by Claire Ayres
Why is it that recruiters manage to make you feel as though you are the least qualified person in the room when they are supposed to be helping you? If the way she feels now reflects her capability to get a job, she definitely does not feel particularly confident about real interviews with real employers. Her last appointment was the most painful she’s ever had. As she puts her head in her hands and struggles for breath, the sweat trickling down her spine, she can’t help but to recall the horrific experience.
“Why did you leave your last job?” asks the recruiter; he can’t be older than 22, straight out of University probably, and he looks at Jess with a cocky sneer.
“I was made redundant, there was no position for me within the company,” she explains, telling him the truth and combating his sneer with a smile.
“Do you think you can offer anything to the workforce that someone else can’t?” His smile turns into a Severus Snape sneer. Jess pauses and considers how to answer and decide that sarcasm is her only approach to this. She has a guy here who has no intention of helping her find work.
“I’m not sure what you want me to say to this. I’m an administrator, not a tightrope walker.” Yes, Jess will admit to being quite proud of that comeback, yet is also now feeling quite sick, what if he blacklists her and no recruiter will work with her? She has a mortgage to pay and no money to pay it. The panic is rising, and she knows her feelings are showing on her face as well because he is grinning from ear to ear. This is not good.
By the time Jess leaves the office things have spiralled from bad to worse and she is falling down the rabbit hole of despair until she is sitting on a bench and taking deep breaths, her head between her knees. Her hands and feet are numb, pins and needles racing through her body as she hyperventilates. She tries to remember the breathing exercises she has been taught and how to use them to calm the panic down.
“Jess!” She hears Katie’s worried cry and looks up briefly to find her hurtling over. Who knew anyone could run that fast in stilettos? As she crashes on the bench next to Jess and wraps her arm around her friend’s shoulders. “Oh dear, Jess, what happened?” Jess is now breathing better but her face is tearstained, and she is sure her hair is a tangled mess. She looks up at Katie and shakes her head.
“Did you break up with him already?” she asks, and Jess sobs.
“No, a recruiter was mean to me.” And Katie laughs, long and loud, pulling Jess into her shoulder for a huge hug.
“Jess, you are funny sometimes, love. Recruiters are mean, that’s what they do, you know that. Especially the young cocky ones. It was a young cocky one I bet, yeah?” Jess nods, sniffing, and Katie laughs some more.
“Come on, I’m hungry and we have loads to catch up on.” She stands, grabs Jess’ hand and pulls her to her feet, leaving Jess feeling a little silly for getting so wound up and having let that guy get to her. Jess hugs her best friend, and they walk to the V-Shed on the waterfront to grab some lunch.
“You, young lady, are a dark horse, finding yourself a new man and not telling me! I want to know everything, and I mean everything,” are Katie’s opening words. Jess recognises when her best friend is in the mood for grilling and Jess is the meat.
“He lives next door, he is a musician, he is very nice.” Jess tries being coy, unable to hold back the smile which takes over her face as she is speaking.
“Jess, that’s not going to work with me. I want details, juicy dirty details.” She’s leaning over the arm of her chair and the look on her face speaks volumes.
“Katie!” Jess blushes.
“See! Look at you, you’re spellbound, come on tell me everything.”
Jess looks out over the harbour at the boats right in front of them bobbing up and down on the water, it’s a chilly day but they still sit outside under the heat of the patio warmers. The water is glistening in the sun and people meander past caught up in their own problems, nobody would notice her sitting there and that’s just the way Jess likes it. She takes a deep breath then fills her best friend in.
“His name is Luka, and we are taking it slowly. He has come out of a bad relationship, like me, and doesn’t want to get burned either.” Jess sips her drink in the hope Katie will change the subject and let this go.
“And…” Katie prompts. She knows Jess holds back. Ever since her first crush, not long after they first met, she has kept her feelings pretty close to her chest.
