by Leddy Harper
The Jeep slowed to a stop, but we weren’t at a red light or a stop sign. I turned my head to see why we weren’t moving and caught his questioning gaze. His brow had a heavy, deep crease in the middle, and his nostrils flared. His breathing had caused his chest to rapidly rise before quickly deflating. It was an expression I’d never seen on him before. Was he angry with me?
“What are we doing, Mr. Taylor?” I asked in a meek voice.
“You slept outside? Why would you do that?”
I instantly regretted ever opening my mouth to begin with. I’d done it out of anger, furious with him for dismissing me so easily. Yet now, with the heated intensity radiating from his rigid body, I wished I’d kept my mouth shut and allowed him to assume I’d lied about it. I had no strength left to lie or tell the truth. Tears came easily, and ran in tracks down to my chin, effortlessly falling to my lap. I didn’t even have to try to cry. It was as if my body needed to purge itself of the grief and wouldn’t let me stop it.
“Aubrey…”
“She wouldn’t let me inside, okay? Are you happy? I didn’t have my keys with me because she was supposed to pick me up, so I couldn’t get inside. All the doors were locked. She wouldn’t even come to the door.” I had no idea how much of that he could understand over my sobs. But I assumed it was enough to get the picture.
“Why would she do that?” He didn’t sound baffled, more angry than anything, like he was appalled at my mother’s actions. “It was raining all night and the temperatures had dropped into the thirties. What human being does that? I wouldn’t even leave my dog outside in weather that cold. No wonder you’re so sick.”
A horn blaring behind us snapped his attention back to the present. We hadn’t moved from the spot in the middle of the road. He lifted his foot off the brake and started to follow my silent directions again.
“My mind was elsewhere that morning. I had gotten a glass of ice water and a few cubes fell from the dispenser. I thought I picked them all up, but I guess I didn’t. The ice melted and apparently she slipped on the puddle while I was gone. It pissed her off. She got back at me by not picking me up. She swears she thought I had my key and would’ve let myself inside, but I don’t know how she wouldn’t have known that I wasn’t sleeping across the hall from her. She says she had no idea.”
“Why didn’t you call me? I gave you my number for that exact reason.”
“I didn’t have it with me. I don’t carry around that sticky note everywhere I go.” I pointed to the right, instructing him to turn down my street.
“Why didn’t you program it into your phone?”
I sat up and pointed once more, this time, to my house. He pulled into the driveway and I unfastened my seatbelt, finding any excuse to stall my answer. “I don’t have a phone,” I said, mortified. Everyone had a cell phone but me.
“You don’t have a cell phone?” His eyebrows practically reached his hairline.
“No. My mom says if I want one, I’d have to pay for it. And for the same reason I don’t have a car, I don’t have a phone. I can’t afford it considering I can’t have a job. She makes me pay for things when I have no way of doing so. It’s one more way of sticking it to me.”
“Doesn’t your dad pay child support?”
I leaned back into the seat, resting my head on the support behind me. I had zero energy left, yet he continued to question me. Couldn’t he tell when enough was enough? Defeated, I answered, “Yes, he does. Yet that gets paid to my mom, and she says it’s for food, electricity, and water. I get clothes and shoes when I need them. A phone isn’t a necessity.” I’d heard her say that so many times, that it no longer angered me to repeat it.
Without a word, he exited from the Jeep. I silently followed him with my eyes as he made his way around the front to my side, opening it for me. It took me a second before stepping out, wondering why he’d done this. And then I stood still, watching as he walked to my front door.
“What are you doing?” I asked from where I stood next to his vehicle.
“You need someone to take care of you, Aubrey.”
I slowly dragged myself to him, never taking my eyes off his. “You don’t need to do this, Mr. Taylor. I can take care of myself. I’ve been doing it long enough.”
“This may be true, but you’re sick. I just want to make sure you’re okay. Please don’t question me—and unlock your door. Now.” He spoke with so much authority, I couldn’t argue with him even if I had the energy to do so. I couldn’t fight him, because I knew he’d win. I didn’t stand a chance.
Nerves took hold of me once he was inside my house with the door closed behind him. I’d never had anyone over before, especially a guy, and more importantly, a teacher. My mind became flooded with fears and worries, causing me to freeze in the middle of the room with him at my back.
His warm hands held my shoulders as he led me to the couch against the wall in front of me. “Just lay down. Tell me where I can find a blanket, and I’ll get you all set up before I leave. I don’t want to make you more uncomfortable than you already are. I only want to make sure you’re okay before I leave. Something I should’ve done Saturday night.”
“I’m okay. You don’t have to do this. I’m in the house. I’m safe.”
“Why did you hide from me? Why did you make me think you’d been picked up when you hadn’t been?”
My bottom lip trembled and my shoulders sagged. “I didn’t want to chance you stopping my mom and talking to her. I know how you feel about her, and I didn’t want you to say anything.”
He spun me around by his soft grip on my shoulders until I collapsed into his chest. I covered my face with my hands, crying into his warmth as his arms circled me, holding me there.
“Mr. Taylor…”
“Axel. Please, call me Axel when you’re not in my class.”
