A noise to her left caught her attention, and Josie looked through the darkness toward the barn. A shadow moved slowly across the dirt, following the path toward the road.
John! Josie could also make out Emmy’s shape—John was carrying her, and Emmy’s head was resting on his shoulder.
What was he doing? And where were they going?
Josie kept watching until the discomfort of spying rose within her. Yet, she wasn’t really spying, was she? It wasn’t her fault she happened to be outside where she could see him. But now that she had seen him and continued to watch, didn’t that classify as spying? She rested her hands on her knees and took a slow breath.
The tender peace she had just enjoyed dissipated.
John never walked with Emmy at that time of night. He was only concerned with evening prayers and tucking Emmy into her crib. But there he was, heading steadily toward the road. Josie stood and with a last worrying glance at her beloved, she turned and retreated quickly into the house.
Two
The next morning, John came into the dining area like a whirlwind. He placed Emmy Sue in Josie’s arms and grabbed a piece of toast from the table.
“I need to get to school,” he said and gave Josie an apologetic look. “Can you feed Emmy?”
“I’m happy to. But why in such a hurry?”
John avoided her eyes. “I have some things to attend to.” He took a bite of toast as he hurried out the front door.
“See you this afternoon, then!” Josie called after him.
The unease she’d harbored all week twisted in her stomach. Something had to be wrong. Dead wrong. She walked to the large dining area window and watched John stride down the lane, his long legs beating a fast rhythm over the packed dirt.
Josie turned to Rachel and Lizzie, who were halfway through their hot cereal. “Something special today at school?” she asked.
Both sisters shook their heads. Lizzie shrugged. “Only that teacher is downright cranky lately.”
“Elizabeth!” Mamm scolded as she entered the room, carrying her cup of coffee. “No sassy talk about Mr. Beiler.”
“Well, it’s true,” Lizzie said, quickly spooning in another mouthful of cereal.
“My teacher’s never cranky,” Susie chimed in. “But she gives too much work.”
Mamm put her cup on the table and sat down. “There will be no disrespectful talk about your elders.” Mamm frowned at each of them. “Am I understood?”
They nodded.
“Wasn’t me,” Rachel murmured.
Mamm gave an exasperated sigh. “Enough! Now hurry up and finish so you can be off.”
Three spoons clattered against glass bowls as the girls did as they were instructed.
Josie put Emmy Sue into her high chair and placed a small plastic bowl full of mush before her. She secured a baby spoon into the little girl’s hand. “All right, Emmy Sue. Let’s see how much of the cereal reaches your mouth.”
Emmy banged the spoon on the tray and then grinned at her small audience. She puckered her mouth until her cheeks dimpled and then shoved the spoon deep into the cereal. With an expansive swing of her arm, she aimed the spoon at her mouth—depositing a bit of cereal on her tongue and slopping the rest across Josie’s apron.
Rachel, Lizzie, and Susie burst into laughter. Mamm went running for a tea towel, and Josie looked at the mess dripping down her front.
“All right, Emmy Sue,” she said, removing the sticky spoon from the little girl’s fisted hand. “Now it’s my turn.”
Josie deftly spooned the cereal into Emmy’s mouth, and then she busied herself dabbing the splattered mush off herself with the towel Mamm had provided.
****
The day passed with its usual cadence. Emmy was in a good mood all day, which made Josie’s job easy. When the hour for school dismissal came, Josie decided to take Emmy Sue once again for a walk to the schoolhouse. Ever since the weather had improved, she often met John after hours to walk with him the short distance back home. On that particular afternoon, she was eager for a chance to reestablish the closeness she’d felt slipping away over the last few days.
She met her sisters on their way home, and they paused for a minute to fawn over Emmy Sue, as they always did whenever they’d been apart for more than an hour. After a few moments they left, skittering on toward home. Josie waved to a few other students and then continued down the road. She was nearly to the schoolhouse when she saw Elder Dohner approaching.
