by Vivian Wood
When he’d met Sarah for the first time, he couldn’t tell what Poppy saw in her. Then again, people probably said the same thing about Poppy and him. I guess you never can gauge a friendship from the outside looking in.
He could only imagine what Poppy would say if she knew about the dream. She’d probably laugh. Yeah. Or shudder.
It wasn’t like he’d never thought about it before. Hell, you always think ”what if” with a female friend. But they’d been friends for so long. It was the longest friendship he had. There was a part of him that thought it would be almost incestuous. Not that he thought of Poppy like a sister, but what if that was how she thought of him? Like a brother?
It wasn’t worth risking their friendship anyway.
Ryan spat mint toothpaste into the sink. As he gazed into the mirror, he couldn’t believe it. He’d only been discharged from the SEALs for three days, and he was still getting used to civilian life. The complete lack of a schedule was throwing him for a loop, that was all. No wonder he was having these crazy dreams.
He pulled on his jersey shorts, a well-worn Navy T-shirt and running shoes. In the condo gym, there was only one other person and the elderly woman in a pink tracksuit didn't even look at him.
Ryan had the free weights to himself. Years of perfecting a lifting regimen meant he didn't even have to think about reps or rest periods. Instead, he could lose himself in daydreams and plans while he took his arms and chest through their Tuesday workout.
Poppy didn't even know he was coming home, and he had the whole thing planned out. He’d low-key found out her rotation schedule at the hospital over the past few weeks, and Poppy had thought he was just interested in her daily life. Tomorrow, he’d pick up a bouquet of red poppies and surprise her at the end of her shift. It was cheesy, sure, but ever since he’d given her that poppy corsage in high school, it was their inside joke.
As he headed back upstairs, he ticked through the groceries he’d picked up yesterday. It was going to be cereal and milk for dinner unless he was up for another run to the corner market. He splashed water on his face, and dumped half a box of cornflakes into a salad bowl meant to serve an entire table. Ryan poured whole milk over the flakes as he called his brother Eli and put him on speakerphone.
“Hey, man! What’s up? You back?” Eli’s voice always brought him back to their basic training days.
“Yeah,” Ryan said between chomps and slurps. “Just the other day. Jet lag is still kicking my ass though.”
“What the hell are you doing? It sounds like you’re feeding a starving Saint Bernard over there.”
“Gotta feed the muscles,” Ryan said between more spoonfuls.
“You still eat like you’re twenty years old,” Eli said. “That’s going to catch up with you one day. Mark my words, you won’t always have abs with a diet like that.”
“It’s cereal. That doesn’t even count. Besides, I can’t help how much I eat. I’m still a growing boy.”
Eli laughed. “Yeah, a growing boy at thirty-something years old.”
“Don’t hate on the metabolism, asshole,” Ryan said. It was good, this banter. He’d missed it since Eli had left the SEALs a few years ago.
“So. You seen Poppy yet?” Eli asked. He’d only met her a few times, but meeting Poppy once was all it took to see how special she was.
“Nah, not yet. I’m planning on surprising her tomorrow,” Ryan said as he lifted the bowl to his mouth to drain the cereal-sweetened milk.
“You? Actually planning something without the MCPO making you?”
“Hey, I can plan,” Ryan said. “I don’t like to, but I can do it.”
“Maybe getting out did you some good,” Eli said.
“Maybe so.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring all that up,” Eli said. “I mean, it’s kind of bullshit they discharged you for that knee—”
“It’s okay, man. Really,” Ryan said. “Probably for the best. I mean, at least I finished that last tour with no serious injuries.”
“Yeah. But, still.” Ryan heard a rustling on Eli’s end and a soft murmuring. “Hey, I gotta go,” Eli said suddenly. “Duty calls.”
“Okay, hit me up when you wanna meet up.” It had been months since he’d seen Eli, and even though he missed his battle buddy, it was Poppy who he always thought of first.
