by Trish D.
My parents and Aunt Michelle came down for the Fourth of July. Craig’s parents also came into town. Interestingly enough, before they got to town, the liquor shelf was cleared out and all of Craig’s stuff was gone out of the bathroom. I guessed he really did have his own apartment or they hid everything under Shanna’s bed. Daddy had reserved a hotel room in downtown Chattanooga, but Shanna seemed stressed about them coming over and possibly finding traces of her drinking habit and/or Craig practically living there. When they arrived at the apartment, they did a very vague inspection of the place. Daddy was more concerned about safety than anything else and Mommy wasn’t concerned much with how clean it was. When they all took a seat in the living room and stopped looking around, the relief on Shanna’s face was so evident, and I had to stifle my laughter. She was really turning into a piece of work. Anything to keep the good girl image.
We met up with Craig and his parents that evening in the downtown area, where there was a festival and fireworks scheduled. Shanna and Craig were nothing like they were when it was just us. They actually acted like mature young adults and not crazy college kids. If only they would stay that way, the summer would have been so much more enjoyable. I had to enjoy the moment of normalcy while it lasted. We all enjoyed the festival. The food was great along with the funnel cakes and ice cream that we indulged in and the fireworks were a perfect way to cap off the evening. The hotel was in walking distance of the festival so we said our goodbyes to them before making our way to the car, where we then said our goodbyes to Craig’s family. The traffic was horrible getting back to Shanna’s and I ended up falling asleep in the bumper-to-bumper traffic.
Back at the apartment, I laid across my bed waiting for Shanna to get done in the bathroom. The sun had drained me and I could barely keep my eyes open. I dozed off to be awakened by Shanna knocking on the door to let me know that I had a message on the voicemail. I wanted to respond, but I was confused since Eric was the only one who would be calling me. I wanted to be sure I had heard her correctly. Shanna had a goofy smirk on her face as she turned to leave that turned into a wide grin as she turned back around and added, “by the way, the message isn’t from Eric.” I didn’t respond to her but I was annoyed at her immaturity and no longer had any desire to check the message. If it wasn’t Eric who was it then? Daddy? Maybe he had forgotten to tell me something so I figured it could wait until after I showered. It nearly slipped my mind to check the message as I got settled into bed. When I played the message, it made me sit straight up in bed. It was Jason! I played the message three times before I believed it was real. The message was short and he seemed a little nervous to be leaving one. He just wanted to say, “hi” and let me know that he had enjoyed dinner the other night. However, he didn’t leave a call back number. I wasn’t sure if I would be working with him the next day but I was excited at the prospect and hoped it wouldn’t be awkward.
My work shift was at 3pm the next day but I was up early going in to volunteer. The whole time I was there, I felt anxious and kept looking at the clock. I had to keep telling myself to calm down before I ended up having an all-out anxiety attack. After all, I didn’t even know if Jason would be working with me, but at least I would have the opportunity to get his phone number out the staff directory. I felt like a teenaged girl with a silly crush walking into work with butterflies. I really didn’t know what to expect. When I got in the back to set my stuff down Jason was in his office on the phone but somehow knew to turn around, smile and wave. I threw up my hand back in an attempt to play it cool, but I really wanted to bust through the door and jump on him. I had to turn around from facing him to hide my laughter at my crazy thought.
My assignment for the day was on the cash register, which wasn’t something that I liked at all, but I had learned to take it in stride. The other associate working on the register was an older lady named Sandy who talked non-stop about her four cats. Everyone who had ever worked with her knew every detail about her cats, but listened anyway out of respect. I never really listened to her stories and had mastered the art of tuning her out while occasionally giving an “mmm hmmm” to make her think I was paying attention. Mommy had never liked cats growing up and that is one thing from her that had rubbed off on me. Sandy was in the middle of telling me how one of the cats had gotten out the house when I saw Jason emerge from the back room walking and talking with Felicity. He was wearing his book bag, which meant that he was leaving for the day. My first instinct was to make a beeline for area by the door so that he would have to say something to me, but a customer walked up to pay before I could make a fool out of myself. “Jerk!” I thought to myself. He could have at least come and said goodbye.
I sat in bed that night holding the phone for some time debating if I should call Jason or not. It had taken three attempts to write down his number out of the staff directory that night without anyone noticing. That seemed to be the hard part until now when it actually came to calling. As I laid there, I kept telling myself the later I waited to call, the higher possibility that he would be asleep and wouldn’t answer. That way I could say I made an effort and called. I realized I was being really childish. I just needed to call and stop acting a like a kid. With a deep breath, I dialed his number and go figure, he answered on the second ring. We talked for two hours that night and when we finally hung up, I felt like I had talked to the most genuinely nice guy on the face of the planet.
∞∞∞
The next few weeks with Jason were nothing short of amazing. The summer had taken an unexpected turn for the better. I worked, volunteered, and spent time with Jason. Jason and I clicked from day one. It was a connection I didn’t feel with Eric. I wasn’t sure if it was out of convenience or loneliness, but I truly enjoyed it. It got to the point that I was at his place more than at Shanna’s which meant that I didn’t have to see her and Craig drink until they became blubbering idiots and pass out. Everything was so much more quiet and cozier at Jason’s place. I didn’t realize how much time had gone by since I had been to Shanna’s until she popped up at my work saying that she wanted to make sure I was still alive. It happened to be close to the end of my shift and she asked me to go to dinner with her so we could “catch up.” I agreed only because Craig was out of town and there was a good chance that she would act like a normal person.
