by Craig Taylor
He relaxed, and discovered he could move and his mouth worked again. He saw someone in the light coming toward him. It was in the shape of a man. He felt no fear or dread, and couldn’t sense anyone else around him as he had in the darkness.
It was Christopher. John knew he was dreaming, but was still glad. Christopher smiled at him, and stopped a few feet away. “We need to act quickly before the darkness comes back.”
“What was the darkness? Where did it come from?” John asked.
“Inside you, around you.”
John was confused. “I don’t have that inside me,” he replied, shaking his head. “Plus I could hear others with me.”
“It will all become clear soon,” Christopher replied. “You are dreaming, but I am real. It was decided that you would listen to me in your dreams, especially if we broke your suffering momentarily. I can turn it back, John. I can take you back to the day before Jason died, let you live it again.”
John shook his head. He didn’t understand. He didn’t want to. He tried to force himself awake just like he had done many times when he knew he was dreaming, but this time it wouldn’t work.
Christopher spoke again. “Imagine going back to that day, just before it happened. Wouldn’t you do it differently? Wouldn’t you want your life back? Wouldn’t you want Jason back?”
“What the hell is this?” John shouted. “Suppose you could do this. Why? Do I have to sell my soul? Is this one of those things where I have to pass it on like in the movies? Bullshit!”
Christopher remained calm. “Jason was never supposed to die. Not yet. Sometimes things happen out of order. Sometimes they are interfered with, but it can’t be undone by us. It has to be undone by you.”
“Who’s us?” John asked.
“Helpers,” Christopher replied. “There’s a natural order of things, and sometimes those who want to disrupt this order make little alterations by encouraging certain people. In this case, Jason’s death was the result, and it’s not right.”
“Are you saying demons or devils or something interfering, because if you are...”
Christopher interrupted. “There is dark and light. There is good and bad and a higher power at play. You’ve heard the phrase ‘a necessary evil’?”
John nodded.
“Well, it’s true. Evil is necessary for the balance of things. Evil is necessary to guide people to good, to justify good, and sometimes some people, by choice or by design, are attracted to do evil things. In this case, an evil force had a hand in things, but you can change it.”
John scoffed. “I’m sure there are more important things for ‘good’ to fix than the death of my son. What about wars? What about starving children, murders, genocides, infanticides, incest, rapes, beatings?”
“Don’t underestimate what one small break in the chain can cause. Yes, there are many bad things happening in the world every day, every minute, every second. All I can tell you is everything happens for a reason. Everything affects an individual’s growth. Everybody is tested and everybody faces judgment. We can’t control everybody’s actions, but we can give chances to those who deserve it.”
“You still haven’t told me who ‘we’ is,” John said.
“Light,” Christopher replied. “Hope. Strength. Peace.” He moved a bit closer. “You are in hell, John. Jason’s death has far wider implications than you, his mother and your family.”
“Thank God this is a dream,” John muttered. He tried again to will himself awake, but he remained where he was. He didn’t exactly like his life outside of his sleep, but he wasn’t interested in this crap.
“I can see you don’t believe me, John,” Christopher said. “Remember when you stole that orange from someone’s tree when you were nine, walking home from the movies? Remember how it clouded over and started to pour rain as soon as you stole it, and then you choked on the first bite? Remember how you couldn’t breathe and you thought you were going to die right there in the rain with no one around you?
“How do you know that?” John asked.
“Remember how you heard a voice in your head that told you the lesson was: everything you do has a consequence, and affects not only you but others? You have remembered that lesson all of your life, even though you have forgotten it recently.”
John didn’t answer.
“Here’s the reality John. When you walked home by yourself there were two forces with you, just like there are with everyone else, all the time. Everyday people face choices and they respond naturally. Good people generally do the right thing; bad people generally do the wrong thing. Every now and then they do the opposite because they were influenced by the other force. When you stole the orange you were being guided by a bad force, even though you were only nine. Once you did, that was all they needed to keep guiding you down a wrong path, continuing until you do something that tips the scales. You do become a bad person.”
“In your case, when you started choking, your good force leaned in and whispered the lesson. It literally spoke in your ear. Like some people, you heard it. What did you do? When you coughed up the orange, you went and knocked on the door, admitted to the old lady you stole one of the oranges off her tree. She smiled and thanked you for your honesty, and said you could help yourself as long as you left some for her family. The bad force lost you that day, because you carried that lesson with you forever. Whenever you were tempted to be dishonest or do something bad you remembered the lesson about consequences and did the right thing. Sometimes it was in the forefront of your mind, other times it was at the back, but you always remembered it and it has affected all of your actions.”
“Everyday people are being taught lessons. Some listen, some don’t. Some try to be good and fail, some are successful, and others work to be bad. Every day, bad forces are trying to recruit everybody, and every day, good forces are trying to prevent them. We teach people lessons which carry them through life. Some people hear them, a lot of people don’t, but we keep trying, because everybody is here for a reason. Everybody will be judged one day, whether they were good or bad. Some people hear lessons and forget; the whole thing runs continuously.”
