Dr. Anderson had always said Maddie could tell her anything. And she had. So why was it so hard for Maddie to share what was going on in her life right now? “Justin moved out.”
“Oh, Maddie.” The doctor’s eyes softened and her smile fell. “I’m so sorry to hear that. When did this happen?”
“A few days ago.” Three very long days.
“First things first… how are you?”
“Pretty devastated. But I still have Aiden to take care of, so I’m pushing through.”
“Of course you are. Listen, in light of these developments, I don’t think we should worry about your exam today. How about we talk in my office?”
Maddie nodded and Dr. Anderson stepped out of the exam room.
Maddie ripped off that blasted gown, pulled on her clothes, and a few minutes later, knocked on the doctor’s office door.
“Come on in, Maddie.”
Maddie stepped into her office. Dr. Anderson was standing in front of her desk and had taken off that intimidating white lab coat, her floral blouse and a navy pencil skirt still reflecting the professional that she was.
“Come on in and have a seat.” Dr. Anderson gestured to the cushiony couch and the chair across from it. She and Justin had always sat in the straight-backed chairs in front of the desk when they met with Dr. Anderson. And the doctor was always behind the desk.
Not this time. Maddie perched on the edge the chair. Maybe if she didn’t sit on the couch, she wouldn’t be tempted to break down on the doctor’s shoulder again.
Dr. Anderson settled on the edge of the couch and crossed her legs, leaning toward Maddie. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on with you and Justin?”
Maddie wrung her hands. Her mind was a jumble of everything that had happened the past few weeks. “Things have gotten pretty stressful between us. We’ve been arguing a lot and otherwise not talking. Justin’s been working late and I’ve been spending all my time researching infertility.”
Concern flooded the doctor’s expression. She had warned them both from the beginning that there was so much bad information on the web, that reading rogue sites would set her up for disappointment. Maddie, of course, hadn’t believed her, thinking if she had more information she’d be in a better position to get pregnant.
“You don’t have to say it. You were right. I shouldn’t have been reading on the internet. But I didn’t know what else to do. I was desperate. Month after month with nothing happening. I couldn’t stand it much longer.”
“I know it’s hard, the waiting, the constant tests, the hormone swings.”
Maddie nodded. Her shoulders relaxed and her heart slowed from its erratic beat. She should have talked to Dr. Anderson sooner. She was the one person who understood the extent of Maddie’s struggles. “It’s been awful at times. I was snapping at Justin, he was yelling at me, Aiden was getting stressed out. It just became too much. On Monday, Justin and I had a blowup when he came home late. He stormed out and didn’t come home that night.”
“Oh, Maddie. I’m so sorry. Couples suffering with infertility have struggles that other couples don’t.”
“I’m not sure I was able to see how awful it was when I was hyper-focused on getting pregnant.” If only she had talked to Justin instead of focusing on herself. That was all he had asked for. “Anyway, he stayed at his sister’s house that night and the next morning, he told me he was moving out. He said it was a break, but I don’t know how long of a break he thinks he needs.”
“Have you talked to him since he moved out?”
Maddie shook her head. “Not really. He came over that night so we could explain things to Aiden. But I’ve been giving him the break he asked for, and he hasn’t reached out to me.”
“I’m sorry that this has happened to you. Suffering through infertility can cause stress for even the strongest couples, and the hormones do some crazy things to you.”
“Yeah, they do. I guess I thought we would be the exception. I had this fantasy that I would start the injections and in no time, I would be pregnant.”
“That’s a very common perspective. You want a baby so badly and the reality is too much to bear at times. What do you think you’re going to do?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know what the next steps are. We’re in this holding pattern right now.”
“Let me ask you something, Maddie. Do you want Justin to be the one who decides what happens in your life?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you still want to be married to Justin?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then why are you sitting back waiting for him to make the first move? Stick your neck out a little. Show him you’re willing to work on your relationship.” She slipped a card out of her pocket and extended it to Maddie. “I know I mentioned this when we had our initial consultation, but I work closely with a counselor who specializes in couples struggling with fertility issues.”
Maddie stared at the card like it might jump up and bite her. What did it mean that she, that they, couldn’t handle their problems by themselves? That she had to resort to talking to someone else.
After a moment, she snatched the card from the doctor’s hand and tucked it in her purse, not even looking at the name printed on the front. “I’ll think about it.”
“Just remember, she’s there to help, like I am. We work as a team to support our patients. You aren’t alone in this. Stress is a major factor in infertility. The body can react in different ways and, in some women, make things worse. I know it’s unrealistic to tell you not to worry about getting pregnant, since that’s why you’re here in the first place, but Dr. Bryson can be a good resource for you.”
Dr. Anderson probably had a point. Maddie had always said she was willing to do anything to get pregnant. She should do the same to save her marriage. Maddie stood. “I’ll think about it. Thanks, Dr. Anderson. I feel much better.”
“I’m glad, Maddie. Call me any time if you have any questions.”
“I will.”
