has seen my eyes now in a variety of ways, including without makeup and swollen from crying this morning, I decided to stay low-key. I’ve always dressed and made myself up for the sheer purpose of snagging a guy for the night. I wasn’t going to do that anymore. To me, this was just a friendly dinner. At least from my perspective that’s all it was.
A knock on my door stopped me just as my wand was about to touch my lashes for the last time. I swallowed knowing it had to be Clark, unless I hadn’t heard the knock at the front door and Clark let Blake in. I’m sure that would be an interesting meeting.
My hands became sweaty and my heart thumped in my chest as I reached for the cold doorknob. Clark stared at the floor; his expression seemed troubled. I was positive he was only here to make me feel better—ensuring I don’t jump off the rooftop.
I sat back down on the bed not saying anything to Clark. Mainly, because I wasn’t sure what to say. Hey asshole, I really thought something was going on between us, but obviously, I was just another chick to make out with until your part-time girlfriend came back. Okay, so I was pretty sure of what I’d say to him. Probably because I said it to my reflection about thirty times while I applied my makeup.
He stepped further into my room with his hands jammed into his jeans pockets. His expression filled with pity that I didn’t want from him.
“I didn’t know about all this,” he started to explain in a low voice, probably making sure Tina wouldn’t hear our conversation.
I shook my head, not really wanting to hear the excuse he probably gives when he’s been caught in the middle. I’ve seen the catfights women have gotten into over him and I wasn’t about to be one of those girls. “It’s fine, Clark. She’s back again. I get it.”
“No, you don’t,” he interrupted me with a harsh whisper. He took another step to me and crouched before me while I zipped up my boot, trying to ignore him. “I thought I wanted that with her, but I don’t,” he insisted. I kept my eyes averted, knowing this was probably part of his MO. His voice was really sincere and my heart wanted to believe his words.
“Sure you do,” I told him. “You can’t have us both. I won’t be your other part-time girlfriend.” I made sure he understood that I wasn’t going to be played or used ever again.
“I’m going to break things off with her.” When his hand touched my knee to get my attention, shivers ran through me.
While deep down I wanted to believe that, I knew he still didn’t realize how he really feels. “No, you’re not, Clark. You’ve wanted her for far too long. Now that she’s broken up with him, you’re just scared. I’m not going to be your scapegoat,” I insisted.
“You’re not though! That’s what I’m trying to…”
“Hey!” Tina appeared in my doorway and waved at me. I wasn’t sure how much of our conversation she had heard and I couldn’t tell from her expression. Her smile faltered slightly when she noted Clark’s serious expression. I watched her eyes flick between us. “Roommate discussion?” She asked. I’d be lying if I weren’t just a little happy to see her wringing her hands nervously.
I pressed a smile similar to hers. “Something like that.” I wasn’t sure if I kept the sarcasm out of my voice. This wasn’t entirely her fault.
“Um, well, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry I barged in. I’ll find my own place soon. Or maybe Clark and I will find something together. Either way. I just didn’t want this to be uncomfortable or anything between us.”
“Thanks, Tina. I appreciate that. I’m sure you and Clark will find a great place together.” Again, I tried to keep the bite out of my voice, but I wasn’t sure I was successful. I stood up and walked to my doorway. “Excuse me.” I smiled
at Tina as I brushed passed her to leave my room. They followed as I made my way to the front door.
“Where are you going?” Clark asked. The alarm in his voice was unmistakable. I turned to see Tina question him with her eyes. She definitely noticed it too.
“I have a date,” I replied. I swung my jacket around my shoulders and looked back to Clark just in time to see his face redden.
“With who?” His voice boomed out, angry.
“Whom,” I corrected. I tilted my head with a small smirk. I wasn’t sure why I corrected him, but it felt like I gave him a smack as I watched his eyes narrow at me. “Blake,” I told him. I raised an eyebrow, almost daring him to say something.
“Blake from Allure?” Tina asked as she clapped her hands together. I nodded and wasn’t sure if she was going to start jumping up and down, too. “Ohh, I knew he was sweet on you!” she exclaimed. “He talks about you to everyone!”
“Really?” I questioned. The thought making me smile.
“Yeah, he asked me once if you and I hang out and if I could put in a good word for you.”
“Hmm.” I couldn’t help the smile that crept over my face and wondered how long ago that was. Clark was completely silent, which I knew wouldn’t last long.
A knock at the door caused everyone to turn and stare at the door in silence. I couldn’t resist stealing a glance at Clark. He took position in his macho stance near the door, which was becoming his trademark look for when a guy comes to pick me up for a date.
I opened the door to see Blake smiling nervously with a bouquet of fresh flowers. He held them out and seemed to be a bit nervous as he spoke. “Um.” He swallowed and tilted his head. “These are for you. Flowers. They’re for you,” he stammered. I honestly could not ever remember any guy bringing me flowers and the fact that he thought of something so sweet caught me off guard.
Stunned, I reached out for the bouquet of mixed roses and baby’s breath. I inhaled deeply smelling the fresh fragrance, enjoying my new gift. “Wow. Thank you so much.” I smiled bright. “I’ll go put these in some water. I’ll be right back,” I told him and then I turned to the kitchen. Clark’s stance hadn’t changed. I overheard him asking Blake where he’s taking me for dinner. It seems to be the question he has to ask all of my dates.
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