Defensive Instinct (Survival Instinct Book 4)

by Kristal Stittle

  Her thoughts about getting a new pet led to Cameron. She always knew which animals were pregnant and expecting. Riley would probably want a dog again, but she’d ask Hope what she would like. Maybe they could get two: a dog and a goat, or something unusual like that.

  Of course thinking about talking to Cameron reminded her what her next conversation with her twin would be about. Riley wondered if Dakota or even Brunt might come with her. Dakota had been family for the past several years, and it was looking strongly like Brunt was going be sometime soon. Too bad Danny was out scavenging somewhere. It would have been nice to have him nearby, his face so similar to his brother’s.

  “Riley?”

  Riley startled, so deep within herself she hadn’t noticed Dr. Haily Guiles begin exiting the medical centre, only to pause in the doorway, a look of concern on her face.

  “Are you all right?” she asked, unsure if she should step closer or not. They had worked together since before the Day, both of them residents of the same ER. She had been a student in the year between Riley and Josh. Riley had watched her develop her skills over the years, skills that were already sharp to begin with.

  “No.” Riley hadn’t meant to tell the truth, but it was the first thing her stormy mind was able to get out of her mouth. The admission threatened more tears, and Riley hated herself for it. She didn’t want to cry, not in front of someone she had helped train, not in front of someone who had always seen her as a leader and advisor.

  “Come in, tell me what’s wrong.” Haily was gentle and understanding, not touching Riley, but simply stepping out of her way to let her pass.

  They moved through the thankfully empty waiting room into a small, office-like space. Both female doctors ignored the one tiny chair to lean side-by-side on the edge of the desk.

  “Do you need me to get someone? Abby, Josh, Robin?” Haily asked after a moment of Riley saying nothing.

  “Yes. No. Later,” Riley shook her head, an attempt to rattle free what she had to say. “Can you tell Josh and Robin after I tell you?”

  “Of course. What’s this about?”

  “I have cancer.”

  Riley expected a gasp of surprise, a pitying look, confusion. She did not expect the sagely nod, as if Haily had already known. Had Freya told her?

  “What kind? How far along?” she asked. Freya hadn’t told her then.

  “Breast, and early stages. There’s a lump here,” Riley pointed to the offender within her body.

  “And you want a mastectomy.” Haily didn’t ask.

  “A double mastectomy, to be sure.”

  Haily nodded again. “I understand. I’m assuming you want me, Josh, and Robin to do the surgery?”

  Riley nodded. She liked how straight forward Haily was being, not asking questions about how she was feeling, or coping, or whatever. It let Riley slip into her own doctor’s mentality, to speak as if they were talking about some other patient that wasn’t her.

  “Yes.”

  “We should bring Dr. Lewis on board.”

  “I don’t know him that well.”

  “Yes, but he’s the best surgeon we have. He’s done this exact operation before.”

  When the Leighton hospital had been evacuated, it was mostly the ER doctors who had escaped owing to their proximity to the evacuation point. Dr. Lewis wasn’t the only surgeon to be evacuated, but he was the only one who then survived long enough to be mentioned now. Riley had worked with him only a few times, most of their shifts set at opposing hours. One of those times they worked together, however, was when Rose was brought in missing a hand. Riley had gone in early while Lewis stayed late, all hands on deck to save Rose’s life.

  “Yeah. Okay. He can help,” Riley agreed.

  “How many other people know right now?”

  “You, me, and Freya.”

  “That’s it?”

  “Freya only knows because I got her to help me run the tests. She’s on her way to the container yard right now to tell my sister. After this, I plan to have a sit down with Hope.”

  “You should tell your friends, Abby and Lauren, and the others at the container yard. I’m sure they’d like to know.”

  Riley shook her head. “I don’t want more people than necessary worrying about me. They can find out after it’s done and I’m okay.”

  “All right, that’s your choice I guess. You should talk to Brittany. She’s been through this procedure and can tell you what to expect from a patient’s perspective.”

