He shook his head. “Because we—we’re the same temperature. I was really hoping you’d make it to the hospital and they could…”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I interrupted. “You—you’re dead. And I—I’m alive. I’m warmer, I’ve always been. I’m…oh God.” I froze as the worst case scenario hit me.
Part of my memory was missing. There was a big gaping hole from the time I walked through the living room door, popcorn in hand, and when I woke up on the floor in the basement. The tears rose in my chest as I threw my hand over my mouth.
That was my bloodied mess on his shirt.
Cade’s jaw tightened, worry coming over his face as he looked at me. “You’re safe now. No one can hurt you.”
He pulled me to him and I buried myself in his shirt, letting the tears flow down my face as I tried to come to terms with what had happened. I didn’t know if my family was safe. If I was…then there was a chance that they were…and I couldn’t stand it if something happened to them.
I couldn’t move for the intense sobs jerking me in his arms, my breath coming in short quick bursts as I cried and screamed. I’d never heard such agonizing sounds coming from myself before.
“Please, Cade, tell me I’m alive. Tell me this is a dream. Please. I will wake up at any minute.”
Cade didn’t answer me. He just kissed the top of my head. “Don’t worry; I’ll take care of you. I won’t let the darkness have you.”
“How long have I been out?” I asked.
“Seven days. I was terrified that you wouldn’t show up.”
“Since when does time matter to you?”
“Since you left me…I knew you’d want to know when…ya know.”
I nodded. It all felt so surreal. I ran my hands down his clothing and underneath it, placing my hand onto the skin. He was so warm, the same temperature as me. I moved my hands to his back to encompass him in my arms. Closing my eyes, I tried to force myself to wake up.
“I’m sorry for forcing you away.”
“It’s okay. I’m way over it. What I did was shitty, Briar. But I promise you, no more lies.”
“Thank you.”
“I love you,” he said.
I wasn’t sure why he was looking at me like that with a need in his eyes to hear me say it. He’d always been okay with me taking my time to say it. I never had.
“Cade…I…”
He lowered his eyebrows and shook his head as if trying to clear something from his mind. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”
Cade pulled back and stood up. He reached a hand down to me and I took it, allowing him to pull me up. I stumbled against him at first, my feet unsure as they tried to balance on the floor. He steadied me until I was able to stand on my own.
“Are you okay?” Cade asked.
“I think so.”
I pulled my hand from his and wrapped my arms around my body, desperately wanting my hand to still have that trace of coldness after his touch left me like it used to. The chill in my hands being the only proof that he’d been there with me at times before. I rocked back and forth on the balls of my feet. I wasn’t ready. I was too young. I had my whole life ahead of me. Now it was gone and trapped inside of the house.
I didn’t believe it. I had to have proof and I knew just how to get it. Tearing away from him, I ran through the back door of the basement. I ran out into the sun and threw my hand up to hide its brightness from my eyes. My body whirled in circles, trying to focus on something around me, anything to ground me in reality. I ran forward toward the edge of the grass. If I could just make it past that I would be free.
Suddenly I hit a barrier, something invisible that wouldn’t let me pass into the road and away from the property. I screamed and fell to the ground. Tears filled my eyes and the reality of the situation hit me full force. I was gone. There was no use in denying it any longer.
Warm hands took a hold of me and pulled me to my feet. I didn’t have to look to know who it was. I recognized the feel and smell of him.
“I’m smothering, Cade. I can’t get out. I can’t escape. I need to be free. Why is this happening to me?”
“You’re a ghost now, tied to the property. You can never leave, I’m so sorry.”
“Did you do this?” I didn’t want to ask it, but I couldn’t keep the thought away.
He pulled back from me to look at me, hands on my arms. “No! I would never hurt you.”
“Then what happened? I can’t remember.”
Cade shook his head and rubbed his tired eyes. “I don’t think we should talk about this right now.”
“I don’t care what you think, Cade. I want to know the truth about what happened.”
“Okay, but you can’t go freaking out on me. You don’t want them to see you. It’d tear them apart.”
“Who?”
“Your family.”
Dad. Dillon. “They’re alive?”
“Yes.”
“Then how…why am I…”
“There was an intruder in the house. A ghost possessed him and went after you. I just left you for a minute, Briar. Just a minute to get you some flowers and return your necklace. I wanted to apologize for the way I acted. Just a minute for that asshole to get you and…”
My body shook in his arms. I didn’t want to hear the rest. He looked at me with so much pain on his face, and I knew he didn’t want to tell me. He didn’t want to terrorize me even more.
“You don’t remember?”
I shook my head. “Cade, I need to know what happened.”
“He shot you, Briar. He shot you, and I was too late. I tried to save you. I put pressure on the wound, but you bled through. There was so much blood. I didn’t want you to be trapped here. I wanted you to live. Your dad came home; the ambulance came. But it was too late.”
“And Dillon?”
“He left before…before you were hurt. He didn’t see anything.”
Relief filled my body. “Oh, thank goodness.”
“He’s been crying. A lot.”
