by Gina Wilkins
“Thank you. I would be delighted.” But Cecilia wondered if the invitation would still be good if Myrtle knew what she and Geoff had been up to for the past three weeks.
Myrtle escorted them to the door after dinner. She repeated her warm invitation for Cecilia to join them again and then placed a hand on Geoff’s arm to detain him for a moment after Cecilia stepped outside. “I like this one, Geoffrey.”
He wrinkled his nose at her. “You like everyone who’s single and female.”
“That’s not true. I didn’t care for that brassy redhead you were seeing for a while.”
“She wasn’t brassy. I think the word busty is more, er, amply descriptive of her.”
Myrtle lightly slapped his hand. “You are so bad. Now go out there and charm that pretty young lady before she comes to her senses about you and takes to her heels.”
“I’m so touched by your confidence in me.” He leaned over to kiss her soft cheek on his way out the door.
As he climbed into his car, he thought about his grandmother’s words. “That pretty young woman.” Granted, Cecilia was a pretty young woman, but not quite as young as the women Myrtle had been practically throwing at him for the past few years. Because Cecilia looked younger than she was, Myrtle might not be aware that Cecilia was actually five years older than he.
Not that Myrtle was hung up about such things. It was just that she was so obsessed with seeing a new generation of Binghams in Merlyn County. Of course, she didn’t realize that Geoff was already working on that part.
“I like your grandmother.”
Rousing himself from his reverie, Geoff smiled at Cecilia. “So do I.”
“She’s so energetic. So clever and funny. So…so inspirational.”
“She likes you, too.”
“You have a nice family, Geoff. Our baby will be very lucky to be a Bingham. I just hope…”
“What do you hope?”
“I hope your family won’t think less of me—or the baby—because we’re going about this…well, the way we are.”
His first instinct was to instantly and heatedly deny any such thing. But something held him back. Surely it couldn’t be fear that she was right?
His family wasn’t like that. Hell, all his paternal cousins had been born out of wedlock. His child would be…just another illegitimate Bingham.
He drove into Cecilia’s driveway, parked in front of her door, then sat staring blindly out the windshield until she cleared her throat to get his attention. “Aren’t we going in?”
“Going in?”
She snapped her fingers. “Earth to Geoff. Are you in there? This is where I live.”
“Oh, yeah, right.” He looked at her front door and suddenly shook his head. “Listen, Cecilia, would you mind if I don’t come in tonight? I hate to admit this, but I’m so sore I can hardly move. I think I’ll go home and soak in the whirlpool for a while.”
“No, of course I don’t mind.” She sounded more concerned than disappointed. “Are you sure you’ll be okay? Is there anything I can do for you?”
Feeling just a bit guilty for the prevarication—though God knew he was pretty darned sore—he shook his head. “I can handle it. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
“All right. If you’re sure you’ll be okay.”
“Positive.” He reached for his door handle. “Let me walk you to your door.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” She laid a hand on his arm to hold him in his seat. “I’m perfectly capable of walking myself inside. You just go take care of those aches and pains.”
He ignored the aches and pains long enough to lean over and give her a slow, thorough kiss. “Good night, Cecilia.”
Her soft smile let him know how much she had enjoyed the embrace. “Good night, Geoff. I hope you feel better tomorrow.”
So did he, he thought as she closed the car door behind her. Because he was feeling pretty lousy right now—and it had very little to do with the motorcycle accident.
He watched her walk to her door, her steps so brisk and confident. So clearly not in need of anyone’s escort.
He really needed some time alone to think. Because he seemed to have gotten himself into a situation here that was more potentially life changing than he could ever have imagined.
Although Geoff called Cecilia on Saturday, as he had promised, he didn’t come by to see her at all. He was snowed under, he explained, playing golf with his father and some potential investors, followed by a business dinner, followed by a consultation with his father and some of the other Bingham Enterprises executives about the upcoming, though still tenuous, fund-raising trip to Boston.
She had plenty to do to keep her busy while Geoff was otherwise occupied. Housework, shopping, that sort of thing. One thing she wouldn’t think about today was that trip to Boston he had mentioned, she promised herself. While she knew Geoff’s time here was limited, and that once he left for the next extended business trip their affair would most likely be over, she didn’t want to dwell on that just yet.
He had sounded busy, she thought, glancing at the phone. A bit harried. But there had been something more in his voice. Something that sent her intuition into overdrive.
He’d been acting rather oddly ever since they had left his grandmother’s house last night, she reflected, wandering aimlessly around her house in search of chores with which to distract herself from his absence. Replaying that lovely dinner in her mind, she couldn’t imagine what might be bothering Geoff about it.
Unless seeing her there had made him realize exactly how different they were, after all? Wasn’t that something she had been too keenly aware of since the beginning? Geoff had always acted as though the differences in their ages, incomes and social backgrounds didn’t bother him, but maybe he’d just never pictured her at his grandmother’s table before.
Or maybe she was being paranoid, she told herself with a scowl, and maybe he was still hurting from his close contact with the pavement.