“It all sounds very TV’s ‘Charmed,’” John said dryly. “If I’m so receptive to good, why hadn’t I heard it before or after?”
“You had, and you responded; but like many, you took the lesson and forgot about it later. Remember the time you had a car crash that normally would have killed you? Remember you walked away without a scratch?”
John didn’t reply.
“Remember what you were thinking about just before that accident?”
John shook his head, knowing exactly what Christopher was talking about.
“You were thinking about killing yourself. You were lonely and had no money. You contemplated suicide and, whether you would have done it, it was a dangerous road to go down. The bad would have offered to lend a helping hand at some point. What happened next?”
“I had a huge crash that wiped out my new car! Was that a lesson or gift? Nice one!”
“Yes, it was a lesson. You crashed into a vehicle driven by an elderly lady at high speed, and neither one of you was hurt. What did you do afterwards? You realized how precious life was, realized you didn’t have it that bad, got positive and started to enjoy life, and did well for a while.”
“Oh, so good made me smash into a poor old lady to teach me a lesson? How helpful of her!” He tried to sound as sarcastic as possible.
“Maybe she had a lesson to learn or a message to hear and got the same result. Maybe her family had the lesson to learn. Maybe they were taking her for granted and this accident made them realize life is short; she was old and wouldn’t be around for much longer, and this made them realize they needed to start treating her better. Remember, the accident was right outside her house. She pulled out of her driveway and her
family came running to her. Remember how surprised she seemed at their attention? You just never know, John, no one does.”
The terrible noise started up again in the distance. There was a change in the atmosphere and John felt it instantly. The light began fading at the edges, slowly being overtaken by darkness. The screams started again, quietly at first, then growing. The air became thick and hot, suffocating.
Christopher ignored it and kept talking. Even though the noise was increasing, Christopher spoke no more forcefully than before and John could still hear him clearly.
“The way of things is complicated, John. I can’t explain it to you; I don’t understand it myself. There are far more powerful influences than you or I. All I can say is this is the way it is and you have to make a decision. I know in your waking hours you have wished to change what happened. You have even wished you could have thrown yourself in front of the car to save Jason. Your life for his. You’ve made the deal already.”
The noise and darkness continued to increase in volume. John could feel it in his heart, getting heavier and meaner. It was like a whirlwind as the darkness spun around, getting more violent, aggravating itself, working itself into a frenzy. The light got smaller and dimmer.
Christopher continued. “I’ve been with you your whole life, John. It was me who whispered in your ear when you were choking in the rain. It was me who sat next to you, holding you in your car crash. I’ve been there and helped you so many more times. It’s me who is offering you this chance to change things back, but only you can do it. Only you can make the decision.”
John looked past him at the darkness closing in on them. “What is this?” he asked, pointing at the black storm raging behind Christopher.
“Evil,” Christopher replied. It’s getting stronger the longer you blame yourself. Soon it will drag you down further. Some people contemplate suicide, some turn to drugs or alcohol, but whatever you do, if it’s bad for you ‘it’ likes it. The darkness likes it when people become weak, because it makes them more susceptible to its charm. The reason you see it as you do is because it’s your dream, it’s the only way your mind can comprehend what it feels. Darkness is building inside you, John. If you want to change what happened, you have to decide.”
Christopher suddenly disappeared, leaving John standing alone against the huge wall of darkness, gradually gaining on him. He felt the force of the black vacuum, pulling him closer, pretending to be an embrace of safety. He could feel the hatred and violence in its breath. He could feel his legs stiffen and become heavy and his jaw tighten and lock. The screams howled in agony, stripped bare of anything good and loving. The blackness started forming a shape, swirling around, moving ever closer to him. The stench of rot and decay filled his nostrils and made him choke.
Just as the darkness reached out to touch him, he woke up. His room was black, and for a moment he thought he’d been swallowed by the evil in his dream. He reached out and flicked on the light as quickly as he could. The lamp fell to the floor and cast an eerie glow from its position. His heart pounded; he was covered in sweat. His mouth was so dry his throat felt on fire.
He lay back down. “It was just a dream,” he muttered to himself. “Just my body reacting to the detox.”
He fell into a restless sleep, but didn’t visit the place he’d just dreamed about. This time he dreamed about choking on an orange in the rain—like when he was nine—and being watched by two men in suits.
He woke the next morning at about eight thirty, but despite having been in bed for nine hours, he didn’t feel refreshed at all. His mouth was dry; he felt light-headed. His body felt dirty and sticky from the overnight sweating , and he was sure he could still smell the rot and decay in his nostrils. The lamp was still on the floor, shining in a weak yellow glow.
