“I thought you said there wasn’t anything going on between you and Landon,” he says.
“There isn’t. I mean, there wasn’t anything going on. I’m falling in love with Derrick, but I think about Landon and I like him, I just don’t know what to do. I stopped last night from going any further and told him that I was falling in love with Derrick, and then he asked what Derrick’s last name was, so I told him. I didn’t see why it truly mattered, but then he flipped out, storming away from me and said that he wouldn’t be contacting me anymore and left,” I say.
“Well Blake, Derrick’s a powerful man in Atlantic City. I mean you’ve seen it for yourself. Maybe he knows who he is through the media and the thought of messing around with ‘Derrick James’ girlfriend freaked him out. I’ve known you for years, and I’m even kind of intimidated by the fact that you’re dating Derrick James,” Dean says to me.
That makes sense, I never considered that a possibility. I never knew Dean was intimidated by whom I’m dating either. That little piece of information is actually quite stunning, knowing that no one ever intimidates Dean. “I guess you’re right. I have never thought of that possibility. I have been going over and over in my mind why he had freaked out. Now I have a bigger problem on my hands. I have to tell Derrick, but I need to do it in person,” I say.
Nodding he comes and sits next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder pulling me into him he says, “You’re right, you do have to tell him. I know you, of all people, don’t want to start a relationship based on secrets, lies and regrets; you need to tell him everything.” Burrowing my face in his chest because I know what he means by everything, he lifts my chin forcing me to look at him, “I mean tell him everything Blake,” he says. I nod my head in acceptance as tears well up in my eyes. I know deep down he’s right. Reaching for my phone, I pull up Derrick’s number and send him a quick text.
Me: Hey, I need to see you tonight. I’ll talk to Frankie and see if I can get off.
Derrick: Okay. Should I be worried? Let me know what he says.
I don’t even text him back—I can’t. I have no idea how he’s going to react to everything that I need to tell him, about the nightmares that are a reality for me, about me cheating on him. The guilt festers inside of me, like a rotten tooth that needs to be extracted. I just hope for my sake and my sanity that I can get tonight off and that I can make it through my confessions with Derrick.
Scrolling through the contacts on my phone, I search for Frankie’s name. I have no idea what I’m going to tell him. Staring at his number for what seems like seconds, even minutes I finally tap the send icon on my phone. Anxiety starts to build higher and higher with each ring that goes unanswered. Finally, on what seems like the fifth ring he answers.
“Blake is everything okay?” He asks frantically. Frankie knows I wouldn’t be calling him unless it was an emergency.
The water works come out of nowhere again as I start to speak, “Hey Frankie…” Hiccup, “I don’t know if everything is okay actually. That’s why I was calling…” Hiccup, “I needed to see if I could get tonight off. I know it’s short notice, but I promise I’ll find someone to cover my shift.”
“Damn it Blake, I thought something awful happened to you,” he says to me exhaling a deep breath. “What’s going on? I mean I don’t mind you taking off tonight, but I just want to know that everything’s okay,” he says.
“I don’t know if everything’s going to be all right, that’s why I need tonight off to get some things sorted out,” I say quietly.
“Yeah, all right. Listen I know I’m just your boss, but if you ever need to talk just know that I’m here for you okay,” he says sincerely.
“Thanks Frankie, I really do appreciate it. More than you’ll ever know,” I reply disconnecting the call.
“Well at least Frankie gave you tonight off, now all you have to do is find yourself a bartender as bad ass as you to cover a crazy Saturday night crowd.” Dean says bluntly. I know he doesn’t mean to be crass with me, but Saturday is our busiest night and he’s right, I do have to find a badass bartender and quick. When my phone vibrates, I look to see a text from Derrick.
Derrick: Did you get tonight off?
Me: Yeah.
Derrick: Okay. Here’s the code for the garage 08211985. Just park in the space next to my Range Rover, I own it. Jimmy will be down waiting on you to show you up.
Me: I’ll see you in a bit.
Derrick: Drive safe.
After packing my bag, I drive over to Derrick’s. I try not to think about what might happen when I show up at his place. Standing here, with my fist raised, I take a deep breath and knock.
