Dallas’s features took on the appearance of a dark thundercloud. “I don’t have to do that…and I won’t. It’s past time for Lanier to grow up. She can’t continue using what happened eons ago as an excuse to keep me waiting and wondering. I want a wife and kids. She can’t handle that right now. I don’t know why I fell for the so-called changes. She either can’t change her circumstances, or she refuses to.”
Houston looked worried. “What are you really saying, man? Do you hear yourself?”
“It’s the end of the road for me. I’m out. I’m not getting any younger. I want a wife, one who’ll love and cherish me as much as I will her. I don’t want to be a crutch for Lanier or any other woman. I’ve given enough of myself. I’ve been committed. It’s obvious to me that she isn’t. Lanier Watson is living in the past. I live in the moment, and I want to look ahead to a future. It’s really that simple.”
Austin raised both eyebrows. “Are you saying it’s over between you two?”
Tears sprang to Dallas’s eyes. “The message I’m getting is that I don’t matter. It’s all about her and what she needs and wants. What about me? Lanier is clearly not thinking of my feelings. Words of love are easy for her to say, but she can’t act on them. I’m done.”
“Dallas,” Houston shouted, “how can you say you love Lanier and give up on her so easily? Time and time again you’ve told us that you’re in it for the long haul. Were you lying?”
Dallas was stunned by Houston’s angry outburst. Austin wasn’t shouting, but he was obviously upset.
“I was lying to myself. I love her and want her more than anyone can know. What I don’t need is the baggage weighing us down. It’s too heavy a load to carry. I’ve been toting it around for a long time now. Lanier is not even trying to lighten our load.”
Austin’s eyes narrowed. “How can you say that?”
Dallas slapped his hand down hard on his thigh. “There must be some sort of payoff for her to keep this baggage around. Is Lanier lying about how she feels about me? I’m starting to believe she is. Maybe she simply doesn’t know how to feel. Is she so numb by past hurts that she’ll never feel again? I’m not willing to deal with an emotionless relationship, not where I’m the only one who feels anything.”
Austin stood. “Sounds like you’ve made up your mind. If Lanier can’t give you what you need, I understand why you’d walk. If you need me, just pick up the phone or drop by.”
“I second that,” Houston said. “I’m here for you, Dallas. We’re only a phone call and a few miles away. Want us to spend the night? I know Kelly and Ash will understand our need to be here. We’ll make that call if you want.”
Dallas shook his head. “Thanks, guys. I love you. I can deal with the fears of my decisions about Lanier. I’ll worry about her. I may love her for the rest of my life, but I won’t accept less for me than what I give out.”
“I hate to see it end this way,” Austin said. “Good night, Dallas.”
As soon as Austin and Houston walked out, Dallas closed the door. Seconds later, he broke down. Never before in his entire life had he cried that hard or felt that much agony.
Chapter 12
Dallas took a couple of days to reckon with his decision before he stopped by for a visit with Lanier. As they sat in her family room, the tension between them was thick and oppressive. No warm hugs had been exchanged at the door. Smiles were now strained. He’d arrived several minutes ago, but not a word since hello had passed their lips.
Knowing it was time to get it over with, Dallas cleared his throat. “I’m sorry it had to come to this, but, Lanier, I can’t stay in this relationship. We’re obviously not meant for each other. We’ve made no progress in deciding on our future as a couple. That’s a huge problem for me. I’m tired of waiting on something I may never have.”
Lanier picked at nonexistent lint on her slacks. “I understand, Dallas,” she finally said, getting to her feet. “I can’t blame you. You deserve someone who can love you unconditionally.”
Dallas wished Lanier had said something profound. If she’d fought for him, he would’ve given in so easily. His life was miserable without her. He stood. “You’re a beautiful woman, and you’re smart and talented. I see it, but you don’t. The reason you can’t recognize it is beyond me. I’ve waited on you a long time. I’m so unhappy that it’s all been in vain.”
