“I remember.”
“You do?” He sounded surprised. “How? You were in a coma, unconscious.”
“I don’t know how, but often, I was right here. I heard things going on around me yet couldn’t speak or move. When the pain got bad, I would slip away for a while into nothingness, although most often I dreamed. They were so vivid and intertwined with memories, I had a hard time distinguishing between reality and my imagination. And the last one…” She took a deep breath. “Let’s just say it scared me. In between dreams, I’d come back here, though thankfully, not for long because it hurt so bad being here.”
She paused for a moment, still unsure of the meaning of it all. When Cierra yawned and stretched, making sweet little baby noises, she dipped her head and rubbed her cheek against her downy-soft hair, again breathing in her baby scent, unable to get enough.
“As time passed, I came back here less often and stayed in the dreams almost all the time. I’d almost given up when I heard you calling for me.” She lifted her gaze to his, trying to convey how much it meant to her. “Your voice broke through, Ram. And when you brought Cierra to me, it pulled me out of whatever stupor I was in.”
He stared at her, speechless for a moment in his astonishment then his face tightened with concern. “Eryn, I had no idea you were aware. How you must have suffered.”
She nodded gravely. “When I was here, for the most part, it was awful. I was confused and in so much pain. Once, Juna stopped it. She mentioned something about a spinal.”
“Yes, they did that the day Cierra was born.”
“I wondered… Whatever she gave me did the trick.” Her brows drew together. “Until the day I woke up and couldn’t breathe.”
“That damn tube was supposed to help but made it worse,” Ram replied emphatically. “Thank the Maker you fought the machine.”
“And thank God you insisted she take it out. It felt like I was choking and smothering to death.” As she shuddered with the memory, her eyes drifted shut. Although tired, and wanting to sleep again, she forced them open, unwilling to let go of this moment without arguments, no recriminations, only calm, amicable conversation.
“No more talking,” he ordered when she yawned. “You need to rest so you can heal.”
“But I have so many questions. I’ve lost so much time. I hurt in my belly. Why? And what did you mean Eva had a natural birth? Was mine otherwise?”
“Little rebel, you had to cause trouble even when unconscious.” What had started out as teasing, changed when he went on. “You slipped into a coma from the swelling to your brain, and your water broke the same day, from the trauma of the fall.” A muscle flexed in his jaw. “I won’t go into details, other than you had complications, and they had to take the baby when you wouldn’t wake up.”
“What kind of complications?”
“Eryn, no.” That quick, he changed from the gentle father and concerned mate to the Master Warrior—protective, authoritative, and in control. “This rehashing of things in the past will not help you get well. You need sleep.”
She reached for his hand where he gripped the bed rail with white knuckles. “Please, Ram, you can’t imagine how frustrating it is to have big chunks of your life missing.”
“Almost as frustrating as having to watch, helpless to do anything, while you suffered.”
“You were here every time I was aware, and I thank you for that, but I must know. I won’t be able to sleep—”
“Back to being stubborn already.”
She didn’t respond, it being true, but she tightened her fingers on his, her thumb sweeping over his knuckles until the color returned. He took a deep, calming breath.
“Seizures,” he stated quietly, while frowning, clearly not liking giving in. “They wouldn’t stop. You shook so hard I thought you’d come out of the bed.”
“Yes, I remember the incessant rattling and jarring of both the bed and my bones.”
“Faex!” he growled. “You cried, several times. I knew you were in pain. I should have insisted—”
“How could you know, or anyone for that matter? I was unable to move, speak, or even open my eyes.” She kept on stroking him, soothing him with her touch as he had done for her so often while she was sick. “Tell me how Cierra arrived.”
Her baby girl, as if knowing her name already, let out a soft sigh. This made her smile, and she shared it with Ram, hoping he’d see she wasn’t as distressed as he was by reliving her ordeal.
“The trauma and the seizures put a strain on your heart and lungs. You were in distress, and they had to do something called a Cesarean to save your life, and Cierra’s.”