“Can I see him?”
Cade shook his head. “Briar, I don’t know. It can be hard to keep from revealing yourself to someone that you really want to see you. Maybe you should wait.”
“But I want to see him. I have to know he’s okay.”
“It’s harder to hide from kids. They have this weird kind of ability to tune into us.”
“I need to see him!” I screamed and pushed Cade away from me.
He caught my wrist in his hand and yanked me towards him. He kissed me, hard on the lips, not daring to deepen it, waiting to see how I was going to react. His hand held my wrist, the only thing other than our lips touching. I wanted to give into him. I wanted to lose myself in him as I’d done so many times before, but he was warm against my lips, hot against my skin, and it scared me.
I jerked away from him. “I can’t. I’m sorry. It’s too much.”
And I disappeared.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Darkness swallowed me up. Every time I closed my eyes, I remembered the way blood pooled on the skin of my wrist and ran down my hand onto the floor months ago. Once, each red drop released the pain. Watching the crimson used to make me feel alive, but now I couldn’t even get myself to do it. The steel was cool in between my fingers, but I couldn’t slide it across my skin.
I wanted to see my family. I even wanted to see the small group I’d been hanging out with. Being dead made me realize what a treasure Meredith, Ryder, and even Celeste had been.
What I would do with the rest of my time in the house? Would my father clear out my room? Would they move out? If they did, I’d never see them again. Would a new family move in? If so, would Cade find someone else to love, someone else who intrigued him?
Surely I was no fun anymore. I was dead. Just like him. I wasn’t special anymore.
But Cade had come to see me several times since I’d died. Sometimes we would just sit in silence, but sometimes I couldn’t even stand to d
o that. When he touched me with that foreign warm feeling, I would lose it all over again and end up somewhere else in the house. Alone.
The floorboards creaked, and I knew that he was there. My sweet Cade. My secret dark angel. I didn’t feel that familiar chill down my spine, the one that encouraged my hairs to stand on end when I was alive. The one that told me he was there even if I didn’t see him, but I still felt him in the room.
“You don’t have to hide, Cade.”
He stepped out of the shadows and came to stand at the edge of the bed. He looked awful, like he’d not slept in days, not that the dead slept anyway.
“Hey,” he said as he took a slow, cautious seat on the edge of the bed.
“Hey.”
“Are you mad at me?”
“No.”
“I don’t understand what you want, Briar. I don’t know what to do to fix this.”
I crawled over to where he was and perched beside him on the end of the bed. He was so close to me. All I had to do was reach out and touch him, but I didn’t want to feel the warmth. “I just…I can’t stand this. Is it going to be like this always?”
“Like what?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know…weird?”
“Being dead is weird at first, but you will get used to it.”
“I don’t even know how long I’ve been dead.”
“Over a month.”
I nodded, my random calculations had been right. “Every time you touch me, it feels so alien.”
Cade moved closer until he was only inches away. “I wish there was something I could do to help. I miss you, Briar. I miss us.”
“I know, I’m sorry. It’s forever now, ya know? Neither of us can take it back. We won’t get married, we won’t have children…we won’t grow old.” I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was obsessed with it. Nothing good could come to mind. It was hard to even decipher who I was anymore, or even convince myself that it mattered. It was eternal night.
“None of that would have happened anyway because I was already dead. You forget that. You just want to be miserable. We will be young forever, Briar. Strong and resilient, together. That’s all that matters to me.”
“But I feel so lost…and…so depressed.”
“I know.” He reached out a shaky hand and skimmed the back of it down my face softly.
I closed my eyes and savored the feel of him. It’s what it would have felt like if I’d met him when he was alive. Warm. Normal. He was my Cade. He felt different, but he was the same person I’d fallen in love with.
As he lowered his lips to mine slowly, I fought the urge to pull away.
“Please don’t leave me again,” he begged and moved his hands to tangle in my hair. He connected his lips with mine, still careful and easy. I could feel him holding back, wanting so much more out of the kiss but not wanting to push me past what I was comfortable with.
I didn’t want to leave him. I didn’t even know how I’d left him before. My body just disappeared when I got too scared or too overwhelmed. With him there, I felt at home again. I sighed against his mouth and tried to make myself relax in his hands, the ones that pulled me closer to him. My hands curved around his neck as I kissed him back.
It felt so good. So much more intense than it had when I was alive. I needed him to be there with me and make me feel alive again. I was lost, and he was my one way out of the maze I’d found myself in.
My body remembered how to work again as I trembled in his arms. My memories took me back to a simpler time. Back to a time when I clung to the light inside me for dear life. I had been so naïve. Life had been good. I had friends and family that loved me. I had a chance at love with a real boy. I gave it all up by immersing myself in the house with a dead one.
Cade still clung to that part of me that saved him. For once, he had hope when I had none. He was the one to revive me that time.
His teeth grazed along my shoulder, sending chills up my spine. I grasped for him and pulled myself closer. I pushed his shirt out of the way and ran my hands along his body; my nails grazed along him.
