by MJ Brannigan
What? Why now? What was she doing getting back in touch after all this time? It messed with her head and twisted her insides. Her hands turned cold, even in the warmth of this beautiful Maui morning.
What did she want? Was she going to call and flaunt her new life? Had things not worked out the way she planned and now… what now?
This vacation on Maui was turning into a gauntlet. What was going to hit her next? she wondered.
She didn’t let on when Brenda and JonJon came into the kitchen. JonJon made a few jokes about Kamea—teasing, good-natured jokes about a dear cousin that was more like a sister. He was trying his best to lighten her mood, thinking the appearance of her discomfort had to do with spending the night on the couch next to Kamea. It was sweet.
But when Kamea stumbled into the room, she felt an electric shock jump through her. It was one of both desire and fear. She was sure Kamea could feel the cold and clammy hand she rested on hers when she touched her in delayed tenderness to say good morning.
She wanted to just melt into her again, but something in her resisted. Thoughts of what Jenny might want clouded her mind. But her heart felt as though it had sunk into a pit. What now? What was she supposed to do now?
* * *
After a breakfast of wonderful omelets that she didn’t taste as well as she would have liked, they made plans to meet back at the house around noon. Kamea and Brenda would pack food for a lunch on the boat. They didn’t know how long they would be out, and perhaps would need to travel as far as the Big Island to see the whales breaching.
The thought of a trip out to look for whales thrilled her, but for the cloud hanging over her from this morning’s text creeping in to spoil it. She wanted to appreciate everything more; the omelets, the playful banter amongst her new friends, and did her best to put on a good face.
When they did find the whales after a few hours on the water, it was in the channel between Maui and the Big Island. They kept a respectful distance, but were close enough to enjoy the wonder of it all. Kamea told her stories of getting much closer to them a few years ago while free diving from her kayak. They had actually come to her; whether out of curiosity or for their amusement, she could never know. But Rebecca delighted in the thought of it; of hearing Kamea’s stories of being out on the sea.
Kamea invited Rebecca to join her one day soon out on one of her spearfishing trips. JonJon and Brenda had a two-seater, sit-on-top kayak they could use.
“You can float next to the kayak and watch me dive down to spear if you like. Maybe I’ll teach you to snorkel proper out there too,” she suggested.
Rebecca liked the thought of joining her on a day out spearfishing. What she didn’t know was… should she make plans with her still? Should she keep going forward with this blossoming relationship if Jenny wanted her back? She didn’t want to lead Kamea on, and she especially didn’t want to hurt her, if that’s what it would do.
She was sure Kamea must have noticed her forced enthusiasm at the suggested plans. She did her best to go along with her, though, thinking maybe, just maybe this entire thing with Jenny was for nothing.
It bothered Rebecca that the thought of it tainted the time they were sharing together at all. She would figure it out soon enough, she surmised. She would know by Jenny’s tone what this was all about—if or when she did call. But she hated waiting to find out. The not knowing tore at her insides.
* * *
As they sat watching the whales, low clouds swept across the shoreline, dropping down from Haleakala. A rainbow appeared, first one, then another.
“Pretty, aye?” Kamea asked.
“Beautiful,” Rebecca replied, as the boat swayed back and forth gently on the waves.
More out of habit than anything else, Rebecca felt compelled to pull the phone from her pocket and did so with hesitation—uncertain if she wanted to see a missed call or message alert on the screen. There was not much of a signal out here anyway, she figured. As she considered Jenny’s intentions, she heard JonJon say; “Good idea—why don’t you get a picture of us? It’ll be a good memory!”
It would, she thought.
Brenda and JonJon moved towards the stern; the island, the rainbows and occasional whale spouts behind them. Kamea stayed to one side, seated closer to Rebecca, and larger in the screen view. JonJon gave the shaka sign with his arm around Brenda. Rebecca focused on the screen, squinting to frame the figures in the bright sunshine, and snapped a few pictures.
“Let me take one of you two,” Brenda suggested.