Josie stopped and observed him jump down from his wagon with a smoothness that defied his advancing age. He treaded up the steps and walked into the school, shutting the door with such firmness Josie could hear it close from where she stood.
She stepped back. She couldn’t wait for John now. How would that look? Emmy Sue’s caregiver rushing to meet the widowed teacher—especially since Elder Dohner had seen her waiting on the school porch earlier that week. What would he think? With a last glance at the school, she turned back, the unease within her growing.
Josie hurried to catch up with her sisters before they reached the house.
“Where’s teacher?” Lizzie asked. “Thought you were going to walk with him.”
Rachel nudged Josie and grinned. “Like you often do.”
Josie shook her head. “Nee. Not today. I decided against it.” She changed the subject. “How was your day?”
“Wonderful gut!” cried Susie. “No homework tonight!”
Josie laughed. “I’ll tell Mamm, and she’ll have more chores for you.”
Susie stopped and grimaced. “You wouldn’t. Would you?”
Josie raised both eyebrows, glad for the distraction of teasing her sister. “I guess you’ll have to find out, won’t you?”
Susie reached over to give a playful tug on Emmy’s hand. “You see? Josie’s horrid! I’m warning you.”
They were all still laughing when they entered the side door and walked through the washroom in search of an after-school snack.
Josie left them to it and carried Emmy to the front room. She put her down on the floor and sat with her, offering her toy wooden train cars and blocks of various sizes. Emmy began stacking the blocks, with Josie oohing and ahhing as Emmy managed to pile up three before knocking them down. Josie stacked eight and offered the blocks to Emmy for immediate destruction. Emmy swiped at them and laughed in glee as they toppled every which way.
The two of them played for another twenty minutes before John came into the house. He walked into the front room, and Josie looked up in time to see him deliberately put on a smile with what appeared to be no small amount of effort. Josie’s heart reeled. She jumped up and met him in the center of the room.
“What’s wrong?”
John’s smile didn’t falter. “Everything is fine.” He squatted before Emmy. “How’s daddy’s little girl?”
Emmy reached up toward him. “Dada! Dada!”
John scooped her up and stood before Josie. “We’ll be out in the daadi haus.”
“John.” Josie touched his arm. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
John’s face clouded over for a brief moment, then his smile returned. “Don’t worry, Josie.” He took a step toward the door and then turned back. “Elder Dohner is calling a special board meeting this Monday evening at six. Can you watch Emmy?”
“Of course,” Josie murmured. “You know that. Anytime. Anytime at all.”
John nodded, turned away, and left. Emmy Sue peered over her father’s shoulder, giving Josie a huge, innocent grin. Instinctively, Josie waved at her young charge with a grin of her own. But her smile faded when they were out of sight. Josie sank back to the floor and absently began gathering the blocks into a basket.
A special board meeting?
As far as Josie knew, that was only done when something urgent needed attending. So, what was urgent?
Josie stood and carried the toys to the bureau beneath the window and opened the side door to stow the basket. She knew the special meeting had so
mething to do with Amanda Crabill.
****
The next evening, John came to her as she was stepping her way carefully through the newly planted garden. She looked up to see him holding Emmy’s hand as they walked to the border of the strawberry plants.
“John?” she questioned.
“Hello, Josie.” He let go of Emmy’s hand, and she plopped down on the ground where she began grabbing up handfuls of grass. “Can I speak with you for a moment?”
“Of course.” Josie stepped over the rows until she faced him. He looked weary—the lines around his eyes were more pronounced than usual.
He ran his hand over his beard and gazed at his daughter then back to Josie. “I need to go somewhere,” he said. “Will you watch the baby?”
“Where are you going?” she asked before she could stop herself. Her cheeks grew warm—where he went wasn’t her business. Not officially, at least.
He didn’t answer. Instead, he looked out across the field, squinting as if the sun was still high in the sky.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked,” she muttered, feeling the chasm between them widening with every moment of silence.