I shook my head and pulled away from him. “I can’t do that. You’re my teacher. You shouldn’t even be here—in my home. This is wrong. You could get in trouble, and it would all be my fault.” My words flew out of my mouth, slurred from my tears and the effects of fever fogging up my brain.
“You need a friend, Aubrey. You need someone you can count on. Yes, I’m your teacher, and yes, I could get in trouble for being here. But you need me, and I won’t turn my back on you. My hands are tied here. I can’t do anything else to protect you other than just being here for you. I refuse to let you suffer alone.”
I shook my head and furiously swiped at the falling tears on my face.
“Just relax on the couch, please. And tell me where I can find a blanket.”
“I can’t. I have to make dinner.”
“You’re sick.”
“She doesn’t care. I have to make dinner.”
Mr. Taylor—Axel—stood back with his hands on his hips and stared off into the kitchen before turning his attention back to me. “What time does your mom come home?”
“Between five thirty and six.”
He glanced at his watch and sighed. “Okay. We have about two hours before she’ll be here. You rest while I make dinner. What does she like?”
“I can’t have you making dinner.”
“Stop, Aubrey,” he said, his voice stern, leaving no room for questioning. His hand came to rest on my forehead before falling and cupping my cheek. “You’re burning up. You need to rest. This isn’t up for debate. Now…what does your mom like to eat?”
I stumbled backward, only stopping when the backs of my knees hit the couch cushion. I fell into it and slid down until my head rested on the armrest. “The blankets are in the closet in the hall over there.” I pointed to the small alcove between the living room and the kitchen. “And there’s chicken breasts in the fridge. I was going to make chicken noodle soup tonight.”
He smiled brightly before walking to the closet. “Good, because I make some amazing soup.” A second later, a soft blanket draped over my cold body, and then he tucked it in around me.
I’d never felt so cared for in
all my life.
Sleep must’ve taken over, because the next thing I knew, I opened my eyes to find him kneeling in front of me, and the most amazing smell wafted through the room. He had a plastic bag in his hand as he studied me carefully.
“What—what’s going on?” I asked groggily.
“The soup is on the stove. It should stay warm until your mom gets home. She should be here in the next hour. I went and picked you up some medicine. I didn’t know if you had any or not, and didn’t want to go snooping around to check. So I just picked some up. Take the nighttime stuff tonight so you can sleep. And for God’s sake, stay home tomorrow. Don’t come to school. You need to rest in order to get better.”
I slowly started to sit up, but his hand on my arm kept me from doing so.
“Rest, Aubrey. Please, stop fighting me on this.”
I conceded with a nod and relaxed back into the couch.
“If your fever hasn’t gone away by tomorrow, you should go to the doctor’s office. If you need me to take you, let me know. And if you need me for anything, don’t hesitate to call. I’ll have my phone on me all day tomorrow, just in case.”
My eyes burned with unshed tears. I didn’t know if it was from exhaustion, being sick, or the fact that this man had shown me more compassion than I’d ever had in my life. Whatever it was, I couldn’t hold back the emotions that had come over me.
He moved his hand from my arm to my face, brushing away a tear with the pad of his thumb. “You’ll be okay, Bree.”
“Thank you, Mr. Taylor.”
A smile formed on his face as he slowly shook his head. “I told you to call me Axel. It sounds really weird being called Mr. Taylor. That’s my dad. I’d have all my students call me by my first name if I could, but I can’t. The least you can do is spare me outside of school.”
“Okay, Axel,” I said with a grin, testing his name on my lips. It sounded good. Would’ve been better had my voice not been so rough with sleep and a scratchy throat, but I still liked it.
He seemed to like it, too—the sparkle in his eyes gave him away.
After another swipe of his thumb across my cheekbone, he stood, leaving the bag next to the couch, and left. I closed my eyes, wanting to savor the warmth of his touch on my face as sleep took me once more.
I didn’t open my eyes again until my mom woke me up to clean the dishes. I only had one pot and one bowl to wash, but it seemed to take forever. It also didn’t help that I fixed my own small bowl of soup, needing something in my stomach before I took the medicine he’d left behind. It was killer chicken noodle. He hadn’t been kidding when he said he could make amazing soup.
Once the last dish had been washed, dried, and put away, I dragged myself upstairs to bed. I didn’t even bother taking a shower, knowing I didn’t have the energy for it. I took the nighttime medicine Axel had gotten me, and curled up under the warm covers, falling to sleep with my teacher on my mind.
I listened to Axel and stayed home from school the next day. Even if I’d wanted to go in, I would have never been able to. My alarm sounded, causing my pounding head to explode. I quickly turned it off, rolled over, and fell back asleep, not waking up again until almost noon with soaked sheets and clothes.
I still wore the outfit I’d had on from school the day before—the hoodie included. I peeled off every layer, the air in my room frigid on my damp skin. Even though I’d sweated through all my clothes and bedding, I still felt cold, so I put on dry clothes before stripping my bed. Luckily, I had enough energy to do the laundry, throwing my sheets in with it. I ate a bowl of soup, settled into the couch with the blanket Axel had gotten for me the day before, and watched some TV between naps.