And so they switched places, Kamea and Rebecca sitting on one of the blue-cushioned bench seats that ran along each side of the boat; the island, the whales spouting, and rainbows all behind them.
Kamea and Rebecca put their arms around each other’s waists, heads tilted together, smiling for the pictures; one, then another, then another.
“Okay, I think you got enough!” Kamea said laughing, and Brenda handed the phone back to Rebecca.
Scrolling through the pictures, sitting next to Kamea, her hand shielding the screen from the sunlight, they could make out the rainbows, each arcing over the island, and ending between them.
They just looked at each other, in silence, both mouthing the word ‘rainbow.’
* * *
Rebecca lay on her bed, going over the events of the day; remembering the warm and fuzzies from a night cuddled up with Kamea, contrasted with the anguish of a text from Jenny.
It bothered her that a simple text—that just a few words from Jenny would send her into a tizzy. It’s just not fair, she thought. The twisting in her stomach caused her to curl up on her side—this time, with no Kamea to hold her. No sweet breath on her neck.
She thought it best to come home to the B&B tonight, she had told Kamea. She told her she had a bit of a headache from a day out in the sun and on the water—which was true—but she’d be heading back to the clinic for that checkup on her cuts and stitches in the morning, anyway. And then the thought of what Jenny might want, and not being sure what sort of plans, if any, to continue making with Kamea if Jenny was trying to come back into her life.
Rebecca hadn’t curled up in anguish like this since, well… since Jenny had left her. She hadn’t really moved on at all, and she knew that. This time with Kamea was the closest thing to dating she had experienced since the breakup.
But being with Kamea didn’t feel like dating at all. It felt like hanging out with an old friend, like sliding her hand into a glove, missing for a long time. The comfort was beyond anything she had ever known.
She would be heading back to Detroit in little more than a week, she told herself, and all this could be nothing but a sweet dream, a pleasant memory: one she could look at on her phone pics to remember. Like a tourist. Like a tourist. The words echoed in her mind. It’s just supposed to be a vacation anyway, right? she told herself.
Rebecca slid open the screen on her phone and went to the pictures app. She would see them better in the dim light of her room now. And there, even clearer to see, was the double rainbow, arcing over them and ending in the black of Kamea’s wind-blown hair. She used a finger and thumb to expand the picture and look closer at Kamea’s lovely face. She was beautiful, exotic, and she felt herself beginning to melt at the sight.
She almost dropped the phone as it rang in her hand, jolting her from her reverie and causing her heart to pound in her throat. The alert badge across the top of the screen told her it was Jenny.
CHAPTER 17 - KAMEA
“Why don’t you give her a call?” JonJon said as he walked past a sulking Kamea. “You haven’t been in your studio much today either,” he added.
Much of her Sunday passed in useless putzing around the house. In her studio, not getting anywhere—she decided to put the painting of Rebecca in the white dress to the side. Rebecca confessed to having seen it the other morning as Kamea still slept. She told her how flattered she was on seeing it. That it was beautiful—and she loved it.
Now, Kamea
reclined on the couch, feet on the coffee table as the sky outside began to hint of a nearing sunset. She sat like a lump, channel surfing and unsure what to make of Rebecca’s message.
“She sent me a text this morning,” Kamea replied. “I thought maybe it was about the visit to the clinic, and we’d get together, but…” she trailed off.
“She okay?” JonJon asked, walking back into the room.
“I think... yeah,” Kamea answered. “She just said that some things came up, and she promised to get back to me soon—told me she was sorry, just had to be alone for a little bit, sort things out.”
As the words passed her lips, Kamea realized now even more how little she knew about Rebecca, how little they knew about each other. Maybe she’d call. Maybe she wouldn’t, and she would just go back to the mainland to pick up her life where she left off, she thought. That return trip was inching closer for her too. An audible sigh slipped out as she felt the hollow ache, an emptiness in her guts.
