My finger stroked the face of my phone, reconsidering my decision not to call Michael. He knew Ian best, maybe he could explain why he’d acted this way, or at the very least maybe he knew where he was. I shook my head and tossed the phone on the sofa as I went back to pacing.
Ian had his reasons and after my talk with Michael I had a feeling sending Michael after Ian would be a mistake. He was after all a grown man, one who’d by his own admission spent the majority of his time partying and drinking. He’d done none of that the past week and maybe he’d decided he was bored and wanted to have fun. But why act like he was coming back with ice cream? Why not just tell me he wanted to go out without me for a while?
Maybe because you’re his babysitter and a goody two shoes?
I groaned, growing irritated with the obnoxious voice in my head. So, what if it was right? It didn’t explain Ian sudden about face. One minute he was talking about his parents, and then he was off to get ice cream, and suddenly decided not to come back.
My phone started to ring and I darted back over to the sofa, managing to trip on the table and hit my arm when I did.
“Hello?” I gasped, shoving the phone to my ear without even seeing who called.
“Lass, you alright?”
“Buster!” Of course. If anyone could find Ian and not ask questions, it would be Buster.
“You sound relieved. What’s going on lass? I get an odd call from Ian telling me to check on you and you sound out of breath.”
“You heard from Ian?” I tried to hide the relief in my voice, but didn’t manage based on his next words.
“Aye, and odd it was. He sounded a bit…off.” Buster’s hesitation tipped me off that he suspected something, but didn’t want to tell me. “He asked me to call and check on you. What I want to know is why I need to check on you when he’s supposed to be with you?”
“Where are you?” I asked, deflecting the question.
“With Michael. He asked me to drive him this evening and keep watch for paparazzi. He didn’t want photographs or speculation arising from his business dinner.”
“Oh yeah, his business dinner.” Buster didn’t miss my implication, but he also wasn’t going to be distracted from the matter at hand.
“Why isn’t Ian with you?”
“I don’t know.” I admitted, swallowing hard. Buster’s surprise at Ian’s absence and his subsequent call to check on me confirmed Ian’s behavior was unusual, at least unusual in this situation. “He told me he was going to get ice cream, but he didn’t come back. I got worried, but he didn’t answer my calls. He finally texted me, but it was kinda rude.”
“Rude? Ian?” Buster’s tone was shocked. “That doesn’t sound like him. Well, it does, but not where you’re concerned.” He corrected himself, and I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me.
“I think you and Michael might be wrong about how Ian feels toward me.” I told him finally, chewing on my lip nervously. My conversation with Buster wasn’t helping the uneasiness I felt.
“No, lass. You don’t realize how much you’ve changed the bastard. I’ve been with Ian for the past five years. This last week he’s been a changed man. Something is wrong.” The Scottish burr deepened as he finished and I shivered. If Buster was worried, then it helped explain the unease that had plagued me since I realized Ian hadn’t come back.
“Can you find him?” My voice was small as I asked, afraid he’d tell me no.
“Aye. I’m on my way. Don’t fash yourself, lassie. I’ll find him and bring him home.”
“Thank you.” The phone slipped from my hand as he hung up and I was left to wait.
I didn’t have long to wait as the door crashed open less than thirty minutes later.
I jumped up only to see Michael standing there, looking far more rumpled than normal. I blinked at him as he heaved a sigh and glanced up at the ceiling, his hands on his hips.
“You’re alright.”
“Yes?” I answered uncertainly. I wasn’t sure why he thought I wouldn’t be, but figured an answer was in order. His response was a tight smile as he carefully closed the door. “Are you okay?” I added, not having seen this side of Michael before. He was always in control compared to Ian’s more passionate nature.
“I was afraid this would happen.” He replied, reaching to unbutton his suit jacket only to find it already was. “He shouldn’t have disappeared on you. Honestly, I didn’t think he would. Not tonight.” His voice was low as if he was talking to himself, but I listened intently, attempting to glean any small clue. “What happened?”
