“I see,” I reply stiffly, but I don’t. If he was so worried, why didn’t he just call me and ask?
Because you pushed him away, Blue, and you didn’t respond to his attempts to talk to you last week.
I take a breath. “As you can see, Billy’s doing great. Erik has nothing to worry about.”
Tacker cocks an eyebrow at me. “I’d say he has plenty to worry about.”
I’m not prepared for how bad that makes me feel because I’ve never lost sight of the fact that not only did I cut Erik out of my life, I cut him out of Billy’s too. And over these last several weeks, he’s come to deeply care for Billy. He shouldn’t have had to send Tacker her to check on him and that’s a terrible mistake I’ve made.
“How’s Erik?” I ask, my voice thin and shaky.
“Not good,” he says almost dispassionately.
Fear slams through my chest. “Why? Has he said something?”
Tacker shrugs. “I’ve seen him a few times in the workout room this past week. He’s even quieter than I am so that should tell you something, but then again, I’m not the type that others lay their troubles out to. Let’s just say I recognize pain.”
Of course he does. My gaze drops to the floor, feeling wretched. “I screwed everything up. I was so unfair to him.”
“So fix it,” he says.
My head pops up. “How? I’ve made a huge mistake and surely he has to hate me.”
“You’re not giving him a lot of credit,” Tacker points out and my head ducks again as I’m duly chastised. Of course, he wouldn’t hate me. That’s not Erik.
“Look at me, Blue,” Tacker says gruffly and I raise my eyes mainly because this man who never has a lot to say is going out on a limb here. “This type of mistake can be corrected. You’re lucky. So don’t waste a fucking moment of your time in doing so because you could wake up tomorrow and he could be gone forever. Trust me when I tell you…you don’t want that type of misery.”
No, I don’t want that type of misery. I can see it in every line on Tacker’s face, feel it in his voice. I didn’t lose Erik the way he lost his fiancée. He’s right. My mistake can be fixed and I could never imagine the emotional agony he must suffer.
“What was her name?” I ask him in barely a whisper. I want to know because it’s always been talked about in hushed tones and she’s always been known as “Tacker’s fiancée” that died in a plane crash. He’s such a closed off man, I have no clue if my request for her name will upset him or not. But he’s made this so real to me…what that pain would feel like if I can’t make things right with Erik, I want to know her name out of a sense of honor and respect.
Tacker’s lips curve slightly upward…just barely noticeable but he doesn’t try to hide the warmth and tenderness in his eyes. “Melody. But her middle name was Jane so everyone called her MJ.”
“I’m sorry, Tacker. I can’t even imagine.”
We stare at each other, the silence between us heavy with sorrow on both sides. Finally, he gives a slight nod and turns for the door. When he grasps the knob, he pauses and looks over his shoulder at me.
“MJ’s older brother is wheelchair-bound,” he reminds me of something he told me once before. “I know the responsibility that comes with it and I just want you to know…your brother is really lucky to have you.”
Chapter 28
Erik
Trudging up the stairs of the team plane, I see Valerie at the top. “Hi, Erik,” she says with a bright smile.
“What’s up?” I return with a chin lift before cutting right. I give more chin lifts and a few fist bumps to my teammates who have chosen to sit up front. Rows of plush leather seats that recline flat into beds, primo seating for late-night flights back to Phoenix.
But I’m headed toward the back to the table I normally sit at with Bishop, Dax, and Legend. We’re headed to New York on a late-afternoon flight so it will be cards and liquor to relax on the way there, along with some nice snacks on the flight to tide us over. We’ll do a late dinner out in New York once we get there.
The teammates I pass have reason to smile a little more today, thus why I’m offered fists as I walk by. The team seems to have gotten a bit of our mojo back, despite the fact Tacker is still going to be out until next week. We won in San Diego and again at home on Saturday. Hopefully, we can keep it going for the extended road trip to play both New York teams as well as Boston.
While we may have won the last two games which was cause for much revelry, my weekend was still shitty because I was missing Blue. At least Tacker alleviated my worry about Billy by going to see him at the Cresson. He’d texted after he left to let me know that Billy was doing great and was all smiles when he got there and when he left. That mollified me somewhat and I owe Tacker a big-time favor.
I had wanted to go see Billy myself but I was afraid that if Blue caught me there, she’d think I was stalking her. Her lack of response to my handful of calls and texts spoke volumes to me. If Blue didn’t want me in her life, then she most certainly didn’t want me around Billy.
So yeah…I owe Tacker for giving me that peace of mind.
In the back portion of the plane, I find Bishop, Dax, and Legend already seated at our table. Sadie is bustling around from table to table taking orders but it could be awhile before she makes her way to us. I don’t see the new flight attendant, a woman whose name I still have not bothered to learn.
I plop down into my chair and swivel it toward Bishop, although I cut a nod to Dax as well. “You guys ready to kick some Vipers ass tomorrow.”
The New York Vipers was the team that Bishop and Dax played on before coming to the Vengeance in the expansion draft. They’re doing well this season as was expected and early odds are for them to be a Cup contender next April. It had to have burned Bishop and Dax a bit that they weren’t given protection in the draft, which essentially let the Vengeance come in and swoop them up.
