The Life She Couldn't See

by ChaShiree M.

  “Heather? Hi. My name is Colton. Do you remember me?” I know I’m probably talking to a brick wall, but I have to try. Expecting anything at this point is highly unlikely, but I cannot give up. When she suddenly answers, she shocks the shit out of me.

  “Yes. You are the one who rescued me right?” Smiling at her I nod my head. “I have been wondering and wanting to ask you why? Why did you save me? You should have left me there. Or better yet killed me.”

  What?!? I am stunned by what she has said. Usually anyone we have rescue is begging for more drugs. Some want to see their families or try using their seduction skills on us. Never have I gotten a reaction like this. I clear my throat, giving myself a second to think of something to say.

  All I can come up with is, “Why would you want that?” She turns, looks at me with such sadness, and breaks my fucking heart.

  “Because no parent in this world that is going to want a coked-out junkie whore for a daughter.”

  SHIT.

  “Heather, I promise your parents are going to be happy to have you back alive. They are not going to care about anything else.” She gives me a look that says, ‘I don’t know what I am talking about’ and spaces out once again. Knowing there is nothing else to do, I walk away. I tell Ghost to make sure the background check on the parents is thorough. We are not sending her back to them and she gets put into some shit.

  Heading home in my truck, my mind once again wanders to my little Kea. I remember when she asked me at the warehouse why I called her little one. I don’t remember what I said to her, but the truth is it is because she is all of 5’2’’ to my 6’1’’, and though she sees herself as fat or chubby or whatever women are calling themselves these days, I can pick her up with one hand, and that makes her little. But truthfully, she just reminds me of something precious and delicate you want to wrap in a blanket and protect from any and everything. As soon as I get her ass to stop running from me, I am going to do just that or I will spank that luscious ass every chance I get, until she gets it.

  By the time I make it home, I am exhausted. I want nothing more than to take shower beat one off to my little mama and go to sleep for a while. I look through the mail and of course, junk. Checking my voicemail doesn’t yield any surprises. As always it is my mom, my dad, my best friend Andy, and my boy Luther. I call my parents back first.

  “Hi dad. I just got your message. Is everything alright?”

  “Yes son. Does something have to be wrong to call my boy?”

  “No pops just making sure. So, what's up?”

  “Only checking in to see how you are coming along with your lady love. Is she still giving you the slip?” Oh boy, here we go. “I told you to let me give you some pointers. Your old man was irresistible back in the day. I was a real-life Don Juan. How do you think I got your mom? You young dudes don’t have no game nowadays.” Good grief. This man is incorrigible. But I wouldn’t have him any other way.

  “Pops. Where is mom? She needs to put a muzzle on you?”

  “She is out shopping with Dora. You know how she likes to spend my money.”

  “Ok, well tell her I love her. Love you pops. I'm going to call Tessa, then try to get some sleep.”

  “Love you too son. Be safe.” I smile as he says the same thing, he has said to me since the day I got my driver’s license.

  My parents are wonderful people who dole out love and affection to whomever needs it. I cannot wait for them to get their hands on my woman. Calling my sister will be easy. She hates to talk on the phone.

  “Hey big bro. What’s up?”

  “Nothing Tessy. I am making sure you are ok and to see if you would have lunch with me tomorrow?” There is no way I can tell her about Damien over the phone.

  “Sure. Is everything ok?”

  “Yeah. I just want to catch up with you. Say, Spinelli’s at about one?”

  “Sounds good. I will see you there.”

  Ah. Now shower. As I’m walking to the bathroom the doorbell rings. Damn. Can’t a man sleep in his own damn house. Walking to the door, I see Andy on the other side.

  “Andy. What a surprise. Did we have a lunch meeting or something?” I ask her as she kisses me on both cheeks. Chicks.

  “No. I was in the neighborhood and thought I would stop by. I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

  “No, I just got in. I was about to get in the shower and hit the sack for a bit. What’s up?” She changes the subject, which is normal for her.

