Something Had to Give

by Trish D.

  My next shift wasn’t nearly as bad and with each shift that came after, it got easier. I worked long shifts each day, rarely taking a day off knowing that if I did I would drive myself and Mommy crazy wandering around the house. I was usually so tired on my days off that I welcomed the boredom. Kristen was also home from school. She had also picked up a seasonal job at the mall so the days we had off together were spent doing low-key things. It was always nice to have the company, or to get out for a bit. The one good thing about the busy days was that they went by really fast and before I knew it, it was the week of Christmas and Shanna finally came home. I had initially planned on cutting back on hours when she came home thinking she would want to spend time together. Those plans changed immediately when I saw the mood she was in when she got home.

  Shanna’s mood sucked from the minute she walked in the door. It reminded me a lot of how I felt when I came home for Thanksgiving except she didn’t even try to hide how she was feeling. She blamed it on the long drive from Tennessee and being tired but I knew her and knew her well enough to know that it was because she had to spend the holiday away from Craig. It had been the first time in a while since they had separated for a holiday and it obviously was not her idea. I for one thought the break from each other may do them both some good, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. I just decided to leave her be and see if her mood would improve after she got a good night’s rest. That was me being optimistic. Unfortunately, that was not the case at all. Before I left for work, Shanna was already up and on the phone talking to Craig. It wasn’t their usual mushy conversation loaded with the “I miss you’s.” Shanna was giving very short responses that made me wonder why she even bothered to take the call. I found it doubtful that her mood would improve so I went on to work that day and Christmas Eve.

  It was at the end of the Christmas Eve shift that I was given my holiday bonus. Tim stopped me right before I was set to walk out the door and proceeded to give me a long lecture of how much he appreciated my help the last few weeks. While it was nice to be appreciated and I was extremely thankful for the bonus, I was tired and ready to go and wanted to tell him “just give me the money so I can go.” I guess my thoughts could be read through my expression, because he suddenly wrapped up his speech, handed me the envelope and I was on my way. I waited until I got in the car before opening the envelope and on the check I was shocked to see a five and zero written in the amount. It was dark so I thought maybe I was missing a number so I turned on the interior light for a better look. Sure enough, it was a check made out for $50. I knew I was no longer a regular part-time employee but after all the hours I had put in over the last few weeks, I thought for sure it would be at least double that amount. It could have been that I was tired from the shift, but I was annoyed by the amount and told myself I wouldn’t be going back.

  When I arrived home, I planned on going straight to bed. It was enough for Shanna to be in a pissy mood, I didn’t think my parents deserved to have both their children walking around sulking. Plus, I knew once they found out why I was irritable they would tell me I was being ungrateful. It was true that I was being ungrateful, but I wanted my time to deal with it on my own. I walked in to everyone in the living room relaxing; even Mommy was off her feet to my surprise. Shanna was in the middle of telling a story to my parents, which meant that she, was out of her funk. It also meant I probably wouldn’t get away with going straight to my room and that I needed to get over myself.

  “Hey there, how was work?” Daddy greeted me in between chuckling at Shanna’s story.

  “It was fine. Long but it was ok.”

  “Well there’s something in the kitchen that should brighten your mood”, Shanna piped in.

  “What is it?” I wasn’t in the mood for a guessing game. I just wanted someone to tell me so I could make the decision of whether I wanted to go get it right away or get out of my icky work clothes first.

  “I’m not going to just tell you. You have to go see!”

  I managed to produce a smile at Shanna’s last response but it was all I could do to keep my cool. I made my way to the kitchen after hanging up my coat and as a soon as I walked into the kitchen I was met with a huge vase of what seemed like a whole bush of red roses. “Wow” was all I could think of to say, but I couldn’t help but smile ear to ear as I walked over to the counter to read the card. I already knew they were from Eric. I expected some mushy message on the card. There wasn’t though. It simply read From: Eric. It was totally unexpected, but right on time to put me in a better mood. I was so engrossed in the flowers that I didn’t even hear Shanna sneak up behind me.

  “Well, someone has been holding out on information. You didn’t even mention him on Thanksgiving. I didn’t think he was still in the picture.”

  I wanted to tell her that she was so wrapped in Craig that she probably wouldn’t notice if a meteor hit the Earth. But I held my tongue and simply responded, “Oh yeah, he’s still around.”

  “I see. Looks like we have some catching up to do.”

  After I took a shower I called Eric at home to chat and thank him for the flowers. It was just he and his mom for Christmas since his brother was currently in jail and his parents had separated, but he still seemed to be in good spirits. Hearing that it was just he and his mom made me kick myself for not inviting them to spend the holidays with us. Maybe next year, I thought to myself. I joined my family in the living room after hanging up with Eric. Mommy had made banana pudding and Shanna had made everyone hot chocolate. Craig wasn’t there with Shanna and Aunt Michelle had decided to visit with a friend in California since Sanaa and Samantha would be spending time with their dad. Still it felt nice and cozy to be there with them all, so much so that I couldn’t even remember why I had come home so irritable in the first place.