Energized by the late lunch, he couldn't sit still. Does it really matter if I see her today or tomorrow? He knew Poppy was at the hospital until eight o’clock. What would an early surprise hurt?
Before he could talk himself out of it, he grabbed the motorcycle keys and loped downstairs. Poppy always chided him about his impulsiveness—said he’d surely get himself into trouble with it. But he couldn’t help it. There was something electrifying in going with his gut. “You’re an impulse marketer’s dream!” Poppy always told him, and he took it as a compliment.
He just hoped the florist at the hospital had red poppies. Big, beautiful fresh ones that would make Poppy give him one of her world-stopping smiles.
3
Poppy
Nobody looked at her when she changed into a fresh pair of scrubs, that she was certain of. For Poppy, it didn’t matter that she’d been changing with her fellow interns for the past year—she still got shy when it came down to slipping out of those blue baggy pants in public. The co-ed dressing room with its dark wooden cubbies, hard benches, and tough stained carpet that held who knows how many secrets was her dream come true.
She’d always wanted to be a physician, and now it was within reach. She readjusted her white lab coat and double-checked to make sure none of the vomit was on the lapels. It was her lucky day. The kid had only thrown up on her pants, leaving the white coat she’d worked years to earn crisp and clean for once.
Not that it was their fault, she reminded herself. She’d never had appendicitis herself, but had helped with numerous cases in the pediatrics wing. As an intern, she was still allowed to swing back and forth between pediatrics and endocrinology, at least when they overlapped. But not for long. “You’re going to have to make up your mind,” the lead physician always told her. The warnings had become more frequent in recent weeks.
She took one final look at her reflection in the locker. I look forty years old, she thought, and ran her fingers across her tired eyes. Greasy hair knotted up in a bun, no makeup and of course no jewelry. She’d never considered herself vain, but was still surprised what eight years of school and taking all those medical exams had done to her.
Still, she couldn’t help but smile when her gaze wandered over to the photo of Ryan and her at a wedding last year. It was a miracle. One of the few times he'd been on leave and she'd actually had the evening off. In the photo, they clung to each other beneath a gazebo lit up like a fairy tale. She in her yellow, tea length dress like some kind of Grace Kelly incarnation, and Ryan looking ruggedly handsome in his tux. They were both laughing with squinted eyes and not a trace of holding back.
That night, they’d gone drink for drink at the open bar. Drunk on champagne, he’d asked her to slow dance, and it had felt like prom all over again. This is it, she’d remembered thinking. This is how it should be. Of course, it was the drinks talking.
“Isn’t this romantic?” she’d asked him as she rested her head on his chest.
He’d laughed and said, “I guess so. If you’re into this sort of thing. Rose-colored trellises, sunsets and all that.” She’d punched him lightly in the chest, and in that moment she was reminded they’d always just be friends.
Sober Poppy was okay with that. It was their unspoken agreement, their pact. Friendship always came first. It was just when she had a drink or two in her that she started wondering, What if?
She was shaken out of her memory by the buzzing of her phone. Will. He always had a knack for texting her right when she was thinking about Ryan.
Dinner tonight? Something big I have to tell you.
Sure. Shouldn’t she be more excited? After all, they’d
been dating for three years. And he'd stuck with her through med school, when she was sure she must have been a raging pain.
Pick you up at 8. Wear something nice.
She shook her head and put the phone back in her pocket. Will was nice enough. Safe, her friends called him. And she didn’t mind their life. He fulfilled the creative role as a screenwriter who was always working on something big. Not that he’d ever sold anything, but Will seemed satiated on those seemingly “close calls” he loved to talk about.
Plus, he’d never put pressure on her. “I think it’s cool you’re still a virgin,” he had said when they first met. Still. She'd been twenty-eight at the time, and very aware she was past the cutesy stage of clinging to that V-card. By now, she was solidly in weird territory, and she knew it.
Will had accepted her situation because she’d dropped just enough hints about her past to tell him to back off. But nobody knew the whole truth—not even Ryan.