I blinked at the sudden question directed toward me.
“He went to get ice cream. He just didn’t come back.”
“Ice cream?”
I nodded as his forehead wrinkled. “Nothing else happened?” I shook my head, already having gone over the day’s events and finding nothing to trigger his sudden disappearance.
“Why?” He asked himself, wandering to the window overlooking Bourbon Street. The evening’s revelries were just getting started, creating a kaleidoscope of color down below. Ian was somewhere in that crowd. I knew that now. He’d escaped into his old pastimes, drinking and partying. It was what Buster had attempted to disguise from me and the reason Ian hadn’t answered my call.
“I don’t know.” He wasn’t expecting an answer but I gave him one anyway. Ian’s sudden about face was surprisingly painful and a reminder that I wasn’t capable of controlling him. “I’m sorry.”
Michael spun around at my apology.
“Whatever for?” He was genuinely curious and I waved my hand.
“For losing him. For being a terrible babysitter.” I admitted, blinking back the moisture pooling in my eyes.
“Jane.” He came toward me, stopping directly in front of me, his hand hovering as if to touch me before he curled his fingers in and dropped his arm. “You are not at fault. Please don’t blame yourself for Ian’s actions.”
“I don’t. But I should at least know where he is. The one night you don’t join us and he disappears!”
“I don’t know why he did it, but I know it has nothing to do with you. I never expected you to keep constant tabs on him.” He chuckled mirthlessly. “That would be a task I wouldn’t put on my worst enemy much less you. Ian is impossible to predict or control. I only wanted you to be a calming influence on him.” I scoffed at the idea, turning away and Michael grabbed my shoulders. “It’s true and what’s more…you’ve succeeded. You have not known him as long as I. You cannot see the changes you’ve wrought in him as I can. I can only hope this is a momentary abbreviation. Something he can explain.” He removed his hands from my shoulders and stepped back. “Now, I would ask that you go to bed.” I made to protest and he stopped me. “You’re exhausted. I don’t know when Buster will bring him home or what condition Ian will be in. I can assure you he won’t want you to see him in an inebriated state. So, please. Go, rest, and we’ll reconvene at breakfast.” His utter sincerity was difficult to deny so I nodded, wrapping my arms around myself as I walked to my room. I paused at the door, glancing back at him. His head was down and there was an air of defeat around him. I wondered then what had truly brought Ian and Michael to New Orleans. It was a city torn between sinners and saints and lives were lived on the line as some sought redemption while others fell to the flames.
“How was your date?”
His head came up at my question and he gave me an amused look.
“My business dinner was fine.”
I made a humming noise and slipped inside my room hearing a faint click as I leaned back against the door. I wondered again briefly why I was here and what I thought I was doing, but dismissed the thought as curiosity for them won out. They needed someone and at the moment I was the only one available. It would have to be enough.
***
Buster supported me even as I cursed his lineage. I was never a pleasant drunk and tonight’s events had sent me spiraling into the darkest recesses of my min
d. The past was a violent lover I normally kept caged, but tonight she wished to come out and taunt me as only a past lover could.
“Damn, Ian. I haven’t seen you this bad off in years. What the hell happened?” Buster muttered, tightening his hold as I stumbled. I shook my head, unable to answer him even if I’d wanted to. The memories were too close to the surface, and my soul too exposed to speak of what tormented me. Jane had wiggled her way into my heart in less time than I had thought possible. I had felt certain that the walls around my heart were high enough, my skin hardened enough to tolerate her presence, but one glimpse at Audra had destroyed the ridiculous notion.
I winced at the mere thought of her. Of Audra. The bitch who’d taken from me what I held dearest without a thought or single regret. She’d been placated by money and my parent’s promises, but left me reeling at the loss. A loss I’d never admitted to anyone, instead seeking to drown it in drink and women. Tonight I’d done the same, but for once the thought of a woman had turned my stomach. The only one I wished to be with was the same one I had no choice but to avoid. I refused to subject Jane to my presence, not when I was so angry at what I’d witnessed.
