Falling to Pieces

by Leddy Harper

  “I like that plan,” I said with a grin.

  “Bree, I see myself marrying you, raising a family with you, and growing old together. That’s honestly what’s taken me a month to work out. I was scared you weren’t ready to hear that. Or that you’d realize how big the world is and want to take advantage of your freedom after high school.”

  “I only want you, Axel. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. Not now, and not in twenty years. You became my confidante without even realizing it. Then you were my friend. You’re my best friend. What we have isn’t physical or perverse, it’s real. It’s honest. And it’s so damn good. The best thing I’ve ever had.”

  He lifted his hand to my face and wiped off a tear I hadn’t even known was there. “What’s this for?”

  “I’m happy. I don’t think I’ve ever cried happy tears before.”

  “Tell me why you’re happy, Bree.”

  I didn’t need to think of the answer, and I had not one ounce of hesitation. “Because I’m in love with my best friend. And I think he loves me, too.”

  “Think?” he asked, pretending to be offended. “Then, baby, I haven’t done my job right if you aren’t sure about how I feel. I love you more than history.”

  My laugh hiccupped in my throat. “And I love you more than furniture.”

  “I love you more than Romeo loved Juliette.”

  “So cliché, Axel. So cliché. I love you more than Jack loved Rose.”

  He cocked his head, clearly confused.

  “Titanic. He loved her so much he let her have the wooden door to float on while he froze to death in the icy water. It ended up killing him. Probably not the best idea, and I’m sure he regretted that decision as his frozen body sank with the ship, but eh…it was out of love. A lot of love. And I love you more.”

  “Damn, baby, we sure do love each other a lot,” he teased before I melted my lips with his, pulling his body flush to mine. His heart thudded against my chest, matching the rhythm of my own.

  His hand tightened on my hip, the other held my face to his. After a second, he pulled back slightly, and I thought the kiss was over. But then the warmth of his tongue graze the seam of my lips, and it caused me to gasp in surprise. Axel used the opportunity to push further, invading my mouth completely.

  I was swept up in the storm of his passion, my mind hazy with lust. Tingles spread through me, coating my skin in chills. I had lost all sense of everything as my hips began to roll into him on their own. Moans and grunts mingled in the night air, creating our own soundtrack as our bodies collided.

  Our lips separated and heated breaths filled the space between them as we both fought to gain control. Yet it seemed impossible to do—our bodies rubbing together felt too good to concentrate on anything else.

  “Fuck, Bree,” he said in a throaty whisper.

  At the sound of his desperation and the feel of his excitement, my pleasure spiked. The once enjoyable ache spread into my lower belly, and I had a hard time controlling my body.

  “Axel,” I whimpered breathlessly into his ear as I hovered on the verge of collapse.

  The fire just kept growing and growing, and I knew that at some point soon, it would explode.

  I gasped and my motions turned jerky. Axel’s hands tightened on my hips, his fingertips digging into bone. But then in a flash, he flipped me over. I don’t know how he did it—one second I sat on his lap, and the next, I landed on my back with his hard body covering mine.

  “Bree…Bree,” he whispered with heavy pants, focusing on my eyes. “Let’s slow down. I’m sure we just crossed about ten lines. We don’t have to do this.”

  I lifted my hips, the ache too much to bear. “Please, Axel. I need this. I’m going to explode without it.”

  “Baby, you’ll explode if I give it to you, but we shouldn’t be doing this. Especially outside where anyone can see us.”

  “It’s dark, no one can see who I am.” My excuses were pathetic, but I didn’t care. I continued to thrust my hips into his, seeking release for the pleasurable pain that plagued me between my thighs. “I need it. Please.”

  He harshly leaned into me once, pushing me back into the ground. “What do you need, Bree? Tell me. Say it.”

  “This…” Instead of words, I demonstrated what my body needed by opening my legs wider and rubbing my covered sex along the hardness that strained against the zipper of his dress pants.