John shook his head. “Nee. I’m the one who’s sorry.” He let out a sigh so deep, Josie felt as if he were drowning in it.
Then he cleared his throat. “Perhaps you should come with me. I have a meeting in the schoolhouse, and you could wait for me outside with Emmy.”
“You have a meeting now? At this hour? I thought the special meeting was on Monday.”
“It is on Monday. This isn’t the same meeting.”
Josie’s eyes searched his. “What is this meeting?”
“I’m meeting a parent,” he said.
Her throat tightened. “Mrs. Crabill?” she whispered.
The muscles around his eyes tensed. “Jah.”
She stepped back. “I see. Why?”
He shook his head and reached out to touch her arm. “Will you go?”
A turmoil of emotion spun inside her. Why would he want her there? Just what was going on with Amanda Crabill? And why wouldn’t he answer her?
“It would help if you were there,” he said, and she heard the nervousness in his voice.
She knew he wasn’t good at pretense. Every movement of his body divulged the fact that he was hiding something. His secret hung in the air between them so heavily Josie actually felt it pressing on her lungs. She stood for a long moment deciding what to do.
John’s discomfort became more evident the longer she waited before answering. He began to fidget with his suspenders and adjust and readjust his brimmed hat.
Emmy reached for her and pulled on her apron, “Wosie, up!”
Josie picked Emmy up. “All right,” she finally agreed. “I’ll go.”
John took a deep breath and began walking toward the road. She walked beside him. “Thank you,” he said quietly.
Neither of them spoke further. When they got to the school, John opened the door and went inside the dark building. Josie waited until he lit the gas lamp, and then she joined him.
Amanda Crabill came in a moment later, and when she saw Josie, her shadowed eyes grew huge. She backed up, clearly flustered.
John stepped toward her, his arm outstretched. Josie watched the expression on his face deepen with concern.
“Don’t go,” he said, his voice pleading. He turned to Josie. “Can you wait outside? Please?”
Josie felt a surge of impatience rise within her. Why was everything so hush-hush? Yet she didn’t deny him—she stepped outside the door, hugging Emmy to her chest.
“You must tell him.”
Josie overheard John’s strained words.
“Nee. I can’t. I can’t do it.”
“If you don’t tell him, I will. It’s been long enough.”
Shame drove Josie to step further away from the door. Eavesdropping wasn’t pleasing to God, and she shouldn’t be listening. But oh, how she wanted to know what they were saying.
A shadow moved next to the bushes to the right of the building. Josie squinted in the growing dark.
“Benjamin?” she called out. “Is that you?”
Who else would it be?
The shadow darted back into hiding. Carrying Emmy, Josie hurried down the steps and walked around the bushes to check but found no one. She glanced around the area—nothing moved. No shadows, no echoing footsteps.
She went back around and leaned against the porch railing. She heard the low murmur of voices still coming from inside. Then all she heard was silence. She cocked her head. Were they finished talking? What were they doing now?
A minute later the front door opened, and Amanda Crabill came out, her slender figure slightly bent into itself as if afraid to be seen. She padded down the steps and then paused looking around.
“Benjamin!” she called in her soft voice.
A second later, Benji emerged from the back of the building. Amanda grabbed his hand and together, they scurried down the road, disappearing into the darkness.
The gas light inside was snuffed out and the school door opened and shut. Josie looked up at John.
He came down the steps and took Emmy from her. “Come on. Let’s go,” he said, his voice weary.
Josie hustled to match his gait, and they walked home in silence. A hundred questions swirled inside Josie’s mind, but she didn’t give voice to any of them. Instead, she waited for an explanation—some sort of word from John to explain these clandestine meetings. Some reason for the unexpected board gathering come Monday. Something, anything, to put her mind at ease.
But no words came.
When they parted at the porch of the big house, Josie’s heart simmered with both hurt and frustration. He didn’t trust her. If he did, he would talk to her.
For the first time, she doubted their future together.
