Before I could bring my hand back to my side he trapped it with his own, tenderly squeezing my lean fingers as he slowly brought them down between us. The contact was comforting yet painful at the same time. “You shouldn’t have had to deal with this alone is all I’m saying,” he said softly.
“I know that.” I looked up from our clenched hands to his familiar face. “Although, I did have Alexandra.”
“That bitch?” Liam scoffed lightly.
I smirked at his words. Alex was Ethan’s sister. She’d hated me on sight, never giving a particular reason as to why, or even a chance on any sort of friendship. She’d always stare at me with a look of disdain whenever we saw each other. I tried to be civil with her but it came to a point where there was only so much I could take, and it just became easier to ignore her negative energy. This was of course difficult considering I had been dating her brother and we had all gone to the same high school after I had transferred to his public school.
I always felt she hated me because she thought I’d taken her big brother away from her.
Liam glanced around my dreary room, noticing the stuffiness and piles of clothing that cluttered the ground. “How long have you been cooped up in here?”
I didn’t answer and drew away from him, walking back toward my bed. I sank down into the mattress with a huge sigh; I wanted the mattress to envelop me and make me disappear from this world.
Maybe if I did I could return to Ethan.
Liam walked over to the windows and swung the curtains back and opened a window.
“Hey,” I said angrily. I stood up again and marched over to him and grabbed his arm. “Knock it off, Liam. Keep them shut.”
“No,” he stated firmly. “You need to breathe.” He opened all the windows until a warm breeze filled the air, then walked over toward me and dragged me over to my bathroom, throwing me in. He then sneered at me as he sniffed the air.
“Damn. You seriously need to take a shower—you stink.” He stalked over to my closet and grabbed a t-shirt, a pair of shorts—hell, even my bra and underwear—then tossed them at me. I had no other option but to grab them as he leaned in to my face and murmured, “Go wash up and I’ll meet you downstairs when you’re ready, okay?”
I glared at his expectant face, annoyed by his presence, wanting him to go away. But I saw the sincerity in his eyes and I knew that he was only doing what he thought was best.
“Fine,” I barked, slamming the door in his face, much to his surprise. Alone again, I stripped naked and turned on the pipe, running the shower as I slipped underneath the warm water. I hated to admit it but it felt good to have the water beat against my skin. It was almost like my body was fighting to awaken from the depression I had allowed to take over.
I stayed underneath the shower until the water began to cool. Reluctantly, I turned off the pipe and quickly changed into the blue t-shirt and shorts that Liam had thrown at me. I looked back into the steamy mirror to see that I looked a bit better than before, the warmth of the water reddening my face, my hair darker due to the wetness. I scowled at my reflection, then opened the door and walked across my room, making my way down the stairs and into the kitchen.
Liam was leaning against the counter as he drank a cup of coffee, staring off into space. Since he didn’t notice my presence, I took a moment to look him over. His face was set in concentration, his dark hair falling into his deep brown eyes. I always said he had the eyes of a puppy dog. When he landed those big brown eyes on you, you couldn’t help but say yes to anything he asked for. He had lashes any girl would kill for and a dimple in his left cheek that always made me want to press a finger into the space. He was tall and lanky, his strength not as obvious as Ethan’s, who had exuded raw masculinity with even a single look, but it was there nonetheless.
Liam’s eyes immediately landed on me as my mind wandered to Ethan, as if he knew my thoughts had quickly changed to that of my love.
“See, that wasn’t very hard now was it? You clean up pretty nicely. Muy bonita.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “Alrighty, señor.” I walked over to him and swiped the coffee from his grasp.
“Hey!” he exclaimed. I ignored his protest and took a huge gulp from the mug before sitting down on one of the kitchen chairs.
Liam softly growled at me but I just smiled to myself and he sat down opposite me. His face instantly lightened at my expression and I looked over at him in distrust.
“What are you staring at?”
