by Claire Adams
And I still wasn’t ready to tell him the truth about Ava. I still wasn’t sure the best way to broach the subject of her paternity. And I was scared to find out how Ace would react. What if he was mad at me for not telling him sooner? Or what if he got angry and left? What if he didn’t want to know her at all?
I definitely couldn’t sleep with him until after I’d told him the truth about Ava.
Anyway, there were other complications. There was Ava, inside, probably asleep by now. What if she came into my room in the middle of the night and encountered Ace? Or what if Ace and I started to spend more time together and she started to think of him as her daddy? What if then things didn’t work out between Ace and me?
I wasn’t ready to tackle all of those responsibilities just yet.
“This was really fun,” Ace said as we slowed to a stop outside my building. He reached up and brushed a lock of hair behind my ears, but when I thought that he was going to kiss me, he took a step away instead. “Do you want to do this again sometime? Just get drinks, whatever. Or dinner.”
I stared up at him, so tempted to tell him all the things I wanted from him. Much more than drinks or dinner, that was for sure. But I sighed and looked away. “I have a daughter,” I reminded him. “I’m not sure that dating is the best idea.”
It was blunt, but it was what needed to be said.
Ace looked taken aback, though. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he hurriedly said. “I just meant, I had fun, and I could use more friends in the city. Right now, my main friends are Stone, who’s my roommate and also pretty crazy, and the guys in my reintegration group. It would be nice to know someone who didn’t have ties to the military. That’s all.”
I looked up at him, wondering if that was really the reason. But I found myself nodding. “Okay,” I said softly. “You have my number.”
Ace smiled. “I’ll talk to you soon,” he promised.
I tried not to think about the last time we had spent a night together, where he had promised me that he would see me soon. That had been four years ago now. At least this time, he wasn’t about to disappear on some mystery mission.
And he really seemed to want to see me again.
He gave me a quick hug and then strode off, his footsteps quick and purposeful in the dark night. I turned and went inside.
Maisie was sitting on the couch when I came in, reading a book. She put her bookmark in and clucked her tongue like a mother hen when she saw me. “And here I almost thought you weren’t coming home tonight!” she teased, a playful spark in her eye.
I rolled my eyes. “I wouldn’t do that,” I said, shaking my head. “Ava would be so confused if I wasn’t here in the morning.”
“True,” Maisie agreed. “But I’m sure I could have come up with some sort of fib for her.”
“Probably, but you know I don’t like fibbing to her,” I said. I sighed as I flopped down on the other end of the couch.
“So things went well, but you’re still not happy with the night?” Maisie surmised.
I frowned. “It’s not that I’m not happy with things,” I said slowly. I shook my head. “He was great. Really great.” I turned my head to the side to face her. “Like, he was pretty much perfect. We had fun. He wasn’t mad at me for leaving early. And it just made me feel guiltier about all of that.”
“You have no reason to feel guilty,” Maisie said firmly. Then, she paused. “Well, except for the fact you still haven’t told him that Ava’s his. You still haven’t told him, have you?”
“No,” I admitted. “I’m just not sure yet.”
“You like him, though, don’t you?”
“I really like him,” I admitted. “It was never a question of liking him or not.” I paused, gnawing on my lower lip. “The thing is, he’s pretty much everything I could ever want in a man. He’s got good values. He makes me laugh. He’s damnably sexy. But he doesn’t want a family or kids. I’m still trying to figure out what he’s doing here. But I don’t know how to ask that without it sounding like I don’t want him here.”
“But you do want him here?” Maisie asked, peering at me.
I paused, picking at one of my fingernails. “Yeah,” I finally admitted. I shrugged. “This is going to sound really stupid, but he got to be a really good friend when I was in Kuwait. I’ve missed him. And it was good to see him again.”
“Is that all you want, to be his friend?” Maisie asked.
I sighed again. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “Or no, I think I’d like something more, but I just don’t know what he’s thinking.”
“Then you need to tell him the truth,” Maisie said. “Sorry to say it, but you know it’s true.”
“I know,” I said quietly. “And I will. I just have to figure out how. And maybe give him a little more time to come around to the idea that I have a kid at all.”
“Excuses, excuses,” Maisie teased. She stood up, leaning over to give me a quick hug. “Things are going to be okay,” she said. “I firmly believe he wouldn’t be back in your life if he wasn’t meant to be.”
“What if he’s just meant to break my heart again, though?” I asked, only partially joking.
Maisie latched on to that one nearly innocuous word. “Again?” she asked.
I looked away from her searching gaze and shrugged expansively. “It was hard, losing him last time. Even if it was my fault that I lost him. I don’t know if I can go through that again, cutting him out of my life.”
“Oh, honey,” Maisie said sadly. But she didn’t have a response to that.
“I need to get to bed,” I finally said, pushing myself to my feet. “Thank you so much again. For everything.”
“Anytime,” Maisie said seriously.