“And, he makes me feel alive. When he touches me, it’s like everything lights up, I can’t breathe properly because his touch is so potent.” Wow, where did that come from? Stop talking now, Jess.
“Has he kissed you yet?” Katie leans forward her elbows on the table. Jess nods, although the blush rising across her skin eliminates any need for an answer. “And?” Katie pushes with the wide-eyed look of anticipation she has, desperate for more information.
“Best. Kiss. Ever,” is all Jess says in response. Katie’s response is to start drumming her feet on the floor and pumping her fists.
“Wow, it looks and sounds like you’re falling for him already, Jess,” Katie says, holding Jess’ hand while she shakes her head.
“I can’t be,” Jess insists. “It’s far too soon, plus we are taking things slowly, neither of us wants to jump into a relationship too quickly, it’s too messy.” The idea is terrifying, it took her almost a year to fall in love with Ade. There is absolutely no way she can be falling in love with Luka in less than a month.
“Jess, there is no rhyme, reason, or rules when it comes to love. Only what you feel. You look and sound like a woman in love, and that is no bad thing.” She squeezes Jess’ hand and kisses her on the cheek and Jess smiles at her, feeling extremely uneasy with this conversation, and knowing she needs to have a good long think about where this is going.
“I almost forgot,” Jess adds. “Luka has also invited you and Jay to his concert on Friday. He’s a cellist so it’ll be at the Colston Hall.” For some reason, she feels extremely nervous inviting them and having them meet Luka. They hated Ade so much in the end, she feels extra pressure to have them like Luka. It really would be nice if they all liked each other.
“This Friday?” Katie says, looking questioningly at her.
“Yep…” Jess can see on her friends face what is coming now, this is going to get awkward because it is the last thing Jess wants to talk about.
“Does he know what Friday is?” And there it is, thanks, Katie. She had to bring it up, didn’t she?
“No, and he’s not going to.” Jess crosses her arms over her chest and sets her mouth in a determined line, her eyes small slits of conviction, not wavering from looking into her friend’s.
“Jess!” she protests. “It’s your birthday! You have to tell him!” Jess hates her birthday. After her parents died there didn’t seem any point in celebrating. Ade used to ignore it, but then there is Katie who thinks birthdays are the best thing ever and would never let Jess’ pass without some fanfare. Jess has always struggled with the attention and prefers to pretend it isn’t happening.
“I really don’t want to, Katie. Friday is about him and his performance. I don’t want to take away from that, you know how I feel about my birthday. I’m so happy he even wanted me at the concert, that’s enough for me.”
“Of course he wanted you there. I’ve always told you that you are a wonderful person, you needed to find a man who appreciated that. Ade never did. I can’t wait to meet this Luka, he sounds delicious!” Katie starts clapping and stamping her feet on the ground again. Jess sighs and rolls her eyes. Honestly, she’s like a five-year-old sometimes. The worst thing is, Jay will be as childish as her when he finds out all this information.
The ladies’ food arrives and the waiter winks at Jess as he walks away. Katie spits her drink out laughing. Jess looks at her and giggles, “What was that about?”
“You!” she exclaims. “You’ve been like
a mouse for three years, ever since Ade got his claws in you, then you weren’t well, now you’re suddenly so confident and everyone sees it, even the waiters are coming on to you!” and she dissolves into laughter again.
Jess is bemused. She honestly doesn’t feel that different, especially only thirty minutes after having had a panic attack. She is definitely a bit happier, and when she is with Luka she can admit that she feels invincible, but she doesn’t see what Katie is seeing though.
“Oh Katie, what are you talking about, I wasn’t that bad.” Jess tries to think back, was she really that bad? Ade didn’t like her speaking to other men - even speaking to Jay got his back up - so she got good at avoiding men in general. She doesn’t think that was a confidence thing, more a survival of the fittest, putting in the work to make a relationship work.
“Jess, you know I love you, but you’ve been about as off your game as you could be recently though. Wait until Jay sees this new you, he won’t believe it!” Katie’s excited face is glowing as she tucks into her food.