The doorbell sounded, waking me up sometime in the afternoon. I sat up, no longer as sick as I had been yesterday, and shuffled to the door with the blanket wrapped around my shoulders. My cheeks ached from the smile that formed at the sight of the man that had overtaken my dreams throughout the last day.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, unable to hide my excitement.
Embarrassment would’ve consumed me had his expression not matched my own. “I just wanted to check up on you. I was very happy to see you weren’t in class this morning, and I was hoping you were feeling better. And if you weren’t, I was going to take you to the walk-in down the street.”
“I’m feeling better.”
He lifted his hand to my face and pressed his warm palm to my forehead. “Your fever seems to be gone. That’s a good sign. Have you been taking your medicine?”
“Yes. I took it last night and again this morning. But I haven’t had any in a few hours. I’ve just been sleeping and watching TV. Is school already over?” I had no idea of the time, so I glanced down at my watch, surprised to see how late it was.
I moved out of the doorway, testing his reaction. But then he took a step forward into my house. I detected the faint scent of his manly cologne. My breath caught in my chest, and I suddenly experienced claustrophobia for the first time in my life.
“You look a little better. Your wolf eyes are brighter.”
I glared at him, confused by his description of my eyes. “Wolf eyes? What does that mean?”
With a slight chuckle, he said, “I don’t know, they remind me of wolves.”
“Oh yeah? They remind me of grass.” I wanted the subject to drop, growing slightly self-conscious.
His finger lifted and lightly grazed my cheekbone, just to the side of my eye. “They’re so light and bright. Sometimes, they look yellow. Like they belong on a wild animal or something. You come across as a timid, domesticated house pet, but your eyes say something else. They were the first things I noticed about you. Hard to not get lost in them. Wolf eyes.”
I smacked his hand away and laughed at his awkward compliment. If that’s even what it was meant to be. “So you just came by to see how I was feeling?”
“And to bring you the work you missed in class today.”
“Isn’t this considered special treatment?”
His head dropped and rolled side to side, but it didn’t cover the boyish grin on his face. “Probably. But is this any different than if I tutored a student after class?”
His teasing attitude softened my anxiety until a bubble of excitement grew within me. My lips turned up at the corners, probably matching his own flirtatious expression, as I said, “It depends, Mr. Taylor. Would you be tutoring this student inside their home without a parent present?”
His grin faltered and he took a step back toward the open door as if he’d been smacked in the face with my words. “You’re right. I shouldn’t be here. I just know how much you hate to miss school, and I thought you’d want some notes.” His eyes jumped around the room nervously, and it reminded me of a scared animal.
“You’re fine, Mr. Taylor. I was only teasing,” I said, hoping it would calm him down, but it didn’t.
“I don’t live far from here, so I stopped here on my way home. I—”
“Axel.” I held up my hand and stepped closer to him. “It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone that you came by. I promise. It was only a joke. I’m sorry.”
His shoulders relaxed and it seemed that the nervousness had eased from his body. With a small smirk, he said, “I’m not used to this. I swear. I’ve never gone to a student’s house before. I was just worried. I’ll leave you with the notes from class.” He held out a stack of papers without looking me in the eye, his expression completely falling flat. “I shouldn’t have come.” His words were whispered beneath his breath, as if only to himself. As if he’d just realized where he was.
I wrapped the blanket closer to my body, my insecurity taking over again. “I’m so stupid. So fucking stupid,” I said to myself after practically ripping the papers from his hand and turning around.
“Why do you say that?”
I couldn’t face him, so I kept my back to him while returning to the spot on the couch I’d vacated to answer the door. “You seemed like you were teasing, s
o I joked, too. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I know you didn’t come here for any other reason than being concerned about a student. It was stupid of me to let my guard down.”
After I sat down, I heard the distant click of the door closing, barring out the cold draft. I kept my eyes on the papers in front of me, and I could see his shadow growing closer. I didn’t need to hear the door shutting or watch him with my eyes to know he’d left his spot in the foyer and found his way to me. But even had I not sensed it, I would’ve known when he dropped to his knees, pulling my attention to his face, which was only a foot away from my own.
“This is new for both of us,” he started once he knew he had my attention. “I have no idea how to care for a student that’s going through the kinds of things you are. And I’m sure you’re not used to having a teacher care so much. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, and if I ever do, I need you to tell me.”
“You don’t make me uncomfortable. That’s just it…I feel more relaxed with you than I ever have with anyone else. I just don’t know how to handle that.” It was the truth. Yes, at times I didn’t know how to deal with his attention, and sometimes I found myself dreaming about him in ways a student should never dream about their teacher, but that didn’t take away how he made me feel around him. He had the ability to piss me off, and then calm me down in no time. I could be scared, yet one look into his bright-blue eyes lined with long, dark lashes, and an unfamiliar calmness would spread through me like the wind. It was simply unexplainable.
And that is what left me uncomfortable.
I didn’t know how to handle that.
“If you’d like, I can go over these notes with you. We’ve got a little time before your mom should be home.” For the first time, he didn’t seem like an adult. He didn’t act like a teacher. To me, he came across more as a friend, someone my age. And it was a good look on him.