He grinned widely. “You! You’re smiling for the first time since I’ve seen you. I haven’t been back in two years and I have to say the thing I missed most was your smile.”
“Shut up,” I immediately said, nose twitching.
I hated compliments from anyone. Ethan had been the exception.
“Well, it’s not the same video chatting, my dear.”
“Aren’t you a sweetheart?” I replied dryly, trying to hide the blush that was forming on my face.
“I try to be,” responded Liam, who grabbed the mug and took a drink before placing it down between us while we sat in comfortable silence.
“How long have you been back?” I finally asked.
“I came straight from the airport. My stuff’s still in the rental car.”
I looked up in surprise. “You didn’t see your parents first? You know how much they’ve missed you.”
“And they’re going to keep on missing me,” replied Liam. I didn’t understand what he was saying. He explained further, noting my confusion. “They left for their twentieth anniversary. They’re in Spain for two weeks. They brought me to the airport. Mom and Dad send their sympathies and well wishes by the way.”
Tears formed in my eyes. “Liam, you didn’t have to come home. Your parents left to spend time with you.”
Liam said nothing. He reached over to clasp my hand, looking intently into my eyes. “And I’m here to spend time with you.” Then in his usual Liam fashion, he let go of my hand and leaned back in his seat.
“So deal with it.”
•••
IT WAS NICE spending the rest of the day with Liam. I had missed him immensely over the last few years but I didn’t know how much until he was back. We spent the entire day together doing normal teen things like going out for fast food and coming back home to binge watch our favorite shows. For a second it was just like old times and my life didn’t become one tragic event after another.
But when it was all said and done with Liam crashing in one of the spare rooms, I was left to myself with my own tormented thoughts. And just like the night before, I had another dream.
This time I was alone. It was funny but I didn’t realize before then that I was wearing an almost Grecian style dress. The white silk flowed over my skin, caressing all the way down to my ankles. My hair was loose and down to my shoulders.
Looking around, it was like a canvas, the view I was seeing, everything just raw nature, the sand and the ocean and the forest off in the distance on what looked like another island. It was like I had been dropped on an island that hadn’t been touched by man.
“Ethan,” I whispered softly.
I was answered by a change in the air and I knew I was no longer alone.
I spun around to see those familiar gray eyes that I missed so. Walking to stand right in front of him, I reached out and clutched the sides of his face, memorizing every feature.
“You’re here.”
He rubbed his fingers against my hands on his cheek and I inhaled shakily. God, this feels so real. “Of course I am, baby.”
“I thought I would never see you again.”
He gave a slight chuckle. “You are making it quite difficult.”
I pouted. “You sound like you don’t want me here.”
“How can I not want you by my side? You were the only thing that made me happy.”
I gave him a kiss, smiling, then drew him down to the sand so he lay on his back and I straddled him. I looked down into his face.
He stared up at me seriously. “Thank you,” he said, tugging at the ends of my hair playfully.
“For what?” I asked, one eyebrow raised as I teased him, skimming my fingers along the hem of his shirt.
“For coming into my life.”
I didn’t say anything for a moment, memorizing every perfect inch of him. Then I said, “Thank you.”
It was his turn to give a lazy grin as he clutched my sides. “For what?”
“For being the one person that I could count on.” I cuddled against his chest. “You and me were perfect,” I whispered.
He shook his head, his eyes growing dark. “It wasn’t always perfect, Kitty Cat. You’re forgetting the bad times.”
I thought back to his frequent mood swings and depressive state. When I had thought that my love was enough to save him.
“I don’t care,” I mumbled, my lips brushing his neck.
“We fought,” he said above my head.
“We also loved.”
He smiled softly against my hair. “That we did.”
“I wasn’t perfect, Ethan.”
“I didn’t ask you to be.”
Tears began to fill my eyes. “But maybe if I—”
“Shh. Let’s just watch the ocean.” He drew us both up and turned me in the direction of the waters, whispering, “Just watch those beautiful waves. Right now there’s nothing else in the world except us and the ocean, okay?”