“As big as I was, I always worried about that.”
“They had to cut her out to save you both, which is why your belly hurts when you laugh. Juna says it will take about six weeks to heal, but that is much too long. Once you are stable, we will transport you up to the ship. We have other methods. Ellar says he can have the wound healed within a few days.”
“What remarkable technology. I think I’ll ask him to do a tummy tuck while he’s at it. As big as you are, I didn’t think my baby would be either dainty, or petite.” Her chuckle at her attempt at teasing turned into a hiss of pain. “Oh, Ram,” she groaned, moving a hand low on her belly and applying pressure to her incision. “Don’t make me laugh. It hurts.”
Although he had nothing to do with it, he agreed with an indulgent smile.
“Will you both be here when I wake up?” She needed reassurance like the last time. It drew an odd look from him, but she had to know.
“We are a family, Eryn. Where else would we be?”
“I didn’t know.”
“Our separation is over.” Although he pitched his tone low in consideration of the sleeping baby in his arms, his declaration was firm and unwavering. “Never will I allow you or Cierra to leave me, mate. Sleep now and put those silly notions out of your head.”
Not so long ago, she would have bristled at his highhandedness, but she had worried so much about losing her baby she didn’t care if he was bossy, since his words put her at ease. Taking his advice, she drifted off into another dreamless sleep, thankful at least one question had been answered.
* * *
Soft sighs of contentment woke her next. When she opened her eyes, she saw Maggie in a chair at her bedside, feeding Cierra a bottle. She smiled at the beautiful sight of her good friend holding her beautiful baby girl. After she watched for a moment, she scanned the room.
A strange sense of apprehension flooded through her. “Ram. Where is he? Has he gone?”
“No, honey, at least not far. While you rested, he went to grab a shower and change. He’s been here days on end. We couldn’t get him to leave your side, except to see to this beauty I’m holding. Once assured she was cared for, he came right back to watch over you. Primarian males take protectiveness to the next level, believe me.”
Maggie grinned up at her as she put Cierra to her shoulder and lightly patted her back. The moment their eyes met, she cried out in surprise. “Oh, my heavens, Eryn!”
“I know I must be a fright, but I can’t help it. I’m weak like a newborn; hair and makeup will have to wait.”
“It’s not that.”
“What is it, then? Ram had a similar startled reaction.”
While still patting the baby, she searched in her bag by her feet. Scowling, after not finding what she was digging for, she opened a drawer in the nightstand. “Ah-ha,” she proclaimed, withdrawing a hand mirror and handing it over. “Take a look.”
When she held it up, Eryn couldn’t see past the pallor of her skin and her dull messy hair which resembled a rat’s nest run through a briar patch. Although not one to primp, she did condition, and took pride in its silky luster.
“Ugh!” she grimaced. “No wonder Ram was struck dumb when he saw me. He’s talking forever and I look like a tired old hag.”
Maggie blew out an exasperated breath. “You look fine, as always, but yo
u aren’t paying attention. Try again and you’ll see what we do, a pair of gorgeous green eyes sprinkled with gold.” She took the mirror from her and held it up.
“Gold?” Eryn exclaimed. “What on Earth?”
“You’ve transformed.”
Grabbing the mirror out of her friend’s hand, she peered closer, seeing the gold in her irises which hadn’t been there before. “How?” she breathed, unable to look away from the proof of Ram’s claim on her.
“Obviously, you were breached. This little one is proof.”
“Yes, except it happened months ago, seven almost to the day. Why now?”
“Hm, that is curious. It might have to do with something they are researching.”
“Tell me, Maggie.”
“Have you accepted Ram as your mate, just recently?”
“The instant he called me back from the brink of death in my dream.”
“Oh, Eryn, that was no dream.”
“I know, but the place where I existed wasn’t exactly reality.”
