by Ami Weaver
No. He was found. He hadn’t wanted to be, and he wouldn’t be able to stay. But she’d managed to lay waste to all his defenses.
He broke the kiss before he accidentally toppled her into the fireplace and rested his forehead on hers. She didn’t move away, though he felt the tension return to her body. “I didn’t want you to end up in the fire.”
She blinked at him, then a small smile curved her mouth. “Thoughtful of you.”
“Isn’t it, though? Gentleman through and through.” He savored her laugh as he took her hand and led her to the couch. If she knew how badly he wanted to take her to bed, to feel her move beneath him, to make love to her, she’d know he wasn’t any kind of gentleman.
And those thoughts weren’t helpful.
Trying to bring them back around, he asked, “How are your shoulders?”
She rolled them and winced. “I’ll be feeling this for a couple days, I think.”
He pulled her down on the couch and sat so he was behind her. He began to knead her shoulders gently. “Wow. You are tight. Relax and let me see if I can help with that.”
She let her head fall forward. “Mmm. That feels wonderful.”
Yeah. It did. But touching her like this, on top of the kisses earlier, was sending all his blood south. And when she moaned his breath shortened. He leaned forward and kissed her neck, still massaging, but letting his hands slip over her shoulders to brush the tops of her breasts through her shirt, then moving them back up to her shoulders. Her little inhale prompted him to do it again, this time slipping his hands under her breasts to cup them in his hands, brush his thumbs over her nipples. Was this one of the lacy, sexy bras he’d seen that day in her bathroom?
“Lainey...” he murmured against her neck, and she tilted her head to the side, her breathing shallow. He kissed her neck one more time and she shifted out of his arms. He let her go, instantly feeling her loss, but she just turned around and settled on his lap, wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Stay,” she whispered. “Please.”
“Lainey.” He rested his forehead on hers, struggling for some semblance of control. “Are you sure?”
She slid off his lap and held out her hand. It was trembling slightly and he could see uncertainty warring with desire in her eyes. She was offering him a gift and she was afraid he wouldn’t take it.
This might be his only chance. A few hours of heaven he knew he didn’t deserve.
But Lainey did.
He took her hand without ever breaking eye contact and stood.
* * *
Smoke filled the room, smothering him, searing his lungs, his eyes, his skin. God, he couldn’t see through the gray haze. A cough racked him, tearing at his parched throat. He couldn’t yell for his friend. Where was Jason? He couldn’t reach him—had to get him out before the house came down around him. A roar and a crack, and orange
lit the room. The ceiling caved in on a crash
fueled by the roar of flames. He spun around, but the door was blocked by a flaming heap of debris. Under it was a boot. Jason coming to save him.
Ben woke up, gasping, to find Lainey’s terrified face over him.
“Ben?”
The concern, the worry, was too much for him, and he clamped both hands over his face so she couldn’t see the pain, the anger, the shame seeping from him like tears.
Her hand was soft on his arm. “Ben?”
He shook her off. “Lainey—don’t. God. I—it’s just a dream.” He sat up, cursing himself for falling asleep, for allowing the intimacy at all, for thinking maybe it would be okay.
She drew back, a sheet pulled up over those glorious breasts, her gaze steady and worried. “If it’s just a dream why are you so rattled?”
She saw too much. Too damn much. He was stripped emotionally bare after their wonderful night together—all that emotion which he hadn’t expected.
“I can’t explain it now,” he said, weary. “Go back to sleep. I’ll see myself out.”
Her quick intake of breath lanced him. No point in telling her he wouldn’t sleep anymore, anyway. Better she knew as little as possible. Better he didn’t give her the chance to soothe him, to connect, while he was vulnerable.
She said nothing as he pulled on his pants in the dark, fumbled with his wallet.
“What ever it is, running isn’t going to make it go away.”
Her words, though soft, hit him as hard as if she’d shouted or thrown glass shards at him.
“It’s not going to make it stop.”