  Brittany, who had become a general counsellor and type of manager at the Black Box, had survived two forms of cancer before the Day. She had also had a double mastectomy, but the difference was that she had been in a proper hospital, fully equipped, and had been able to get implants later. Riley would have a flat chest forever afterward. She had never really cared before, never thought of herself as womanly or sexy, or whatever, but it was strange now to know that her breasts would be gone. They were the most outwardly female aspect about her.

  “Maybe,” she lied to Haily about talking to Brittany. She definitely wasn’t going to say a word to the woman. When Riley had been depressed, Cameron had brought her in. The two women were very different from one another and saw eye to eye on nothing. Her good-natured attempts at bringing Riley out of her funk ended up with Riley screaming at her. They hadn’t spoken since, and Riley had no intention of ending that silence.

  “All right, well, the others are most likely having dinner right now, but I can find them afterward. Where did you leave your test results?”

  “I hid them across the hall.” Riley led Haily back out of the little office. They crossed the hall into the lab, and Riley retrieved all her test data from the back of a dusty cupboard, behind oddly shaped beakers for which no one had discovered a use and then forgotten.

  Haily kept nodding to herself as she looked over the data, coming to the same conclusions as Riley.

  “I’ll show this file to the others, but we may need to perform some of the tests again.”

  Riley watched as Haily unconsciously wrapped one of her arms just beneath her breasts, her other hand still flipping back and forth through the test results.

  “We should head to dinner,” she said suddenly, closing the folder. “I assume you’re staying with Lauren and Abby as you usually do? They’ll be wondering where you are.”

  “You’re right.” Riley knew that, but at the same time wasn’t sure she could face them just yet. Unfortunately, she couldn’t stall any longer, as Haily also needed to go to dinner.

  “When do you want it scheduled?” Haily asked as they both stepped out into the hallway.

  “Freya only said she’d be back tomorrow, not when. I’d like to do it as close to when my sister arrives as possible.”

  “Then hopefully our load is light tomorrow. I’ll go over your findings with the others tonight, and in the early morning we can run any other needed tests. You sure you can handle not eating for that long? What if they’re late?”

  “I want my sister here when you operate.”

  Haily nodded, maybe understanding, maybe not. Riley was always considering worst-case scenarios, which frequently meant death. If she died on the operating table, she wanted Cameron to be here for Hope.

  As Riley trudged to Abby’s apartment, she thought of Hope and what to say to her. What words should she use to tell her ten year old? She didn’t want Hope to worry too much, but she didn’t want her to be unaware of the dangers either. How to inform her, without scaring her?

  “Riley, there you are,” Abby called out, standing up from the table as she entered the apartment.

  “Sorry, I had to help someone out.” A lame, vague excuse, but one that would work.

  “I hope you don’t mind that we started without you.” Abby gestured to the food on the table as she sat back down.

  Riley made her way over, and took the empty seat. The food was still warm; clearly they hadn’t been waiting long. “It’s no problem.”

  “Mom
, look what I did to my hand today.” Hope thrust her fingers in Riley’s face.

  “How’d you do that? Splinter?”

  “Yup.” Hope took her hand back and stared at the small groove in her flesh. She used to whine and freak out over such injuries, but had since grown to find them fascinating, a mark of pride even. To her, small wounds were proof that she had been working hard or had been doing something fun.

  “What about you, Peter? Any splinters over there?” Riley asked, trying not to think about what was to come.

  Peter shook his head.

  “He got a big bruise on his knee though,” Hope crowed for him. “Show it to my mom.”

  “Legs stay under the table, please.” Lauren directed her gaze at Hope as opposed to Peter, knowing the quiet kid had no intention of lifting his leg up to show Riley his bruise.

  Dinner continued on in this manner, with Hope narrating her and Peter’s entire day. Claire wasn’t there tonight, eating with one of her friends, and none of the parents had anything to discuss, so Hope was allowed to ramble on, Riley frequently having to remind her to take a bite of her food.