“Ram, mentioned something about how you drifted in and out of awareness. How awful that must have been.” All traces of humor fled Maggie’s face. “You didn’t respond to any of the treatments and were, well…dying. Ram was beside himself, demanding they do something, anything. I thought he would break someone in two if they didn’t, but they had run out of options.” Her voice broke. “I can’t think of it without choking up, I’m sorry.” She took a moment, collecting herself. “I’ll never forget when he called for me to bring Cierra, and he set her so lovingly on your chest, wrapping your limp arms around her small body then Ram gathered both of you up in his strength. I can’t recall ever seeing a more beautiful, heart-wrenching moment. I was sobbing, so was Juna, yet through it all, I saw something I never thought possible.”
“What?” Eryn breathed with rapt attention.
“He cried. Your big, strong Master Warrior, the biggest, baddest, badass warrior in all Primaria, wept for you, for your baby, and for his heart which was breaking.” She wiped her damp eyes, jostling the baby who let out a small irritated cry. Patting her until she settled again, she continued in a softer voice. “You were bad off, Eryn, and somehow, he broke through. As he held you, your pulse rate picked up after being low for days, and you started fighting the life support machines. A miracle happened that day, or as Roth says, it was the Maker’s hand at work.”
“I remember hearing him, and feeling all of it,” Eryn whispered, “but seeing it through your eyes… Thank you, Maggie.”
A throat cleared. When they glanced up, Ram stood at the foot of her bed with a frowning Roth.
“Maggie,” his low rumbling voice cautioned, “she needs to rest, not be reminded of traumatic events.”
“Yes,” Roth concurred. “And, little captain, though you mean well, aren’t these things for Ram to share?”
“Oh, right.” She gave a little wince then looked from her mate to Ram. “It’s just that the story is so beautiful, and when I saw her eyes”—she reached over and squeezed Eryn’s hand—“I couldn’t help myself. Besides, she remembers most of it, anyway.” She stood and passed the baby to Ram then patted his bicep. “Here, Daddy. Me and my big mouth will leave you three alone.” She leaned up and pressed her lips to his jaw in a friendly kiss, startling everyone in the room with her overt display of affection for the broody warrior. “Congratulations, Ram.”
She grabbed the commander by the arm and pulled him along toward the door which was akin to an ant hauling around an elephant.
“Explain the kiss, mate, and what’s wrong with Eryn’s eyes?” Roth demanded as they went.
“Wait until I tell you. It’s so exciting,” she whispered. They heard, however, and couldn’t miss his growl in warning.
Once they’d gone, Eryn looked up at Ram. “I hope he’s not angry with her or you. She means well, and she’s happy for us.”
“I know, mate. Maggie was here for you the entire time you were sick and has been a saving grace with Cierra. Roth tried to get her to leave, but she refused. I worried he’d take her to task. She is like family now, and I would have been hard-pressed not to step in had he tried.”
“She’s been my best friend for more than a decade. More like a sister than my real one, so she is family.”
“Agreed, and Cierra loves her already.”
They lapsed into silence, both gazing at their sleeping daughter.
“It’s true isn’t it, Ram?” she said into the quiet at last. “We really are mates.”
“It appears so, little rebel. Your eyes cannot lie about this.” The off-hand remark a jarring, not-so-subtle reminder of what had passed between them. “How do you feel about that?”
“I’m not sure yet. After spending months denying it, for it to be true now, seems so sudden. I’m happy we’re speaking again. Can you…?” She cleared her throat, feeling awkward around him. “Will you be able to forgive me, Ram? Is the barrier I created so large we can’t overcome it?”
“I have already forgiven you, Eryn. I’d like to move forward from here, starting anew. But we must have complete honesty between us.”
“You must know my mission drove me to…” Her gaze lowered as did her voice. “But it doesn’t factor anymore.” For the vow she intended to make, she forced her eyes to meet his again. “I can do total honesty, Ram. I promise.”
“Good. We’ll discuss our future together when you’re stronger.” He moved toward her, and when she raised her arms, passed over a sleeping Cierra.