  “You know, when are you finally going to surrender and let me get my hands on this place? It’s so big and beautiful. All it needs is a woman’s touch.”

  I actually agree with her. The problem is there is only one woman who will be putting their mark on this place. That woman is going to be my wife. Kea. She just doesn’t know it, yet. I have a long-term plan to get her here in my house permanently, but first I need to use the short-term plan to get her under me. Once she lets me in her sweet sugar cave, she will never get away from me again.

  “You’re right, as usual Andy. If there is nothing else, I really do need to get some sleep.”

  “Sure. Hey, how about we go to dinner tonight? You and me. Like old times.”

  Ah crap. I hate having to turn her down. Andalusia has been my best friend since we were ten years old. We grew up next door to each other, went to the same college, and everything. She is as close to me as a sister. I hate when I have to disappoint her, but tonight I have other things to do. It’s my need and determination to figure out how to find the dead motherfucker who threatened my woman today.

  “Sorry, Andy. I can’t. I wish I could, but I promise I will make it up to you. OK?”

  Shit. She looks more than disappointed. I throw up a quick silent prayer she doesn’t pull the waterworks on me. There’s nothing I hate more than a woman in tears. But surprisingly enough, she doesn’t. She pulls back her shoulders, preparing for something, and I tense myself because I have no idea what is coming next.

  “You haven’t been present for months, Colt. What’s going on? If I didn’t know any better, I would say you met someone.”

  I squirm like a little bitch, because she has nailed it on the first try. I don’t know why I feel antsy about her knowing, other than until I have things solid with Kea, I don't want anyone to know. I don’t want my friends and the life I live to scare her away. But, because she is here and guessed my secret, I can’t lie to her face. I simply say, “there is someone special.”

  I see the surprise and another fleeting emotion I don’t recognize before it disappears. “Oh wow. Who is she?”

  “Look, Andy. I am sorry I’ve been neglecting our friendship. I truly am. Things have been a bit crazy, and I should make time for you. And I will. Soon. As soon as the time is right, I will introduce you and the guys to her. Ok.”

  “Of course, Colt. I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to sound needy. I only missed my friend. OK, I will see you soon, I guess. Get some rest.” And with that she leaves.

  So much for needing to masturbate. There is nothing like your friend putting a guilt trip on you to make the pole go down. Oh well. Shower and bed. At least I can still dream of my girl.

  Chapter 4

  KEA

  Walking to work is something I don’t get to do often because, let's face it, New York weather sucks. On days like today, when it is perfect outside, I take advantage of it. It's about a 30-minute walk and since I have no home visits planned, I don’t need my car. Plus, I need a few minutes to process the past few days. I’m not sure what has come over me but being around Colton has frazzled my carefully constructed demeanor. The problem is I don’t know if I want it back.

  Growing up in a cult with my siblings was the scariest time of my life, aside from being abducted. My father is an evil man and he lives to make our lives a living hell, then and now apparently. When I was there, I learned to toe the line, do as I was told, and dream. When my brothers were kicked out of the compound, I was ten years old. With them leaving the air
in my lungs went out. They are not only our protectors, but they made sure we ate regularly, bathed, and they played with us. Made it fun.

  Lord knows our mothers were useless. They lived literally to serve ED and that was it. When the guys got put out, I went into a shell of myself and didn’t speak for weeks. I wouldn’t eat, play, go out into the sunshine... nothing. Now I know, after years of therapy, it was my mind's way of protecting me and keeping me away from my father, until I was strong enough to deal with him.

  When I finally came to, Fae told me it was like I had a glimpse of a great future and decided to start living for that. And that is basically what happened. Somehow, when I closed my mind off, I would remind myself how much my brothers loved us and that they wouldn’t just leave us there. Every day, I reminded myself that I have my sisters here and we all need each other. Especially little Phoenix, and thus I became a half full girl.