There was an Applebee’s just a few doors down from work that Shanna asked me to meet her at when I got off. It wasn’t a place I would have chosen, but for the sake of avoiding an argument I agreed. When I arrived, Shanna had already gotten a table and was sipping on water with an irritated look on her face. I knew her well enough to know that there was a 99% chance that she was upset that Craig was out of town. Her mood had been fine when she came to see me at work, but there was no telling what happened in between that time and the time she walked down to the restaurant. There was that 1% chance that she was annoyed with having to wait on me to get here so I started off with an apology to see how it went.
“Hey, sorry you had to wait. They don’t let us leave until someone can come and check our bags.”
“Yeah, it’s no problem. I was watching the baseball game imagining Daddy at home cheering like he’s in the stands.” With that response, I could safely conclude that I was not the source of her irritation.
“Yeah, he’s probably going crazy by now.” I responded glancing up at the game. “Have you ordered yet?” I knew my best bet was to get food ordered and get out of there quickly to avoid dealing with her attitude. It was beyond me why she let Craig get her so upset, especially when he went somewhere without her.
“No, I was sitting here debating on if I want to get a drink here or wait until I get home. I guess I could get it now; it would probably calm me down.”
“What’s going on?” I hated to ask, but it was clear she was hinting that she wanted to vent.
“Oh nothing. Just my boyfriend being a complete jerk and inconsiderate butthole. He goes out of town with Garrett saying it’s a guy trip, but
I know Garret took a girl with him, so what’s the big deal about me going? Ugh! I’ve passed up two trips this summer being considerate of him and not wanting to leave him behind.”
The waitress came by to get our order, but we both needed more time. I kept looking at my menu not wanting to hear more about stupid Craig. I was afraid to comment, since I wanted to yell at her to shut up and learn to talk about other things than Craig. She was ruining the high I had been on for the last few weeks and ignoring her was not working. Even though I was staring at my menu, I could tell she was looking at me waiting for a response. So finally I gave her one.
“Oh, sorry that happened. Maybe you should hang out with some friends to take your mind off things.”
“Oh whatever!” It apparently wasn’t the response Shanna was looking for. When I looked up at her she was glaring at me like it was my fault that Craig had left her behind.
This infuriated me. I wanted nothing to do with their little spat. “I don’t know why you even brought it up to me, you didn’t want my advice.”
“Maybe I don’t want your advice. Maybe I just wanted some support, but you’re so wrapped up in this guy you met five minutes ago that you can’t see that.”
She was starting to get loud and drawing attention to us. Her acting out in public was not something that I was used to. In my mind I saw myself jumping across the table and literally knocking some sense into her. When I snapped out of my trance I was glad that I was still in my seat. Unwilling to feed into her antics or be her scapegoat, I grabbed my purse and left. Livid couldn’t even scratch the surface of how upset I was. How I was the one she decided to take her anger out on instead of the person who had actually pissed her off was beyond me. It had been years since I had let her make me so angry and it took everything in me not to go to her apartment and punch her in the face for being so annoying and stupid in love. I drove around until I could no longer feel heat in my ears. Jason was already home when I got there and the minute I walked in I was in a better mood. There was no telling how the night would have played out if I would have had to go back to Shanna’s place.
∞∞∞
Weeks went by and Shanna didn’t make any attempt to reach out to me and apologize. I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong, so I didn’t reach out to her either. The summer was coming to an end for me and it bothered me that I would be leaving Chattanooga without us speaking. I still had stuff at her apartment and I felt anxious about having to go there and possibly running into her. She was my sister and I didn’t want to fight with her, but at the same time I was totally fed up with the new her. On top of the drama with Shanna, I had to deal with the fact that I also had to say good-bye to Jason. We were not a couple and had not even discussed it. A long distance relationship didn’t even seem possible to me with someone who didn’t live at least in the same state. With his busy work schedule and me looking to apply to the nursing program soon, it didn’t seem likely that we would get to see each other very much. Still, it was hard to leave after all the time we had spent together.
Both my last day of volunteering and work were on the same day, which seemed like a good idea when I planned it. However, by the time I made it in to work I was already a mess from saying goodbye to the patients that I had grown attached to, especially the kids. I cried the whole way to work and still found myself trying to get it together when I pulled into the parking lot. As a result, I was ten minutes late starting my shift, but since it was my last day, Felicity didn’t say anything. She and Jason were the only two people from work that I had developed any sort of relationship with, yet I still found it hard to say good-bye to everyone else. Luckily there were only three other employees working besides Felicity and me. By far, my last shift was the longest shift that I had experienced. It didn’t bother me though since I knew I had to make the dreaded trip over to Shanna’s after work to get the rest of my stuff.