  Once the meal was over, the dishes cleaned and put away, Riley knew it was time.

  “Hope, can I speak to you for a minute?”

  Her daughter got this look like she had done something wrong but couldn’t figure out what.

  “You’re not in trouble, sweetheart.”

  Abby was giving Riley a questioning look as she took Hope into the privacy of Claire’s room, but Riley offered her no explanation.

  “What’s wrong?” Hope asked the moment the door was closed, her voice shaking a little. Maybe she was thinking like her mother, coming up with the worst-case scenario.

  “We’re going to have to stay here a few more days,” Riley started with, sitting down on the edge of Claire’s bed. “Is that all right?”

  “Why? Did something happen back home? Is everyone okay?”

  “Everyone back home is fine, you don’t need to worry about them. Can you sit here with me?”

  Hope hesitated, her body standing on nervous energy, but she managed to walk over and unlock her knees to plop down beside her mother.

  “Do you know what cancer is?”

  “It’s a thing that kills people. Is it Mr. Bill? Does he have cancer?”

  “It doesn’t always kill people, some are lucky.”

  “Does Mr. Bill have cancer?”

  “Yes, but he’s not who I want to talk about.” This conversation was getting away from Riley.

  “Is he a lucky one?” Hope’s voice was tight.

  “I’m sorry, sweet pea, but he’s not.” Riley found herself comforting her daughter about Bill’s cancer, when she was supposed to be talking about her own.

  “How long? Can I go see him?”

  “He still has quite a bit of time left, don’t you worry, his case is a slow one. He’ll be coming back to the container yard with us, and he’ll have lots of time to tell you more stories.”

  Hope didn’t cry, her eyes remained dry, but her face had this funny sort of tightness to it. Like she was upset and thought she shouldn’t be, or she wasn’t really upset and thought she should be.

  “Hope, I have breast cancer.” She said it like ripping off a Band-Aid.

  Hope’s face turned to her so fast, Riley feared she’d injured her neck.

  “But I’m one of the lucky ones,” she added quickly, before her daughter could have a meltdown. “The other doctors can actually help me.”

  “How?” This time tears did well up, Hope’s eyes becoming glassy.

  “I’m going to have what is called a double mastectomy. They’re going to remove my breasts, and the cancer along with them.”

  Hope looked directly at Riley’s chest. “You’re not going to have boobs anymore?”

  “I think it’s a fair trade to get rid of the cancer, don’t you?” Riley tried to make a joke, and could feel that the smile wasn’t quite right on her face.

  “Is it dangerous? The double-whatever?”

  “It’s surgery, and all surgery comes with risks, but I have the best doctors to do it, even one who’s done this procedure before.”

  Hope suddenly buried herself in Riley’s side, her arms wrapped tightly around her ribs, threatening to crush them. Riley took the skinny girl in her arms, lifting her up and placing her on her lap. She let her daughter cry it out, soaking her shirt.

  “Your Aunt Cameron should be here sometime tomorrow. I’m going to be woozy after the surgery for a day or so, and so she’ll look after you in the meantime.”

  “Will I be able to come see you?” Hope’s voice was muffled by Riley’s body.

  “Of course, right after it’s done. You can even wait outside the surgical suite, if you’d like.”

  Hope’s head nodded, and Riley began stroking her hair.

  “It’d make me very happy to see your face first thing when I wake up.”

  “Can I tell Peter?”

  Riley bit her lower lip. Abby and Lauren would know once Riley went for the surgery, but if Hope told Peter, then Peter would tell them.

  “Can you wait until tomorrow? They’ll all know by then.”

  “Why can’t they know now?”

  Riley didn’t know how to answer that. The first response that jumped to mind was that she was scared, but there was no way she would tell her ten-year-old kid that. She was supposed to be comforting her, not making her worry more.

  “I’d just rather they know tomorrow,” Riley eventually said, rather lamely. “Do you think you could keep it a secret? Just until the morning?”