Surprised at being so maternal for someone who had focused on a career and never planned on a family, she snuggled her baby close. Maybe the brush with death, or the mating had stirred up these new feelings. Whichever the case, she loved the child in her arms and had strong affection—perhaps more—for her father. She had to believe the forgiveness he offered was real, and the past wouldn’t shadow the future he spoke of.
As Cierra stretched and yawned, which was the sweetest sound ever, she looked up and found Ram watching them, a rare and very real smile on his face. Tears stung the backs of her eyes, which she swiftly batted away.
Perhaps there is hope.
23
Ignoring the blazing heat and soaring humidity, Eryn cast a concerned glance at the robed man sitting beside her. Ellar had insisted on taking the seat in the sun, allowing her and Cierra the little relief allowed by the canopied top, when they’d climbed into the back of the hover Jeep ten minutes earlier. Now, as he dabbed at the sweat on his forehead and gave her nod of reassurance, he likely regretted it.
Who wears an ankle-length robe in triple-digit heat?
As for herself, Eryn didn’t care if it was 110 degrees in the shade. She’d have endured worse to get to where she was going—home—at long last.
She’d spent a total of three weeks in the hospital, and when deemed healthy for shuttle travel, Ram had taken her straight up to the Dauntless where she spent another two. Once on board, Ellar used his super-duper alien physic mojo to heal her.
Eryn had never seen anything quite so amazing, albeit a little scary.
Locked inside a cylindrical glass chamber for not quite two hours, which had given her a mild case of claustrophobia, she’d emerged from the Primarian healing machine without a C-section scar and a promise that her migraines, a residual of the head injury, would be no more. And while in there, Ellar had done what he called “a little tweak” to her lungs, which remained weakened following her bout of respiratory failure.
“You could have cured me from the start with that med-tronic whatchamacallit, couldn’t you? Like the physic did with Maggie when her appendix burst.”
“Healed you,” Ellar corrected. “Yes, I could have spared you a great deal of suffering if I’d had access to the proper equipment. And I think the machine you’re referring to is the Optimed Healing Accelerator. You don’t know how exasperating I found it as a physic to have the technology a short flight or teleport away and be unable to use it to help you.”
“To transport you by shuttle in your condition was far too dangerous. The gravitational forces of liftoff and the changing pressure of exiting the atmosphere would have been too much on your body, especially your lungs. And we’d already had to stop labor once.” He shook his head. “You would have delivered preterm sooner.”
“And teleportation was out because if you’re ill or injured, your parts might not reassemble in the right order?”
“In the broadest sense, yes. It’s a puzzle our scientists haven’t solved yet.”
“No one is sorrier than me you couldn’t help me early on, but I’m glad you’re doing something to help others. How long before your new clinic will be operational?”
“Construction starts on the building within a month, and the equipment arrives when the Intrepid returns in three. It’s much too far away for my liking.” He shrugged. “It is what it is.”
She grinned. “I love how you’ve picked up some American slang. By the time you get home, you’ll sound just like us aliens.”
“Maker forbid!” he yelped then realized his disrespect. “Oh… I didn’t mean… Rather, I regret the insult.”
Eryn could tell he meant it but didn’t want to lie outright.
“Think nothing of it.” Stifling a laugh, she waved off his apology, not offended at all.
The hovercraft came to a stop in front of her standard issue, brick and mortar, four-story apartment building where Ram waited for her as promised. He had a conference with Commander Roth and had enlisted Ellar and three of his warriors to escort her home in his stead. Ordinarily, four would be excessive on a military base, but considering what had happened to her nearby, and since she had Cierra with her, she hadn’t argued.
Although doing much better, she still became weak and fatigued easily. Once upstairs, with Cierra down for a nap, she curled up on the L-shaped sofa in the corner of the living room to do the same. She found it impossible to sleep, however, with the tension emanating from the large warrior staring out the window. “What did the commander have to say?”
His Rebellious Mate (Primarian Mates Book 3) Page 27