Chasing Hope

by Nancy Stopper

  He didn’t have a good answer for her. He reached over and tentatively covered her hands. “You’ll be fine. Right now, the doctors are just gonna check you out. You have a lot of people who care about you.” Including me.

  Her eyes dropped to their clasped hands. He squeezed again.

  “Please don’t make me go with my brothers. They don’t understand. They never did.”

  “They love you.”

  “I know they do, in their own way. They just… there are things they don’t know. Wouldn’t understand.”

  “What about your parents?”

  Her eyes widened and a new panic filled her eyes. “No, I can’t go back home. Not now.”

  This was definitely not the Rachel he’d grown up with. That Rachel loved her brothers and thrived on spending time with them. If it was the last thing he did, he’d make sure she became the happy girl she’d been before Shane. The one he’d fallen in love with all those years ago. “Okay. We’ll figure something out… I promise. I’ll call the shelter about getting you a bed for the night. They’ll know how to take care of you.”

  “Don’t bother. I don’t need to be taken care of. All I need is a place to stay for the night until I can get things settled.”

  Boy, if the fire in her gaze was any sign, she meant business. During his domestic abuse training, the instructor had emphasized one should aid the victim, not agitate them. What could he say to help her now? It was hard to focus on his training. He couldn’t be objective when the victim was Rachel. “That’s fine. I’ll still call. But for now, you need to get examined. Okay? Can we do that?” He used his gentlest voice. They’d been friends growing up, before his time in the army had turned him into a bitter, shut-off man, and her relationship with Shane turned her into someone he barely knew. “For me. Please.”

  For the longest time she glared at him. Then the tight lines around her eyes softened, and her lower lip trembled. She licked at her swollen mouth and faced him, giving a quick nod.

  Thank God. This was a big step for Rachel—letting someone help her instead of scuttling out of the car and dashing off into the night. Helping her also meant he could spend time with her. Hell, he’d even find a way to break through the walls he’d built around his own life if it meant a chance with her. His walls kept him safe, kept the hurt away, but for her, he’d take them down, brick by brick.

  CHAPTER THREE

  “Do you wanna tell me what happened, honey?” Although the plump, older nurse spoke in a hushed, sweet voice, Rachel kept shivering. How many times would she have to explain what Shane had done to her? How could she explain that she hadn’t seen how he slowly broke her down, convincing her she was nobody without him? She was embarrassed enough that she’d let herself get caught up in the drama about her parents that she’d fallen into Shane’s trap. She’d slowly started believing it to be true. Even when Lucas, Joey, and Sawyer had come by the trailer a couple months back, she’d convinced them she didn’t need their help.

  She’d been wrong. She’d been lying to them or lying to herself, and she didn’t know which. Probably both.

  When the nurse tried to take her blood pressure, Rachel’s arms shook. She’d spent the past year hiding her own feelings, and she didn’t have the strength to do it any longer.

  The nurse patted her hand and pressed it to the mattress while she inflated the cuff. “It’s all right, sweetie. It’s all over now.”

  Maybe, maybe not. At first, Shane’s abuse had been verbal. He yelled and screamed, called her worthless. Enough times that she started to believe him, her foundation already shattered by the secret she’d discovered about herself. Shane had somehow sniffed out her vulnerability and taken advantage of her.

  Even worse, she’d let him. Once or twice in the past, he’d gotten physical but had always apologized for hitting her—as soon as he sobered up, at least. She’d hidden the injuries as best she could, but makeup only went so far. She hadn’t fooled anyone, especially Joey and his girlfriend the first time Shane had turned his anger toward her.

  Tonight was different, though. Shane’s rage had bubbled over, his words harsher, his grip tighter. She hadn’t cleaned the trailer, she’d ruined dinner, he didn’t have any beer… He didn’t need an excuse to yell at her.

  “The doctor will be in shortly, hon. You lie back and relax for a few minutes. You look like you need it.” The nurse paused. “That handsome officer in the waiting room has been driving all of the nurses crazy. Can I send him back?”