“Now that we seem to have our shit straight again,” Dax mutters in reply. “I’m definitely looking forward to it.”
Bishop nods. “Tacker’s suspension definitely threw us off but I think we’re past it.”
“Fucking right we are,” Legend adds on.
Tacker had been working out with us and had been a bit more vocal and outgoing during the workouts. I’m sure he felt he was letting us down by getting suspended so he was making more of an effort to open up personally. Now, this meant only as far as giving some encouragement while we lifted or casual conversation about the weather, but at least he was engaging. So maybe the fight and his suspension was a good thing if it ultimately connects him a little better with this teammates on an individual basis.
“I’m sure some of our old teammates will want to get together after the game tomorrow,” Dax says to the group. We were playing the other New York team—the Phantoms—the day after that so we have a night free in between games. “You guys up for that.”
“I’m out,” Bishop says with a shake of his head. “Brooke’s flying in to watch the games and hang out with her old boss, so I’ll be doing something with them.”
Brooke had moved to Phoenix from New York when her father took the job here. He was an assistant coach with the Phantoms before he was offered the head coach’s position with the Vengeance.
“Why didn’t she fly with us?” I ask.
“She couldn’t get out of work in time,” Bishop says with a casual shrug. “No big deal.”
“Not like you can’t afford to fly your girl in luxury anyway,” Legend observes.
“Very true,” Bishop smirks.
One of the flight attendants comes up on my left to take our orders. I assume it’s Sadie so when I look up to see Blue standing there in a uniform consisting of a white blouse, gray skirt, and a navy blue cardigan, I have to do a double-take.
I glance around the table and see all o
f the guys with their mouths hanging slightly open.
She bends over and efficiently places cocktail napkins before each of us. When she straightens, she looks around the table with a smile that’s cool and professional. She even makes the same amount of eye contact with me as she does the other guys, which tells me that she sees me as no more or no less than them.
“What can I get you guys before we take off?”
Bishop orders a beer and then adds on, “It’s good to see you back.”
“Thanks,” she says with a much brighter smile directed at him. “It’s great to be back.”
She takes Dax and Legend’s orders next, and then turns to me with her eyebrows raised.
“Thought you quit?” I ask bluntly.
“I did,” she replies still with that smile pasted on her face. “But then realized it was a mistake and begged Mr. Rutherford for my job back. I’m lucky he’s a nice man.”
I stare at her a moment before lifting my chin in acknowledgment. Truth be told, regardless of how she and I fell apart, I’m glad she’s back at this job. It gives her more money and frees up her time for Billy when she’s back in Phoenix, and I’ll only ever want the best for those two.
“I’ll take a Jack and coke,” I tell her blandly, refusing to let an ounce of emotion touch my words.
My gaze drops down to my phone. I flip it on and try not to notice that she hesitates before leaving, but finally she does. The minute she’s out of earshot, the guys all lean in toward me. Dax and Legend from across the table and Bishop from my left.
“What was that all about?” Legend whispers.
“Are you two back together?” Dax asks.
“She smiled at you, dude,” Bishop adds on.
I look at all three of them as if they’re crazy. “I have no clue what that was. I haven’t seen or spoken to Blue since she broke up with me week before last.”
“But she’s back,” Bishop intones, giving me an expectant look.
“So?” I say with a shake of my head. “That doesn’t mean anything.”
And it doesn’t mean a thing to me. She’s made her position clear. There’s no room for me in her life and I accepted that. Moved on.
Sort of.
Not really, but whatever.
I’ve still been mulling over Legend’s advice when we were in Vegas, unsure as to what type of forward efforts I should make where Blue is concerned. A clear answer still hasn’t come to me and I’m even more of a blank now that I’m confronted with her presence.
“Shhh,” Bishop hisses and leans back into his seat. “Here she comes.”
Dax and Legend act all casual-like, slamming back into their seats as well. Blue approaches carrying a tray laden with our drink orders.
She’s silent as she sets them down in front of each of us. None of the guys say anything either, and it’s slightly awkward as they always feel comfortable bantering with her.
Placing my drink last, she looks into my eyes while bent down toward me and murmurs, “Um…if you have a free moment, can I have a private word with you?”
Fuck…why does she have to do this to me? Right here, in front of my teammates. I know Blue and I know her tender heart. I’m sure she has a nice speech all wrapped up pretty for me about how sorry she is and she’ll try to ameliorate my bruised heart. She’s going to try to make me feel better about dumping me and I am not going to give her that power over me. It’s up to me to make myself feel better about things, and when I figure out how to do that, I’m going to jump all over it.
Until then, I decide to be a man about it. “No thanks. I think we’ve said all we need to say to each other.”
I can’t see it but I sense the other three guys looking at me like I’m crazy, but I keep my eyes locked on Blue so I can see the disappointment and sadness welling within. She stares at me for what seems like forever, as if I’ll tell her I’m just joking but then she straightens up.