“You little whore.” Her father had a way of hissing in a low snarl that froze her. He had a length of electric cord wrapped around his fist. “You think you’re grown. Is that it?”
She was eleven years old and a lifetime of this had instilled part bravery and part stupidity into her. She was never sure which was which. “It’s just lip gloss, Daddy,” she whispered.
“What?” Her father smiled his wicked grin. The one she knew was a trap, but couldn’t stop herself from inching toward.
“It’s lip gloss. All the girls wear it.”
The crack of the cord across her hip was electrifying. Instantly, a splitting blossom of pain exploded across her pelvic bone.
“Just lip gloss? What, you think you can just spread your legs for every boy that comes your way and ride off into the sunset like some kind of fairy tale?”
“No, I—”
“No is right,” her dad said as he raised his hand to whip her again.
Poppy rubbed her hand along her hip where the scar had turned to keloid. All these years later, and she still needed routine steroid injections to keep the scar from rising. Every pair of pants irritated it, and ensured the scar was a constant reminder of her beginnings.
“Baker, let’s go.” One of the observing physicians popped his head into the locker room and barked at her. Like a dog. Sometimes that’s what it felt like here. She loved it, loved the diagnostics and patients, but the politics and people drove her nuts.
She shook her head and slammed her locker door shut. As she started her rounds, her phone buzzed again. Oh my God, Will, what is it? She couldn’t imagine what exciting news this must be. For Will to plan something that didn’t involve beer tasting at a brewery with his boring friends meant it was serious.
Poppy was digging for her phone, head tucked down, and didn’t even notice the big man in front of her. As she rammed into him, she felt nothing but solid muscle even as she fell to the ground.
“Women are always falling over themselves to get to me.” Ryan smiled down at her and held out his hand. In his other hand was a spray of stunning poppies.
“Ryan! What are you—what are you doing here?” It was always a shock to see him since it happened so infrequently. Ever since he’d sprouted up in high school between sophomore and junior year, each time she saw him she'd think he’d eventually stop getting so handsome. But he bested himself year after year.
He pulled her up with ease, and she squealed as she wrapped her arms around him. He smelled incredible, a mix of cleanliness and masculinity. How could she ever forget that smell? It took her back to their high school days. “You smell like lemons and pine,” she said, and blushed.
Ryan just laughed. “Thank you. I think? Though it kind of sounds like you’re talking about floor cleaner.”
“No, seriously,” she said as she pushed on his chest. It was rock hard. “When did you get out?”
A nurse arrived right as she finished her question, eyebrow raised as she looked Ryan up and down. “The SEALSs,” Ryan told the middle-aged nurse. “Not prison.” Poppy covered her mouth in embarrassment. “Actually, just a few days ago. I was discharged—”
“Baker. I need you to confirm some data on the patient in 403,” the nurse said, even as she kept an eye on Ryan’s biceps that wouldn’t be confined to his button-up.
“Oh, uh, sure! Yes, be right there. Ry, I have to get back to work, but—do you have plans for dinner?”
“Dinner? No, not yet…”
“Great! Do you want to go out with Will and me?” She bit her lip. “I mean, you can finally get to really know him, and—”
“Will? He’s still around?” Ryan made a face. “I don’t want to be a fifth wheel…”
The nurse rolled her eyes and walked away.
“Don’t be silly! You won’t be at all.”
“Poppy, for real. That would be awkward.”
She scoured the room and spotted Penny, a fellow intern, though Penny was a nurse and not a doctor. She was the closest thing to a friend Poppy had in this place, and they’d hung out a few times. Penny was likable, friendly, and most importantly single. “Penny! Come here a sec.” Penny pranced over with her open smile and big, brown eyes. “This is Ryan, my best friend since forever.”
“Hey,” Ryan said.
Penny, usually open and outgoing, turned a deep red. “Hey. Hi,” she said. What the hell are you doing? her eyes asked Poppy. But Poppy was used to this sort of reaction around Ryan.