“I know you’ve waited. I appreciate it.” Lanier fought the tears. “I’ll be okay. I’ve been like this all along…and I’ve survived. I don’t expect anything good to come into my life.”
“That’s so sad. I want to be with a happy Lanier, one who can put the past behind her and look forward to tomorrow. You deserve to find love and happiness. You aren’t happy and you can’t give up the pain because you’re addicted to it. Pain is your shield. That makes it impossible for me to get inside your heart. I tried to give you all the love I thought you’d ever need, yet I can’t make you love yourself or me.”
Walking over to Lanier, Dallas brought her into his arms and held her tight. He had rehearsed over and over again what he’d say to her, but none of what he’d practiced had come out. His heart had spoken for him, telling the truth as it was.
Lanier looked directly into Dallas’s eyes. “Congratulations again on such a remarkable pennant win. I know how well the team is wearing the crown. MVP is a magnificent accomplishment for you. You earned it.”
“Thanks for the compliments. I’ll remember them always. I wish it could’ve been different for us. You and me together forever. I’m sorry it won’t be. Goodbye, Lanier.”
Standing on tiptoes, Lanier kissed Dallas’s smooth, toffee-brown cheek, wishing she had the nerve to kiss his mouth. She loved him, but not enough to give up what helped to keep her strong. It was horrific, yet a foregone conclusion. By holding on to the pain, she’d never allowed herself to get hurt by anyone. The agony was a constant reminder of what to never let anyone do to her. This way, she was safe.
It’s you, Dallas. It’ll always be you. No one will ever have my heart. It belongs to you.
Out in the foyer, Lanier and Dallas kissed, but the passion was missing. As she closed the door behind him, tears slid from her eyes. Crying hard, she made her way back into the family room and took the seat Dallas had occupied.
Dallas’s remarks hurt Lanier deeply, yet she hadn’t been surprised. She’d gotten the message after he’d failed to call her or come by long after the party was over. She felt all alone, and she only had herself to blame.
The girls had recently called home to say they were going to a college roommate’s home for Thanksgiving weekend. They also planned to go to Europe for Christmas with a group of young women they’d become close friends with. The large sum of money given to them by the Carrington family would certainly come in handy on a European holiday.
Being alone for both holidays would be a major drag for Lanier, but she’d never hold the girls back. For their kids to live the best life possible and have wonderful experiences was what their foster care program was about. Life was lonelier, and she was hurting something terrible, but she’d made a career out of living with both.
It was now early November. The city of Houston’s temperatures were much cooler but perfect for early-morning or evening walks. Lanier, Ashleigh and Kelly had just finished having dinner in Ashleigh’s formal dining room. The threesome had gotten together to catch up. Austin had prepared a tenderloin roast and baked potatoes for the women to enjoy.
The triplets had gone to a special tribute for a Baseball Hall of Famer, and they weren’t expected back before midnight. Baby Austin was with his grandparents for the night. Lanier wouldn’t have accepted the invite to dinner if there’d been a chance of running into Dallas. Her friends hadn’t talked a lot about what had gone down between Lanier and Dallas because Lanier wasn’t open to it. Ever
ything was still too raw for her.
Ashleigh stood. “Let’s relax in the family room. Does anyone want coffee?”
“Coffee for me,” Lanier said.
“Me, too,” Kelly chimed in.
Ashleigh decided to clear the table later. She wanted to spend quality time with her friends. She’d seen Kelly a lot, but Lanier had become somewhat of a recluse, and she only saw her on visits to Haven House. Social events had been scrapped from Lanier’s calendar, which Ashleigh hated. Lanier had been a huge part of her life. The distance was hard on both friends.
Lanier walked over to Ashleigh and put an arm around her shoulder. “Let me get the coffee for you. You’ve done enough hosting for one evening.”
Ashleigh knew not to protest. No one wanted her doing anything while she was pregnant, and they all hovered over her like they were fearful she’d break in two. Kelly was as bad as the rest of the family. Ashleigh didn’t like all the needless attention, but she knew any objections would fall on deaf ears.
