by Claire Ayres
Without realising what she is doing she leans her back against the doorframe and slides down until she is sitting on the floor her bag and belongings on the floor beside her. Jess’ knees are almost at her chin with her arms clinging to them as though her life depends on it. She sits there entranced, allowing the music to wrap itself around her and take her away from this day and all the horrible things she is feeling.
The music washes over and through her, taking hold the way it has each time before, and as it does she starts to cry. It all comes out; losing her heart when Ade left, having a job she hates for months and losing that job, her loneliness, all her fears, and her lack of confidence. Jess’ thoughts are frantic and confused and she is lost, part of her consumed by the music, another part consumed by her deep and unerring misery.
Jess doesn’t notice when the music stops, or that the door has opened. She has become magnetised to the spot. It feels like magic when a huge shadow looms over her, a pair of knees squatting down in front of her bringing an extremely handsome face in front of hers; when she looks at that face it is frowning questioningly.
“We need to stop meeting like this,” he says, a glint of mischief in his eye, his voice a rich timbre that soaks into her and waking her up from her pity party. Shit, shit, you’re sat outside of his apartment crying. She starts screeching at herself as she scrambles to get to her feet.
Words desert her as the realisation she probably looks like an obsessive stalker sitting outside of a stranger’s house, crying. Jess bends over to pick up her bag, wipe her eyes and turn to run, escape, get away, as quickly as humanly possible.
But he stops her, gently putting a hand on the wall to the side of her head, and he’s close. So…close. He smiles, this stunning smile with dimples that make Jess’ knees go weak, and she is mortified because he really is the man she saw in the hall last week, the man who saved her from doing a nose dive over the balcony, and now he is here, right in front of her. He is even more handsome than she remembers, and she looks like a sodding stalker mess.
“You like to run away from me, I’ve noticed.” His voice is deep and gravelly, while remaining friendly and inviting, and definitely holding some humour. Jess flails a bit like a fish, he has her all flustered which combined with the mess she’s in any way does not a good combination make. Jess keeps staring at him, pinned to the wall, her breathing heavy. “Do you have a name, mystery lady?” he smirks. And Jess nods. Come on Jess, use your words.
“Yes…hi, I’m Jess, I live next door.”
He smiles, that devastating smile again. “You stopped a bit short, and you’ve been crying, bad day?” he asks, genuine sympathy in his voice.
“You could say that,” she replies, feeling the blush creeping up her neck. He is so close she’s conscious of his every look, every breath.
“I’m Luka, and I live here.” He chuckles as he says this. Then he takes a step back looking almost embarrassed for having his arm so close to her. She takes a deep breath and tries not to completely fall apart. You can do this, she thinks to herself, you’re not a complete loser, you have spoken to people before, you’re struggling, and you’ve hit a rough patch, but this is a simple conversation with a neighbour.
Jess puts her hand out to shake his hand. As he wraps her fingers in his, Jess feels an electric shock and gasps, looking up at him - and the surprised look on his face tells her he felt it, too.
“I was going out to get some dinner. Um…well…would you like to come?” he asks awkwardly but with a genuine smile. Jess catches her breath, not expecting this.
“I-I have food I picked up on the way home if you want?” she says in almost a whisper. Oh, Katie would be so proud of her, she’s not running away, she’s going for it, the way she imagined she would when she saw him last week. She’s a little daunted though: he is probably the most handsome man she’s ever seen, miles out of her league.
“Perfect, follow me,” he says, opening his front door and ushering her inside. His apartment echoes Jess’, but there’s a warmth to it that hers doesn’t have. Then she stops as she sees, carefully placed in the corner, a beautiful - and probably very expensive - cello. Jess turns around and looks at him, the question burning on her face.
He chuckles before answering. “Yes, you heard me playing.”
“Wow…” Jess is speechless, he is so talented.
“Come on, I’m hungry…” He guides her to the kitchen area and they work together cooking up a lasagne and salad. As they cook, she watches him from the corner of her eye. He is about six feet tall, well built with cinnamon brown hair that is neatly cut. He has tattoos covering his arms, a tattoo of a cello with a naked woman wrapped around it. It’s completely mesmerising. On the other arm is a tattoo of a Dia de Muertos- a beautiful face in black and white with vivid red roses surrounding her. His face is chiselled and narrow, but his eyes, those eyes, now she is close, they are a clear lazuline blue and a girl could get lost in the deep pools they create.
He keeps looking over and smiling as though he’s checking Jess has not run away, which is crossing her mind at least once per minute. Getting to know this man could be dangerous to her heart, but her mind is blank and there is nothing she wants more right now.
As she sits down at his dining table to eat he appears with a couple of glasses of wine.
“I hope white is OK, it’s all I have here.”
“Yes, it’s perfect, thank you.” Jess takes a sip and it’s cold and crisp.
As they start to eat, Luka looks up at Jess and smiles.
“So, Jess, are you going to tell me why you were sitting outside my front door?” He winks as he asks, and Jess knows he’s not upset about it. Despite that, she feels a deep blush rising to her cheeks and lowers her head to hide it from his gaze.