****
It was a preaching Sunday, and Josie welcomed the scheduled time of worship, deeply grateful that this Sunday was the rotation for preaching service. She didn’t want to wait another week to join with the community and put all her thoughts on God. She was weary of worrying about everything that was going on with John. She hadn’t seen much of him or Emmy Sue on Saturday, only for meals. But then, she’d made sure of it by being otherwise occupied. As it turned out, it didn’t really matter, for John stayed out-of-sight most of the day in the daadi haus.
Josie felt her mamm’s eyes on her frequently that weekend. Once when she glanced up, her mamm’s face was pinched with concern. Wanting to avoid any questions, Josie had excused herself and hurried out to the barn. She gave Dover a thorough brush down, even though the horse didn’t need it.
Sunday morning, Dat brought the wagon around promptly after breakfast. Josie’s sisters climbed aboard and Thomas joined them, stretching his long legs across the wagon floor. He reached down and helped Josie up.
Mamm glanced about from her spot up front. “Where’s John and Emmy?” she asked. “They’re not usually late.”
Twisting around, she stared at Josie. “What’s happening?”
“I don’t know,” Josie said, shrugging with purposeful nonchalance.
Where was John?
Mamm opened her mouth to continue her questions when John and the baby appeared from the back of the house.
“Sorry!” he called. He strode to the wagon and swung Emmy up.
Lizzie held out her arms. “Let me hold her, Mr. Beiler.”
Emmy settled happily on Lizzie’s lap, and John jumped in and sat beside Thomas. Josie knew he was looking at her, but she kept her eyes averted.
“Mamm, I’m hungry,” Susie complained.
Mamm glanced back. “Impossible! You’ve just finished breakfast.”
“Can’t help it.”
Mamm looked at Dat. “That child is growing like a cornstalk in July. She’s going to eat my pantry bare.”
Dat chuckled. “Takes after me.”
Mamm swatted his arm. “That she does, Malachi. That
she does.”
The wagon rolled out of the yard. There was a chill in the air and Josie hugged her arms around herself and shivered. John leaned across the wagon bed. “Everything all right, Josie?”
She looked at him and nodded her head. His eyes were steady on hers, and she felt an apology radiating from him—although, she couldn’t be sure. He gave her an uncertain smile, his eyebrows raised. She frowned slightly, not accustomed to seeing a contrite look on his face. She missed his usual relaxed, confident expression. She missed his ready smile and his easy laugh. She missed him.
What had happened with Amanda Crabill? And why was it so secret?
John was still looking at her as if waiting for a sign. She wondered if he missed her, too.
She hoped so. She returned his smile and felt her mood lighten slightly. She needed to get a grip on herself. This was John Beiler—the man she loved. The man she hoped to spend the rest of her life with. How had she gotten so off track? And so easily?
John continued to smile, his face open with relief. Josie’s smile widened, and she felt a weight slip from her shoulders.
“What’s so funny?” Susie asked. “Why are you grinning like a barn cat with a mouse?”
John winked at Josie.
“No reason,” Josie said, now feeling only warmth from the morning air. “No reason at all.” But there was a reason—and a very good one at that.
For the first time all week, she felt things might be all right.
****
Service that Sunday was in the Yarrison’s barn. Since the weather had warmed, most services were now held in barns. The district’s benches had been set up in rows on the worn wooden plank floor. The women filed to one side and the men to another. Josie sat with the other single girls. Her best friend Mary plopped down beside her.
“Hey, Josie.”
“Hi, Mary.” Josie gazed around. “Josiah here?”
Mary held her finger to her lips. “Our engagement isn’t public knowledge yet,” she whispered.
Josie grinned. “Sorry! But no one heard me.”
Mary scooted closer. “And John?”
Josie’s gaze rested immediately on John’s tall silhouette across the room.
Amish Days: A Desperate Act: An Amish Romance Short Story (Hollybrook Amish Romance) Page 2