“Yes, but—”
“I told you weeks ago that you were my safety net for Robbie dying. That if I didn’t blame you, or at least someone, then I had to accept all the pain and hurt that comes with acknowledging that an accident, a twist of fate, killed him. That there was nothing anyone could’ve done.”
“But that’s the truth, Iz. There was nothing.”
She closed her eyes. “I’m slowly accepting that, but it’s still...” She opened her eyes. “So damn hard.”
“Iz—”
She abruptly stood. “I think we’ve still got a lot to think about. Both of us.” She lifted her glass from the table. “I’m going to bed. We’ll talk more in the morning.”
Feeling like crap, Trent let her go as she walked to the door without a backward glance. If he knew her at all, they wouldn’t talk in the morning. She’d shut down and shut him out. He swiped his hand back and forth over his jaw...and maybe it would be less painful for them both if he let her. No matter how much they might want to be together, their worries about their relationship failing wound through them, bounding their insecurities in a tight, unwanted noose.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
AT SEVEN THIRTY the following morning, the taxi drew to a stop outside Izzy’s studio. She stepped out onto the pavement and paid the driver before walking to the door at the side of the studio that led to her upstairs apartment.
After her conversation with Trent, coming home to Templeton had been the right decision.
She had hesitated outside his closed bedroom door at his parents’ place but hadn’t felt strong enough to resist any words he might have spoken to convince her to stay. So instead, she’d fled...in exactly the same way she was so hurt by when he’d gone home rather than come to her. Maybe that was a failure on her part, but whether or not that was true, what else was left for them to discuss? Until she came to terms with the fact that Robbie’s death was an accident and the chances of Trent surviving his firefighting career were good, those two obstacles would always lie between them like immovable boulders.
Tossing her keys onto a small table by the door, she hung her jacket on the end of the banister and put her overnight bag on the stairs.
She’d have no choice but to talk to Trent when he returned to the Cove, but for now she just needed to be home. Her loneliness might hurt, but maybe she was better off alone.
She and Trent had tried and failed too many times. It was clear they weren’t meant for each other. They’d each suffered too much loss, too much hurt. Their insecurities were testament to that, and if he hadn’t already, Trent would soon reach the same conclusion.
Slipping off her boots, Izzy tilted her neck side to side in an effort to release some of the tension from her body. Her hastily written parting note to his mum and dad had thanked them for their warm and welcoming hospitality, but she’d kept to herself that as much as she appreciated their kindness, being part of such a closely connected family had been suffocating. A step too far.
She slowly exhaled.
Her entire body ached from the hours she’d tossed and turned until dawn in Aimee’s bed. She’d battled over and over whether to stay and speak with Trent in the morning, but in the end she couldn’t take another minute in a house that frightened her as much as it secretly delighted her. The deep family feel of the place, its closeness, had ultimately threatened claustrophobia...yet made her yearn to have the same sort of family one day.
Sighing, Izzy strolled toward the kitchen and that was when she heard the voices behind the closed door. Voices so alien in her apartment, yet so deeply familiar, her heart beat fast with undoubtedly misplaced hope that maybe, this time, her parents were back in the Cove for good.
She halted as her hand turned clammy on the door handle.
Her parents’ pathetically muffled whispers and giggles seeped into Izzy’s stomach, making her nauseated. She pressed her hand to her racing heart. How long had they been here? She could’ve been away for days, even weeks, as far as they knew.
Why had they come back now?
When she’d let down her defenses and opened her heart to Trent and his parents? She might have asked her own parents to visit, but now her mum and dad’s presence could remind her all over again of what she didn’t have on a permanent basis and just how dangerous it was to love someone as much as she loved them.
Taking a slow, strengthening breath, Izzy lifted her chin, pushed the kitchen door open and flicked on the light.
“Surprise!” Her mum and dad’s joined exclamation bounced from the tiled walls, ratcheting Izzy’s trepidation to boiling point.
“What are you doing here?” Even though the joy immediately fell from her parents’ faces, Izzy stood a little straighter and forced her nonchalance higher. “I’ve been out of town. I could’ve been gone for days as far as you knew.”
“We came back yesterday, sweetheart.” Her mother took a step closer, hesitation clear in her gaze. “Kate told us you were away, so we’re staying in the guest room. You don’t mind, do you?”
“Yes, Mum. I do mind. Couldn’t you have called? Emailed? Anything to let me know your plans.”
“We wanted to surprise you.” She smiled. “When we saw the taxi pull up, we switched off all the lights—”
“Well, you achieved your objective. I’m surprised.” She brushed past them toward the small dining table and put down her purse. She could not allow their unannounced return to get to her. Not now. Not when she’d made the decision she was better off alone. Now that she understood the intelligence, the practicality, of keeping her emotions in check and showing the world she was just fine on her own. It shouldn’t matter that she could see nothing but love in her parents’ eyes, but it did.
She swallowed the threatening lump welling in her throat. “How did you get into my apartment?”
“We have a key, remember? You gave it to us when we left for our last job.” Her mother came forward, her arms outstretched. “Aren’t you surprised to see us? Aren’t you happy?”