  “I guess,” Hope sighed, her grip finally slackening. “Can Peter also wait outside the surgery place?”

  “If he wants to. Abby and Lauren will probably plan to wait there with you once I tell them.”

  Hope pulled away, wiping at her face with her hands. Riley managed to find some other topic for them to discuss—an easy one Hope enjoyed—while her emotions settled down.

  “Peter and I were going to play a board game tonight, can you play with us?”

  “Of course.”

  When Riley finally left Claire’s room, Abby was staring at her, waiting to know what was going on. Riley signed that they could talk about it tomorrow. As she followed her daughter and friend all the way downstairs to where the games were kept, Riley wondered how well she’d be able to sleep tonight.

  ***

  Beyond the fence, Riley kept her feet planted, her hands gripped tightly around the machete, as the zombie came toward her. The smoke from the burning tree debris had lured several to the area. Riley had instantly volunteered to help take them out once she heard. It was a better way to pass the time than just sitting on the dock and watching the river. She had taken up a position in the long grass where she could still see the moment Freya returned with Cameron, but now she could take out some aggression at the same time.

  Once the zombie was close enough, Riley’s blade sank into its skull with a heavy thunk. Winchester stepped around her as she freed her blade, ready to take on the next one. As soon as Riley had her machete back in hand, two other volunteers grabbed the body and dragged it away from underfoot. Once the horse-drawn cart that was rattling around outside the fence came back around, they would throw it into the back, and the corpse would be brought to a designated area. Riley didn’t know what they did with the fully dead once there, whether they burned them, used lye, or brought them far enough away to leave them out in the open where the animals could get to them. She didn’t even know if they searched the corpses for useful items or blood-free clothes.

  “Good one, Mom!” Hope called from the safe side of the fence. She hadn’t left Riley’s side since getting up that morning. Now, she stood watching her mom take out zombies, her fingers linked through the mesh. It was practically a sport, but Riley knew her daughter understood the dangers. She didn’t mind Hope watching the procedure, as it was a good lesson. Later, she’d sit down with her and explain exac
tly what they were doing, how she and Winchester were working as a team, watching each other’s backs, and keeping one another safe.

  After Winchester had beaten down the next zombie with a long crowbar, it was Riley’s turn again. A grey, naked, sexless being was stumbling toward her. It had been so chewed up, rotted, and withered that there was next to nothing left to distinguish it as a former human being. Whoever it once was, was long gone. Riley’s blade sliced the top of its skull clean off, the bone having turned weak and brittle over the years. That zombie must have been wandering for a very long time.

  Hope made a sound that was half-cheer, half-disgust as the top of the thing’s head flew free.

  As Riley stepped back from the body, she spotted a solitary canoe coming up the river. Her focus zeroed in on her sister, paddling in the front.

  “Winchester, I’m out,” she said, having explained earlier that this would happen.

  He nodded as he prepared for the next dead. One of the body movers took Riley’s place as she headed for the fence. It didn’t take too long for her to scramble up and over the chain link. Hope’s expression had become dour; she hadn’t been looking forward to her aunt’s arrival. Together, they made their way to the top of the rocks closest to the dock. The smaller dock still wasn’t completely ready for service, but it should be soon. It didn’t take long for Abby and Lauren to join them, as they had specifically been helping with the dock so that they would know when Cameron arrived.

  “I’ll go tell the doctors to get ready,” Abby volunteered. She continued to stand beside Riley a moment longer anyway, her eyes begging her to say something, but Riley had no idea what. It had been a difficult conversation that morning.

  “Peter’s sorry he couldn’t be with you this morning,” Lauren spoke to Hope for something to say.

  “If he were so sorry, he wouldn’t hide in the computer lab,” Hope responded with a huff and a crossing of her arms.

  For some reason, Peter couldn’t handle the news or the thought of standing by his friend while her mom waited for surgery. He had squirreled himself away in the computer lab to work on advanced math problems and ignore what was happening.