Opening the door, Derrick stands before me with wide eyes taking in my sweatpants, loose fitted long sleeved T-shirt and a pair of flip-flops. I pulled my hair into a messy bun on the top of my head before I left. My eyes are blood shot, swollen and sting from crying. Standing back from the door, letting me in, he thanks Jimmy with a handshake and a tip.
Shutting the door, he turns and looks back at me. Without even thinking about it, I launch myself into his arms, clutching him to me. Quietly he whispers, “Babe, what happened?” His tone is full of concern. When I don’t answer, he says again, “Blake, what’s happened? You’re scaring the shit out of me. Is everything okay?” The only answer I can give him is the shake of my head.
Derrick guides me over to the couch, pulling me onto his lap. Burying my face in the crook of his neck, I wrap my arms around his middle anchoring him to me, lightly pressing a kiss on his neck. Running his fingers through my hair, comforting me—I cry and pray that once he hears what I have to say that he won’t leave me. As my tears start to dissipate, I pull back away from his neck and gaze into his incredible hazel eyes, and whisper to him, “I love you Derrick. I love everything about you. You’re such a good man, and I never thought that I could have this. From the moment I realized that I was falling in love with you, I knew I needed to tell you everything. This way you can know all of me, and what makes me the person I am.”
Cupping my face in his hands, he wipes away the stray tears that continue to fall. Smiling a small smile, looking me in the eyes he whispers, “I love you too Blake.”
Gasping from his confession, I ask, “You love me?” I need to remind myself that after he hears what I’m about to tell him—he may change his mind.
Hugging me to him, I tilt my head back as he leans in kissing me. Stopping just before our lips meet he murmurs, “Of course I love you, and I knew you loved me too. You just needed some time to realize it.” Closing the gap between our mouths, he kisses me with so much passion I could explode. His hands glide up from my face, to the back of my neck, into my hair, releasing it from its captivity. With my lips flush against Derrick’s, I trace my tongue against his upper lip seeking entrance into his warm, decadent mouth. He obliges willingly. Our tongues mold our mouths together, becoming one. Our breathing is rapid and intense as I break away knowing that I have some admissions to get through still.
Looking down at my nails, picking at the cuticles, I say, “Derrick I have some things I need to get off my chest, so before you say anything, please just let me get through this.” Taking a deep shaky breath I say, “I was molested by my Spanish teacher when I was twelve.” It comes out in one hushed breath because I didn’t know how else to say it. Feeling his legs tense up beneath me, I know he heard what I said. “I’ve never told anyone. Only two people know, and that’s Dean and Rachel.” Continuing, I add, “I was taking a Spanish class, it didn’t count as a high school credit or anything; it was more like an introductory course. What I didn’t know was if you took Spanish in the seventh grade and passed, then you had to take it in the eighth grade as well to have it count as a high school credit. The thought never occurred to me that there was only one Spanish teacher in the whole school. Never in a million years did I think that someone who was supposed to protect me from people like him would end being the one I need protection from.” A ste
ady stream of tears flow down my face as I sit here telling Derrick what happened to me.
“I had trouble understanding the material, so when he offered to tutor me Monday thru Friday, I accepted it. He gave me a permission slip for my parents to sign, stating that they understood why I was staying after school each day for an hour. I did what any good student would do, I had my parents sign the damn thing, not realizing I was actually having them sign over my happiness, my dreams—my life. He followed me all the way through high school, reminding me that if I ever told anyone, he would kill me.” Throwing my arms around his neck, I hold him tightly to me as years of pent up frustration, anger and hurt flood through me. Gut-wrenching sobs escape me, filling the quietness surrounding us. Holding me to him, he rubs my back trying to soothe me.
Clearing my throat, I murmur, “There’s something else I need to tell you.”
