by Karin Baine
Another roar of thunder reverberated around them then the rain came down in sheets and poured cold water on their ardour. Emily shrieked and jumped to her feet.
‘I did try to tell you,’ he said, rolling onto his back to let the rain cool his fevered skin.
‘What will we do?’ Emily was already back in panic mode, grabbing up her clothes and looking to him for answers.
Joe donned his shorts and T-shirt with more urgency as the gap between the flashes of light and crashes of thunder became ever smaller. The storm was coming closer...the rain was reaching saturation point. If they didn’t get struck by lightning first, their cold, wet clothes sticking to their bodies might lead to pneumonia. They needed to get somewhere that would shelter them from the elements and keep them safe and dry.
‘I know somewhere.’ He grabbed her hand and made a dash for higher ground. There was a recess cut into the rocks that he knew from experience would provide everything they needed until this storm passed. His secret until now.
They clambered up the boulders in the rain and Joe kept hold of Emily’s hand until they made it to the rocky hidey-hole in case she slipped in her no-longer-practical sandals. It was dark inside but at least it was dry.
Emily was watching the storm from the entrance, her shoulders shaking from the cold.
‘I’ll start a fire to get us warmed up.’ He wasn’t as eager to have a ringside seat for the fireworks. Loud noises and bright lights weren’t as attractive to him as they once might have been.
‘How do you propose to do that?’ Apparently man creating fire was more interesting than nature’s fury as she turned her attention back to him.
‘I could sit here half the night trying to get a spark from rubbing a couple of pieces of wood together, or we could just use these.’ He was almost sorry to disappoint her with the kindling and box of matches he’d left after his last visit here instead of showing off his caveman skills. Modern fire-making methods were quicker but they weren’t as manly as starting one from little more than sticks and friction.
‘Wait, is this your actual man cave?’ She said it as though it was something he should be ashamed of but this place had been his salvation at times, not merely some whimsical notion of reliving his youth.
‘Sometimes a guy needs a little time out.’ He shrugged it off. It was difficult to explain his need for time out now and again, away from even the small population of Yasi.
This retreat enabled him to maintain a physical and emotional distance when he was in danger of getting too close to the people he was working alongside. By bringing Emily here with him, he’d totally screwed with that idea. Now there was nothing keeping his heart out of matters. He was past the point of no return and the damage was done. There was no way he was going to walk away from this without collecting a new battle scar.
He hadn’t even told Peter, his oldest friend, about this place. Peter, who, up until a few days ago, had been the closest person in his life, the only one keeping him out here. Somehow Emily had crept in and hijacked his affection. Why else would he be holed up here with her instead of doing his job back on Yasi?
He got to work setting the fire and Emily came to kneel beside him. ‘You know, if this trip has taught me anything it’s that it’s more fun being around people than sitting moping on your own.’
‘I spend plenty of time in company, have made acquaintances all around the world. I’m simply happier in my own company.’ That wasn’t necessarily true. Safer was the word he’d been searching for but he didn’t want to get into that with Emily and have to explain why he didn’t get involved with people. That meant sharing the most painful part of his life with her and publicly owning the part he’d played in the deaths of his friends. Something he’d never done with anyone.
‘Would you prefer it if I left you alone?’ Emily made a half-hearted attempt to leave but they both knew she wasn’t going anywhere. Neither of them were until this storm had passed and it was safe for them to take the boat out again. Matters outside this cave were completely beyond their control.
‘No.’ He stood up to block her exit. ‘I want you here with me.’
He meant it in every sense. He wanted her company, to share this space, and most of all to help him forget everything going on in the outside world. This was their time together when they were free to relax and be themselves, without any outside influence bursting their bubble.
Emily shivered as he reached for her.
‘You know, it’s going to take a while for this place to heat up. We should really get out of these wet clothes.’
He slipped one strap of Emily’s dress over her shoulder, then the other, and watched the garment pool at her feet. She stood proudly before him, making no move to cover the rest of her body from view. In fact, she was already reaching up to undo her bikini top.
‘I’ve heard the best way to fight hypothermia is to share body heat.’
‘I’ve heard that theory.’ He peeled off his T-shirt, eager to put it to the test.
Emily slowly and silently removed the last of her clothes and time stood still for Joe. She was a goddess with a body worthy of being immortalised in marble to epitomise the beauty of woman. Her soft curves and perfect proportions deserved love sonnets written in her honour but he wasn’t a sculptor or a poet. All he had to offer her was himself. So he unwrapped her gift as quickly as he could.
There was something very primitive about standing in a cave with a naked woman and his body responded accordingly. Thankfully his brain was still capable of making some of his decisions. If this was to be the only private time they were to have together, he wanted it to be truly memorable for both of them. They needed more than a frantic coupling on a cold floor.
He reached out to brush her wet hair from her shoulders and felt her tremble beneath his fingers.