Lips trembling, I nodded firmly, trying to see the water through my tears.
“Okay.”
We stayed like that for what seemed like forever. But I was selfish and I wanted to hear his voice whispered in my ears again.
“Remember when we first met?”
He peered down at me. “At the bluffs?”
I shook my head, craning my neck to look up into his face. “No, the first time.”
His face was serious and I knew he was thinking hard.
I gave him a playful smack on the arm. “I guess I’m forgettable.”
He kissed the side of my cheek. “Never.”
“I’ll give you a clue.” I grazed my fingertips against his. “Sparks,” I whispered.
I stared into his face until it finally registered with him. “That was you?” he asked incredulously.
I chuckled, shaking my head. “I know puberty came late for me but damn, you sure know how to make a girl feel like shit.”
“You’re beautiful, both then and now.” He shook his head. “I just never put two and two together. But now it all makes sense.”
I clasped my hand in his. “You never wondered about the girl on the train?”
“Always,” he said immediately. “I thought maybe we were kindred. You know, those people you instantly connect with for the first time for no apparent reason.”
“We were. We are.”
He grinned. “I just never knew the girl with the dyed black hair, thick glasses, flat chest, and business suit was you.”
I glared at him. “I was in a Goth phase and uncomfortably wearing my mother’s clothes for an interview. I was just playing a role, Ethan. It wasn’t truly me.”
He looked deep into my eyes. “No, it wasn’t. I prefer the real thing.”
I looked back at him and realized this simple conversation with the love of my life was nothing more than a figment of my imagination. I rested my back against his chest once more and stared out into the ocean in front of us. The waves crashed like it was creating its own orchestra. The sky was so clear that if I looked closer, I swear, I’d see my own reflection. It all seemed so real.
Yes, I thought to myself, staring up into Ethan’s face as he stared forward. I prefer the real thing as well.
But, I’d take what I could get.
CHAPTER TWELVE
LIAM TRIED GETTING me to stay with him at his parents’ place but I refused. As much as I appreciated his company, he could be overwhelming at times, wanting more than I could give him.
I couldn’t be the person I was two years ago. I wasn’t the lighthearted, carefree girl who laughed at even the simplest of things. I was harder, smiled less, often preferred the quiet.
Ethan’s death had changed me.
I had to admit I was dreaming of him almost every night. The dreams almost seemed too real—I’d wake up actually feeling the sensation of his touch, tasting his skin. It was getting to the point where I wanted to stay in bed thinking of him rather than face the realities of the world.
It was the end of spring break and that meant I had to go back to school. Liam had actually transferred back and was spending the last few months here with me. He was true to his word when he said he didn’t want to leave me. Although it gave me comfort, I dreaded going back to face the stares and whispers of annoying classmates.
Who knew what the ignorant assholes would say about Ethan’s death.
And I especially did not want to see the all-too familiar look of Alex. I hadn’t seen her since Ethan’s funeral and that was still too soon. She had always been the bane of my existence, trying to find ways to make my life as horrible as possible. She wasn’t a bully to others, but it seemed I brought out the worst in her.
No, I would not be looking forward to seeing her.
Dressing myself in a green tank and casual jeans, I put my contacts in before pulling my hair back into a messy bun. I grabbed for my bag and sauntered down the stairs to the kitchen to make myself a bowl of cereal.
“Good morning.”
I looked up to see Stacy, one of my roommates. I lived with both her and Jill, two girls who went to the nearby college. After my father had died, not wanting to be put in the system, and not having any other family, I filed for emancipation. The house that I lived in was my family’s house and fully paid for so I decided to rent some of the bedrooms out so I’d have some extra cash flow coming in without me actually having to do any work. A comfortable amount of money was left for me from my parents so I didn’t have to struggle being on my own.