“Do you trust me?” he whispered.
My heart rate sped up at the look he was giving me. I knew, without a doubt, that he wouldn’t hurt me. I’d always felt safe when he was in the room. Just knowing that he was there made me feel like there was nothing in the world that could hurt me.
Finally I forced the word out, “Yes.”
He slammed his lips back on mine and made me lose my breath. His hands entangled in the hair at the base of my head as he groaned into my mouth. With a slow pull on my hair, he forced my head backwards and made his way down my neck. His kisses shot excitement through my body, and I forgot about my past. I forgot about my death.
Instead, I focused on the hands that undressed me. I focused on the way Cade pressed himself against my body and made my skin buzz with need. I allowed myself to get lost in him and let him make me feel alive again.
“Cade, please.” My words were muttered and quiet.
He smiled wickedly and pushed me back onto the bed. Forcing my legs apart with his knees, his kiss was hard and desperate. In that moment, it was just Cade and me alone in the darkness that threatened to swallow us both up.
“We can still stop if you want.”
“No.” I buried my face in his neck, letting the familiar scent of us take me to another place.
I wrapped my limbs around him as our bodies lifted off the sheets and into the air, an unreal and unnatural feeling. It was supernatural. Nothing else could explain it. The room grew smoldering hot. Passion ignited a fire within me and it was unlike anything I’d ever felt before.
“Shit, Cade, do you feel that?”
He nodded, unable to form words, but he kissed me again and I knew he felt it too. He consumed me, burned through my body, painful, sweet, and satisfying. I cried out and let myself go. I came undone and relished in the pleasure that poured over me. Cade moaned one last time as we lowered to the bed, and he collapsed on top of me.
“Oh my God, Cade, what was that?”
“Unfuckingbelievable, that’s what.” He rose up enough to look down at me. He licked his lips and moved a hand up to wipe the sweat off his brow and push his damp hair out of the way.
God, he was so sexy.
I grabbed for his hair and pulled him down for another kiss. I wasn’t done yet. I needed to lose myself in him, instead of the blade, until we were both absolutely spent.
Cade pulled back from me. “Give me a second, Briar; I need a minute to—”
Without letting him finish the sentence, I kissed him again and rolled over on top of him. I smiled down at him. “You really going to tell me no?”
“No, never. This is all I’ve ever wanted. I will always be here.”
From the moment I’d walked into the house, he’d been there. No matter what past either one of us had, we made some sort of sense together. We could heal together, be better together.
“Cade, thank you.”
With a wicked smile he grumbled, “Stop talking.” Then he pulled me down to meet his lips.
Chapter Thirty
“Wanna try something new?”
“Yes.” I was up for whatever he wanted to teach me. I crawled up into his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck.
His smile faded, replaced with that solemn frown. He reached up to brush a stray strand of hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. “I love you.” It was more like a plea, painful and desperate, as it left his lips.
“I know.”
He couldn’t hide the disappointment in his eyes, but he tried. He picked me up out of his lap and stood up.
“Come here.” He pulled me to my feet and took both of my hands. “I wanna show you something.”
“What is it?”
“Stay here, okay?” The excitement on his face made me return his smile.
“Okay.”
Whirling around on his feet, he walked over to the closet and stepped insid
e. I wanted to follow him, but I was anxious to see what he was doing. After a few quiet minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Cade?” I walked toward the closet. “What are you doing in there?”
The door burst open, and a monster stepped out. It growled loudly and reached for me. I screamed, but I couldn’t remove my eyes from it. The head was gray and black with an evil grin. Two horns stuck up on top of its head.
It cocked its head to the side and started to laugh. “Briar, it’s me.”
Cade.
I was across the room in two angry seconds. I grabbed a hold of the mask and tried to pull it off.
“Oh, watch it, it’s fragile.”
“You scared the shit out of me.” I stepped back and crossed my arms.
He continued to laugh as he removed the mask and pushed his hair out of his face. “You should have seen the look on your face.”
“Shut up. Where did you get that thing?”
“I made it.” He held it out to me.
I snatched it from his hands and looked at it. “Is this made of duct tape?”
“Yep. Pretty cool, huh?”
“Actually, yeah.” I held it up in front of me. “It’s pretty creepy. I like it.”
“I thought you might. I’ve got a few more in there.” He motioned toward the closer.
“Where’d you get the duct tape?”
“I’ve stolen it from families over the years.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Nice.”
He took the mask from my hands and tossed it onto the bed. “Anyway, I have this idea. I don’t know if it will work but I’m going to try.”
He closed his eyes for a second, and I did the same. His hands gripped mine tightly and it felt as if we were suddenly nowhere. No floor below us, nothing around us for a split second before I felt the ground under my feet again.
Cade laughed. “It worked. Bad ass.”
I opened my eyes to see him smiling at me, pleased with himself. The light blue coloring of the room and the train border along the walls gave away our location. We were in the corner of my brother’s room and somehow Cade had brought us there.
Ghostly (Darkly Devoted Book 1) Page 17