Still…
It wasn’t as if she had ever implied to Geoff that she wanted to be a part of his family. Just the opposite, in fact. She’d turned down several invitations to join them for various occasions, accepting yesterday’s dinner invitation only because he had given her little other choice.
She had promised him that she wasn’t angling for marriage or commitment. Just a baby. And while her feelings about those things might have undergone a few changes during the past weeks—as well as her feelings for Geoff—she was still resigned to the reality of raising their child alone. As contentedly alone as she could manage, anyway.
She just wished she knew what was worrying him so she could reassure him. Once she managed to reassure herself, of course.
Geoff was called out of town on Sunday. He explained to Cecilia in a quick telephone call that he would only be gone for a couple of days this time, that it was a business fund-raising opportunity he simply couldn’t let pass. Something about a science foundation grant for research that had just become available—he’d been rather sketchy in his explanation.
As disappointed as she was that he’d had to leave, and as bewildered as she was by the fact that the trip had come up on such short notice, she told herself she should use this time to get used to his absence. She had a busy schedule of her own. To be honest, having him underfoot would have been inconvenient.
Nice speech, she told herself as she stared glumly into the mirror on Tuesday morning before work. Too bad she didn’t believe it.
She was fully capable of living without Geoff in her life. She was even capable of being happy again on her own, as she’d been for the most part before that reception at the clinic. But she missed him. Much more than she had ever expected.
He called her that evening from Maryland, and this time she had no doubt that something had changed in his behavior toward her. For the first time ever, their conversation was stilted, their silences awkward.
She wasn’t sure if Geoff simply wanted to end the relationship
now or if he was sorry he’d ever gotten himself into it, but from the way he was acting toward her, it wouldn’t have surprised her either way. She only hoped she could be composed and dignified when he finally got up the nerve to break it to her.
Sitting in one of the spring chairs on her tiny patio late Tuesday afternoon, she thought back over their time together. She could almost see him standing at her gate on that first Saturday, when he had agreed to help her with her rather quirky plan to have a baby. And she would never forget those summer nights on the much-bigger patio at his weekend house, the leisurely dinners eaten under the stars and paper lanterns. Painting her nursery. Holding hands at the movie theater. Delivering a baby together. Maybe making one together.
That was the one thing that bothered her most—other than how much she was going to miss him, of course. She still didn’t know if their lovemaking had led to anything more than memories that would last for the rest of her lifetime. Maybe it was rushing it a bit, but she thought she would try one of the early detection tests tomorrow after work.
She glanced toward the empty backyard next door. Brandy wasn’t there this week. Her grandparents had taken her away for a brief vacation before they started the family therapy sessions Cecilia had set up for them. They had a tough time ahead of them yet, but she wanted to believe they would work things out. And that Brandy would find a path that would lead to happiness and fulfillment, not the misery she had been headed for with Marlin.
Marlin hadn’t been back. Maybe Geoff had scared him, or maybe he’d just moved on to the next vulnerable victim, but, at least for now, he was staying away from Brandy. Cecilia hoped the girl’s next boyfriend would be worthy of her affection. Someone kind and respectful and caring and strong.
Someone like Geoff.
Feeling uncomfortably like a lovesick teenager herself, Cecilia groaned and hid her face in her hands. She would get through this, she promised herself. As soon as she knew for certain whether she was pregnant—and admittedly, the odds were against that—she could concentrate fully on her work again. Her nice home. Her beloved brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law. Hannah’s baby, whom they would soon welcome into the family. She would enjoy being an aunt.
Telling herself she had all anyone could ask for, she pushed herself out of the spring chair and headed back inside, trying to convince herself that it was the sunset making her view hazy and not the sheen of tears in her eyes.
Cecilia walked straight to her bedroom upon arriving home from work Wednesday evening, leaving the package she’d picked up on the way home sitting on the coffee table. Before she faced the stress of taking that test, she wanted to get as comfortable as possible.
She changed from her work clothes into a bright-blue T-shirt and a pair of soft cotton blue-plaid dorm pants. Pushing her bare feet into a pair of white terry slippers, she tied her hair into a loose ponytail.
It wasn’t quite 7:00 p.m. yet, but she didn’t plan to go out again this evening, nor was she expecting company. Geoff hadn’t called today. If he was trying to pull away from her gradually, he was doing a fine job of it. She was coming to terms with the end of their affair, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t painful.
Maybe she would make herself something to eat before she took the test. A salad, perhaps. Or a bowl of soup.
She was stalling. The truth was, she was still so nervous about taking the test that she needed a bit more time to work up the courage.
It was early. The results might not be reliable, especially if it came back negative. A false negative was more likely than a false positive. But for some irrational reason, she thought she would know whether the results she received were true.
She wondered if she should wait until Geoff was here. Perhaps he would feel that he deserved to find out at the same time she did. But then, he was the one who had abruptly pulled away. She didn’t even have a telephone number for him. And she couldn’t wait any longer.