“Well,” JonJon began, leaning back against the door jamb, “She sure did seem to like you a lot, and you both looked as though you were hitting it off to me. Did she say anything more about the breakup she was here to get away from? Maybe someone’s trying to get her back?”
“Maybe,” Kamea replied. “It happened at least a year ago, though. And I know she was really hung up on whoever it was. But I won’t know if that’s what this is about till she tells me.”
“She’ll call,” JonJon said, enthusiasm in his voice. “I can feel it.”
“Maybe,” was all Kamea could muster. She thought JonJon was just being kind to his Cuz, his little sister.
“You still goin’ back to your folks for Thanksgiving?” JonJon asked, changing the subject—though knowing it was not something that thrilled Kamea.
“Yeah.” Feeling a further sinking in her stomach. “I’d rather go Friday, come back Saturday, but they want me there on Thanksgiving Day instead. Not looking forward to it as usual. But it gets me out of Christmas at least.”
It left Kamea wondering what Rebecca would be doing while she was gone—assuming she would even see her again. She hated this—the not knowing. That her emotions were tied to another like this—how do people do this? It’s all such a tangled mess. Was a happy ever after, if it even happened, worth all this emotional crap?
Maybe things had just moved too fast; not so much the physical part, of course. But her heart ached to see Rebecca, and she hated that. She felt so hung up on her already—as though she had no control over it.
She thought too that the pics Brenda took of them on the boat with the rainbows behind might have meant something special to Rebecca. But maybe not? Maybe she didn’t get it, sensitive as she might seem. Must not be the rainbow sign she was looking for.
Kamea looked at the calendar on her phone and saw she had a half day at the coffee shop tomorrow morning. It would keep her busy, she thought. The customers and conversations would get her out of her head for a while.
Today had been a wash, and Kamea decided she would just get back to her life as she knew it. No more sitting around wondering whether this thing with Rebecca was going to work out. It might help if she could stop picking her phone up to see if maybe she’d missed a message. It was too agonizing.
And then half-way through a rerun of The Matrix, her phone rang.
“Hey... Rebecca?”
“Hi... sorry I didn’t call you before. I know it probably seems a little strange, but...”
“No, well... yeah. I’ve been wondering what you were doin’ today. Maybe we just got close too fast. I figured it might have freaked you out a bit.”
“No, it’s not that, just…”
“If I remember right, you kinda kissed me first, though,” Kamea said, then immediately wishing she could take it back.
It was silent on Rebecca’s end for a moment. “Hello? You still there?” Kamea asked, her heart sinking.
“Yes, yes. Guess I did. I wanted to so much…” she replied, trailing off.
“It was nice,” Kamea felt the warmth in her chest at the thought, and closing her eyes to remember the kiss, felt a pulse of heat throb between her thighs.
“I spent the day driving all over the place,” Rebecca continued, “I started out going towards Hana after I picked up coffee at the bottom of the hill. Thought I might drive all the way but I did go a ways past your Auntie’s place. I found a black lava beach to sit on and look out to sea for a while—far away from the waves this time,” she chuckled. “And then I ended up driving over here for the sunset.”
“Here? Where’s here?”
“The spot you took me to above the beach; it’s so beautiful, and I love it, but…”
Kamea could only take the pause in Rebecca’s side of their conversation for so long; “What’s the matter? You’re, not like gonna jump or something, are you?” She was just a little alarmed at the thought of it.
“Oh! Oh God no! I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to make you worry, no. Oh, Lord. Sorry if I freaked you out.”
“Oh, good.” Kamea felt herself relax; “I thought for a minute there you were more messed up about this than me,” Kamea managed a small, nervous laugh.
“No, it’s just... I thought maybe coming over here would be something to clear my mind. I can tell you more when I see you—too much to go into over the phone, but…”
Kamea could only hear Rebecca’s breathing, bringing to mind the memory of her sweet face that morning, hair across her eyes, smacking her lips into a smile as she turned over to spoon.