Izzy stiffened as her mother’s arms came around her, her carefully painted lips pressing a kiss to each of Izzy’s cheeks. She eased from her mother’s embrace and looked at her dad, who had strolled across the kitchen to fill the kettle at the sink. “It’s good to see you, sweetheart. You look well.”
Izzy stared at each of them as disbelief and irritation swirled inside her. “So this is it? After all the horrible things I said to you the last time you went away, you forgive me? We start over?”
Her mother smiled, tears shining in her eyes. “Of course we forgive you. We love you. When we got your call, I thought my heart would burst with relief. You sounded happier, more sure of yourself...you sounded like our Izzy.”
Tears burned Izzy’s eyes as love swelled inside her. She slumped her shoulders. “Maybe I should’ve come away with you.”
“We did ask you, sweetheart. Lots of times. We even cleared it with the people in charge on the ship.” She cupped her hands to Izzy’s jaw. “But that’s all in the past. It’s so wonderful to see you. Our tenants are leaving today, so your father and I will move back into the house. Don’t you want—”
“You’re staying?” Izzy’s heart stumbled with pathetic hope as she lifted her face from her mother’s gentle grasp.
“Yes. At least for a while.”
Unable to cope with her parents’ looks of happy expectation, Izzy turned away and pretended to busy herself by searching the fridge. They could still leave whenever they were ready. The scraping of chair legs across the floor broke the ensuing silence. She briefly closed her eyes, took a deep breath and turned.
Her parents looked at her from their seats at the table.
Izzy trembled. Why did she have to be so weak? Now she faced them, her strength had abandoned her and she suddenly longed to rush forward and have them pull
her into their arms, tell her everything was going to be okay. But nothing was okay.
She slammed the fridge door, walked to the counter and pulled three mugs from the hooks beneath the counters. “How long is a while?”
“We don’t know. A few months...maybe a year.”
A year. A whole year. Izzy silently cursed the joy and relief she didn’t want to feel as it spread through her. “Why now? What’s happened?”
Her mother glanced at her father and Izzy followed her gaze. Her father cleared his throat. “We were wrong to leave, but we didn’t know what else to do to help you...help ourselves. When Rob died you shut down completely. He was your world and you made it clear that no one, including us, could be what you needed. We were equally as devastated as you, Iz. We just didn’t have the strength to stay here and ease your suffering when you didn’t want our comfort. We’re sorry.”
Izzy closed her eyes. How could she deny her father spoke the truth? She had shut her parents out the same way she had everyone else in the Cove. Quick, decisive and determined, she had turned to her work for some semblance of strength, rather than lean on any human being who could be taken away from her or leave her life of his or her own accord.
She exhaled a heavy breath and opened her eyes. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you that way. You’d lost a child and all I could think about was how I felt.” She slumped her shoulders and looked at each of her parents in turn. “Maybe I had no right to be angry at you for leaving, but it hurt. It really, really hurt.”
Her dad shook his head, his eyes dark with sadness. “I know, sweetheart. He was our boy. Our son.”
Her mother stood. “We really thought you didn’t want us here.”
“I was selfish. I realize that now. I’ve slowly started to move on and I hope you have too.” She turned back to finish making the tea, her hand trembling as she picked up the kettle. “I’m different now. Robbie, you...” Trent. “The pain changed me. I’m not the same person I was when you left. I’ve gotten used to looking out for myself, and to be honest, it scares me that you’re back if you’re only going to leave again.”
She placed two of the mugs on the table. “And you will leave. Templeton isn’t the place you want to spend the rest of your lives, but I do. I think you want something the Cove will never give you, but for me, it gives me everything. I love the ocean, the people and the community. Maybe I separated myself from all that for a while, but I’m trying my best to crawl back. I don’t think I need anyone else to help me to do that. Not anymore.”
Her mother frowned, confusion shadowing her gaze as she looked from Izzy to her husband and back again. “But everyone needs someone. Even you. These guards you’ve put up aren’t protecting you, they’re hurting you. Do you really think your father and I would’ve left if we thought you were going to push everyone else away too? We thought you were pushing us away because we’re your parents. That you were striking out at the people you knew would always love you, no matter what.”
Izzy’s heart beat faster and she swiped at the tear that dared to fall. “Maybe I was, but once I started pushing people away, it became easier and easier until I couldn’t stop. And now...” Her voice cracked and she looked to the ceiling, blinking back her tears. “I think it might be better that way until I can figure out a way to believe I won’t eventually lose everyone I love.” She dropped her chin and looked at her mother. “When you left last time, it was so much worse than all the others. Back then it was okay because I had my brother. When you left after Rob died...” She exhaled a shaky breath and embraced her emerging courage as it ignited inside her. “It felt as if you didn’t care about either of us, and eventually I believed that. Now that you’re back, I’m not entirely sure what you want from me, or even if I can give it.”