“I’m sorry,” was all he could say, while he thought, Yeah, but all I can do is run. If she knew what he’d done she’d never speak to him again. Bad enough now she’d see him as weak.
He paused in the doorway, looked back. She’d lain down again, her back to the door, covers pulled all the way up. He ached to go back to her, but he knew it was for the best.
“Go if you’re going to,” she said, her voice raw, and he did, leaving her in her warm bed and slipping into the chilly night.
* * *
Beth stopped in her tracks as soon as she entered the shop the next morning. “Wow. You look tired. What happened?”
Lainey winced, then sighed. It was true. Between Ben keeping her awake and then leaving after the nightmare she’d gotten pretty much no sleep. “Ben happened.”
Beth cocked her head. “If you were glowing, I’d guess the lack of sleep was due to happy times with Ben,” she said. “But I’m guessing not so much?”
“It ended badly,” Lainey said finally. “I’m not sure what happened. We were—well, we...” She paused as her cheeks heated and Beth’s brow rose as a grin stole across her face. “I guess I don’t have to explain it to you. But he just left.” She shrugged as if it hadn’t hurt. After how wonderful everything had been, she couldn’t help but be hurt.
It infuriated her.
“Just walked out as in thanks and bye?” Beth’s tone was incredulous.
“Not quite that crass, but, yeah.” Lainey couldn’t tell Beth about Ben’s nightmare. He seemed to be ashamed of it, and it wasn’t her place to tell anyone. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”
Beth sent her a sympathetic look. “Love is messy.”
Lainey nearly dropped the bucket she held. No one had said anything about love. Especially not with a man who was clearly keeping something from her. “We’ve just got really good chemistry.”
“Chemistry is good,” Beth said cheerfully. “And, all told, this is a huge improvement over last week, when I told you to go for it and you looked like I’d kicked a puppy.” Her voice sobered and she threw an arm around Lainey’s shoulders. “Seriously, though, I see more than just chemistry. The way you say his name—”
“Oh, Beth.” Lainey interrupted before this got any worse. “I do not. Obviously I like him a lot but that’s all. There’s no more than that.”
Except the slight twist in her belly told a different story. The way he’d loved her, cherished her. The way he made her feel important. The way he stood up for her, even to herself. How crushed she’d been when he shut her out last night.
Oh, no.
Beth looked at her steadily. “If you say so.”
Lainey forced a smile. “I do say so.” As she forced herself to walk casually to the back room, gripping the bucket handle so hard it hurt, she was afraid Beth was right. This whole thing, at least for her, had tipped well past mutual chemistry and into dangerous emotional territory.
Clearly she’d learned nothing from her past.
But Ben wasn’t Daniel or Jon. And, really, how would she know love? She’d never been in love before. It most certainly couldn’t happen this quickly.
Could it?
* * *
Ben sat at the Rusty Hammer bar, a burger with all the
trimmings before him. Best damn burgers anywhere, but it could be cardboard for all he could taste it. Still, the owner was looking at him, so he gave it a shot.
Someone settled on the bar stool next to him. A quick glance revealed Kevin Keeler. The other man nodded in acknowledgement and Ben did the same. Fantastic. Just what he needed.
“What can I get you?” The owner had come to stand in front of Kevin.
Kevin inclined his head toward Ben’s plate. “One of those and a beer, please.”
“On the way.” He drew the beer, placed it in front of Kevin and headed for the kitchen.
Kevin took a long draw. He set the glass down with a thunk and half turned to Ben, who braced himself.
“So. What are your intentions toward my sister?”
Ben nearly choked on his burger. Kevin thumped him on the back. “It’s probably a good idea to do that in front of a doctor,” he observed dryly.
Ben shook his head and grabbed his beer. Was this a trick question? Did Kevin know he’d slept with her? He doubted it. Lainey would never kiss and tell to Kevin. Besides, big brothers weren’t inclined to be friendly when you messed with their little sisters.