  He groaned and pulled away slightly. “Fuck, Aubrey. We can’t do this.”

  “I love you and you love me. I’m not asking you to take me right now. I just need you to help me make this go away.”

  “It will go away on it’s own. You just have to let the blood settle.”

  “No.” I shook my head vehemently.

  “And what about after this? What happens after you see how good it feels?”

  “I can’t think that far ahead right now, Axel. Do something…or I will.”

  He studied my eyes, probably trying to see through my threat. “You will what?”

  I didn’t answer him, only trailed a hand down my body to the now damp part of my panties. For added effect, I bit down on my lower lip, arched my back so that my chest brushed against his, and moaned. Embarrassment didn’t even have time to set in before he slapped my hand away, gripped my hip hard, and rolled his pelvis into mine.

  Sparks flew behind my eyes and the heated pressure in my lower stomach intensified. The air in my lungs depleted, but I couldn’t think enough to refill them. All my focus centered on the building fire threatening to burn me alive. The closer I came to the peak, the more my head tilted back, opening my neck for Axel’s blazing lips and sweet breath.

  With my hands fisting his shirt at his sides, I gasped, falling over the edge. My entire body became overheated, yet freezing cold at the same time. My legs quivered uncontrollably as his body started to slow between them. And no matter how much air I tried to take in, I couldn’t draw in more than short, useless pants. I felt out of control and incapable of thought. Confused, yet completely understanding. Numb, but at the same time, overly sensitive.

  Axel’s thrusts slowed to a stop, but he remained settled on top of me, between my legs with his face buried in the crook of my neck. Our heaving chests fought against the tight space between them, both needing it at the same time. I may have been taken care of, but the evidence that he remained unfulfilled, swelled against my pelvic bone. So when he finally pulled away, holding himself up by his hands on either side of my head, I used the opportunity to reach for him.

  “Aubrey, no,” he said in a harsh rush of air, grabbing me by my wrist before I could do anything more than timidly touch him.

  “Why not?”

  He must have heard my insecure tone. His grip loosened and his expression relaxed. “Because, I don’t need you to do that. You can’t do it. That’s going way too far.”

  “Don’t you want me to?” I tried to keep the hurt out of my voice.

  He gave me a quick peck before completely removing himself from my body, closing my legs together and fixing the skirt part of my dress to cover me. “Of course I do. That’s a stupid question. We should’ve never let it go that far, but I couldn’t say no because I wanted you too much. But we have to stop. This is what I was telling you, Bree. In the heat of the moment, it becomes far too hard to step on the brakes.”

  “So what do you do with it when it’s like that?”

  He relaxed next to me and laughed. “Well, I could take a cold shower and think of something not hot until it goes away. Or…”

  “Or what?” My words trembled with nerves. I knew the answer, but I asked anyway. I had no idea why I brazenly pressed him to say it. It was so unlike me, but at the same time, it felt wild to talk so dirty. I’d never discussed this before, but Axel had a way of bringing out the animal in me.

  He dropped his head, shaking it in silent laughter. “Or I take care of it myself, Aubrey.”

  “Is that what you’re gonna do? When you go back in
side?”

  His eyes pierced mine in the withering candlelight. “Do you really want to know what I’m going to do about it?” he asked in such a deep, sexy voice that it made my sex begin to throb all over again. “I’m going to go inside, take off all my clothes, step into the shower…and then turn on the water as cold as it can go.”

  I pushed his shoulder. “I hate you.”

  “You love me.”

  “Yeah…and if you loved me, you’d go inside and take care of that while thinking of me.”

  “You need to go home now before I lose it in my pants.”

  I leaned over and softly pressed my lips to his. “Okay. I’m leaving. Go think of me,” I said with a wink, and then I stood up to head home.

  The walk back to my house didn’t seem to take that long, probably because I’d spent every step replaying Axel’s words to me. His confession, how he sounded when he told me he loved me. I held onto the memory of his hands on me, the way his hips brought me pleasure, and then I carved it deep into my memory—I needed something to get me through the next year of my life.

