by Laney Kaye
“No. Not at all.” Her teal eyes met mine steadfastly, as though she was braver with more distance between us. “You look like him. Smithton will never know you’re not. But you don’t…act like him.”
Leo guffawed, and Janie shot him a stern look.
Lyrie’s small smile lifted the scar that drew through her lip, offsetting the crooked nose that was clearly the result of more than one break. Khal said she’d hoped that changing between her griffin and human form would fix the wounds she’d acquired when the Regime had tortured her, before she’d discovered the ability to shift, but that he didn’t care; she was beautiful, and the scars reminded him who he intended to kill.
Hartlin was already dead.
Smithton was on his list.
Smithton was on all our lists.
The C.O. had drugged and tried to rape Maya, attempted to murder Janie, imprisoned and tortured Lyrie.
Yet perhaps none of us hated him as much as his own daughter did.
“Well,” Lyrie’s calm, commanding tone silenced the ripple of amusement that had circulated the table. “If you’re feeling able, Jag, we should move ahead. Herc, you have the latest data on the enemy encroachment?”
With the chow house almost empty, Herc didn’t need to drop his volume to run through the stats. He shoved aside the plates of stew and the flatbreads baked in the ovens that not only fed the community, but were linked to heat pumps to service the areas of the cave that housed the elderly and infirm. The map he unfurled covered most of the table.
The figures were dismal. Nothing magical had happened while I’d been preoccupied. Well, nothing concerning the coming battle, anyway. We were outmanned, outgunned and out-teched by the enemy troops camped on our front doorstep.
“Our only hope is to outmaneuver,” Lyrie summarized as Herc finished his briefing. “We initiate skirmishes on the front line and draw enemy fire and, more importantly, their attention.” She used a tallar stick to draw a route on the map. “Jag and Aren light out from the rear entrance, here. With the rate the Regime are building their forces, there’s a huge risk of encountering their reinforcements or, at the very least, their drone scouts. Instead of making direct for the compound,” she pointed south, to the town marked on the furthest reaches of the map. “You’ll have to go even farther north, then break due east. Head well out, then take a diagonal line southwest, to the compound. Again, you’ll have to go beyond the perimeter, then double back, so you’re coming in from their flank. Although Smithton may welcome Aren’s return with open arms”—
Aren’s lip curled with disgust.
—“We can’t count on you not encountering some trigger happy idiot before you get close enough for him to identify you. Especially as he was encouraged to believe we’d murdered you two years ago.” Her flat tone nevertheless held a note of accusation. The Resistance had suffered badly as a result of Smithton’s thirst for revenge. But we all had the misfortune of knowing the man well enough to recognize that vengeance was nothing but an excuse for him to indulge his perverted desires.
I poked a finger at the map, trying not to cringe at the flash of my white—almost blue— hairless flesh. This would take some getting used to. “If we have to head north then break east, it’s going to add days to the journey, at the very least. Though I assume I can shift, to make the return journey swifter? How long do we have before the Regime mounts an attack?”
“Not long enough,” Herc ground out. “Once we get that communicator and send a message to Aaidarian High Command, they could have reinforcements here within forty-eight hours. If they agree to do so.”
“They’ll agree,” Leo said. “When they hear what Janie discovered about the Regime’s research, and their intentions. Coupled with what they tried to do with Lyrie and Khal, it’s a no-brainer.”
“Granted,” Herc nodded. “But the issue is not so much how long it takes Aaidar to respond, as how long it takes us to get hold of the com to summon them. Even if the gods are all grinning their fool heads off and allow Aren to waltz in there and grab the tech, and then Jag shifts to race them both back here so Leo can do his stuff, we’ll lose ten days just getting to the compound.”
I should have known Herc would’ve foreseen the same issue I’d landed on. Though he could be hot-headed, he was a gun commander. “I know you’re going to say you have a plan.”
He nodded. “It’s not ideal. I don’t like depriving the Headquarters of manpower, but Lyrie and Fen will have it under control. You can’t shift to carry Aren, or you’ll lose the modifications you need to get you into the compound. I’ll carry you.” A Ligerkin, Herc was the largest of all cat shifters, the span of his shoulders greater than the length of a man.
Maya’s fingers tightened into a white clench on his, but she maintained her silence as he continued. “And Leo carries Aren. Riding will cut at least seven days from the trek in. Leo and me bivouac in the desert, short of the compound. You and Aren go in, grab the tech, get it out to us, then Leo gets straight on to hacking into the communication system and initiating contact, instead of waiting another three days for the tech to make it back here.”
We were all silent for a moment, turning the plan over in our minds. Janie wasn’t as good at keeping a chalist face as Maya, and tears hung from her lashes. “I could come, too? What if you need medical help?”
Leo turned to her and smoothed a hand down her cheek. “No. We’re going in shifter-heavy in case one of us goes down. That way, we’ll still be able to get the com and Aren back here. But if we carry more people on the way in, we’re compromised. Plus, I don’t want you in danger.”
“Not that here is exactly safe,” Lyrie added. “But there’s a battle coming, Janie. We need our doctors where the bulk of the casualties will be.”
“I know.” Janie straightened her shoulders and gave a sad smile. “It’s just we’ve had so little time together.” Her gaze ranged the table. “I guess it’s as hard for all of us that are bondmated, though, isn’t it? Me and Leo. Khal and Lyrie. Herc and Maya.”