  Her old self would have shouted, “Yes!” but she wasn’t that Rachel anymore. What she’d let herself become was her private shame. To be lying in a hospital bed, bruises on her arms and neck, huddled under a thin gown…could it get any worse?

  Yes, it could. Having her childhood crush waiting to see her after he’d rescued her from Shane in the first place. Having him witness her biggest embarrassment. Sawyer had saved her life and she’d never be able to repay him, but she couldn’t bear for him to see her like this. Fear had filled his big brown eyes. She’d done that to him, this resilient man, the guy who’d remained strong and unaffected by two tours oversees and eighteen months in the Sheriff’s office.

  At least her brothers and parents weren’t flying into the room to demand she tell them what had happened. Not that her parents would, anyway.

  It was just Sawyer… she could handle him. “Yeah, it’s okay. Send him back.”

  The sooner they finished and she could go home, the better. Wherever home was now.

  “Knock, knock.” The warm timbre of Sawyer’s voice accompanied his tap on the exam room door. “Can I come in?”

  “Sure.” She tugged the sheet over her body, the thin fabric shielding her from his prying eyes. If only she could hide her humiliation as easily.

  He crossed the room, pulled the armchair from beneath the window, and slid it beside her bed. He wouldn’t look her in the eye. After lowering himself into the chair, he clasped his hands in front of him and cleared his throat but didn’t speak. Why wouldn’t he talk to her? Did he have more bad news?

  She could at least start the conversation. “Thank you.”

  He raised his head, a tortured expression in his eyes. His thick brown hair was ruffled, poking out in all directions, and deep shadows circled his eyes.

  What time was it? He’d probably been on duty for hours and needed a good night’s sleep. He certainly didn’t need to be sitting here with her. The further he stayed away from the train wreck that had become her life, the better. “You didn’t need to stay. Really. You should go home and rest. You look beat.”

  He huffed out a laugh. “Thanks, I think.”

  Heat rose on her cheeks. “I didn’t mean it like that.” She couldn’t say anything right to anybody these days.

  He covered her hand. It had been a long time since a touch had warmed her heart and wrapped her in a sense of security. Recently, Shane had only touched her when he was mad. And that was just to grab her or hit her. Or when he wanted more from her.

  “I know you didn’t. It’s been a long night.”

  This was certainly the last place she’d expected to find herself when she’d woken up this morning. But no matter what, Shane was out of her life for good. “You’re telling me.”

  He straightened in the chair. “Do you feel like talking about it?”

  The soothing strains of his voice vanished, and his authoritative deputy-speak took its place. So much for having even a moment to forget what had happened to her. How many times would she have to tell this story? Expose her stupidity for everyone to see? The sooner she got this over with, the sooner she could move on. Whatever that meant. She had nothing. No job. No friends. No home. “There’s not much to tell. Shane got drunk… again. I don’t know what set him off, but he came at me. I couldn’t talk him down like before.”

  She explained, as best she could, exactly what had happened, before and after she called 9-1-1, up until the moment Sawyer arrived and Shane tried to strangle her.
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br />   Sawyer’s jaw tightened and his hands clenched into fists. Her heart raced as she kept her eyes locked on those fingers. Living with Shane had taught her to always pay close attention to his fists, to deflect them when they came her way.

  Why did men do that? Shane clenched his fists in anger and so did her brothers. And now Sawyer. Always ready to throw a punch. She squirmed to the other side of the bed. Sawyer’s hands were smaller than Shane’s, but a fist was a fist when raised in anger. Deep down, she knew that Sawyer would never raise his hand to her… or anyone. If only she could convince her head and body of that fact.

  Color rose on his cheeks. He relaxed his hands and wiped them on his trousers. “You’ll need to file an official report, but that can wait until tomorrow. My statement as well as the two other deputies should be enough to keep him locked up for a while.”

  “Thank you. I find myself saying that to you a lot.”

  “I’m glad I got there in time. If I had been even a minute later…”

  He didn’t continue. He didn’t need to say anything else. She knew, they both knew, what could have happened if he hadn’t shown up when he did.