  ∞∞∞

  The smell of bacon cooking woke me out of my sleep on Christmas morning. When I looked at the clock and saw it was almost 8 am, I was surprised that Mommy had waited so late to start breakfast. It made sense though since Shanna and I hadn’t gotten up at the crack of dawn for Christmas in many years. The anticipation was still there to finally be able to see what was wrapped up under the tree for us. It was funny to remember the times before when Mommy would try to make us eat breakfast before opening gifts which never went over well with me and Shanna. So much had changed. We actually sat and enjoyed Christmas breakfast and even after we finished eating, we still sat at the table reminiscing about previous years Christmases. Finally, Daddy insisted that we all finally leave the table and go open our presents. In usual fashion, Mommy tried to hang back to clean the kitchen. Daddy wouldn’t have it and insisted that she also come and open gifts. I was most impressed by the diamond earrings that Daddy had given me. It was one of the fanciest gifts I had ever received and completely unexpected. Even Shanna, who opted to let the holes in her ears close years ago, looked a little jealous. She handled it well though and the rest of the day went by smoothly.

  Shanna stayed in Charlotte for the remainder of the winter break, which surprised us all. I held my breath each time I heard her on the phone with Craig expecting her to announce that she would be leaving to spend time with his family. She sure did fool me though. As much as I didn’t want to, I still worked shifts here and there, but nothing close to what I was working when I first came home. I couldn’t bring myself to just not go back and I knew I was being ungrateful over the bonus. It was better than nothing. The day before New Year’s Eve, I worked my last shift. By this time, the crowds had died down and the shifts were steady but much more manageable. Tim once again gave me a long speech over how much he appreciated my help and welcomed me to come back and work anytime I was home. I told him I would call when I came home, but we both knew I probably wouldn’t. I had enough of scooping ice cream and being nice to rude customers. It was time to move on.

  On New Year’s Eve, Shanna and I were able to convince Mommy to join us in getting manicures and pedicures. It was very rare that Mom
my agreed to manicures due to the amount of cleaning and cooking that she did on a daily basis and she insisted that pedicures just weren’t her thing. We were able to convince her by reminding her that we would be gone in a few days and there wouldn’t be a lot of cooking or cleaning to be done. She was still reluctant, but agreed. Once she got in the chair and they began to massage her feet, it was obvious that she enjoyed being pampered for the first time in only God knows how long. We then had lunch at Maggianos, which of course was my choice. After shopping and lunch, we headed home where Daddy was waiting on us. None of us really had plans to bring in the New Year. Shanna was so used to being with Craig, that I felt like it was hard for her to figure out things to do independently or with anyone other than him. Daddy and Mommy always went to church and I was used to going along with them. I decided to carry on tradition and go to church with my parents. Without other plans, Shanna agreed to come as well and we brought in the New Year together as a family.

  Shanna and I left to go back to school on the same day. We both opted to leave on Saturday morning to beat the traffic. It worked out much better for me than it did going back for Thanksgiving. I made it back to Wilmington in less than four hours, which had never happened before. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but I was hoping Eric would be there waiting on me again. He had come back the day before saying that he couldn’t take being home anymore. It wasn’t so bad that his dad was no longer there, but he missed his brother. Before his brother began to drink and have run-ins with the law, they had been really close. It was hard for him to be there without him. When I reached the doors of the dorm without him appearing out of thin air, I let it sink in that he was not there. As I was waiting for the elevator, I heard a familiar voice behind me.

  “It’s about time. I thought you would never get here.” I should have known he wouldn’t let me down.

  ∞∞∞

  My second semester of college was great. I had arranged my schedule so that I no longer had to get up for 8 am classes. I also started a part-time job at the local hospital as a medical records clerk. It was a monotonous job of scanning medical charts into an electronic system, but it paid what I considered to be pretty good and there was no contact with customers. Even better was the fact that no weekends were required. There wasn’t much time to spend with Eric during the week, but usually on the weekends we were able to spend a lot of time together. I stayed pretty busy and that worked out well for me. I did hate that I did not have a female friend to hang out with. There were times when Eric wanted to do his own thing with Daniel or other friends and I understood that. There was no one I could call however to do the same. April was still not around and I rarely saw Amanda even though she was my roommate. I tried to convince myself that time to myself was good, but still it bothered me. Somehow, I kept losing my friends.

  The semester flew by once the cold weather broke and we were able to spend weekends at the beach. It was time to figure out summer plans and housing plans for the next year. Amanda was the perfect roommate since she was never around, but she had convinced her boyfriend to move to Wilmington and they were getting an apartment together. I was pretty much disgusted by the common bathrooms in the dorm and decided to move into the on-campus apartments. It was the best option since I knew Daddy would not foot the bill for me to move off campus. It was a risky move though since I would be moving in with three girls I had never met. As I randomly signed my name to one of the apartments I felt like kicking myself. I had no idea what I was getting into. As for summer plans, I felt like my options were limited. The trips to Detroit were done so going home meant hopefully finding a non-retail job or sitting around the house all day. I could do summer school to put myself ahead for the next semester, but I flat out did not want to. I felt like I needed a break from classes.