“I guess I should tell you about my sordid love affair with your music, then,” Jess says, trying to laugh off her embarrassment at the situation she finds herself in.
Luka chokes on his wine and his eyes widen as she says those words, and she chuckles, knowing she did the right thing trying to lighten the mood.
“Every time I hear your music I get a pull inside that tells me I need to listen, so I’ve been sitting outside of your door. It’s how I almost fell over the balcony at the weekend trying to hear.” Jess stops talking, the blush rising as she admits to what she was up to. She tucks her pink hair behind her ear nervously and shifts position, her legs turned outwards for a quick exit from the table. Luka laughs and smiles a huge smile, placing his hand on her knee sending a huge burst of lightning through her body.
“You’ve made me incredibly happy. I play professionally, and I think that may be the most flattering thing somebody has said about my playing.” He laughs some more, then removes his hand from Jess’ leg looking uncertain where to place it settling with his own lap. “At least I know why you were always running from me. Now you know there is no need.” His voice is softer as he says these words and the two of them sit in silence for what feels like an hour, looking at each other before he breaks the spell.
“But, you were crying, and I’m a good listener.” Oh, that she believes; his eyes are piercing right through her as he speaks, and she feels her heart which has been dead for six months pounding out of her chest. As though it’s an automatic response she finds herself answering him.
“I got fired today. Well, technically I was made redundant, but I guess they are the same thing when you have no job at the end of it.” Breathe, Jess. Jess reminds herself to do this simple thing because she is getting lost in his eyes.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I hope this has cheered you up a bit?”
Jess looks at him and nods.
“Can I tell you a secret, Jess?” he asks, looking unsure of himself.
“Yes?” she answers, not sure what to expect now.
“I’ve been wanting to speak to you since we saw each other la
st week.” Jess draws in a sharp breath. He remembers her as well? “I wasn’t sure how to approach you though.” He laughs, a deep soothing sound that makes her smile and realise that maybe he wants to get to know her for real.
“That was only a split second,” she says, knowing that means nothing.
“Followed by my heroic rescue, and you remember as well, don’t you?” he says, and Jess nods, caught by his stare. He’s looking at her deep in the eye now, holding her gaze, and she’s getting shivers through her spine.
“I keep thinking about it,” Jess admits, almost in a whisper.
“Me too, now we can think about this and getting to know each other.” He smiles and takes her hand, pulling her to her feet so that they are toe to toe, facing each other. She holds her breath, sure that he is going to kiss her. His thumbs are stroking her hands as he holds them, and his head is slowly moving closer to hers until finally, his forehead is touching hers. She takes a trembling deep breath. This is it. Instead, though, he says, his voice low and deep, almost a whisper that crawls through every cell in her body; “Jess. That is a beautiful name. I’ve wondered what you were called since last week. I think Pinky suits you though, you know, because of the hair, which is adorable.” He pushes her hair back behind her ears, picking a strand of the pink highlighted hair out to caress. Each touch is like a lightning bolt to her skin. She wants nothing more than the feeling of his hands on her again. His breath is warm on her face, his eyes so close to hers that she is captivated by him. Plus, he wants to call her by a nickname - that is hot, right?
Then he takes a long, sharp intake of breath and steps away from her. Her heart plummets into her stomach; her lips, aching for his touch, almost cry out. She slumps back into the seat and guzzles her glass of wine to save face and cover her disappointment and awkwardness.
When she looks at Luka he seems uncomfortable and embarrassed. She reaches out and places her hand on his. He looks up and she smiles at him.
“Did I do something wrong?” she asks, and he shakes his head.
“No, absolutely not. I’m afraid of moving too fast,” he says, and looks embarrassed.
“We only met tonight, how about we try being friends?” Jess suggests, hating this idea. She wants to kiss him so bad it almost hurts. He looks at her and smiles, instantly relaxing after their almost kiss.
“I would really like that,” he says, standing and offering her a hug. As he wraps his arms around her she feels her body respond to his. She inhales his musky scent and feels his chest muscles against her body, and she knows that being friends with him is going to be far harder than walking away.
Chapter Four
Luka
It’s been almost two weeks since Luka spent the evening with Jess. He has chastised himself multiple times for letting his fear of being hurt stop him from kissing her; he was so close, he knew she felt that chemistry between them, too. Then his fear welled up and he pulled away. Now he’s let all this time pass without following through on his promise he made to be friends: that’s not to say she isn’t in his thoughts every second of every day, because she is, and it’s driving him crazy.
This morning Luka has woken up early, and once again is thinking about speaking to Jess. He knows that once again he will be a coward and let her slip through his fingers. He takes his coffee and walks out onto his balcony, his mind consumed with warring thoughts.
“Hello, stranger.” A soft voice pulls him from his internal conflict. When he looks over Jess is sat on a chair, her legs tucked up on another chair, a Kindle resting on her knees and a large coffee mug cradled in her hands. Luka can’t help but to smile at the beauty shining through her simplicity.
“Good morning, Pinky. You’re up early,” he replies, leaning on the dividing barrier before taking a sip of coffee.
“I don’t sleep well. It’s nice out here early, fewer distractions,” she says.