I went into my room, stripping down and throwing on an old flannel shirt before crawling into bed. My mind was a chaotic mess of thoughts, and I knew I probably shouldn’t have had that last drink. I felt inexplicably weepy, like I had somehow already messed things up with Ace. But he had said he would call me. This time, I was sure I would hear from him again.
As long as I was there to answer his call. And this time, as much as it scared me, I planned on sticking around.
As though sensing my distress, Ava came wandering into my room. “Mama?” she asked.
“Come here, baby girl,” I said, patting the bed next to me.
She snuggled up close to me, and finally, I could feel myself relax a little. Everything was going to be all right. I had Ava, and regardless of what happened between her father and me, she was going to be there with me. I had to believe that everything was going to be okay, with her there by my side.
14
Ace
I was at the dog training center on Friday afternoon, doing a little bit of work with Sandy. I was starting to grow slightly attached to the dog, and I knew I needed to stop that, to remember that this was just a professional thing, but I couldn’t help it. She was smart, and she was responsive, and she was just a nice dog.
George, the owner, made his way across the building to talk to me, and I wondered whether he could see that bond between Sandy and me. If he did, though, he didn’t mention it.
George was another former military man, and you’d know it just from looking at him. He hadn’t been on active duty in years now, but he still kept his hair cropped close to his skull, and he stood at easy attention, balanced on the balls of his feet with his hands clasped behind his back.
“You’re doing a really good job with that one,” George said, nodding toward Sandy. “Hard to believe you’ve got her that well trained in such a short amount of time.”
“She’s a sweetheart,” I said, giving Sandy an affectionate rub behind the ears. “And anyway, she’s smart. She’s one of the easiest dogs I’ve ever trained.”
“Still, it’s not just her. All the dogs that you’ve been working with are doing good,” George said seriously. “If you keep it up, it’s only a matter of time before you’re outstripping the other two trainer
s here. And they’ve been here a lot longer.”
I shrugged. “I’ve got some background in this stuff,” I reminded him. “And I’ve just always been good with animals, ever since I was a kid.”
“Hmm,” George said, nodding thoughtfully. “You know, I’m thinking of opening up a second school, and I’m looking for a partner there. Someone that I could really depend on. That one would be more specialized, more for police and military dogs. Is that something you might be interested in?”
I stared at him in surprise. I’d only been there for a week now. He was either delusional or he had some serious faith in my abilities, and although there was something crazy about any ex-military man, George had never struck me as outright insane.
Maybe I really had somehow found something I was good at, really good at.
I smiled to myself. But I wasn’t sure I wanted to start training military dogs. I liked that Sandy and I and the other dogs could be friendly over here, that I could pet them and treat them just like extra-trained house pets. I knew things wouldn’t be the same in the other school.
Anyway, partnering with George. That would involve a lot of work, I was sure. I’d need to figure out more about the details first. About what it would mean for me. It might be too soon, what with the fact that I was still getting used to being back there in the States. And figuring out this thing with Harper.
“Can I have some time to think about it?” I asked politely.
“Of course!” George said, clapping me on the shoulder. “Take your time. Place isn’t going to be opened up overnight anyway.” He paused. “But I’ll make sure and have some paperwork drawn up so you can see all the details about it.”
“Perfect,” I told him.
George nodded and headed back to work.
I was stunned, quite frankly. I looked back at Sandy, shaking my head. “Did you hear that?” I said. “You’re already getting me into trouble.” Her tongue lolled out like she was laughing at me. I had to grin as I scratched her behind the ears again.
I wanted to talk to someone about it, someone who wasn’t four-legged and furry, but when I considered my options, none of them seemed right. There was Stone, of course. But I wasn’t really friends with Stone; we just cohabitated. I was sure he’d be happy for me, but not excited in the way that I’d want him to be. And the only other person was my therapist. I didn’t really need to call my therapist to tell her the good news. That would just be pathetic.
Or… there was Harper. We’d really hit it off the other night. Things had been fun. It had felt surprisingly similar to our time back in Kuwait. But I didn’t want to push it and pretend like we were friends. I still couldn’t tell what she was thinking.
And I was still trying to figure out what I was thinking about all of it. I wanted her friendship, if nothing else. But I knew that the more I hung out with her as a friend, the more I would want her as more than a friend. I wasn’t ready to cross that bridge. Not when she had a daughter. A daughter that I shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near.
I debated for another moment. But where was the harm in texting her? And if anyone was going to be properly excited for me, it was Harper. She knew just what I had gone through over in Kuwait, and the other night, she’d been surprisingly perceptive when she asked me about how it felt to come back to the States.
I sent her the message.
A few minutes later, my phone buzzed. Wow, congrats! was the first message. Let me buy you a drink tonight to celebrate?
I blinked down at the second message, feeling surprised. I’d asked her out for a second night of drinks, but even though she’d agreed to it, I had expected to have to work harder to get her to agree to a time and a place. And I hadn’t wanted to push things just yet because I was afraid that I’d press too hard and make her bolt.