Turning on her heel, she walks away from me toward the galley and I ignore the soul-sucking ache inside of me.
“You are a total dick,” Bishop mutters and I turn to look at him in surprise.
“What the fuck, dude?” Legend says with his arms thrown out. My gaze cuts to him. “Why would you pass that up?”
“Pass what up?” I growl back at him. “A sweeter letdown than what she gave me before? More pretty words to cover up the hurt? Hear again how she doesn’t need me in her life?”
Legend blinks at me in surprise and shakes his head. “I don’t think that’s why she wanted to talk to you?”
“You don’t?” I ask, my eyebrows furrowing inward.
“I can’t pretend to be in her head, but the expression on her face didn’t look like she was throwing you some pity words.”
“I think she wanted to apologize,” Bishop adds on. “Get back together.”
“Fuck,” I mutter as my eyes slide to the galley but all I can see is part of the cupboards through the entryway.
My head snaps Bishop’s way since he’s the one with real relationship experience. “Should I go talk to her?”
Before he can answer me, a slight crackle comes over the speakers in the plane and then Blue’s voice comes over the system.
“I’m sorry, Erik,” she says and my head snaps back toward the galley so hard, I make myself dizzy. She’s standing there, holding the microphone handset up to her mouth. “I was wrong. About everything. And since you won’t talk to me, I’m going to force you to at least listen. And I hope the pilots forgive this intrusion and don’t ask for me to be fired.”
My mouth drops open as does all the guys’ sitting with me. A quick scan of the area and I see every single person has gone silent and still, all turned watching Blue as she talks over the PA system.
“I was so very wrong to be angry at you for Billy’s fall. It was merely me transferring a whole lot of misplaced guilt onto your shoulders and it was completely unfair.”
My gaze goes back to Blue and I keep it there as she stares right back at me across the plane’s cabin. Over the heads and shoulders of teammates and coaches who are watching her grovel before me in a very public manner.
“I realized something,” she says and I can just make out the slight curve at the corner of her lips indicating a soft smile from behind the handset. “I realized that Billy can’t take precedence over you. If I’m to love a man such as you, then it has to be with the same devotion I have for Billy because you’re equally important to me.”
Jesus…a wave of pure emotions slams me dead center of my chest, and I rise up from my chair. As I wind my way through the cabin toward Blue, she just keeps talking while staring intently at me. “I promise, if you give me another chance, I’ll find the right balance in my life to give you everything you need because you deserve it.”
My arm extends and my hand reaches her before the rest of me, taking the handset away from her and dropping it carelessly where it bobs on its coiled cord. My other hand goes to her neck and it’s my mouth that reaches her next.
It slams into her along with my body finally catching up to the rest of me and I wrap an arm around her lower back. I bend her backward—forcing her to clutch onto my shoulders—to take more of my kiss because I just can’t make it deep enough to soothe my soul.
I vaguely hear a bunch of clapping and whistles from the cabin but all that matters to me is the woman in my arms.
Deciding to let her up for air, I pull back from Blue and set her upright. Her hands go to my shoulders and she looks up at me with sparkling eyes and puffy lips split into a grin.
“Hope I don’t get fired for that,” she pants.
“I seriously doubt it,” I reply dryly and then with a little more awe. “That was quite the spectacle you made of yourself.”
Her gaze drifts left and she gives an impertinent shrug. “Well, you know�
�you were being all stubborn so I had to resort to some theatrics to get your attention.”
Cupping her face, I bring her eyes back to me and lean in. “You always will have my attention, Blue.”
“I mean what I said,” she offers me. “I’ll find the balance that works.”
I’m shaking my head before she completes the thought. “Your balance was fine as is. We learned a lesson. We can’t ignore the phone anymore. It’s as simple as that.”
“We?” she asks with hope in her eyes. “As in you and me?”
“Yup.”
“Sounds like a partnership of sorts,” she muses out loud while tapping her chin speculatively.
“You did say you loved me,” I point out.
“I did?” she teases. “I don’t recall that.”
“You said,” I drawl slowly. “That if you were to love a man such as me…”
“I guess I did say that, didn’t I?”
“No backing out of it now.”
We smile at each other and then I decide to kiss her again. Soft and with the same amount of devotion I feel inside me right now, which is a fuck of a lot.
When we break, I keep my mouth gently against hers and tell her for the first time—but not the last—“I love you.”
I can feel her lips curve as she smiles back against me briefly before pressing in for one more kiss.
“Get a room,” someone hollers from behind me.
Blue giggles and pushes me away. I reluctantly let her go. “We’ll continue this in New York.”
“Damn right, we will,” she says putting a hand on her hip. “Now go sit back down before you get me fired.”
I grin at her and pivot, making my way back through the tables and chairs. I receive fist bumps, shakes, and one saucy smack on my ass from one of the trainers. Legend, Bishop, and Dax are grinning at me when I sit back down, and I realize my chest is overly puffed out but fuck it.
Blue loves me. She’s back in my life and she’s going to stay there.
Ladies’ man Erik Dalhbeck is officially off the market.
Erik Page 21