Luka, realising he’s disturbed her quiet time, stands up. “I’ll go back inside, I don’t want to disturb you.”
Jess laughs. “I don’t mean you. I meant noise in general, no people on the harbourside, no boats, no traffic noise. It’s peaceful, quiet.” Her eyes have glazed and she is staring out into nowhere, lost in thought about something.
Luka has a pull to know so much more about this woman. “Do you have plans today?” he finds himself asking, much to his surprise. Jess blinks and turns, her eyes locking onto his.
“Nothing concrete,” she responds, wary. He realises he deserves that caution; he has pushed her away after pulling her so close.
“I thought maybe you would like to do something? Together?” Luka looks at the ground, feeling awkward. Jess puts her Kindle on the table, places her feet on the floor, then stands up and faces Luka, with only the barrier separating them.
“Are you asking me on a date?” she asks. Luka feels that tightness in his chest again, that feeling of wanting to run has re-emerged. He knows he needs to try. He lifts his head and looks Jess in the eye.
“I was trying to,” he says with a low, uncertain voice.
“Yes, Luka, I will go on a date with you,” she says, smiling, a blush creeping up her neck and into her cheeks. He really does like how she does that. He leans forward and places his forehead against hers, feeling the fireworks starting in the pit of his stomach as soon as their skin touches.
“Any requests for places to go?” he whispers, and she shakes her head, a tiny inconsequential shake so that their bodies stay connected. “What about the zoo?” he asks, and she takes a moment before whispering back.
“OK.”
Then he kisses the tip of her nose, the smallest, simplest, quickest kiss which ignites a spark between them that won’t be put out easily. As he pulls back there are flames in his eyes, and he notices he isn’t the only one who is breathless.
“I will come pick you up at ten,” Luka says, knowing this will give him plenty of time to cool his jets. Turning, he walks back inside taking one last lingering glance at Jess before he enters his apartment.
--!--
Exiting what was a very cold shower, Luka debates in front of the mirror for some time about if he should shave or not. In the end, he decides against shaving and keeping his dress casual with a pair of jeans and a blue jumper for a relaxed day.
At 10am Luka walks to Jess’ apartment and knocks on her door. When she opens it, his breath is swept away and he is momentarily rendered speechless.
“Hi, Luka,” she says, a blush on her cheeks, wringing her hands. Luka coughs, taking in her skinny jeans and a pink hoodie which matches the pink in her hair, everything hugging her curvy body in all the right places.
“Morning, Pinky. I see you’re taking the name seriously.”
Jess laughs, breaking the tension between them. “I am, do you like it?” she responds, modelling her hoodie before laughing some more.
Luka chuckles before responding. “You look truly beautiful.”
She smiles at him. “Thank you.”
“Are you ready?” he asks, and she nods. Luka takes her hand and leads her from the apartment.
As they are riding in the elevator Luka looks at Jess and smiles. She blushes, that adorable blush she has, and Luka feels a warmth growing through his body, pulling him towards her. After they exit the elevator he leads her to his car, a Ford Mustang Fastback, and they get settled in for the drive to the zoo.
--!--
The pair finds their inner children while exploring the zoo and spend the morning laughing and joking. They see the gorilla, the lions, the pandas, and even go into the bughouse where Jess spends far more time clinging to Luka than she does looking around. Luka particularly likes the bughouse because of this and has considered a repeat visit after lunch.
For lunch, they have bought some sandwiches and have found a clear spot on the lawn to enjoy the sunny autumn day and eat.
“Are you having fun?” Luka asks.
“I am, are you?” Jess smiles a huge grin. She’s come out of her shell as the day has gone on, become chattier, more affectionate. It’s clear she’s letting her guard down a little.
“More fun than I’ve had in a very long time,” Luka answers honestly. He is terrified of his attraction to Jess, how connected to her he is, and he doesn’t remember the last time he laughed so hard.
“Can I ask you something?” Jess leans on one arm, keeping their eyes locked.
“Ask away.” Luka leans back on his arms, his legs straight in front of him, and his face turned directly towards Jess. He wants to be open, but at the same time he is terrified what she may ask and what his answer might be.
“Why haven’t you spoken to me for two weeks? You said you wanted to be friends and it feels like you’ve ignored me.” She looks at Luka, hurt in her eyes, and he feels the kick deep in his chest.
“Honest answer?” he takes a deep breath.
“Please,” she whispers.
“I was scared.” She looks confused and surprised. “I was afraid by how much I liked you, by how attracted to you I am. It’s terrifying me.” He lets out his breath.
She sits up facing him, and looks him in the eye, holding eye contact before saying, “Me too.”
With those words Luka lifts her chin, not losing that eye contact, then leans forward and brushes her lips with a gentle kiss. It’s such a small kiss yet it sends an incredible jolt of electricity through him. He nervously chuckles as he pulls away, feeling breathless. Jess puts her fingers to her lips and a smile stretches across her mouth.
“Wow,” she says.
“Could I take you to dinner tonight?” Luka doesn’t want this date to end and wants to hold on to as much time with Jess as possible.
“Yes. I would love that, Luka.” Jess nods enthusiastically.