  I snuck inside with a lazy, blissful smile on my face. But all that fell away when I looked up and found my mom waiting for me. I froze in place, unable to move or talk. Fear flooded me, drowning out everything good Axel had filled me with. My happy thoughts—gone. The warm tingles on my lips from his kisses—gone. The dull but pleasant throb between my legs—gone.

  Gone.

  Gone.

  Gone.

  The only thing left inside was complete and utter terror.

  “Why are you wearing a sweater, Bree?” Axel asked me before class on Monday. He stopped me before I could even make it down my aisle.

  “You shouldn’t be talking to me,” I said, keeping my head down and voice low so that I wouldn’t be overheard. “Just don’t worry about it.”

  “Bree, look at me.” His voice was so hard and cold that he gave me no other choice than to face him and force myself to hold his intense stare. “Why are you wearing a sweater?”

  “I thought I’d be cold.”

  “Don’t lie to me,” he replied, his words edged with a growl.

  I lowered my eyes and whispered, “Because I’m not wearing a bra.”

  He didn’t speak, but I heard him clear his throat stiffly.

  “Please don’t ask, Axel. I’m really not ready to talk about it.”

  His feet stepped back, and I assumed that meant others were in the room. When I glanced back up, I fought off the mist of tears that began to cloud my sight.

  “Meet me after school.”

  “I can’t. I—”

  “It wasn’t a question,” he demanded, and then he turned his back on me.

  Axel’s attitude was short for the rest of the class, and he didn’t even try to hide his angry glower at me. I hated knowing how upset he was and not being able to do anything about it. We had exchanged a few text messages the day before, but I was unable to talk to him on the phone due to my mother’s watchful eye. He had no idea how distraught I was, and how I didn’t need to add his anger on top of it all. But being in school, my hands were tied.

  I received a text shortly after his class, telling me to meet him on the corner across the street after the last bell and he’d pick me up. I didn’t want to meet him, but I knew we needed to talk. The rest of the day went by in a blur. I couldn’t focus in any of my classes, and I knew with the year coming to an end, this was the time to pay the most attention. But between my mom, and now Axel, my mind seemed bogged down in a heavy fog.

  After school, I headed across the street and waited for his red Jeep to pull up. He didn’t even park before I opened the door and jumped in the passenger seat. The air inside the cab hung thick with tension until he turned down a side road and pulled over.

  “What’s with the sweater, Bree?”

  “I told you, I’m not wearing a bra. And I didn’t want people to notice, so I put the sweater on to hide it.” It wasn’t a lie. Every word I spoke was the truth.

  He released a growl and slammed his hands against the steering wheel, causing me to jump in my seat. “Why does getting real answers from you feel like pulling teeth? Why aren’t you wearing a bra?”

  I swallowed, wondering what my chances were of him believing me if I lied. But I decided against it, his frustration clearly mounting. “The straps on my back hurt too much.” I wanted to leave it at that, but his fierce gaze forced me to continue. “I fell into the wall unit. It had…it had glass doors.”

  His lips pursed so hard, the edges turned completely white, which was a stark contrast to his beet-red face. His bright, icy blue eyes filled with an unreadable emotion as they glistened. Before I could stop him, he flung the door open, jumped out, and then slammed it shut before stalking to the other side of the street. I couldn’t move, stuck in my seat as I watched him crouch down and cover his head with his arms. His back shook violently while I did nothing but sit in his Jeep and cry.

  Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he returned with tear tracks lining his face. “What… Fuck, Bree!” He pressed his forehead against the steering wheel. “When? When did she do this?” he asked with a broken and defeated tone.

  “Saturday night.” My answer came out in a hushed whisper.

  His head snapped back as his tear-filled eyes narrowed. “After we…? After you went home? From my house?”

  “She didn’t know where I was!”