“Nothing. No intentions. She needed a date and invited me to the gala. That’s all.” His words were hollow but he hoped Kevin wouldn’t pick up on it. He’d never intended anything to go as far as it had, physically or otherwise. She’d filled holes in him that had desperately needed filling, as hard as he’d tried to avoid it.
Kevin tapped his glass. “It doesn’t look like all,” he said. “You were looking at her pretty seriously. With her being pregnant, I need to know what your intentions are.”
Ben picked up his beer and took a deliberate swallow. “Like I said—”
Kevin leaned in. “She deserves better than a guy with no intentions. A hell of a lot better. She’s been through hell and back with that idiot of an ex-husband, not to mention our selfish, clueless parents.”
Ben met the other man’s serious gaze. “I completely agree. That’s why I have no intention of getting tangled up in her life.” Anymore than I already am. “She asked for a favor. I agreed. She’s an amazing woman and I wish her all the best.”
Kevin sat back with a frown. “She’s got feelings for you.”
“I hope not,” he said quietly, but he knew Kevin was right. The hell of it was, he had powerful feelings for her, too. “Like I said, I can’t give her what she needs.” The truth was painful and he gripped the bottle tighter. “So. My intentions are to walk away and let her live her life.” The words were like ash in his mouth.
Kevin nodded at the owner, who’d delivered his burger. “I’m not sure if you’re smart or a coward.”
Ben barked out a laugh. “Truthfully? Me either.”
Actually, that wasn’t true. He did know. He was keeping Lainey safe, and that wasn’t a cowardly move.
Was it?
For all his not wanting to be part of a family, for not wanting home and hearth and kids and a wife, he knew underneath it all he was a sham. He wanted all of it. He wanted what Jason and Callie had had. He didn’t know how to open himself up to have it. But if he could— Lainey was a good woman. She’d be a wonderful mother and wife to the right man.
Just not for him.
CHAPTER TEN
LAINEY HURRIED HOME after work on the day of the gala. Of course her mother would schedule this party on a Thursday. And, being only her and Beth at the shop, Lainey couldn’t exactly take the afternoon off. So she was left with an hour to do all the primping required for a black tie affair.
Her nerves wouldn’t settle. She hadn’t seen Ben since he’d left that night. She took a deep breath and tried to focus on her hair and make-up, which were thankfully simple. Even with a redo of eyeliner due to her shaking hand. She got the dress on and tried to suck in her belly as she turned to study herself in the full-length mirror. Then she relaxed. The black fabric draped low over her breasts and gathered gently at her stomach, so the pregnancy wasn’t obvious.
She eyed the black heels lying on the floor of her room. Sparkly and sexy, they absolutely killed her feet.
She’d make the sacrifice.
The doorbell rang and she scooped up the shoes and made a quick stop in the bathroom. She tried to examine her make-up in the mirror, but all she could see was flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes. She’d piled her hair on her head in an elaborate updo the likes of which she didn’t have a reason for too often anymore.
For someone who’d insisted repeatedly this night meant nothing, she’d sure spent a lot of energy stressing over it.
Hearing the bell again, she took a deep breath and hurried over to open the door.
She simply lost her breath.
The tux emphasized Ben’s broad shoulders and slim hips. His hair curled a little over the collar, and she took a step back so she didn’t reach out to run her fingers through it.
His gaze swept over her in the way a man’s did when he appreciated a woman he was interested in. Her nerve-endings sizzled, as if he’d actually caressed her. Heat ran down her spine and he gave her a rare, slow smile.
“You’re gorgeous.” The words were simple, heartfelt, and she felt her heart stutter at the raw edge in his tone. Daniel had never looked at her like that or said anything so simple—and meant it. Something inside her shifted.
“Thank you,” she managed. “So are you.”
She stepped aside to let him in. The butterflies in her stomach had grown into bats.
She cleared her throat. “I’ve just got to get my shoes on.”