Stacy was a few years older with long light brown hair down her back, and clear blue eyes. Jillian was her opposite, with short black hair, glowing brown skin, and deep brown eyes. I wasn’t close to the girls. I didn’t know if it was because they were older and technically their landlord was younger than them.
Or maybe it was because they’d both had the hots for my boyfriend and they had no qualms about making it public knowledge and rubbing it in my face every chance they got.
Stacy was peering cautiously at me. She hadn’t seen me in quite some time, with me being cooped up in my room and all, and I knew she must have heard my muffled crying these past couple weeks.
“Morning,” I responded, making my cereal and taking a seat at the kitchen table. I frowned then took the first bite of my corn flakes.
We both remained silent after that: me eating my bowl of cereal, Stacy timidly sipping a cup of coffee. When I was finished, I placed the bowl into the sink where I quickly cleaned and rinsed, placing the bowl and spoon to dry. I turned around to grab my bag and exit the kitchen when Stacy spoke up again.
“I’m sorry.”
I paused at the threshold of the kitchen. Stacy was now fidgeting with her fingers.
“Excuse me?” I stared back at her, thinking I had heard wrong.
There was no way Stacy was actually trying to engage in conversation.
She glanced up. “About Ethan. I’m sorry that he’s gone, that he left you.”
I was quiet for a moment, breathing silently, processing her words, hearing the almost sneering tone. I realized then why I didn’t like her. While Alex was direct, Stacy chose the sneaky route. She was trying to hurt me. She seemed to be uncomfortable with my attention so I turned back around. Before I left, however, I finally responded.
“He’s not gone,” I said softly. I remembered the time that we had just spent together in my dream. I shook my head in denial. “And he will never leave me.”
And with that I walked out of the kitchen, slipped on
my flip-flops, and went out the door to wait for Liam. I had my own car but Liam had insisted on picking me up, so I sat on the porch as I waited for his familiar black SUV.
Just as his car pulled up, Stacy opened the door, leaving the house. She ignored me from where I sat, and I watched her walk away, but she stopped upon seeing the SUV pulling up in front of the house. As the passenger side windows rolled down, she caught a glimpse of Liam and smiled suggestively at him. Liam, wearing sunglasses, nodded his head in return, a large grin on his face.
Annoyed, I stood up from the steps and stalked over and opened the passenger side door, pushing Stacy away in the process. She stumbled back. As I sat down, I buckled up my seatbelt and looked over at Stacy, who was glancing from me to Liam, a small frown on her face.
I took the opportunity to charge. “You know, Stacy. Your lease will be coming up in a few months. Unfortunately I will no longer be renting at the moment. Be sure to tell your BFF. I’m sure this will give you plenty of time to look for other accommodations. You have a good day, now.”
Before she could respond, I looked over at Liam, who gave a small smirk and then gunned the engine as we drove away, leaving Stacy standing there, the rage apparent on her face.
Bitch.
I heard Liam chuckling beside me and I turned toward him again, crossing my arms over my chest.
“What?” I said darkly.
Perching his shades atop his head, Liam glanced quickly at me with a huge smile before his eyes went back on the road. “Don’t let me get on your bad side.”
I shook my head, irritated. “Piss off, Liam. The little tramp had it coming.”
I had always been quiet, not wanting to cause any trouble with both Stacy and Jill. But how dare she say that about Ethan and me? She had just ruined a perfectly good morning. For her to try to taint my memories of Ethan with her cruel words was the last straw. She had no right to bring up his death.
It’d been less than two weeks for Christ’s sake.
“Why, someone’s angry this morning.”
I snapped out of my internal venting and responded. “I was relishing my dream and then I had to wake up to hear her annoying voice as I ate my breakfast. I don’t need this right now, Liam. I don’t need those stupid girls putting me down.” I hated to admit it, but sometimes I really did feel like Ethan had left me.
Never Letting Go (Delphian Book 1) Page 7