Ashleigh didn’t bother to move a muscle as her friends came back into the family room. By the length of time passed, she figured they’d also cleaned up the kitchen. Having poured chilled orange juice for the young mommy, Lanier handed it to Ashleigh.
Ashleigh smiled at Lanier. “You’re still on top of my needs. Thank you.”
Lanier smiled back. “I want you healthy.”
Ashleigh knew her friend loved her despite her inability to share her love with others who desperately needed her, namely Dallas. Lanier loved Dallas more than anything in the world, yet her past had held her back from giving him her all. Dallas hadn’t dated anyone since Lanier, and no one had dared to try to set him up with anyone.
Wondering if she should ask the burning question on her mind, Lanier bit down on her lower lip. Bite the bullet, she told herself. “How is Dallas?”
Ashleigh shrugged. “He’s fine. Our boy still hasn’t come down from the upcoming trip to the World Series, but that’s to be expected.” She grew quiet for a moment. “How are you? That is, without Dallas around?”
Taking a few seconds to form an honest answer, Lanier sighed. “Opened up Pandora’s box, didn’t I? I’m fine, too, but only when I’m busy. The minute there’s a lull in my day or evening, I cry my heart out. I miss him. He’s in my heart to stay.”
Ashleigh and Kelly found it hard not to cry over Lanier’s broken heart. Lanier already regretted the question she’d asked Ashleigh. She and Dallas were over. Never again would they discuss wedding plans, though she still wanted to marry him and live happily ever after. She knew that she’d ruined things for them, and the thought always made her cry.
Ashleigh saw the tears. “Sorry I upset you.” Ashleigh went over and took Lanier’s hand, escorting her to the sofa, where they both sat down. “You began the conversation, so I thought it was okay to discuss it. I know you’re not okay. You don’t have to pretend with us.”
Kelly still had hopes that the couple could end up together. She took Lanier’s other hand. “Close your eyes and imagine this. Three gorgeous men standing at the altar, waiting on the women they love to come down the church aisle. Conjure up an amazing image of you, Ashleigh and me floating down a rose-petal-strewn aisle to meet up with the wonderful men of our dreams, the men we love as much as life itself. Keep your eyes closed until you can clearly envision a wedding.”
“Imagine it just the way you’d love your wedding day to be, Lanier,” Ashleigh added. “Think about me, your best friend, standing with you at the altar, holding your hand. Think of Kelly standing with us, as we all let tears of joy flow free. Focus your mind on Dallas’s unconditional love for you. On that special day he will take you as his wife and you’ll take him as your husband.”
Tears trickled down Lanier’s face. As hard as she tried to see what Ashleigh and Kelly told her to imagine, she couldn’t. Dallas turned into Joseph and she had changed into Barbara, a hateful scowl on her face. “All I see is us turning into my parents,” Lanier said, lost in a haze of confusion.
Pressing Lanier’s head against her and trying to keep from crying, Ashleigh held on tightly to her dearest friend. “I’m sorry things went badly, Lanier. You and Dallas are a match made in heaven. We all know it. And you will see it for yourself one day. I know you will. You are not Barbara, and Dallas is not Joseph.”
Kelly felt awful since she was the one who’d started pressing Lanier’s imagination into service. It had been a disastrous idea, even if she did think Lanier and Dallas were an amazing couple. Until Lanier recognized their relationship for what it was, no one could make her see the beauty of it.
Lanier got up from the sofa. “Excuse me for a minute, you two. I’ll be back. And I will be okay.” Lanier blew kisses to Ashleigh and Kelly.
“I know you will,” Ashleigh said. “I know it in my heart.”
Inside the hall bathroom, Lanier stared unflinchingly into the mirror. Engaged in a war with her own image, she continued to stare at it without batting a lash. “You are beautiful. Your spirit and your mind are beautiful. Dallas is everything any man could ever dream of being. He has more compassion in his little finger than some folks have in their entire bodies. You will not compare him to Joseph, and there are no comparisons between Barbara and you.”