“All right.” He studied her while she sat down and buckled them on her feet. When she stood he must have noticed her wince. “Why do you wear them if they hurt?”
No point in being cagey. “They look great.” She lifted the hem of her dress over her ankle so he could see. “See?”
He lifted his gaze from her ankle to her face and she felt the heat of it. She was very glad she’d decided to paint her toenails a sexy red.
An answering sizzle ran through her as he cleared his throat. “Lovely.” His voice was still a bit hoarse.
A visceral shudder ran through her at the memory of his hands on her the other night. How wonderful they’d been together. Until he’d left.
She swallowed and grabbed her clutch. “I’m ready.”
He rested his hand on the small of her back as they went out her door. The touch was familiar and intimate. “What do women carry in those things anyway?”
“This?” Lainey held up the silver clutch. At his nod she continued. “Well, I’ve got keys, phone, lipstick, a couple of tissues. A couple of make-up things. The usual girl stuff, I guess.” Other than things like tampons, of course. Pregnant girls didn’t need those.
“Keys? In there?” He stepped aside so she could lock the door.
“Well, off the ring. Just for the door— Oh!” She turned around and stared at the black coupe, an exact replica of the one she’d owned a year ago. Daniel’s gift to her. Recovering before he could notice her shock, she added, “Nice ride.”
“Thanks.” He opened the door for her and held it while she got in. The rich scent of the buttery leather and the new carpet hit her. A few seconds later he was sliding in the driver’s seat. “I didn’t think my usual ride was appropriate for tonight. I figured you’d be in a fancy dress and it might be hard to climb in and out of the truck.”
Her heart caught. He’d done it for her. Even though she’d ambushed him with it less than two weeks ago, he’d come through. “Thank you,” she said after she got her voice back. “It was very thoughtful of you.”
“More what you’re used to,” he said, without looking at her.
Oh, so that was how it was. “Ben, you see what I drive now.”
He said nothing and she sighed
. “It’s in my past. And I’m happier without it.” The full truth there. That car had symbolized her ultimate failure and catalyzed her ability to do something about it. She gave the dashboard an affectionate little pat and heard Ben’s low chuckle.
The full moon hung huge and silver in the obsidian sky as they drove to the Lakeside Country Club. As she looked at it, shining over the lake, she couldn’t help but wonder if her mother had managed to call in a favor from somewhere to arrange for the moon.
The club, of course, was gorgeous. What had to be miles of twinkle lights outlined the building, luminaries lined the walkways, and through the wide glass doors she could see a roaring fire in the fireplace. Ben pulled up to the port-cochere and a valet glided forward to open the door. “Good evening, sir and madam,” he said as Ben held his hand out and helped Lainey out of the car. She was perfectly capable of exiting on her own, but with Ben it didn’t feel like a grand gesture for the sake of it but more as if he wanted to touch her any way he could.
So she let him.
The valet closed the door and took Ben’s keys. He cocked his arm at her. “Shall we?”
She tucked her hand in the warm crook of his arm and enjoyed the little fizzy feeling touching him gave her. She took a deep breath and had to keep herself from turning into him to just breathe him in. “Yes. Let’s.”
After stepping inside and taking care of her wrap, Lainey proceeded with Ben to the hall where the gala was being held. It was early, so the room was little more than half full, and they perused the tables until they found theirs. With her parents, of course. And Kevin.
“Lot of people here already,” Ben commented, looking around.
“Yes,” Lainey agreed. “Mother does a wonderful job with this.” Credit where it was due. Her mother knew how to throw a party.
Lainey spotted her mother heading toward them, a vision in designer gold. On anyone else the form-fitting gown would be tacky. On Jacqui it was perfect.
“Lainey.” She offered her cheek and Lainey
dutifully kissed her, then offered her own.
“Hi, Mother.” She laid a hand on Ben’s arm, felt the heat of him through his sleeve. “This is Ben Lawless. Ben, this is my mother—Jacqui Keeler.”