A couple minutes later, Maddie returned to the lobby. Boy, this appointment hadn’t gone at all like she’d expected. But it had been the conversation she’d needed. She was coming to realize, more than ever, that getting pregnant wasn’t just about biology. Maybe she would call Dr. Bryson after all.
Chapter Eight
“Are you ready to head out? Game starts in less than an hour.” Justin’s buddy Steve dropped his mitt on the counter at the back of the store where Justin had been staring at a spot on the wall, his mind focused on Maddie.
Justin hadn’t even heard the door jingle. He had been distracted by what he was going to do to get Maddie back. So far, he had come up blank. Maybe smacking the shit out of a softball for a couple of hours would help clear his mind. Besides, he wasn’t about to miss the game against the fire department. The rivalry went back years. “You bet.”
He checked in with Chris, the teenager he’d hired last fall to help out around the store. Confident that Chris had everything under control, Justin changed into his uniform and then followed Steve out the door. A few minutes later, he was dropping his duffel on the dugout bench and snatching his mitt out of it. The rest of his team was arriving, employees of his store and several others on the strip in his section of downtown Cedar Hill. On the other side of the field, the firemen and paramedics from Station 19 went through the same motions in their navy-blue jerseys.
“Where the hell is Izzy?” They couldn’t play without at least two women, and Izzy was one of them. She might hem and haw every time he brought up softball, but she wasn’t as bad as she pretended to be. And she was always on time.
“I’m right here. You don’t need to yell, big brother.”
He spun around and spied Izzy standing beside Tanner and Hayley with their beagle Blue at their heels. “Hey, Tanner. Hayley.”
“Hey, Uncle Justin.” His soon-to-be niece, Hayley, bounced on her toes and then threw her arms around him. This girl was full of bo
undless energy. If only he could bottle it up for himself. He hadn’t been sleeping well the past few nights. It was no surprise that he was dragging.
“Hey, honey. How have you been?”
“Great. We brought Blue with us to cheer on the team.”
The beagle was straining against his leash. The puppy had grown since the last time Justin had seen him. Justin shook Tanner’s free hand and spared a pat or two for Blue. “Thanks for coming out today.”
“Wouldn’t miss it. Izzy tells me you guys are pretty good.”
Justin smacked his hand into his mitt. “Yeah, we are. But the fire department is a tough opponent. We have to bring our A game today.”
“Good luck. We’ll be watching.”
Justin threw his arm around Izzy on the way to the bench. “Hey, sis. Can I pick your brain after the game?”
“Sure, what about?”
This conversation was best left for later, but it was probably smart to clue her in. “I talked to Mom.”
“About Maddie?”
“Yeah. She convinced me that I was going about this all wrong. I need to ask Maddie out. To court her again. I have to admit, I’m out of practice. I want some ideas.”
Izzy got a twinkle in her eye and rubbed her hands together. “This is really good. You bet I can help you out. I’ll have you guys back together in no time.”
“Slow down a bit. We have a lot of things to work out before we can even consider getting back together. But none of that will happen if we don’t start.”
“Sure thing.” Izzy threw her bag on the bench and turned to the team. “All right, Harper’s Hammers. Let’s do this!”
Whoops and cheers rose from his teammates. This was good. Reminding himself of the things that made him happy was the best way to get him back on track. Softball was a start, but the thing that made him the happiest was Maddie. He just had to keep his eye on the ball.
The game got underway, Justin hustling out to shortstop, the position his buddy Ethan had played the day Justin had met Maddie almost twelve years ago. He could picture her now, her blond hair pulled into a ponytail—
“Justin, heads up!” Izzy’s cry startled him just in time to feel a ball whiz by his ear. He snapped around in time to watch the left fielder scoop it up and throw it to Izzy at second base, but the damage was done.
Izzy jogged over from second. “Get your head in the game.”
Justin shook his head, but his mind still wandered to Maddie and how he was going to fix the mess that their marriage had become.
Despite his less than stellar performance in the field and a strikeout his first time at the plate, the team held their own through the first couple of innings, down only two to nothing after they’d batted around the lineup once.
He slumped onto the bench, staring at the dirt in front of him, while his mind raced. What could he possibly do to fix what was broken in his marriage? Especially since he’d already tried several times. Early in their fertility appointments, Dr. Anderson had suggested they see a therapist. Not because anything was wrong, but because she recommended the support for all of her patients. He and Maddie had scoffed, sure that there wouldn’t be problems in what was otherwise a strong marriage. Boy, did he have his head up his ass or what?
A hand landed on his shoulder. “Hey, Justin, you’re up.”
“Thanks, man.” How long had he been daydreaming? Justin grabbed a bat and hustled to the plate. Two practice swings and then a glance at the first base bleachers. That was the tradition he’d started long ago when Maddie had first attended his games. Maddie had long since stopped sitting in that spot where he’d know he’d find her, but he had his routines, his little habits that grounded him, and he wasn’t about to change now. He took his swings and lifted his head toward the stands. It was just a quick look and his eyes returned to the ground in front of him. And then he froze.