My brother.
With Audra.
The thought was difficult to comprehend even after I’d spent the evening doing nothing but thinking about it. He’d told us he had a business dinner. I distinctly remembered Jane mentioning it. We’d both enjoyed the idea of just the two of us for dinner. I knew I hadn’t mistaken her pleasure at dining with me exclusively. It was the one highlight of an otherwise dreadful night.
“What was Michael doing with that woman?” I demanded, forcing Buster to stop. An action that would have been next to impossible, but he’d been supporting the bulk of my weight for the better part of six blocks and even he was growing weary.
“I don’t know. Dinner with an associate.” He stared at me suspiciously. “What do you care? I want to know why you’d leave Jane when you were so eager to be alone with her.”
I winced at his angry accusation. He had a point. I had been impatient at the thought of an evening alone with her, and it had been wonderful until the moment I’d stepped out of the hotel to get ice cream and seen Michael assist Audra into his car. That one single moment had sent me spiraling, and I found myself in a bar trying to drown the past. I swallowed hard as I remembered ignoring Jane’s calls, of texting her instead. My text had been dismissive, an intentional taunt I knew would make her angry with me. She was independent and my questioning her ability to be alone would come off as a slap in the face.
He shook me roughly and I groaned as my head throbbed harder. I must have drank half the bar with the way my head felt.
“Why were you there?” I questioned sharply, pain spiking my anger.
“He wanted to make sure no paparazzi were around. Something about keeping the reason he’s here under wraps.”
“And why would she have anything to do with that?” I persisted, needing to know why she was with him.
“I don’t know!” Buster boomed, his own anger with me erupting. “What difference does it make? You know what I have a problem with? Worrying about you. Of hearing Jane’s fear when I called because she didn’t know what happened to you. You’re a bloody selfish bastard, Ian Wright, and if you mess this up you’re a bloody fool.”
He brought me to the back door of the hotel and into the service elevator in silence. His outburst had ended our conversation and I closed my eyes against his accusing stare. He was right, and hearing him mention Jane’s fear sent knives through me. She was the last person I’d wanted to hurt and so far the only one I’d managed to.
I dug the key card out of my pocket but couldn’t manage to swipe it. Buster took it from and a moment later the lock clicked. Michael stood on the other side of the door, and his jaw twitched as he took in my state. The disappointment on his face caused my anger to flare to life.
“So righteous, brother?” I laughed, the sound more angry than amused, as I stumbled my way inside. He stepped to the side and tilted his head toward Buster, indicating he could go.
“My dressing down private now?” I mocked, having already scanned the room for Jane and not seeing her. The door to my room was closed, and I wondered if she was tucked safely in my bed, or if she paced the floor waiting for me. I staggered around to face Michael, and he brushed a nonexistent piece of lint from his buttoned jacket. It was two in the morning, but you’d think Michael had just gotten dressed, his clothes were so immaculate.
“Do you have sex wearing a suit, brother?” I asked, my rage building as I wondered yet again why he was with Audra. “Your date tonight seemed the type to appreciate a stuffed shirt such as yourself.” His eyes narrowed on me as he fought to keep his expression calm.
“I don’t see what difference my dinner with a business associate has with the matter at hand.” He answered evenly, his voice low. “What precisely were you thinking, brother? Were you thinking? Maybe that’s the better question. You left Jane. With no explanation. Buster said you were cruel to her. Do you wish her to leave us?”
“I was not cruel.” I pointed to him, swallowing hard against the bile that fought to rise. I had not intended to be cruel. I hadn’t meant to hurt her.
“Then why did you?” Michael answered and I realized I’d spoken aloud. He gazed at me, truly puzzled by my behavior and I wanted….God, I wanted to tell him why I’d disappointed him yet again, but the words would not allow themselves to be spoken so instead I attacked.