Pulling back, I look into his eyes when he says, “Okay.” Confusion crosses his face when I look away from him. Hanging my head and wringing my hands in my lap, I say taking a deep breath, “A week after we started dating, I met this guy who lives in the city and we’ve talked a few times on the phone and through text. Anyhow, he showed up at the bar last night. I felt bad because he said that he wanted to hang out with me. I don’t have many friends because I work, go to school and try to make time for us, so I didn’t see what the big deal was. He said that he planned on hanging out at the bar with me until closing, and then he was going to get a hotel for the night. I told him that he could crash on my couch and leave in the morning. I thought it was ridiculous for him to pay for a room for only a few hours of sleep. Long story short,” taking a deep shaky breath, my anxiety kicks in full force as I continue, “we all wound up getting drunk, and when Dean went to bed, we ended up fooling around a little bit. I stopped it of course, when I realized what I was doing, when I realized I’d betrayed you and your trust. He left, and I haven’t talked to him since.”
Looking at Derrick right now, I know he’s pissed. His face is red as he sits silently fuming. I felt his body go rigid beneath me when I told him that Landon and I had fooled around. I rather he would yell or scream at me instead of having to endure this tension that’s so thick you could cut it with a knife.
In a harsh tone, one I never thought I’d be on the receiving end of, he asks me, “What’s considered ‘fooling around’ to you? What exactly did you two do Blake?”
“We kissed and touched a little, but we didn’t take our clothes off, and I didn’t sleep with him. I told him I couldn’t because of you.”
A humorless laugh escapes him, and through gritted teeth he says, “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
Snapping my head up to look at him, his lips press into a hard line while his jaw muscles tense under the pressure of him gritting his teeth. He’s seething with anger. Lifting me off his lap, he gets up off the couch and storms into the kitchen. Opening the cupboard above the fridge, I watch as he pulls out a bottle of Jameson. With his back to me, he pours himself a drink. I sit and wait for him to say something, anything—but he never does.
Standing up from the couch and making my way towards the door, I look back at him over my shoulder and say, “I truly am terribly sorry. Goodbye Derrick.”
Just as I reach the front door, I’m stopped dead in my tracks when he shouts at me, “So that’s it huh? You’re just going to walk out on us, and not even discuss what you just told me. You’re not even going to give me a chance to say my piece?”
Spinning around — now, I’m pissed. I storm into the kitchen, coming toe to toe with Derrick, poking my finger in his chest. Through gritted teeth, I say, “You know what, fuck you Derrick,” I yell in his face, “I told you because I thought it was the right thing to do. I put my faith into something unknown, and it led to this—me falling in love with you. I did not and I do not want any lies or regrets between us. That’s why I told you. I could have kept it from you and you would have never known, but I didn’t.” Shaking with rage, because I thought what I was doing was the right thing just exploded in my face.
Slamming his glass down on the counter, it shatters into a thousand pieces as he yells back, “God dammit, what the hell do you want me to say Blake? Did you seriously fucking come here and tell me that you love me just because you fucked up? Would you seriously still be standing here telling me that if you weren’t scared that I’d leave you?”
Narrowing my eyes at him, I don’t back down; no, I push further, “You know what, I did fuck up, by coming here. You want to make me feel like a piece of shit, go ahead, but don’t you dare act like—,” my words are cut short as his mouth crashes to mine. His tongue plunges into my mouth, as he grabs a handful of my hair pulling my head back deepening the kiss. Picking me up, he sits me on the counter away from the broken glass. My legs wrap around him on their own accord. My hands tug on his shirt, balling into fists bringing him closer to me. My thighs clench around him tighter holding him in place. Moving away from my mouth, he trails hot kisses across my jaw and up behind my ear. Gasping from the contact of his lips on my sensitive flesh, I feel his long fingers stroke me against my core. Nipping the soft cartilage of my ear he whispers, “Did he touch here,” shaking my head adamantly, panting, I breathe out, “No.” Pulling me to the edge of the counter, gripping my hips, his lips move down my neck to my collarbone where he bites me. Crying out from the pain, he kisses the spot he just bit. Rocking against me, his bulge collides with my throbbing core as his hand cups my breast, squeezing it hard, he asks, kissing the tops of my breasts, “How about here Blake,” he asks, thrusting against me again, “Did he kiss you here, did he get to touch these perfect tits of yours?”