  It doesn’t mean that occasionally I didn’t incur my father's rage because I did, and it was usually for something not warranted. I experienced extreme fear and pain in those moments, retreated to my happy place, long enough for the ordeal to be over.

  As a result of my earlier life, the need to use everything within the scope I can and in order to help children has been forefront. Dissecting and trying to determine how Colton fits is not working. He doesn’t make sense, and it makes me nervous and afraid. Those are two emotions I never wanted to feel again, without prior preparation. What would he want with me? I am not exactly hideous. I have a great smile if I do say so myself, my ass is superb; but other than that, I have rolls, cellulite, and don’t get me started on my stomach.

  I used to try every diet that anyone threw at me to get rid of my extra padding. The ridiculous water and smoothie diet damn near killed me. Finally went to the doctor and was diagnosed with PCOS. That was the day I had to adapt yet again to a new reality.

  Shaking myself out of a painful thought process, I decide to stop at the coffee shop along my route. I love the caramel macchiatos they make. Sometimes they substitute them with cinnamon milk, and I don’t care what anyone says the extra bit of spice is delicious.

  When I get to the coffee shop, I am so wrapped up in my thought process about everything I need to do for work today. I don’t notice the guy holding the door open for me, until he speaks.

  “Good morning beautiful.” Naturally, I look around to see who he is talking to. When I look at him again, I realize he is actually talking to my boobs. As usual, I am about to tell him where to go and how to get there, but I am thwarted.

  “I swear to God, you Christian Grey wannabe. If you don’t stop staring at my woman’s boobs, your face is going to be fifty shades of blue. Now scram.” Where the hell did he just come from?

  “Colton. What are you doing here? Was that entirely necessary? He was flirting a little. What’s the harm in that?” Now I am being a bit cheeky, but I like seeing him all worked up.

  “Ok, little one. You need to quit trying to yank my balls. I know you were about to tell him off, I just did it first. And to answer your question, I am tired of waiting. I have decided that I am going to stalk you, until you agree to go out with me. Save yourself some time and say yes now.”

  I feel the need to smack the smirk off his face. But the truth is, maybe going to dinner with him would be best. I can finally tell him why we won’t work, and by the time I am done outlining all my issues he will be running for the hills.

  “Yes.”

  “What?” he asks trying to cover the shock.

  “I said yes. Yes, I will go out with you.” I cannot hide the smile, because for once I have caught him by surprise. The big man is at a loss for words. I can feel my inner stripper dancing.

  “So, what do you have in mind big guy?”

  “I was thinking something simple at first. How about we go over to Jacks. Grab some burgers, beers, and just...talk. What do you think?”

  He has surprised me, yet again. I thought he would try to wine and dine me, then try and get me into bed. Or, maybe that is what I wanted him to do. But no, this is better. It’s better we go and talk. Get this over with, so I can stop fantasizing about him and move on.

  “Sounds good. What time should I be ready?”

  “I’ll pick you up at about 7?”

  “I will be ready.”

  He has that knowing smirk on his face as he leans down, kisses my neck, and walks away. Aaaand my panties are wet. Again. Damn that man.

  I finally get to go in and get my coffee, before walking the rest of the way to work and calling my friend Carlie. She is the office ‘tell it like it is’ girl. Carlie will not hesitate to say what is on her mind, no matter how inappropriate it is.

  “Kea. What the hell? Ashlei told me what happened. Are you ok? I am so pissed. I knew I should have taken that case.”

  Oh boy. I don’t know why my friends think I am a fragile person or something. They all feel the need to protect me, and it drives me nuts. I am a fully-grown woman and my work life is the one place my brothers cannot interfere. It’s my sacred place.

  “Carlie, calm down. I am fine. It’s nothing we don't deal with on a regular basis. I wrote it up and moved on.” I finally take a second to notice she is breathing awfully hard. It's almost like….is she…… “Carlie, are you ...running?”

  “Shit. Yes! I got…. a bit held up and now I am running late.” Held up? Carlie is never ‘held up.’ She is the most prompt person I know. I smell something.