  “I called Joey and your parents. They’re on the way. Lucas followed us in and is in the waiting room.”

  “I wish you hadn’t done that.” She didn’t want to face her family. They’d begged her, over and over, to leave Shane, and instead she’d repeatedly defended him. But her brothers didn’t know the full story about their parents. They hadn’t grown up the odd man out in their family like she had. “I don’t want to see them.”

  “You know Lucas and Joey. There’s no way they’ll leave before they see you.”

  “What am I going to tell them?” What could she tell them? Hey, you guys were right. But they didn’t have demons battling for control of their self-worth like she did. She didn’t belong in her family, not like the three musketeers—Michael, Joey, and Lucas. The three of them… and then her. The mistake who shouldn’t be here.

  “You don’t need to tell them anything, except you’ll be okay.”

  “They’ll want me to stay with them.”

  “It’s probably a good idea.”

  Her blood pulsed a rapid rhythm in her neck. Sawyer’s face grew fuzzy. Just the thought of having one of her brothers hovering over her churned her stomach. She thumped her head back on the bed and closed her eyes. “I can’t. Lucas is about to get married and Joey has a new girlfriend.”

  “What about your parents?”

  She clenched her fists. Okay, maybe it wasn’t just men whose first inclination was to fight. And maybe, just maybe, Shane hadn’t driven all the fight out of her. She had a bit left. She jerked her head side to side and spoke through gritted teeth. “No.”

  “I’ll call the shelter then. It’s probably better if you go there anyway. They’re equipped to help you.”

  “I don’t need help. I’m not one of those women, Sawyer. I just need a place to stay for the night.” She shouldn’t have snapped at him. He didn’t deserve her anger. Why did everyone think she needed taking care of? That was how she’d ended up with Shane in the first place. After years of being the outcast, of being alone, he’d given her a soft place to land, lent an ear to her troubles. Most of them, anyway. He’d taken care of her, all right. Taken care of her to the point that she had nothing and no one else.

  She let out the breath she’d been holding. If she didn’t have somewhere to go, her brothers would steamroll her into going home with one of them … or with her parents. Mom and Dad’s house wasn’t an option, not after what they’d hidden from her.

  “The shelter is a place to stay for the night,” Sawyer said gently.

  He was right. The shelter was the best choice. “Okay.”

  Sawyer squeezed her hand. Although he smiled, his eyes failed to brighten. Pity, that was what he was giving her. What everyone gave her. Poor Rachel. Yuck. No more. That woman was gone. Strong Rachel was back and here to stay.

  “Let me go get Lucas and Joey.” Sawyer strode out of the door.

  Rachel flopped her head back on the pillow. Pain hissed along her arms and legs, needling sensations coursing through her body. Now that the danger had passed, her body was protesting Shane’s attack. She raised her hand to her head and closed her eyes, bracing herself for the onslaught.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Sawyer leaned against the wall outside Rachel’s room. He could barely breathe and his heart raced. He’d seen for himself that she was okay. Now he would get her settled into the shelter… and away from him. When the fire had sparked in her eyes, a bit of the old Rachel showed up. She was still in there; he had to believe that. Shane hadn’t driven all of the stubborn, determined, happy girl Sawyer had known out of her. Because he’d been waiting a long time to see the girl he’d fallen in love with all those years ago.

  He eased away from her room. If Rachel overheard him talking to the crisis counselors, she might change her mind and decide not to go to the shelter. Despite her protests, the shelter would help her. He brought the phone to his ear.

  “Hello.” They always answered with a simple greeting when he called. The shelter took great care to protect themselves. Their location and very existence were cloaked in secrecy. It was the only way to protect the women who took refuge there. Rachel would be safe with them.

  “This is Deputy Sheriff Truman. I have a woman. She just got out of a DV situation. Assailant has been arrested—”

  “Deputy Truman, I’m so sorry.” The woman’s voice was soft, but her words were apprehensive. “We don’t have any beds. The shelter in Chestnut Hill had a break-in two weeks ago, and we took in their overflow.”