When he got up, his head pounded and tightened up, from the back of his neck to the top of his skull. He put it down to ‘cold turkey’ symptoms and dehydration from sweating during the night. He climbed into the shower. It had been cleaned perfectly, and there were fresh towels and soap laid out. As he stood under the warm flow of water, he couldn’t help but think of his dream—and what Christopher had said. He knew it was just a dream, but it hit him hard and made him think. It felt so real.
He went into the kitchen and prepared himself a breakfast; cereal and toast, with a grapefruit. He felt a little embarrassed eating food he hadn’t bought, but decided when he paid Christopher back for the hospital bills and the rent, he’d throw in extra to more than cover the food.
While he ate he drifted off. He thought of Christopher—how he’d just shown up out of the blue but now seemed so familiar. How Christopher paid his hospital bills and got the house cleaned and taken over the lease to avoid him losing it. He shook his head, unable to comprehend it all. He figured there really were people in the world who were special and kind and human.
Christopher wasn’t around the house. It didn’t look like he’d been around that much. John made his way outside and sat in the sun with a glass of water with a lemon slice. The fat, angry nurse had told him lemon was a natural skin cleanser, detoxifying aid and internal cleanser, and he should put slices of it in his water. She made sure to accentuate the word “water,” not gin or vodka.
John smiled at the thought; the way she would storm into the room and give him a dirty look, as if he were taking up far too much of her time when she should be with other patients. The patients who deserved her time, energy and the healing power of her cheerful personality.
The more he tried to think about other things, the more his dream kept returning to his mind. Everything Christopher had said to him and offered him while the dark anger swirled around them. He shook his head at thinking such thoughts like they were real, when he should be thinking about Jason, about healing himself, about getting back on track and paying his debts.
The more he thought about the dream, about Christopher, the more he felt an urge to shout he wanted to take the deal, take the opportunity and get his son back. He knew it was crazy, insane, but he wanted it to be possible. “Just give me the chance,” he whispered to himself, holding his breath.
Nothing happened. John laughed at himself. “Idiot,” he muttered. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but whatever it was it didn’t happen. No gongs, no smoke, no angels transporting him back in time; just a feeling of someone standing behind him.
John jumped when he turned around and saw Christopher. He hadn’t made a sound. “Jesus, you scared me!”
Christopher turned quickly in a theatrical way away from John. “Jesus? Where? Oh, you mean me.” He had a stupid smile on his face.
John didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to tell another man, particularly one he didn’t really know, that he had dreamed of him the night before. He looked around and watched a sparrow fluff itself in the dirt.
“What’s your decision?” Christopher asked.
John spun around on his backside. He looked shocked and a little pale. “What did you say?”
“You heard. It wasn’t a dream last night. Make a decision.”
“This is crazy!” John said, shaking his head.
“No, it’s life.” Christopher replied. “I told you there’s more to life than you or I can explain. Say yes and see what happens, or say no and see what happens.”
With the dream still fresh in his mind and the way it made him feel, he couldn’t say anything else, even if was all just a scam or trick. He had to hear himself say it.
“Yes.”
* * * *
John walked toward the school gates, holding Jason’s hand. The road ahead was busy, with the usual morning traffic. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and people were going about their business. He had to steady himself. He was fully aware of what happened. He thought he wouldn’t remember anything. A split second ago, he was
mourning the loss of his son; now he was holding his hand as they walked to school.
He gripped Jason’s hand tightly as they approached the intersection. He could see the traffic, the lights and the other pedestrians and he was sweating heavily. He still couldn’t understand what happened, what was happening. He glanced over his shoulder and saw a man and a boy walking toward them. He slowed down and as the other two got closer he could see them walking hand in hand: it was Alex and his father. Behind them was another man. John couldn’t remember seeing him before, but last time his focus was on Alex, and then the sight of Jason lying on the road.
The man was dressed in a black suit and tie, black shirt, black shoes. He was walking very close to Alex and his dad, almost into them, but they weren’t aware of him.
When they got to the intersection, John stopped and hung onto Jason’s hand, determined not let go. The traffic was moving swiftly and proceeding with the green light. Jason pushed the “Walk” button and waited. John turned and looked at the others coming up behind them. They were about three hundred feet away when the man in the black suit leaned down and whispered into Alex’s ear. In an instant Alex pulled free from his father and ran toward the intersection.
His father began yelling desperately for Alex to stop. He ran after him, but the boy was sprinting as fast as he could and had a head start. He simply took his father by surprise. John couldn’t see the other man anymore.
When Alex got within a few feet of him, John jumped in front of him and grabbed him. They collided, but John did the best he could to cushion the blow with his body. At the same time he kept his grip firmly on Jason’s hand. The traffic was flowing faster; there was no question Alex would have run directly into it.
John suddenly felt both boys pulling away from him. He held them tighter, but he was losing his grip. Jason pulled against his hand, Alex against the arm he had wrapped around him.
Confusion set in. Both boys were strong. He looked down at them. Both of them were standing passively, but something was pulling them away from him. His legs refused to move and his jaw jammed shut.