by Maggie Ryan
Jason’s frown deepened. Before she could blink he had lifted Melissa from the vehicle and carried her to a nearby bench. Her teeth chattered as her body shook uncontrollably. Sitting on his lap with her wrapped in his arms, she felt only the smallest sliver better.
“Melissa, everything’s okay, honey.” She could hear him talking but couldn’t register what he was saying. Thoughts of the accident that changed her life permanently flashed in fragmented images through her mind. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t catch her breath and couldn’t shake the process that had overtaken her.
A man’s voice came through as if muffled in cotton. “Should we take her to the hospital?”
“No,” Jason assured, “I’m going to take her home. I think she just needs some rest.” He peered back down at her as if trying to convince himself that she would indeed be fine. Worry creased his eyebrows. “I’ll give Marcus a heads up just in case.”
He carried her to the truck setting her gently inside. She looked up at him feeling like she was trying to peer through an ocean of water. Nothing would quite go into focus. “I’m just going to park your car and exchange insurance information with the other driver.”
The warmth of his hand on her leg seeped through the material of her dress, bringing her back incrementally. She swallowed hard, managing a nod. What on earth was happening to her? The flashbacks had come frequently in the first year after the accident as clear in those moments as it was fuzzy the rest of the time. Then they had lessened, happening only around the time of her parents’ death. This was as bad as it had ever been, though, like the early days. Usually she could find something to focus on, a scent, a sound. Focusing on one thing in her environment sometimes worked. None of those were helping this time. Panic bubbled in her throat choking her. When the shaking began anew, she escaped the best way she could, by curling into an iron tight ball and holding on for dear life.
The feeling of helplessness wracked him as Jason paced the floor of Melissa’s kitchen. After wrapping her in a blanket in an attempt to warm her cold clammy skin, he escaped into the kitchen to fix her a cup of tea and call Marcus. She wasn’t injured. He could see that with his own two eyes. There had barely been a scratch on either vehicle. Not knowing what was happening to the woman he had grown to care so much about was scaring him to death.
Marcus, the local doctor, had assured him that it was doubtful that it was anything worthy of a hospital trip. Instead the doctor had given him the number for Dr. Yu. He didn’t know if he was still Melissa’s therapist, but he had been at one time. Hopefully, he would know how to help her. Jason scavenged the cabinets for the tea that he had seen the other day when he had been looking for her coffee. The second cabinet into his search turned up several boxes. Choosing the peppermint & chamomile, he slipped the teabag into the steaming cup of water. He added a bit of honey, hurrying to bring her the tea.
His gut clenched as the sight of Melissa’s pale face came into view. She was still rocking slightly, hugging herself. “I made you tea,” he said in as soothing of a tone as he could manage with this much anxiety gripping him. She jerked and shot wild eyes in his direction. Stark terror hung just below the surface. He needed to call Dr. Yu before this got any worse. Setting the tea on the coffee table, he sat next to her. “Melissa, I just spoke with the doctor.” Rubbing her back he continued. “He gave me Dr. Yu’s number. Is it okay with you if I give him a call? He said he was your therapist.” Her only response was a small nod which was all he needed. “Okay, sweetie, I’ll be right back.”
The phone rang five agonizing times before a man’s deep voice came on the line. Wasting no time, he launched into what was going on with Melissa, not pausing until he had relayed everything that had happened over the last forty-five minutes.
The other man cleared his throat when he was done. “While I can’t talk to you about any confidential patient information pertaining to Melissa, I can talk you through what’s going on right now.”
“Any information you can give me to help I would appreciate.” Jason tapped his foot anxiously.
“From what you have told me, it sounds like the accident triggered a significant flashback for Melissa. The best thing you can do is stay calm and present with her. Remind her that she is safe and that you are there if she wants to talk about it. However, don’t press her into it. She likely won’t want to talk, and that’s okay. Another thing you can do is offer something to distract her such as watching a movie or going for a walk, anything that might help ground her. Take your cues from her though.”
Jason drummed his fingers on the table, nodding. “I can definitely do those things, but can you tell me more about what a flashback is?”
“Sure, a flashback is an involuntary sudden onset re-experiencing of a past trauma. Something in the person’s environment has triggered them to re-live the trauma as if they are back at that event again. In Melissa’s case, it was likely the car accident.”
He worked out the tension knots that had formed while listening. “That makes sense. Thank you for explaining.”
“Jason, I know this is scary for you, but remember it’s scarier for Melissa. It’s important that you stay calm around her while something like this is happening.”
“Of course, I will stay calm and help her as best as I can.” He blew out a frustrated breath. “I just feel so helpless watching this happen to her.”
“It’s completely normal to feel that way. Just by being there you are helping her. I feel it’s best if I see her as soon as possible. Will you encourage her to call to make an appointment as soon as she’s feeling better?”
“Absolutely,” he agreed.
“Even though I normally only come into Corbin’s Bend on Tuesdays, I will make myself available this weekend. Please have her give me a call anytime.”