“What difference does it make to you?” I swept my arm around the room. “Are you disappointed you had to cut short your ‘business’ dinner to take care of my mess? Is that it? You didn’t get to sample Audra’s pussy?”
“Your vulgarity is distasteful.” He glared, his temper finally hitting the point of no return. “You insist on acting as if I was on a date when I was not. Audra is nothing more than an employee sent by our parents to observe my methods. In fact I’m not entirely certain she wasn’t sent to spy on me. A fact which concerns me a great deal. But am I with her trying to discern her motives for being here? No, I’m standing here with you because you once again decided to do whatever the blasted hell you wanted to instead of being responsible.” He paced in front of me, his yelling controlled so not to disturb Jane, but all I could think about was the fact that our parents had sent Audra. If they had, why? Michael was right to be concerned, but more than that our parents were not the forgetful sort. If they had sent Audra here than there was another reason. Perhaps to torture me? Distract me? But to what end?
My internal debate was cut short as Michael grabbed my chin in his hand, forcing our eyes to meet.
“Listen to me when I speak to you, brother.”
The strong grip he had on my chin loosened as I stared back at him. He patted my cheek lightly, but the anger never left his eyes.
“While you were out gallivanting around town, drinking to excess and having a merry time Jane was here waiting for you. Completely clueless to your actions or reasons. Hell, I’m clueless as to your reasons. You don’t let me in, but she sat in that chair this morning and defended you, told me she would not allow your past actions to determine how she felt. And then you go and do this. Let me ask you, brother. Do you want her to leave? Are you so broken that you’ll push away every single person that wishes to be near you? Because you are succeeding admirably if that is your intent.”
I shook my head slightly and his hand tightened on my cheek keeping me still.
“She has her first call with her parents tomorrow.” His eyes searched mine, and I couldn’t be certain what he was searching for. “What if she decides to leave us? Hmmm? What then? Will you have succeeded in your plan?” He shoved me away from him and walked off. He braced himself against the table, his head down and the pose was so unlike Michael I had to look away. “Your timing could not possibly be any worse. We need her. You may not see it, but I do. I don’t know what will become of us if you drive her away.” He twisted aroun
d to stare at me. “I will never forsake you, brother. No matter what you do, but you cannot continue to be ruled by your impulses.”
I wanted to protest his words, but couldn’t. He was right. I had allowed my emotions to overrule my sense. If Jane choose to leave us, it would be my fault.
A fact I could not allow.
Michael went to his room, hesitating in the doorway.
“We will speak on this no more. Whatever Jane decides in the morning we will accept. Am I clear?” I nodded, swallowing tightly. She would not leave us. I had until the morning to insure it.
Chapter Seven
“Jane love.” He shook me, murmuring my name over and over, as I came awake.
“Ian? Are you okay?” The despair I heard in his voice brought me fully out of sleep and I sat up, reaching over to flick on the bedside lamp. He kneeled in front of me, a rumpled mess, and the strong odor of alcohol alerted me to the fact that he was drunk.
“Ian.” Disappointment rushed through me as my suspicions were verified. I’d held out hope that there had been another reason for his disappearance, but obviously not. My stipulation of no alcohol was apparently too difficult for him.
“Love, I’m so sorry. Don’t leave, please.” His words were slurred, and I closed my eyes at his pleading look. He wasn’t making sense. I didn’t understand what he meant by leave.
“Do you want me to leave?” I shook my head in confusion.
“No!” He grasped my waist, startling me. Ian touched me but not usually so intimately. He rested his head on my lap and I found myself stroking the back of his head. “I don’t want you to leave. I didn’t mean to disappear on you this evening.” He rubbed his head back and forth against my legs, as I stroked the hair at the nape of his neck, still confused by what he meant.
“Why would you think I’d leave?” He lifted his head, his face a mix of regret and sorrow.
“Because I was rude. I abandoned you. I was needlessly cruel. Need I go on?” He answered, his expression resolute as he anticipated my exit from his life, and I wondered how many had done just that.
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