  “Bullshit girlie…. I smell bullshit…why are you really late?”

  “If you must know nosy pants, I am doing the morning after walk of shame. And no, I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Holy cow.

  “Carlie. This is big. You haven’t been with anyone since Dane. Why don’t you want to talk about it? Did something happen? Did he hurt you?” I would go nuts on someone for my girls. Just like they would for me.

  “No. Just embarrassed I had a one-night stand. Anyhow, where are you now?” I caught the not so subtle deflection, but I will let it go for now.

  “Walking into the lobby. How far away are you?”

  “Be there in 10.”

  “Ok, stop by my desk boo.”

  “I will lady. See you in a few.”

  Walking into the lobby, I wave my badge at Tyrone the security guard and head into the office. The first thing I see when I get to my desk is a note from Ace, my supervisor asking me to come to see him upon arriving at work. Crap. Ace is about as bad as my brothers in the overprotective department. It must be about yesterday. I am so tired of talking about this and saying I am fine. But he is my boss.

  “Knock knock. Good morning Ace. You wanted to see me?”

  My body tingles a little as he takes a second to look me over. I don’t know if it is a good tingle or a bad tingle, but I know I feel a bit uncomfortable. He has been staring at me more and more lately. I brushed it off at first, but now I don’t know. He is looking at me like I am his last supper. Although he is a good-looking guy, something about him feels wrong. But I don’t know why.

  “Kea. I was concerned about yesterday and wanted to make sure you didn’t need anything. Also, I wanted to see for myself you were in one piece.”

  “I am fine Ace. Thanks for asking. It happens all the time. It’s not the first time and won’t be the last. Have you heard anything about Cole? He is the little boy I took from the house yesterday.” I feel this unexplainable need to know everything about him and to see him for myself. It is highly unorthodox, and I know it, but before I can stop myself, the words come out.

  “I was wondering if it would be ok for me to go and check on him myself? If not tomorrow, maybe the next day. I know it is not normal, but I feel like it is something I need to do. You know?” He looks at me pensively for a second and then he nods his head.

  “Ok. Sure. Say you’re making sure there has been no attempt at contact. But maybe you should wait another day.”

  That makes me feel better. My bright smile must have
insinuated something to him, because he seems to straighten up and gather his nerve. For what I am not sure, until he asks.

  “Kea. I was wondering if you would go to dinner with me tonight? I know I am your boss and I will totally understand if you say no. I have been trying my best to give you space and not be one of those guys, but I have wanted to go out with you since I moved to this department. I wasn’t sure how you saw me, but I figure what the heck. So, what do you say?”

  Hell. Am I really that blind? It makes me wonder if I have been missing the signs about Colton’s intentions. I cannot see what Colton would want with me. But first, I need to deal with this. The problem is I don’t know how to do it without hurting his feelings. I have to tell him the truth but leave out a few things.

  “I’m sorry Ace. I already have plans tonight.”

  When his face falls, I feel like such a witch. He is a perfectly fine man. Handsome in a poindexter sort of way. Sweet, considerate, he listens, and I am sure he would be a safe choice for me. But, because of one overstuffed incredible hulk, safe doesn’t seem as appealing.

  “Oh. Ok. Of course. I mean, it is last minute. Maybe another time?” Oh man.

  “Sure. Maybe. Ok. Well, I have paperwork and follow up calls today. I better get to work.” That was awkward as hell, I’m thinking as I walk back to my desk. Wait until I tell the girls about this.

  The rest of the day passes without any fanfare, though I did notice how many times Ace came by my desk or walked past it in a day. I never noticed before, but now it is hard to miss. Am I really this naive? What else have I been oblivious to?

  When I finally make it home, I am in no mood to go out, but I know I need to do this. To finally be done with Colton, so my life can go back to being predictable and uninterrupted. Who knows, maybe then Ace might be a good choice. One I can actually see when my sight is not obstructed by him.