  “I don’t fucking care! You think that’s what I’m worried about?” His loud voice filled the cab, making me shrink in my seat. “You left my house…where you were safe. And then… Dammit! I didn’t protect you! You were with me and then you got hurt.”

  “You couldn’t have known, Axel.”

  “You didn’t call me! Why didn’t you call me? I told you if something ever happened again…if she ever hurt you again… I told you to call…you didn’t call.” I’d never seen him—or anyone—act so distraught in my life. His tears, his quivering lip and hysterical tone, the pain that poured from him, killed me inside. It hurt me more than the lacerations on my back.

  I reached over the console and ran my fingers through his hair, hoping to offer some comfort. “I’m sorry, Axel. I told you yesterday that my mom barely let me out of her sight. I couldn’t call you.”

  “Saturday night, after it happened, you could’ve called. If not me, then you should’ve called the police. During any one of those texts, you had the opportunity to tell me something. Anything. But instead, you did nothing.” His voice was a mix between anger and despair, and I didn’t know if I should cower away or hold him close. “And then you sat here and told me that you fell into it. Fell! You lied to me as if I wouldn’t know any better! Why don’t you trust me? Me, of all people?”

  “It would’ve only made it worse. I’ve never seen her that mad before, Axel. I was really scared. For the first time, after all she’s ever done to me, I was really scared.” My sobs finally broke free, unable to handle the weight of his disappointment. “I’m sorry, Axel. I’m so sorry. Please don’t be mad.”

  “Baby…” He pulled me to him by the back of my head, careful to stay away from my back. “I’m the one that’s sorry. I didn’t mean to make this about me. I just got so mad that she hurt you. And then I… It doesn’t matter. How bad is it?”

  I pulled away from him and wiped my face, attempting to calm down. “You don’t want to see it. Just leave it at that. It hurts, and I don’t want you to look at it.”

  “Let me see, Aubrey. Telling me that makes it worse.”

  I shook my head. “Please, Axel. Just leave it alone.”

  “Were you cut?” he asked, and I could only nod my answer. “Did you go get it taken care of?”

  “I did my best with it.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me, Bree? You…? That’s it. I’m going to go pick up a first aid kit and then I’m taking you back to my house. You will let me see it, because someone has to take care of it. And if you don’t let me d
o it, I’m taking you to the hospital, and then I’ll answer their questions.” He pulled the Jeep away from the curb before I could argue.

  He stopped at a local dollar store and parked up front, ending the silent drive. “I’ll only be inside for a few minutes. Don’t test me, Bree. If I come back and you’re gone… Just don’t test the lengths I will go to protect you. Right now, I’m barely holding back from calling every cop in this county until I find one that’s not in your mother’s back pocket. Get out of this car, and I won’t hesitate to start making those calls.”

  “I won’t leave, I promise.”

  His expression fell as he lightly stroked my cheek with his fingertips. “I’m sorry I’m so mad, and that I’m taking it out on you. I know it’s not your fault. Please, don’t misunderstand my anger. I love you, Aubrey, and the thought of you being hurt makes me see red. I’m not upset with you.”

  I nodded slowly and then closed my eyes as he leaned forward, closing his mouth over mine. It was a gentle kiss, full of love, but it lasted longer than I’d expected it to.

  He stepped from the Jeep and took one more look at me before closing the door and disappearing into the store. I tried to relax in my seat, but my back prevented it, so I turned my body and stared out the window, just in time to watch the car parked next to us back up.

  Axel stayed true to his word and only left me alone for a few minutes. After he got back behind the wheel, he drove me to his house to dress my wounds. Fear bubbled up inside at the anticipation of his reaction. I hadn’t been able to see my entire back in the mirror, but what I could see and feel wasn’t pretty. It made my eye look like a paper cut.

  “I’m not wearing a bra. How exactly do you want to do this?”

  We stood in his kitchen near the sink. He spun around and said, “Just cover yourself with your shirt. I won’t look until you’re ready.”