“Okay, I will. Thank you, Dr. Yu for all of your help. I feel better having talked to you.”
“No problem, Jason. She will come out the other side of this. Just have her call me.”
After they hung up, his mind was still reeling, but he had an action plan. Even if that included waiting it out, he felt better having some guidelines on how to react to help Melissa in the best way possible. He had never been around anyone having a flashback before and hadn’t even realized this was something she had to deal with. Knowing she had lost her parents in a car accident, and seeing the ramifications of it first hand, were two entirely different things. He hoped she would talk to him about it, even if it was at a later time and not now.
She was slowly sipping the tea when he came back in. Although she still looked haunted, he took it as a good sign. Taking all of Dr. Yu’s advice, Jason decided that putting a movie on would be a good idea. He was watching Melissa far more than he was watching the show. Not long into the movie she snuggled into him and he took that as a go to wrap his arms around her tightly. The thought of her struggling hurt him badly. All he wanted to do was make it better.
“Thank you,” Melissa softly uttered about halfway through the movie.
He gathered her closer to him. “Are you feeling better?”
“Some.” She nodded. “This has been happening sometimes lately, never this bad though.” She seemed shaken by what she had experienced. “I’m so sorry, Jason. I ruined our night,” she said, looking miserable.
“No, you didn’t, Melissa. You had no control over what happened,” he said emphatically. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for this.”
She cast her eyes down. He couldn’t stand the shame that seemed to be exuding from her.
“Dr. Yu explained that this was a flashback,” he said. She shook her head affirmatively. “He would like to make an appointment with you this weekend. Would you be willing give him a call?”
“Sure, I’ll call him in the morning,” she said, not meeting his eye. “I’m tired. I think I’m just going to go to bed now. Do you mind letting yourself out?”
His heart broke for her. He wished he could assure her in some way,
but he had no idea how. Although he didn’t want to let her out of his sight until he knew she was completely fine, he couldn’t exactly say no to her going to bed. She needed the sleep. In fact, maybe that was what would help the most right now. “Okay, sweetheart.” He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “Call me if you need anything, okay?”
“I will,” she agreed, looking towards the floor.
He left, but not without feeling that he was letting her down somehow by going.
Chapter 8
Bolting out of bed, Melissa’s heart thundered in her chest. Whirling around, her eyes darted around the room, barely registering the familiar furniture around her. After several minutes of frantic fight or flight coursing through her veins, the scene from her dream gradually evaporated, leaving her soaked in sweat and grappling to come to terms with reality.
In her dream she was driving Jason’s truck. He was in the passenger seat for some reason. They were laughing, enjoying the ride. A look of sheer horror transformed his face. That’s when she realized she was driving them straight into a concrete wall. Trying to slam on the brakes, the pedal gained no traction. In that moment, Jason was replaced by her parents as they shouted and screamed to their death.
Nausea churned at the gruesome images that continued playing in her mind, over and over. Barely making it to the trash can, she vomited convulsively until there was nothing left but bile leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. It wasn’t over. It was never going to be over. The night her parents died was going to plague her for the rest of her life. Every time things started approaching normal, she was thrust back into the cycle of nightmares that weren’t satisfied with just stealing her nights. They now stayed like an unwelcome guest during her days as well. Dear God, why was this happening now? She was finally finding some semblance of happiness.
She made the move to Corbin’s Bend thinking she would finally make a life for herself and put this part of her past behind her. Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. That’s what she had been diagnosed with months after the car accident. That event took her from being an innocent teenager, whose biggest problem was whether or not she had passed her math test and if she’d picked the right outfit, to the broken girl, who had been the sole survivor of the horrific accident that had claimed both of her parents’ lives. Survivor’s guilt didn’t even begin to cover it. It was her fault that they had been on that back country road to begin with. A storm had been coming. She had insisted they drive her to check on her horses. She had to make sure they were ready to ride it out. The torrential down pour started sooner than was predicted, causing flash flooding. The creek, that was already high from rains earlier in the week, had washed the road out right in front of them. There was no time to avoid it. The waters swept their SUV straight into a tree. She watched her mom, who was not wearing a seatbelt, fly head first into the windshield. Before she could process what had happened, the current dragged the vehicle under water. To this day she didn’t understand why she hadn’t drowned alongside her dad.
Although it had taken weeks of recovery in the hospital, she had survived, left to pick up the shattered pieces of a life she no longer recognized. She hadn’t remembered the accident at all, at first. The nightmares came first. Then the flashbacks started, as feelings in the beginning which were bad enough. When the images had started coming along with the feelings, it was unbearable. Saying that first year was bad would be an understatement.
Soon enough, Melissa learned that if she threw herself into her school work she could block out most of the pain. She took the hardest classes she could, filling her time with homework, study groups, and the routine of academia. By the time graduation rolled around, she truly thought she could build a life for herself. Graduating top of her class, she could have gone to any university of her choosing, but she had stumbled across information about Corbin’s Bend and knew it was exactly what she needed to fill the last remaining holes inside of her. Domestic Discipline seemed like an answered prayer.