‘Are you still cold?’ The blood pounding through his body had warmed him from the inside out so he’d assumed the same was true for her. He was relieved when she shook her head or else he really would have to start trying to get heat back into her body.
‘Nervous.’
Her answer was full of her characteristic honesty. It didn’t take a genius to work out he was probably the first man she’d done this with since her husband. Joe ignored all the warning signs flashing in his head about what that meant and accepted it as his privilege, not his downfall.
‘There’s no need. I won’t do anything to hurt you.’ All he wanted to do was please her, love her, make her feel as special as she deserved. He was going to be the one hurting when this fantasy ended. Emily would go home and probably find a new love, whereas he knew he’d never be this open again. She’d stolen a piece of his heart he’d never intended to give to anyone and would never, ever get it back.
It was his turn to tremble at the enormity of the revelation. They didn’t have a future together when she couldn’t rely on him to keep her safe when she needed him most. He would only let her down and he couldn’t bear to disappoint her or, worse, face the agony of losing her because of his actions. He was in love with Emily but he couldn’t tell her, couldn’t do anything about it other than show her.
CHAPTER TWELVE
THERE WAS SOMETHING different about kissing a woman he was in love with. Something familiar, as if he’d found a missing part of himself, yet with an element of danger attached. He was used to living life on the edge but for once he was actually afraid of what was going to happen to him at the end of this. There was no stopping this now when the momentum was carrying him ever forward into new territory, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to get hurt somewhere along the line.
There were reasons he didn’t get close to people and falling in love was probably the worst thing he could’ve done. It made him weak, susceptible to more heartache. Before going to the army he’d been too young to get serious with a girl, to
o single-minded about his career. After his retirement the layers of guilt and self-pity had been too dense for anyone to fight through them to reach his heart. Somehow Emily had found a path straight to that vulnerable spot and it was too late to plug that hole in his defences now.
He’d spent too long running from any form of affection, pre-empting the possibility when there was a chance he’d have his insides ripped apart again. The woman he loved was giving herself to him and now there was nowhere left to run. No reason to run. Any other man wouldn’t think twice about letting this play out and enjoy this experience, instead of fearing it. He wanted to be that man, for himself and for Emily, and listen to his heart instead of his head for once. They both deserved a bit of honesty in their feelings for each other, even if they couldn’t find the words to express it. He would deal with the consequences later. They couldn’t be any more painful than ending this here and not knowing what they could’ve had. Even for the briefest time.
He could feel goosebumps on her skin under his fingers; the hard points of her nipples pressing against his chest. There was no denying she was as turned on as he was but she was still tense. It was his job, his pleasure to help her relax and enjoy this time with him.
He already knew how responsive she was to his touch so he cupped her breast in his hand and rolled her tight nipple between his finger and thumb. Her gasp of pleasure strengthened his resolve, and his erection. Soon they’d be so consumed with need and lust that nothing else would matter except coming together, and that’s exactly how he wanted it.
He wrapped his lips around that sensitive pink nub, teased her with the tip of his tongue to claim his breathy reward. She clung to his shoulders, her nails digging further into his skin with every lap of his tongue. The sharp pain was worth it to see the ecstasy on her face and feel the tension leave her body. It was addictive.
He slid his hand down between her legs and into her wet heat. She was ready for him, her body trembling from need now with every stroke.
‘What about protection?’ Emily gasped as he lowered her to the floor.
Joe scrabbled for his shorts and pulled a condom from his pocket.
‘I always carry one. They’re an essential part of a survival kit. You can use them for carrying water and keeping tinder dry.’ He didn’t want her to think sex was nothing special to him, something he took for granted. Tonight it was everything.
‘I think we should probably go down the traditional route and use them as they were intended.’ She giggled and took the packet from him to rip it open.
Joe sheathed himself and settled himself between her thighs, slightly nervous himself now since they’d been building toward this moment for so long. Emily lifted her head and kissed him, bringing him back down to the ground with her. Sliding into her, forging their two bodies together was the most natural thing in the world. Nothing was ever going to come close to replacing this feeling of complete happiness. Part of him didn’t think he deserved it, while another part never wanted it to end.
He moved slowly inside her, each second of her tight heat a gift he intended to treasure.
He loved her. He couldn’t have her. The unfairness of it all drove him to find his peace, every thrust inside her bringing him closer to finding it. She was his sanctuary and he wanted to be hers too. Her body rocked against his, rising and falling in perfect time with him, climbing towards that peak. Every bite of her lip, every moan, every clench and release of her internal muscles charted her journey and Joe wanted to be the one to help her reach that final destination. He braced himself on the cold, hard floor, not caring about anything except watching that bliss play out over her features, and slammed into her again. Emily cried out, clutched him closer and he felt her break apart beneath him. Only then did he give in to his own climax, the primal roar of his release echoing around the walls.