Jess sits back, eating and letting Katie talk about some of her news for a few minutes, her mind turning over what she has said again. Has she really been so withdrawn?
As they head off, Jess home, and Katie back to work, she hugs Jess and says,
“Tell him about your birthday, promise me.”
Jess nods and hugs her again before they say their goodbyes. As she walks across Pero’s bridge towards home, Jess thinks about their talk and how she could tell him about her birthday. They haven’t been seeing each other long. Adding a birthday makes things complicated. But if Jess doesn’t, Katie will tell him on Friday and then he will feel awful.
--!--
A few days later, Luka and Jess are taking a walk through Castle Park after dinner, holding hands. They’ve been for Greek food and have decided to take the long way home. A comfortable silence has fallen between them and while they don’t want to disturb it, it feels like a good time for Jess to keep her promise to Katie.
“Luka, there is something I need to talk to you about.” Jess moves to step in front of him so that they stop walking and are facing each other. She is looking up into his eyes.
“This sounds serious and you look really nervous. You’re worrying me.” His face tenses, his jaw showing signs of strain, his eyes creasing and frown lines appearing above his brow. Jess realises she is making him worry and that wasn’t the plan. He already has one foot out of the door.
“It’s about Friday.” She places her hands on his upper arms, rubbing his muscular arms in a reassuring gesture.
“Are you cancelling? You don’t want to come?” He looks so sad and hurt at the idea she doesn’t want to go and see him play, her heart tightens at the idea that she could hurt him so easily.
“No!” she cries, shaking her head. She hadn’t thought it would come out that way. She hugs him, then pulls back, lifting onto her toes to get as close to his face as possible when the words come out. Why is this so hard? “I didn’t tell you something. Something else that’s happening on Friday and Katie said I should, that it was unfair not to tell you.” Wow, this is so hard, Jess’ heart is beating frantically in her chest and she feels a little bit sick. She holds onto his upper arms trying to pull some strength from his muscles to steady herself.
He creases his brow, now questioning what is happening. “Tell me, Pinky, you’re really scaring me here.”
“Oh, shit, you see, I don’t normally tell people about this, but, well, OK. It’s my birthday,” she almost whispers, blushing and lowering her head, feeling shy and uncomfortable at the direction this conversation is going.
Jess barely has time to finish those words than he spins her around, lifting her completely off her feet, a huge smile on his face.
“You had me so worried then, I thought for sure it was something awful.” He kisses her deeply. “Your birthday is wonderful. We should celebrate it. Let’s all go for dinner after the concert? Would you like that?”
“I would love that, Luka.” He pulls her to his side, so they start walking again. Kissing the top of her head.
While they are in the elevator going back to the apartments, he chuckles.
“What’s so funny?” Jess asks.
“I’ve thought of the perfect birthday surprise for you,” he says, leaning down and giving her a long, deep, slow kiss that ignites every nerve in her body.
When he pulls away she looks into his eyes. “What do you mean by that?”
“I mean, that it’s a surprise. I’m going to give you the surprise of your life. I have a feeling you’ll love it, beautiful girl.” Jess couldn’t help except giggle nervously, while the kiss he followed up with soon put a stop to any thoughts of laughter.
Chapter Eight
Jess
Looking at herself in the champagne gilt framed floor length mirror Jess smiles. Her size 14 hourglass figure clings to the sheer black fabric, long mesh sleeves accentuate her arms and the dress falls almost to the floor. There is a thigh-high split up the front of the left leg and she is wearing a pair of high-heeled strappy sandals. She has opted to wear no jewellery except her black pearl drop earrings. She hopes this is what Luka meant when he said the concert would be a black-tie event. A tightness forms in her stomach at the thought of seeing him tonight; they’ve spent a lot of time together in the past couple of weeks, but this will be the first time they’ve met each other’s friends and that feels like a big deal.