Unfortunately for her, the new environment seemed to cause the PTSD to flare to life once again. Instead of the positive change she had envisioned, she was thrust back into hell. Desperation set in. Deep inside she just knew that if she could live out the Domestic Discipline lifestyle, she would have the love and structure that she needed to make it all go away for good. That desperation took her down a road she wished she had never traveled. The one good thing that had come out of it was Dr. Yu. He had helped her come to terms with her past and learn the coping skills she needed to build a better future. So why was this happening now? Why, just when she was finding true happiness did the worst flashbacks and panic attacks she had ever had have to rear their ugly heads?
When none of the coping skills helped anymore, she learned that alcohol could take all the pain away. It was too much. She couldn’t bear to look Dr. Yu in the eye to tell him she had failed. As a grown adult, she should be over this. Clubs, drinks, and dancing had numbed her pain. Then Jason had come along making her want to do better, be better. What good was that when there was no escaping, even when he was right there beside her? He was too good to her and deserved so much better than what she had to give him. She was broken and that was all there was to it. There was no way that she was going to take him down with her sinking ship.
Trying hard to ignore the feeling in the pit of his stomach that something was not quite right, Jason put the final screw into place on the door frame he was installing. Technically he was officially in a supervisory role with a great crew. Still he couldn’t help but get his hands dirty. He was just the type of guy that needed to be hands on with a project. Plus, it took his mind off of missing Melissa so much. He hadn’t seen her since Thursday night. When she called the next day, canceling their weekend plans, his alarms had gone off. But her aunt was sick and she needed to go take care of her. He was worried about who might take care of her if she happened to have another incident like the one the other night. Assuring Jason that she had both him and her therapist on speed dial, he had no choice but let her go. He still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was truly wrong. Aside from the fact that he had barely spoken to her five minutes since she left, his gut was never wrong. That bothered him more than anything. Deciding to wrap up for the day, he gathered his tools and resolved to give her a call after he got home.
Noticing his tank was almost on empty; Jason decided to stop off at the community’s gas station just outside of town. Walking in to pay, he noticed Melissa’s best friend, Kenzie, talking to another woman near the cash register whom he didn’t recognize. The petite woman smiled brightly when she saw him. “Hey, Jason!”
He smiled back. “Hey yourself. How are you doing today?”
“I’m doing well, thanks.” Walking over to him, she put a hand on his arm, her features changed to a look of concern. “Have you talked to Melissa today? If you weren’t already planning on it, you might want to go over to check on her. She didn’t sound good when I talked to her earlier.”
“Check on her?” He frowned, confused. “Melissa told you that she was out of town, didn’t she?”
Kenzie’s eyes widened in surprise. “She’s not out of town, Jason. Who told you she was?”
“Of course she is. Her aunt is ill. She had to leave town for the week to help out.”
Her brow furrowed deeply. “I don’t know why she would tell you that. I have no idea if she has a sick aunt, but she’s been here all week. I stopped by her house yesterday because she wasn’t returning my calls.”
Shock riveted through him then panic set in. “The last time I saw her was last week and, Kenz, it wasn’t good. Did she tell you that she had a massive flashback on Thursday?”
“No,” she said, lips pressed into a thin line, “but that explains why she was out of sorts when I went by. She looks like she hasn’t slept in a week.”
“Shit,” Jason cursed. “I need to go check on her now.”
“Go, I’ll meet you there.”
Slapping some money on
the counter, Jason booked it to his truck. Throwing it in gear, he drove as fast as he reasonably could, without running anyone over. He wasted no time getting to the door. Several minutes passed by as he knocked to no avail. When Kenzie turned up, pulling out a key, he sagged with relief. What he saw inside, as the door swung open, did nothing to assuage his fear. Empty whiskey bottles were scattered around the living room along with a couple of half full wine bottles. Empty take out containers littered the kitchen, but Melissa was nowhere to be seen. Checking the garage, he noted that her car was still parked inside. It brought some relief that she wasn’t driving, on top of all that booze.
“What do we do now?” he mused, half to himself, raking his hand through his hair.
“I think we should wait for her to come home. Hopefully, she just went to the grocery store and will be right back. Until then, we clean,” Kenzie said, looking around the room.
The idea of waiting, not knowing where Melissa was or what condition she was in, killed him. Kenzie went to get a trash bag while Jason attempted to call Melissa again in hopes that she would actually answer. When it went directly to voicemail, he turned to give what help he could. At least they would be doing something while they waited.
Kenzie gingerly picked up one of the whiskey bottles holding it up to Jason. “I wonder how she even bought these.”
“I’m guessing the same way she gets into clubs, her ID.”
The younger woman quirked an eyebrow at him. “She has a fake ID, and you let her keep it? My ass would be handed to me on a platter if I ever did something like that and Cory caught me.”
“Wait,” Jason stopped in his tracks, “what do you mean fake ID?”
“She’s not twenty-one yet. Surely, you knew that?”