  He ran his fingers through his hair. What in the hell could he do now? Chestnut Hill had always been their backup shelter. They rarely had to send women out of town, though. Oak Grove was generally a quiet, safe place. Domestic situations were few and far between, which is why their shelter consisted of a dozen beds in an old two-story on the outskirts of town, nestled in the middle of a neighborhood where no one would expect it.

  “What about—”

  “I’m sorry, Deputy. We’ve already had to send three ladies already to an overflow shelter in downtown Philly. We can settle your victim there tonight. Maybe in a few days…”

  Philly. That was so far away. Rachel had lived her entire life in Oak Grove, her trips to Philly limited to visiting her brother Michael. She’d always been close to her brothers. The Bennetts were a tight-knit family, so why wouldn’t Rachel stay with one of them now?

  “Thanks. I’ll look into other arrangements and let you know what we’ve decided.” He clicked off and the screen darkened. Maybe one of the two bed-and-breakfasts in town could put her up… at least for tonight. He could park his cruiser outside and keep an eye on her. Sure, Shane was in jail for the night, but Sawyer wouldn’t be content unless he knew for himself she was safe. Knowing Shane’s father was a big shot assistant DA in Philly gave him pause. How quickly would he bail his precious son out of jail?

  At least if she stayed at one of the B&Bs, that would give him time to convince her to stay with Lucas or Joey. Or her parents.

  Ten minutes later, both his calls netted… nothing. Summer in Oak Grove meant wine tours. Nestled in the middle of a number of wineries, tourists often used their town as a central location. Both inn operators were apologetic, but neither had a room to spare.

  Rachel didn’t have a choice now. She’d need to go home with Lucas or Joey or head to Philly. But Philly was so far away, too far for him to keep an eye on her. She couldn’t go to Philly. She just had to stay in town.

  Yelling and shouting erupted from the nurse’s station. What the hell? Shane couldn’t be here, could he? There was no way Sawyer’s Taser had injured him enough to need medical treatment. Besides, the deputies would have radioed if they were bringing Shane here? He wouldn’t let Shane get near Rachel again, no matter what.

  Sawyer raced down the hall and around the corner. At the nu
rse’s station, their backs to him, stood two large men accompanied by two women. Not Shane at all.

  “Kara, I’ve got this,” he said to the frazzled nurse.

  “Sarah. Brittany.” He acknowledged Lucas’s fiancée and Joey’s girlfriend. This was perfect timing. Maybe Rachel’s brothers could talk some sense into her.

  Sarah snuggled against Lucas and Brittany’s small hand rested on Joey’s arm. Two men he’d never expected to settle down, standing here with women by their sides. What a time to think of everyone coupled up but him—good ole Mr. Single Sawyer. But right now was about Rachel, not him feeling sorry for himself. Especially since being alone was his own doing.

  “Where is she? I want to see her.” Worry etched Joey’s face. He’d been the first to alert Sawyer about the troubles in Rachel’s life months ago. Since Joey was only two years older than her, they’d always been the closest siblings.

  “She’s waiting for the doctor. You can go back in a few minutes.”

  “What happened?” Joey gritted his teeth and wrapped his arm around Brittany.

  “I can’t share many details now. Let Rachel tell you the specifics. The good news is we got the entire thing on tape when she called 9-1-1.”

  Joey stared at Lucas. “Did you treat her?”

  Lucas shook his head. “She wouldn’t let us. Didn’t want me to see her. Sawyer got her to agree to come here and I followed.”

  Joey’s lip curled into a snarl. “Where’s Shane now?”

  Sawyer couldn’t blame him. Joey wanted a piece of the man who had hurt Rachel, and Sawyer would be happy to turn a blind eye to that confrontation. But neither of them would be taking out their anger on Shane tonight. “At the station.”

  Joey kicked at the floor and mumbled under his breath. He paced around the nurse’s station. Lucas stood behind Sarah and draped his arms around her tiny waist while resting his chin on her shoulder, his gaze downcast. If Michael could, he’d be here, too. The Bennetts had always looked out for each other, so why was Rachel rejecting their love and support when she needed it the most?