That night after work when I pulled into Shanna’s apartment complex I felt my stomach sink when I saw both Shanna and Craig’s car parked in front of her building. Not only would I have to deal with Shanna’s attitude, but also Craig was likely to throw in a few smart comments just to egg things on. When I approached the door, I could hear the TV blaring, which meant I would be interrupting their movie time, but also meant that I probably wouldn’t have to carry on much conversation with them. When I walked in they were cuddled up on the couch just as I expected. I said a general “hello” as I walked in. Either they were too wrapped up in the documentary to hear me or chose to ignore me. It was fine with me though. I had to walk in front of the TV to get to my stuff so they had to notice but didn’t acknowledge me.
As I passed I heard Craig say, “I thought you changed the locks.”
There was no response from Shanna. His snarky comment made me stop and want to turn around and respond, but I thought better of it, not wanting to give him the victory of upsetting me. I just wanted to pack as quickly as possible and get out of there. It turned out that I was able to get out of there faster than I expected. Right when I walked into the room I saw that all my stuff was already packed. Whatever I did must have really pissed Shanna off, but at least she didn’t burn my clothes or Clorox all of them. Most of my stuff was at Jason’s so I was able to get all of my belongings from Shanna’s in one trip. I stopped in front of the door before leaving to take Shanna’s key off my key ring.
“I’m driving back to Wilmington tomorrow. Thanks for having me.” I reached my hand out to Shanna to give her the key but she continued to act like I wasn’t there so I sat it on the coffee table. As I did Craig grabbed the remote to turn the volume up.
“What did he just say? I couldn’t hear.” Craig turned the volume up as loud as it could go just to be a jerk.
“I missed it too. Just rewind it.” Shanna replied.
I left with a mind blown type of feeling. I replayed what I said to Shanna that night in the restaurant and I just couldn’t place my finger on what I had said that made her so upset. Nothing negative was said against Craig so I didn’t understand why he was mad, but then again, there was no telling what Shanna had told him. The whole situation was baffling to me. How could she be so forgiving of him and hold a grudge against me when I truly hadn’t done anything wrong. The more I sat there and thought about it, the more my head would pound and I knew it was best to just let it go and leave. Driving to Jason’s place, I tried to stop thinking about the whole situation but it was hard. I wanted to go back in time and tell Shanna that I couldn’t make it to dinner. I knew it was pointless to even think that way; I couldn’t change what had already happened. It was my last night with Jason and I didn’t think it was fair for him to feel the brunt of my mess. I decided to leave all my anger and negative feelings in the car as I parked outside Jason’s place. Shanna wasn’t bothered, why should I be?
The next morning I was up at 6:30am feeling like a zombie. I didn’t sleep well and I was absolutely dreading the long ride back to Wilmington. Jason was up with me making me breakfast, which we both ate pretty much in silence. We hadn’t really discussed what was to happen between us once I left though it was obvious we both were thinking about it. It was at the tip of my tongue up until I was at my car getting ready to leave. The words were right there, but they just wouldn’t come out. We were standing there making awkward small talk when it became obvious that we were just going to leave things up in the air. I wasn’t OK with it, but I got annoyed waiting on the subject to come up. It also dawned on me that I was wasting driving time. I ended the conversation somewhat abruptly and we bid our final goodbyes. In my rear view mirror I could see him still standing in the same spot I left him in. Watching him watch me drive off left a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to stay there in Chattanooga with him and at the same time, I wanted to get as far away as possible from Shanna and Craig. As I hit the highway headed towards Wilmington, I felt myself breathe a sigh of relief and fight back tears at the same time. I was a mess. Breathe Cheryl; breathe.
> ∞∞∞
The ride back to Wilmington was just as tiring as it was getting to Tennessee. It was early afternoon when I arrived back at campus but the line to pick up keys to my apartment was still pretty long. It was at least twenty minutes before I got to the desk to get my keys and by that time I was hot, tired, and hungry. I was glad that I was the first one to the apartment since I was in no mood for introductions and small talk. The first room in the small apartment was mine. I sat at the desk eating my cold Bo jangles trying to figure out how I was going to fit my stuff in the tiny room. Just the thought of going back out in the heat, getting my stuff out of the storage room, and having to get it all in my room was overwhelming. The only thing that kept me from lying down in the bed and taking a nap was that I had no Lysol or sheets for the bed. It took a lot to get up from the desk after I finished eating. I had to remind myself that the faster I got done, the faster I could really take a nap.
The storage place was extremely crowded by the time I got there as more students were returning back to campus. The wait just to drive down the driveway to my room made me so irritated that I was determined to get all my belongings in one trip. By the time I got it all in the car, I was literally dripping sweat and my car was so packed that I couldn’t see out of my back window. While I was gone, all three of my roommates had arrived. Brianna, Deanna, and Angie were all on the volleyball team and seemed to be really good friends. It became obvious almost immediately that I was the outsider and it was pretty awkward. They all sat in the living room chatting about their summer while I unloaded my car and unpacked. Hearing them laugh and joke made me miss my friendship with April. I needed girlfriends, but then again maybe I didn’t. My track record with friends was always in the back of my mind. I didn’t want to fail anyone else.