“Do you have plans for dinner tonight?” she asked Penny.
“Me? Uh… some friends are hosting a LAN party, and I might—”
“Land party? Whatever, forget that. We’re going to dinner tonight. Ryan just got into town. You should totally join us.”
Penny’s eyes grew even wider as they drank in every inch of Ryan. He smiled affably. “I hope you don’t mind,” he said to Penny. “I don’t know anyone here besides Poppy. And Will. I’d sure appreciate the company.”
“Oh!” Penny said. “Well—”
“Will’s coming, too,” Poppy said suddenly. “It’ll be a foursome type of thing.”
Poppy didn’t think it was possible, but Penny grew an even deeper red. “Well. Um, I guess so?”
“Baker, I’m sorry to interrupt your social gathering.” The nurse was back, and this time she managed to keep her eyes off Ryan. “But I really need—”
“Sorry, coming, coming,” Poppy told her.
“It’s okay, I’ll show him out,” Penny said as she smiled up shyly at Ryan.
“Thanks! I’ll text you both the name of the restaurant in a few.” She was grateful for Penny, but there was a gnawing doubt in the pit of her stomach. She watched the two of them head to the elevators together, and Ryan leaned down to say something to Penny that made her laugh.
What’s wrong with you? Poppy forced the raw feeling out of herself as she opened the door to handle her patient.
4
Ryan
“Glad you could join us,” Will said.
Jesus, I’m only a few minutes late, Ryan thought to himself. Actually, he hadn't been late. He’d just been sitting in the car for the past fifteen minutes trying to convince himself not just to go through with it, but to actually make an effort. It was what Poppy would want—all of them getting along. Plus, Penny didn’t seem like such a bad girl. Quiet maybe, but that was alright.
“Sorry,” Ryan said. “I got tied up.”
“Yeah? How so?” Will asked.
“Will,” Poppy hissed, and elbowed him in the ribs.
“What? I’m just curious what he’s doing with himself, now that he’s back and unemployed,” Will said as he downed the last of a pint. “I mean, besides crashing other people’s dinners, of course.”
“Don’t mind him,” Poppy said as she smiled at Will. “I’m glad you could make it. We’re all glad you could make it.”
“Are we, Poppy?” Will asked. “I doubt Ryan has any interest in hearing about the big project I explicitly invited you out to share the news with.”
“Nah, it’s cool,” Ryan said. “Tell me about it. That is, if you think I have the intellect to be able to understand all those big words you’re going to throw at me.”
“I’d rather not right now,” Will said. “The mood’s kind of ruined.”
“Will, if you’re going to be like that, maybe you should move onto something stronger,” Poppy said. She tapped his beer glass. “You might be an annoying and obnoxious drunk on whiskey, but at least you’re happy and tolerable.” He faked a laugh, and she covertly rolled her eyes at Ryan.
She looked incredible. He’d thought she was beautiful earlier that day, with her hair swept up and without a whit of makeup. It was, well, it was how he imagined she’d look in the morning. Complete with loose pants like she couldn’t find her own and had to borrow them.
But now? Poppy looked even more mesmerizing. Her hair was blown out and fell to the small of her back. She wore a fitted camisole and flowing skirt, but hadn’t accounted for the chill of the restaurant. Through the thin material, he could make out every curve and line of her body.
“Hi, Ryan.” Penny was to his right. Visibly nervous, she tucked the same strand of auburn hair behind her ear over and over again.
“Hey,” he said. “You look good.” Penny blushed.
“You, too,” Penny said. Will just grunted and snapped his fingers at the server for another beer.
“Everyone ready to order?” the server asked. He was a wiry kid, likely a college student, with forearms covered in tattoos.
“Yes, now we’re ready,” Will said as he looked pointedly at Ryan. He ordered for himself and Poppy, who opened her mouth to clarify, protest, or something, but snapped it shut without a word. Ryan noticed and looked at her quizzically, but she just shook her head at him.