Lanier put her head down. Then, lifting her head high, she stared into the mirror again. “I take that back. There are no comparisons between you and the sick woman who long ago traded places with Barbara. The real Barbara has come back to claim her life and her daughter. Me, Lanier Watson, the daughter of Joseph and Barbara Watson, can finally step into the future.”
Lanier wet a paper towel and wiped her face off. She couldn’t repair her makeup since she hadn’t brought her purse into the bathroom. “That’s okay. You look beautiful without any makeup, Lanier Watson. According to Dallas Carrington, you have natural beauty, inside and out. And Dallas loves every part of you.”
Practically running back into the family room, Lanier’s smile glowed like sunshine. “Are you guys ready to get back to planning our triple wedding? Dallas said it was over, and he’s never going to ask me to marry him again. But I thought about it, and I can’t let him go like this. I’m going to ask him to marry me. Can you two go shopping with me tomorrow to help pick out his ring?”
Ashleigh and Kelly jumped up from the sofa.
“I’m in,” Kelly said with enthusiasm.
Ashleigh had tears in her eyes as she hugged Lanier. “You already know my answer, Lanier. It’s a resounding yes!”
Nearly two weeks after her dinner with Ashleigh and Kelly, Lanier stood at Dallas’s front door. She had just said a prayer, asking for help through the most important moment of her life. Smoothing her chic black pantsuit, she waited on Dallas to open the door.
The door opened slowly. “How can I help you?” asked the female with a sultry voice.
Lanier stared at the beautiful woman standing before her. Her first thought was to run. Then she squared her shoulders and made direct eye contact with the woman. “Is Dallas in?”
The woman looked a bit surprised. From the visitor’s initial reaction, she had expected her to bolt. “Can I tell him who’s here to see him?”
The woman who loves him, the same woman he loves back. That’s who wants to see him.
Lanier smiled. “Tell him it’s Lanier Watson. He’ll know the name.”
“Okay. Why don’t you step into the foyer while I find him? I’ll be right back.”
The thought of running came to Lanier’s mind again. Once more, she stood her ground.
It is now or never. Today is a gift, and tomorrow isn’t promised.
Lanier could hear the woman calling Dallas’s name. Her palms were sweaty now, but her resolve was steely. She lifted her head high and squared her shoulders, something she’d gotten into the habit
of doing when negativity tried to invade her soul.
Dallas stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Lanier in the foyer. Oh, my God! She’s more beautiful than ever. Look at her! He’d never had to ask himself why he loved her because he’d always known. Lanier was the woman meant for him. She was standing inside his home and that meant something. It was now time to find out exactly what that something was.
Dallas moved toward her, his hands outstretched. Taking both of her hands in his, he kissed each of her cheeks. “You’re still so beautiful! How are you?” He paused a moment. “Please come on in and have a seat. I’d love to know what’s been happening in your life since we last saw each other.”
Relief flooded through Lanier at the warm reception, making her weak in the knees. Standing on tiptoes, she kissed Dallas lightly on the mouth. “Thank you. I’m glad you’re willing to see me.”
“I can’t think of a single reason why I’d turn you away.” Dallas smiled, directing her toward the formal living room. “You’re here, so let’s catch up.”
Acting as the gentleman he was, Dallas waited until Lanier was seated before he sat down next to her on the sofa. The scent of her perfume drove him wild, and his libido reacted instantly. “How are you, Lanier?”
Daring to look him in the eyes, Lanier pushed nervous hands down her thighs. “I’m fine. In fact, I’ve never been better. Life is good.”
Loving the confident way she spoke, he sighed with relief. “Glad to hear it. Tell me what you’ve been up to. I want to know everything.”
Lanier put a finger to her right temple. “Let me see. Where should I start? I got it,” she said with enthusiasm. “First off, I’m thinking of building a house on the property surrounding Haven House. I’ve been talking with an architect about drawing up plans.”
Tempted by a Carrington Page 17