Throwing my head back moaning I yell, “Derrick...please…I…need…,”
“Were you moaning for him, like you are now—for me?” He asks, slamming his hard dick against me.
My head snaps upright, looking into his lust filled hooded eyes, threading my fingers through his hair; I pull his head back exposing his neck. Using the tip of my tongue, I start at the hollow in his neck tracing a line up to his ear. Mirroring his actions, I nip his ear and immediately kiss the pain away before whispering, “No Derrick, I didn’t moan for him like I do for you. I didn’t ask him what I’m about to ask you either.”
Trailing kisses down his neck and along his throat, his neck vibrates against my lips when he asks, “And what is that Blake, what are you going to ask me?”
Tugging his head forward, I lean in to kiss him, just as our lips brush against each other’s, I whisper, “Will you be with me tonight?”
“Baby are you sure because once I pick you up off this counter and carry you to my room, that’s it,” he says with wide eyes. It’s like he can’t believe what I’m asking.
Nodding I say, “I’m sure Derrick. I’ve have this sense of comfort with you, that I’ve never had with anyone else. I can’t count Dean because our relationship is strictly platonic. I know that I messed up last night and that’s not why I’m asking you. So before you assume that’s why, just know that I want this, I want you. “
Pulling me off the counter, he carries me to his room saying, “I’m going to do things to your body that nothing else will ever compare. When your body aches, I’ll be the only one to relieve the pain. When you’re starving, I’ll be the one to satisfy your appetite. And when you feel like you can’t breathe, I’ll be the oxygen you need.”
Dropping me on his bed, he leans over kissing me, pulling back, he says, “And just so you know Blake, once you’ve had a taste of what I can offer you, your body will crave me like a drug addict craves their next hit.”
Reaching for the hem of my shirt, he guides it up, and over my head as his fingertips skate across my skin setting it on fire. My body ignites in goose bumps as he begins nipping, kissing, and sucking his way down my neck. When his lips find my collarbone, his strong hands glide around and behind my back unclasping my bra. Lifting his head, Derrick stares into my eyes, as he slowly pushes th
e bra straps over my shoulders pulling it off. Leaning over me, he rains kisses down my chest and my stomach, reaching my hipbones. Smoothing his hands up and down my ribs, he builds my anticipation. Cupping my breasts in his hands, he takes one into his mouth. “Ahh..,” I cry out with my back arching off the bed. He switches to the other, showing it the same attention. The pulsing between my legs grows stronger as he continues his assault. Releasing my nipple, he lifts up off me. Reaching down, he pulls my sweats and panties off in one fell swoop tossing them aside. Licking his lips, he says in a husky voice, “I can’t wait to taste you, to drive you insane.”
Grabbing me by the hips, he yanks me to the edge of the bed. Spreading my legs wide, he drops to his knees, and before I know it, my eyes clench shut tightly as I scream out. Draping my legs over his shoulders and squeezing my thighs around his head a tingling sensation begins to build. My hands close into fists around the bed sheets, my head thrashes from side to side and my hips begin to move on their own accord. His skilled tongue begins swirling over every inch of my sex as his fingers move inside me, preparing me for him. Flicking his tongue against my throbbing clit, the height of my orgasm is within reach. He pulls back and ceases all movement bringing me back down as my body starts trembling. Panting, I loudly moan, “Derrick…please…I…need…you!”
Within moments, he’s crawling back on top of me, naked and nestled in between my legs with his hard length rubbing against my core. Bringing his mouth to mine, I can taste my sweet and salty essence. Getting lost in his passionate kisses, I feel the tip of him nudging my opening. My legs move further apart on their own accord, giving him better access. Breaking away from our kiss, his eyes connect with mine. In a deep husky voice he asks, “Babe are you sure about this because I don’t think I’ll be able to stop if you change your mind.”
“Please Derrick. Yes, I’m sure, I love you and I know that you love me. Please.” The desperation in my voice pushes him further.
“It’s going to hurt, but I promise I’ll try to make it as painless as possible.”
Luck of Love Page 19