  I wished that I had done better planning in finding an internship, but unfortunately the thought didn’t cross my mind until it was too late to find anything. Eric suggested that I stay in Wilmington with him for the summer. He was staying with a friend that was letting him crash in a spare room and thought it would be a way that I could still work at my job and spend time with him. It would also keep me from being bored out of my mind at home. For a brief second it sounded like a good idea until it occurred to me that I did not know this person who we would be staying with and for all I knew, they could be another Daniel. My parents would also never go for me shacking up with my boyfriend for the summer and lying to them wasn’t the route I wanted to take. I had to accept the fact that I was going home for the summer.

  Both Shanna and I stayed pretty busy and neither of us were in our rooms much to catch each other’s call. The week of exams when I locked myself in my room to study for a math exam was the first time in weeks that she actually called when I was in the room. Apparently a lot had happened with her during those few weeks. She had signed a lease on an apartment and would be starting an internship in the next week. Best of all, she was inviting me to spend the summer with her. She promised to help me find a part-time job and even suggested that I volunteer at the local hospital, which would look great on my application into the nursing program. It sounded like a great plan to me and there was no way my parents wouldn’t approve of it. I was so excited about the change in plans that I hung up with Shanna before I thought to ask if she had gotten this apartment with Craig. It didn’t really matter though. I knew I could ignore their antics in exchange for a place to stay for the summer.

  The next few days were hectic. In between exams, I had to find a storage room for my stuff since I was no longer going home and only wanted to take clothes to Shanna’s with me. Finding a small storage room seemed near to impossible since I had started looking so late. I got so frustrated with the whole process that I ended up renting a room that was large enough to fit furniture from a two-bedroom home for my stuff that only took up a corner. With the price they were charging me, I was tempted to go around campus asking if anyone needed a place to store their furniture for the summer to help with the cost. The ride back to campus calmed me down and I was able to convince myself that this was not something that should ruin my day. It was also the last day that I had to spend with Eric and I didn’t want to spend that time in a bad mood.

  Though Eric understood my reasons for choosing to go to Chattanooga, he still wasn’t happy about me being so far away for the summer. I did feel bad, knowing that he didn’t have a good family support besides his mother. He didn’t say it, but it was obvious that he felt like I was abandoning him. I tried to encourage him to find a job for the summer or to enroll in classes since he was going to be local, but he didn’t seem to be interested in either suggestion. I found it hard to imagine that he was going to spend the whole summer doing nothing, but I didn’t know what else to suggest to him. I wanted to ask him to go with me to Shanna’s but I knew she wouldn’t go for it since she didn’t know him and I doubted that my parents would either. When it was time for me to leave him I knew he was trying to stay positive, but I felt like he was mad at me and it made me feel guilty. It was like he was looking for me to save him, but I honestly had no clue what else I could do for him. I felt terrible.

  I left for Chattanooga at 6am the next morning. The plan was to leave at 8, but I was having such a hard time sleeping, I figured I might as well get up and get on the road. I tried to call Eric before I left but got no answer, which was strange to me even if it was pretty early in the morning. I knew he was ignoring me. I didn’t want to leave on a bad note, so I decided to stop by his room and make sure he was OK and that we were OK. At the stop sign where I could turn right to go to his suite or straight to leave campus, something stopped me from making that turn. My mind was telling me to make that turn but I also wanted to give him his space if that was what he wanted. I hated the way I felt and not knowing if I was making the right decisions. I started to feel angry as I thought about how he was acting. He was putting a lot of pressure on me and was apparently mad at me when I didn’t do anything wrong.
The nerve of him. Breathe Cheryl, Breathe. I didn’t want to start my summer vacation in an irritable mood. All I could do at that point was let the situation be. I couldn’t let Eric’s little temper tantrum get me so worked up. I rolled down the windows and turned up the music and promised myself that I would not feel guilty anymore.

  All was good for the first half of the trip. After I hit the five-hour mark, the lack of sleep hit me. I wanted to pull over and shut my eyes for about an hour. Instead I stopped at the next gas station to use the bathroom, stretch, and grab a coke. I hoped that it would wake me for the remainder of the trip. I didn’t want to stop anymore, so I only took a few swigs. It didn’t seem like much at that time compared to how tired I felt, but it certainly did the trick. Two and a half hours later I arrived at Shanna’s door. I was still tired, but I was still glad to be there. Evidently, she was just as glad. She talked nonstop as soon as I got in the door about all the plans she had for us beginning that evening. It all sounded like fun but I was just too tired to do much of anything at that moment. She seemed disappointed but seemed to understand. I was relieved to be able take a short nap to rejuvenate myself.