There was a lump in his throat as he looked down at Emily, so beautifully serene beneath him. If he were a different person, in a different life, they could’ve had this every day. Instead, all they had was until the end of this storm. For both their sakes there was no choice but to let his love die with the embers of the fire. Forever wasn’t an option.
Emily lay quietly while Joe spooned in behind her, afraid to speak in case she burst into tears and ruined the mood. This was a monumental moment for her, though she hadn’t realised until just now. She had finally moved on from Greg, from her marriage, in the most spectacular fashion—by giving herself completely to someone else. She’d held nothing back here with Joe and perhaps for the first time in her life had truly been at peace, with herself, with him and with what they were doing. Hidden away here, they no longer had to be concerned about outside influences. For this snapshot in time they were able to be true to themselves and each other. When insecurities and obstacles were stripped away they were simply two people who had a very special connection. One that had sparked to life and delivered more than she’d ever dreamed of.
This had been more than sex, even though that was all it ever could be. It didn’t matter how great they were together or how they felt about each other because it wasn’t going to last. This was probably the last time she would ever feel complete happiness because when this was over she’d have to return to her world of playing it safe. It was the only way she could survive.
Joe snuggled into her neck, his warmth reminding her he was still hers for now. She closed her eyes and clung to the thick forearm wrapped around her waist. It wouldn’t do any harm to let the fantasy go on a little longer. After all, she was good at this pretending lark.
* * *
Emily was jolted from a peaceful slumber by a shout and Joe thrashing on the ground beside her. He tossed and turned, mumbling incoherently as he battled some unknown force in his sleep. She couldn’t see his face as it was dark outside and the fire barely more than a glow. It was chilly now they didn’t have the heat of passion keeping them warm.
She pulled on her now dry clothes and knelt to add more kindling to the fire. A smile played on her lips as she hugged her knees, watching the embers catch and resurrect the flames. It was representative of what Joe had done for her—taking her dying heart and sparking it back to life. She knew he felt it too, and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t hoping they could do this again. Okay, a long-term relationship might not be viable, given his lifestyle, but he was a traveller and there was no reason he couldn’t add England to his list of places to visit. Right now hooking up a couple of times a year seemed preferable to never having this again.
Another flash of lightning illuminated the cave, the crack of thunder ripping through the air after it. Joe was sitting upright, naked, panting and sweating. He was staring off into the distance almost in a trance, his face a mask of utter terror. This was more than a nightmare, he was living this horror right here and now. She moved slowly to his side and rested her hand on his arm, his skin clammy beneath her touch.
‘Joe? It’s all right. You’re here with me.’ She tried not to spook him but gently coax him back into the present.
He turned his head slowly towards her but he wasn’t really focusing.
‘It’s me, Emily.’ She took a risk by pressing her lips to his. In his current agitated state there was a possibility he’d lash out but she hoped the bond they had was special enough to bring him back to her.
It took a few seconds but he did finally respond, kissing her with a hunger that could only come from the Joe she knew.
‘How come you’re dressed?’ he asked, apparently now wide awake and aware of his surroundings.
‘It got cold and look how late it is.’ She handed him his own clothes, pity though it was to have him cover up.
‘I guess we’re here for the night.’
The storm had struck again and Emily saw him flinch, the sight and sounds clearly part of whatever was bothering him.
‘That was some bad dr
eam you were having. I was getting worried I wouldn’t be able to pull you out of it.’
‘I didn’t hurt you, did I?’ The scowl on his face was more out of concern for her than himself and she guessed this wasn’t the first time it had happened.
‘No. A lot of shouting and tossing and turning but you didn’t lash out.’
‘Good.’ That seemed enough reassurance for him but that sort of sleep disruption shouldn’t be taken lightly. He could do himself serious damage in that trance state in an unfamiliar place, not to mention the exhaustion and lack of concentration that could result from lack of proper sleep—two things that could impair his judgement when it came to treating his own patients.
‘Does it happen a lot?’ It was in her nature to be inquisitive when it came to people’s well-being and Joe was no exception, regardless of his reluctance to talk about it. Doctors often made the worst patients, refusing to accept they were human and fallible just like everyone else.
‘Every now and then.’ He pulled on his T-shirt so she wasn’t able to read his expression. She guessed it happened more than he was prepared to admit since he’d been so quick to move into the clinic on his own.
‘Afghanistan?’ She took a stab in the dark. By all accounts from her parents it had taken Peter some time to readjust after everything he’d witnessed out there, along with medication, counselling and his faith. Things she was pretty sure Joe hadn’t availed himself of since leaving the army. He was too stubborn and tirelessly independent to turn to anyone for help.
‘There are a few things that can take me back there in a heartbeat. The senses get a little messed up after being on high alert for so long. One loud bang, a flash of light and I’m back in that tank, helpless, powerless. The mind can play cruel tricks on you when you least expect it.’