Her mother came toward her and this time Izzy didn’t stop her. Exhaustion and a strange sense of having purged the darkness came down upon her. She sank into her mother’s embrace and closed her eyes as she inhaled her familiar perfume, unexpectedly grateful for her mother’s arms around her.
“We want absolutely nothing from you that you aren’t willing to give,” her mother whispered. “My hope is you love us as we love you, but if you don’t, that still won’t stop us from loving you. Not ever.”
Pain and guilt slashed at Izzy’s heart and she pulled back. “I do love you...and you, Dad.” She looked at each of them. “I’m just scared of weakening, scared of trusting anyone. Including you.”
“We’re all scared, sweetheart.” Her dad smiled softly. “And I’m sorry your mother and I made you feel so alone.”
Her mother squeezed Izzy’s hand. “Has this fear of weakening got anything to do with your relationship with Trent Palmer?”
Izzy stilled. “What?”
Concern darkened her mother’s gaze. “I was shocked when Marian told us earlier that you were seeing so much of him. He’s a firefighter, Izzy. And he was there when Robbie died. I don’t think being with someone who risks life and limb every day is going to be good for you.”
“I agree.” Izzy slipped her hand from her mother’s and brushed past her parents to stare out the window. The sun slowly filtered across the grass in her garden, brightening the patio and barren flowerpots. “And it’s about time he and I accepted that.”
“I didn’t mean for you not to see him. I’m just saying—”
“Believe me, Mum. It’s better for everyone if I don’t.”
* * *
TRENT GRIPPED THE steering wheel as he crawled along the Cove’s promenade toward Izzy’s studio, every car in front of him stretching his patience. “Come on, damn it. Come on.”
When his parents had found Aimee’s bed empty and neatly made, they’d assumed Izzy had popped out to the shops or for a walk. In fact, his mum and dad had waited a full hour before coming the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, she’d left Kingsley altogether. They had woken Trent at nine, which was God only knew how long after Izzy’s nocturnal exit.
The traffic crawled forward and he pressed the speed dial on his docked phone for the twentieth time. Izzy’s number rang and then switched to voice mail.
“Iz, it’s me. Will you call me back? We can’t leave things as they are. I love you. There was no need for you to leave. We’re okay. We’ll always be okay. Please, just call me back.”
He disconnected the call and forced his focus onto the street.
When his phone rang, his heart jumped and he accepted the call. “Iz? Look, everything we said last night can be sorted out. We can—”
“Trent, it’s the chief.”
Heat rose in Trent’s face and he coughed. “Chief. What can I do for you?”
“Are you back in town?”
“Just got here. I’m heading toward Autumn Parade. What’s up?”
“I need you to turn around and head for Heather Lane. There’s a warehouse fire on the trading estate and I’m down two officers. Gosford’s in charge because I’m stuck at the office dealing with an arson investigation. The fire’s a big one. I need all hands on deck.”
Trent inwardly cursed. “Sure, no problem.” Talking with Izzy would have to wait awhile longer. “I’m in the car, so I’ll head straight over.”
“Great. Spare gear will be on board one of the trucks, as usual. Look after yourself out there. I’ve told the others and now I’m telling you. There won’t be any more firefighters lost from my house. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir.”
The line went dead and Trent checked his mirror before turning the car around to head off in the opposite direction. Flashes of Sam’s smoke-blackened face as he’d been wheeled through the hospital filled Trent’s mind, and adrenaline surged through him. He pressed harder on the accelerator. He had to get to that warehouse and support his colleagues.
There won’t be any more fire
fighters lost from my house.
He glared ahead. Damn right, there won’t be.
It wasn’t long before Trent followed the mass of gray smoke swirling toward the clouds. Then he smelled the burning. He rounded the final bend that took him through the tall iron gates at the entrance to the trading estate. Following the trail of the smoke through the maze of roads housing the many warehouses and temporary construction offices, he soon drove onto the warehouse’s courtyard.
Turning off the engine, he snapped off his seat belt and leaped from the car, taking in the sight ahead of him as he jogged toward one of the three attending fire trucks. The warehouse blazed totally out of control. God only knew how long it would take the crew to get the fire contained. Smoke billowed and swarmed from the doors and lower windows, the blistering, snapping flames six or seven feet high.
Climbing through the side door of one of the trucks, Trent pulled out a stored set of protective clothing and a helmet. With his focus on the warehouse, he quickly dressed as heat reached out and seared his face.
He buckled his helmet and ran toward Jack Gosford, who clutched a handset as he watched the warehouse, concentration and concern etched on his face.
“Gosford?”
His crewmate turned, and relief shot into his gaze. “Palmer. Thank Christ you’re here. I wasn’t sure the chief would track you down. We’ve already got an extra crew helping out from across town and another on its way from Clandown.”
Trent looked toward the burning building. “Who’s in there?”
“Ellis, Chamberlain, Smith and Kent. I’ve got everyone else on the hoses. We estimate at least half a dozen civilians are still inside.”
Trent stared toward the building, every part of him desperate to get inside and help, fully aware the last of his best friends was inside along with members of the public. “Where do you want me?”
Saved by the Firefighter Page 21