The doorbell rings and Jess walks through the apartment and opens the door to find Katie and Jay smiling at her. Welcoming them in with huge hugs, she offers them a glass of wine each.
“You look stunning Jess.” This from Jay, making her blush and hug him again before she responds.
“You scrub up pretty good yourself, Jay, and Katie, you look beautiful!” Jess exclaims. Katie is wearing a knee-length bodycon dress in a deep purple with an open back and short sleeves. She looks stunning, well, more than usual.
“Where is Luka?” she asks, casing the apartment. She is chomping at the bit to meet him, making Jess giggle; she can’t help it. Katie is so transparent sometimes.
“He will see us after the concert. He had to be there early for rehearsals. He has given me the tickets though and said he arranged seats so that we see his position in the orchestra.” A blush snakes its way up her neck at the thought of Luka!
“Wow, what is going on with you? That blush could set a forest on fire!” Katie teases.
Jay clears his throat, always saving the moment. “As lovely as this teasing is ladies, we should go!” He leads them out and they walk to the Colston Hall.
Jess has pretty much grown up in Bristol, but she has never been inside this building before. It’s an unusual building, not like the concert halls you see on TV which are Victorian and have lots of artistic features. This is a 1950’s design with lots of straight lines, obviously built for purpose, plain walls and ceiling. The orchestra seating is all set up on the stage and she wonders where Luka will be.
Luka secured them seats near the front and to the right of centre, and once they are seated, Katie and Jay spring out a card and holler “Happy Birthday!” Jess cringes as almost everyone in their vicinity turns around to stare and a few applaud. As someone who doesn’t really do birthdays, this is Jess’ worst nightmare.
“Guys, couldn’t we have done this somewhere private, like my house?” she pleads.
“Absolutely not!” says Katie, and tumbles into laughter with Jay.
“I love you so much, I could kill you right now.” Jess takes the envelope and opens it. Inside is a beautiful card with a lovely sentiment from these wonderful friends. There is also a gift certificate for a weekend escape to the country.
“Guys, this is too much, you didn’t have to do this.”
“You’ve had such a tough time, and you are now starting to find some happiness.
We thought you and Luka could go find a bit more happiness.” Jess gasps and blushes hoping nobody else heard what Katie said. But she is also grateful to her best friend for always knowing what she needs even when she doesn’t. Throwing her arms around Katie, she gives her a huge hug and whispers in her ear, “I love you, Katie, always.”
As the auditorium fills Jess looks through the programme and when she reaches Luka her heart catches in her throat. There he is, this wonderful man who makes her feel whole; he looks so handsome in the photo and she had no idea the level of his talent. His experience is vast - he has played all over the world, has recording credits and is hailed as one of the best cellists in the world. She wonders how she was so lucky to have him even talking to her, let alone want to spend time with her? She is not worthy to breathe the same air as a man like this.
“Is that him?” Katie asked leaning over the armrest. Jess nodded in response. “He really is a hottie, isn’t he?” she responded. Jess chuckled: Katie would, of course, comment on his looks! Although she’s right, he’s the most handsome man Jess has ever seen.
Katie nudges her suddenly, frantically. “They’re coming out.” Yes, there they are. The members of the orchestra have started trickling out to their seats. Anxiously, Jess is looking and then she sees him at the end of the row on the left-hand side. He had told her he was the first chair cellist. As he sits, he looks directly at her and smiles, putting her mind instantly at ease. She smiles back at him and at that moment, nobody else in the world exists.
The first half of the concert is so elegant, Jess has checked the programme and they are playing Schumann’s Cello Concerto. She is mesmerised, mostly by Luka; she can’t believe she has never been to anything like this before. The whole experience is breath-taking and powerful. Luka looks like a God in his tuxedo, and he is so graceful when he plays. It fascinates her how absorbed he is in the music. She is disappointed when it comes to an end, but she knows the second half will be coming soon and then she will have Luka in her arms again.