But she seemed eager to see me again, and I was glad for that. Even if it meant that I had to wonder if she thought she and I were going somewhere, that this was going to become a thing.
I didn’t know how to warn her off. As long as we continued to skirt around the topic of Ava, though, things would be all right. Wouldn’t they?
She didn’t seem to mind the way things were, at least. She hadn’t asked me to meet her daughter or anything like that. I hadn’t asked about the girl, and Harper had offered up very little information about her daughter the other night when we’d met for drinks. She seemed just as reluctant as I was to talk about the little girl.
I wondered about that. But maybe it was just her motherly instincts kicking in. I wondered if she knew that her daughter shouldn’t be anywhere near me.
Either way, I could use a friend. It was good to be back to our easy camaraderie from before.
I texted her back, letting her know that I would pick her up after I got off work that evening and asking if that was okay. She agreed almost immediately.
I slipped my phone back into my pocket, feeling happier than I’d expected I would be.
And I knew what that meant. My reintegration group had talked about this one. If I found myself feeling happier than I had any right to be, I needed to take a step back, to examine things, to make sure I was happy for the right reasons.
I knew that in this case, I probably wasn’t happy for the right reasons. The right reasons would be that I was meeting up with a friend for drinks, that I was already advancing my career there, that things were going well for me. The right reasons would center around me.
Instead, I just couldn’t stop thinking about how happy I was to see Harper again. All my feelings of happiness were centered around her.
Was that such a horrible thing, though? I didn’t think so. As long as I was happy about something.
I tried to be extra thorough with my work that afternoon, knowing that George was probably watching me, that he had been the whole time I was there. By the end of the day, I was feeling pretty good about everything. I went into George’s office before I left.
“I still need to read through all the paperwork, but—yes,” I told him. “I’d love to be your partner with the new school.” I had some reservations about it, but really, I loved the idea of continuing to give to the military and the police force, in whatever way I could. And if George could use my talents, then that was great.
George grinned and shook my head. “I’m glad to have you on board,” he said. “I’m going to talk to the bank about using some of my retirement funds for the startup money. I’ve been meaning to do that for a while.”
“What sort of time frame are we looking at here?” I asked.
“Well, it’ll need to be a little while,” George said. “We need to find the right location for the school and acquire the pups. Plus, we’ll need to hire someone else to replace you over here if you’re going to be working over there with me.” He wrinkled his nose. “Seems like we only just got through with the hiring process with you.” He winked, and I had to laugh.
I had to admit; I was pretty excited about all of this. I couldn’t wait to talk more about it with Harper.
I whistled to myself as I headed home to change. Things were really starting to look up.
15
Harper
I brought Ace out to one of my favorite restaurants. It was partly a selfish move: it was a good seafood place, but they didn’t have many kids’ options or things that Ava would even consider eating, so I basically never got to eat here anymore. I knew that it was his celebration, but he didn’t seem to mind.
“God, I missed good seafood,” Ace said as he took a bite of his Cajun catfish dish. He grinned over at me. “Missed the ocean actually. I know that’s silly since it’s not like I grew up near the ocean or anything. But it was just so dusty and dry all the time in Kuwait that I just really got to thinking that, damn, I’d love to come back and find a place near the ocean.”
“Is that why you picked Boston?” I asked, glad to have finally figured out that next piece of the puzzle.
Ace shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so,” he said. He still di
dn’t look fully convinced, though, and I wanted to press him for more. But I’d let him keep his secrets, at least for now.
I had a secret of my own, of course.
I told myself that I was going to tell him about Ava tonight. But then I kept rethinking it. We were celebrating his promotion at work. I didn’t want to spoil that for him. The timing just wasn’t right. I shouldn’t tell him tonight.
“Where is Miss Ava tonight?” Ace asked as we split a sinfully sweet chocolate lava cake for dessert.
Surprisingly, I didn’t panic at the casual way he asked about her. “I took her to my mom’s place for a sleepover,” I told him. “She was thrilled. Both of them were.”
Subconsciously, I knew that I had done that for a reason. If Ace and I were just going out to dinner, I could have had Maisie come by and watch her again. Even if I’d feel bad, doing that twice in the same week, especially if we stayed out as late as we had last time, I knew that Maisie would be fine with it.
But now, it didn’t matter either way. If I came home late, or if I didn’t come home at all, Ava wouldn’t find out about it. I had fibbed a little to Mom, told her that I had an early interview the next morning and probably wouldn’t have time to get Ava dressed and ready and still make it to the interview on time. But I was okay with that.
I didn’t want to tell her that the real reason I was handing Ava off to her was because I was enjoying a date with Ava’s dad.
If this was even a date anyway. It certainly felt like a date. Of course, I had told Ace I was paying because this was a celebratory dinner and because I had invited him out. But it felt like a date.
“Ava’s at her grandma’s,” Ace said slowly. “For the whole night?”
“The whole night,” I confirmed.