He raised his gaze again and it immediately landed on the fair-haired woman sitting on the top row. She was actually here. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and the long-sleeve T-shirt she wore hugged every one of her curves. Curves he’d appreciated more than once in his eight-year marriage.
She finger-waved at him and then leaned over and giggled with her friend Jen. He grinned. Maddie hadn’t been to one of his games in a long time. When they’d met, he was playing for Villanova University. After graduation, he played minor league ball, his time spent on run-down buses and worse motel rooms. But as much as possible, Maddie had taken her place near the top of the bleachers to cheer him on. And then when he’d made it to the show, his eyes would always land on her in the friends and family section just before he stepped in the batter’s box. Much like now.
Seeing her in the stands, knowing she was there supporting him, had always settled his nerves. Calmed him.
Could he say that he’d done the same? Had he supported her when she needed it the most? He shook his head. He couldn’t think about that now. He spared Maddie a smile and a quick wave and then stepped in the box. The catcher for the opposing team, one of the paramedics from Station 19, chuckled and shook his head. “You ready to play, Romeo?”
Normally Justin would scoff at the comment, but not today. Maddie showing up was a big step. Considering how infrequently she’d left the house in the past few months, her attendance at the game was huge. And she looked better than she had in a while.
The first two pitches served up were high and outside. A ploy to get Justin to chase his favorite pitch. These guys thought they knew him so well. He’d show them. He wasn’t in a hurry. They were going to have to serve up a doozie before he’d swing.
The next one was right at the belt but a little inside. Justin let it go by. Just after the smack of the ball in the catcher’s mitt, the umpire screeched, “Stee-rike.”
Justin threw a look at the mayor who umpired most of the town softball league games. He then dug his back foot in a little harder and choked up on the bat.
The next ball was right down the plate, but Justin was a half-second late with his swing. The thump of the ball hitting the catcher’s mitt mocked him, and the catcher chuckled.
Now he was behind.
He stepped out and took a practice swing. He didn’t need one, but it gave him a chance to clear his head. Maddie showing up, looking all cute with her hair in a ponytail, rattled him more than he expected. Maybe these few days apart had already done some good.
“You’ve got this, Justin.” Her sweet voice traveled across the field and his head snapped up. Maddie smiled and waved again.
He stepped in the box calmer than he had been in longer than he could remember. He drew in air through his nose, calming his breathing and heartrate the way he’d learned all those years ago. This time, when the pitch came toward him, the red seams on the neon yellow ball spinning in a backward rotation, he picked it up with his eye and followed it until it met his bat.
Crack.
The ball sailed over the third baseman’s head and streaked toward the left field fence. Justin broke out of the box at a full run. He’d already rounded second by the time the left fielder reached the ball. His third base coach, Ernie from the diner down the street, was waving him around. But it didn’t matter. There was no chance Justin was stopping, no matter what Ernie said. Justin hit the bag with his right foot, rounding the last corner and heading toward home.
“Get down. Get down.” Izzy waved her hands toward the ground from just beyond home plate. The play must be close. Justin turned it up a notch, throwing himself head first toward his goal. The ball whizzed over his head, but he stuck out his hand, slapping it across the plate just before the catcher’s mitt smacked him on the ass.
“Safe!” The umpire spread his arms wide.
Justin leapt to his feet and pumped his fist. He then turned to the stands and his gaze locked with Maddie’s where she was jumping up and down and clapping her hands. She brought her hand to her lips and blew him a kiss. Another tradition, one he’d nearly forgotten about, but one that ha
d his heart leaping now. He clenched his fingers into a fist, catching her kiss, and rested it over his heart.
The rest of the game was a blur. Between the high of his home run and the thought that Maddie had come to watch him, he was toast.
“Hey, big brother. Game’s over.”
Izzy pulled him to his feet and he shook hands with the other team. By the time he’d returned to the bench, Maddie and Jen had made their way down to the dugout. Maddie stood, wringing her hands in front of her, her gaze darting back and forth, looking all shy and sweet like she had when he first met her.
He stepped up to her and moved to slip his hand around her waist but stopped short. They had a lot to work on. Skipping some important steps and jumping back to where they were wouldn’t solve anything. “Hey.”
She raised her head a little, looking up at him through those long, sexy lashes that had driven him wild from the first day he met her. Her pouty lips drew him in and he bit back a curse. He’d enjoyed the afternoon, forgetting about what had gotten them to this point, but it still lingered below the surface. Maddie had come to his game, something she hadn’t done in a while. She’d taken that first step toward reconciliation. But they had to move slow. They both had a lot of healing to do.
“Thanks for coming.”
She giggled and then raised her chin a bit more. Splashes of pink colored her cheeks. “My girlfriend told me I should come. You were great out there. I can’t believe you hit the ball so far and ran all the way around the field.”
He grinned. That was what she’d said to him when he’d first met her after a game at Villanova. He’d seen her in the stands with his buddy’s girlfriend while the team was warming up. He’d been a cocky bastard back then and had winked at her right before going in the dugout. It was harmless fun, or so he thought. He could play along, though. “What are you doing after the game?”
Chasing Hope Page 5