She had the test in her hands and had just turned toward the bathroom when the doorbell rang. After a moment of paralysis, she stuffed the box beneath a cushion on the couch and moved toward the door. There were only two people she could think of who might be on the other side. Her brother. Or Geoff.
She opened the door. “Geoff.”
His expression was hard to read. There seemed to be a sense of…resolve about him that she didn’t quite understand. Was he here to tell her once and for all that it was over between them? “Come in.”
“You look very comfortable,” he said as he closed the door behind him.
“I wasn’t expecting company.”
“I should have called you. I’ve only been in town for a short while. I came here straight from the airport.”
“Then you must be hungry. Would you like me to make you a sandwich? A bowl of soup? I haven’t eaten myself, actually.” She sounded nervous, she thought. Even to her own ears, her voice seemed an octave higher than normal.
“Anything sounds good. While we eat, we can talk. I have a few things I want to discuss with you.”
Which was almost as frightening a prospect as taking the pregnancy test, she mused. “Have a seat. I’ll see what I have on hand for dinner. And then we can talk.”
She wasn’t gone long. When she returned after only a couple of minutes to ask him whether he preferred chicken noodle or tomato soup, she found him sitting on the couch with the pregnancy test in his hands.
He looked up when she came to an abrupt stop just inside the doorway. “You choose odd places to store these things.”
She twisted her fingers in front of her. “I, um, was holding it when the doorbell rang. Since I didn’t know who it was…”
The rest seemed self-explanatory.
“Were you going to take this test tonight?”
She nodded. “I couldn’t wait any longer.”
His expression was even harder to read now than it had been before. “I see.”
“It’s probably going to be negative, of course. It’s highly unlikely that I conceived so quickly. I’m prepared for that, but I would like to know for certain.”
He nodded. “So how long does it take to get an answer?”
“Just a few minutes.”
“Oh.”
Now they were both staring at the box. Cecilia abruptly held out her hand. “Let’s get this over with. I’ll be right back.”
“You’re going to take it now?”
She answered on a sudden surge of confidence, “Yes. It’s probably best if we know the results before we have that talk you came here for, don’t you think?”
Geoff hesitated, and then he nodded. “Maybe it would be better to know the results before we talk.”
With her heart in her throat, Cecilia turned toward the bedroom.
Ten minutes later they stood outside her bathroom door, staring at each other as the minutes counted down.
“Nerve-racking, isn’t it?” Geoff asked, his mouth tilting into a weak semblance of his usual smile.
“You could say that again.”
“I know you’re hoping for a positive sign.”
She would have thought she would be praying for a positive. But suddenly she wondered if that was really what she wanted, after all. Looking surreptitiously through her lashes at Geoff, she wondered if saying hello to a child would mean saying goodbye to the love of her life.
Not that Geoff would be thrilled to hear himself described that way, of course.
“Why, yes,” she said, attempting a smile of her own. “Aren’t you?”
“I’m not sure.”
She felt her eyes widen. Was he choosing this moment to tell her he’d changed his mind about having a child with her? If so, he had really lousy timing. “Um—”
“Do you want to know why I’m not sure?”
She swallowed. “Yes.” Maybe.
He leaned against the hallway wall, his arms crossed over his chest. And now she thought she could finally read something in his expression. It looked a lot like the nervousnes
s she felt. “I’ve done a lot of thinking about us during the past five days. About what we’ve been trying to do.”
“And?”
“And…I realized that I’ve changed my mind. Only I’m afraid it’s too late now to change the terms of our agreement.”
“You’ve changed your mind,” she repeated flatly. “Well, that’s fine. If the test is positive, we can just go back to the agreement I originally suggested. I’ll raise the baby alone, and you can go back to the life you had before.”
He shook his head impatiently. “That’s the problem. I don’t want to go back to the life I had before.”
He moved suddenly, his hands gripping her forearms in a firm hold that was still somehow gentle. “You know how I told you that I always thought of marriage as a cage? That a wife would be just another responsibility I didn’t want to deal with?”
“I—” She had to clear her throat as a wave of jumbled emotions swept through her. “I remember.”
“During the past few days it has occurred to me that maybe I’ve been looking at it all wrong. Maybe it’s possible for a wife to be a partner. A friend. A lifelong lover. Someone to share my burdens, not add to them. And someone for whom I could do the same.”
Her heart was pounding so hard in her throat that she had trouble speaking. “That’s…one way of looking at it, I guess.”
His voice was suddenly husky. “What if I tell you that I don’t want the test to be positive if it means saying goodbye to what we’ve found together over the past three weeks?”
She moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue, reading the sincerity in his eyes. “What if I were to say I feel the same way?”
His fingers tightened on her shoulders just enough to pull her a bit closer to him. “What if I tell you that I want to marry you—whatever the results of that test?”
She placed her hands on his chest, exerting just enough pressure to hold them apart. “That would depend on why you’re asking. Because if it’s only for the child’s sake or out of some overdeveloped sense of Bingham responsibility or if you’ve decided that you should make your grandmother happy and get married—”