“It’s just, well... now that I’m here, as beautiful as it is, it’s not the same.” Rebecca’s voice trembled. Kamea thought she heard a sniffle. “It’s kinda empty, actually. I’d rather be sitting next to you, looking at the sunset. Pretty as it is, it just doesn’t feel the same. Stupid, aye?”
Kamea felt her heart break open, realizing she had spent the day shoring it up against any further feelings, thinking Rebecca didn’t want her, didn’t care. And now it seemed she cared more than she could have hoped. This woman was falling for her too. “Do you want to come over?” she asked.
“No... I shouldn’t right now—thanks, though. I better just go back to my room tonight, maybe tomorrow?" Rebecca replied.
“Sure, that would be great,” then remembering her calendar; “Oh, I almost forgot, I’m working at the coffee shop in the morning. Maybe you can just come by there before I get off and we can hang out? Between one and two okay?”
“K, that would be nice. I really want to see you.”
Kamea heard the soft breath in Rebecca’s voice, imagined the warmth of it against her cheek, her neck. “Just watch goin’ back down, okay? Maybe you should go down now before it gets too dark to see?”
“I will.”
“You okay?” Kamea felt the need to ask once more.
“I am, yes. I feel better now that we’ve talked. I thought you’d be mad at me for staying away today—I just feel so messed up right now, like I’m too messed up to get involved with anyone. You don’t need my drama in your life. But, well, I don’t want to miss getting to know you better, if you get what I mean?”
Kamea felt her cheeks warm, a smile come to her lips; “We can talk about it tomorrow. I know a place I can take you after I get off. Wear a swimsuit under your shorts and stuff, K?”
“I will.”
“K den, see you tomorrow?”
“Yep… Bye…” Kamea listened to the last breath of Rebecca’s whispered goodbye, and hung to the feeling of it, squeezing her eyes closed as if to listen to the sound as it faded away into the evening.
She pulled her knees up under her chin, hugging herself, hugging the thought of Rebecca. A pleasant warmth filled her, eyes closed tight and a swoon at the thought of her lips—lips that would kiss her lips, her neck, and the places she longed to feel her touch.
That’s when she felt as though she wasn’t alone, and opened her eyes to see JonJon, standing at the entrance to the kitchen, a big grin on
his face. “Told ya, Cuz. That girl likes you for sure.”
Kamea grabbed the nearest cushion and threw it at JonJon.
“Oh, come on, Cuz. You know you two are destined, right?” he said, catching the pillow before it hit his face.
“Don’t know ‘bout that,” Kamea replied. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen.”
“Well, you both have a week or so to figure things out, right? Maybe take her to Oahu with ya—that’ll fix your Dad,” he said, with a wink and a grin.
“God, I can’t imagine... I’d lose her for sure if I did that. At least, I think I would.”
She sat with the thought for a moment. This encounter with Rebecca was so fresh, so new, the idea of spoiling it with her dad’s hardcore attitude, his not accepting who she was, let alone someone she might bring to dinner. She’d never done that before.
Maybe, she thought, she could just say Rebecca was a friend—just a friend, and they would come away unscathed? But she didn’t want to put Rebecca under his scrutiny. She didn’t deserve that. Not this soon. If they found a way to stay together, maybe in time. But God, poor girl would want to jump back onto the rocks for sure.
“I’ll bring it up when I see her tomorrow, see what she thinks. But... I don’t know. He can be such an ass.”
CHAPTER 18 - REBECCA
The warm wind in her hair tickled her cheek as Rebecca drove along the coastal road to Paia. Having the windows down on a daily drive was something she could get used to. I could never take this for granted, she thought, looking out at the view along the north shore; ocean meeting sky, brilliant blue to brilliant blue.
She came to the place where Kamea had pulled her from the rocks and decided to stop for a few minutes before continuing to the coffee shop—for what exactly, she wasn’t quite sure. But standing there, away from the roiling surf this time, she knew she had to give silent thanks to something greater than herself for her rescue, and for what she had come to feel was a second chance at life.