Aren shoved from the table and stood tall, her hand on the lorgar hilt of her knife. “And me and Jag.”
Lyrie shrugged, her distrust of Smithton’s daughter evident. “Dragarian pair-blading for the sake of the mission isn’t comparable to an unbreakable Felidaekin bond.”
Aren’s gaze flashed an unspoken challenge at the Queen. Her tone dripped ice. “I wasn’t talking about only Dragarian bonding.”
Chapter Six
Aren
My anger at them drove me to it. Or so I told myself.
I knew this would take Jag and me into dangerous territory, but I couldn’t help it. Yes, I wanted to prove something to Lyrie, who’d made it clear she distrusted me. But I’d also wanted to know what bonding—hells, what kissing a man—felt like.
It wouldn’t go any further. No, I wouldn’t ask for it to go any further.
Striding around the table, I stalked up to Jag.
“I want to kiss you,” I said, challenge ringing out in my words. Bold, considering my hands shook.
Leo chuckled. Lyrie glowered.
I hated that they judged me. Me. The woman who’d been their friend but now, suddenly, had become their enemy.
But who in all hells cared what they thought? The only person whose response mattered was Jag.
He took my demand in stride. Despite knowing what we risked, he only blinked once before his gaze darted to my lips. “Think that can be arranged.” With his hand cupping the back of my neck, he tugged me close. “Not even asking why you’ve changed your mind. You know what you’re offering, and I’m taking it.”
Our mouths crashed together, and I swear the earth shook. Thunder boomed overhead.
My cells realigned.
Electricity arced through me, centering in my belly. No, below my belly, in that secret place where Jag had recently tasted. I wanted him to do it again. To do everything to me, with me. Even if it could never last.
This was what I’d been mis
sing. A feeling of completeness.
Spinning me around, Jag pushed me against the wall, his mouth locked on mine. Greedy. Taking yet giving. His tongue thrust past my lips and captured mine, staking his claim.
Demanding my submission.
My legs limp, I slumped, taking in his heat, his scent, the fire shooting between us.
The second bond.
He lifted his head and grinned hungrily. “You claimed me. Name the time and place, and I’m yours to do with as you please. But know one thing.”
I lifted my chin, pretending I was in control of this situation, of myself, while inside, I knew…Jag was. “What?” The word came out a taunt. A dare.
He growled. “I’m going to mark every inch of your body with my mouth. My scent. You’re mine.”
“I own myself.” I lowered my voice. “Please know I will not be requesting more.” I didn’t miss that he hadn’t mentioned marking me with his body. He didn’t want the third bond any more than I did. Still, his presence flustered me. I ducked underneath the muscular arm he’d braced on the wall beside my head.
While I scooted away, his hand slid down my back to my ass. Caressed it. As if I was already his.
The others stared at us with a mix of emotions on their faces.
“You two.” Maya glanced back and forth between us. “You’re bonding in the Felidaekin way.” She and Herc looked as if they sympathized. I knew they’d fought their bond. Holding hands, I could see Maya squeeze his.
Lyrie sneered. Khal stood at her side, concern written in the lines on his face.
Leo grinned, and I half expected him to high-five Jag.
“Okay.” Herc shoved out the word with a long breath. “Did not see that one coming. And, on that note, we need to leave. Meet me at the back cliffs.”
He named a time within the hour.
Hustling over to me, Janie grabbed my arm and tugged me toward the door. “We need to talk.”
I followed her, bemused, my head still spinning from Jag’s kiss, as she dragged me down the hall, up a sloping tunnel, eventually arriving at her small clinic. After shooing out a nurse who’d sat at a desk, looking through files, Janie shut the door.
At first, she just leaned on the wall, grinning. Then, she strode over to me. Her arms wrapped me up in a big hug. I was enveloped in her warmth, a feeling of home.
Which was wrong. This place would never be my home. I’d never have a home. As the leader of my small band of Refugee people, my destiny had been to wander until I dropped to the sand and died.
I was now deliberately sending my destiny in another direction.
Releasing me, Janie smiled, the gesture highlighting her high cheekbones and violet eyes. “Welcome to the Felidaekin bonded group.” She tucked a strand of her silver hair behind her ear. “We’re not officially related, but we kind of are, right? Leo, the guys, Jag. They’re like brothers. And we’re…” She gulped. “We could be sisters.” Said with amazement in her voice, as if this was something she’d dreamed of her entire life.
“Umm…”
“It’s okay.” She rubbed my arm. “I’m rushing this. But maybe…Well, we’ll see how things progress. Maybe you and Jag…”
I couldn’t let myself sink into the warmth of this fantasy. We were only together until we completed this job. Marking me as his was just talk. For Jag, I was a conquest. Yes, he wanted me. But for more than just sex?
From now on, I’d have to be careful. If we came together, we’d be united for life.
But if he initiated it…No. We had ignited the blades. Our relationship was nothing more than a necessity, even though it felt like so much more already.
“I get the feeling you’re new to Felidaekin bonds,” Janie said softly, studying my face. Not with a professional, doctor expression, but as a friend. “They’re nothing like Dragarian bonds, are they?” Her gaze cut to my blade. “You and Jag have touched. Kissed. The only thing left to do before you’re fully connected is—”
“We haven’t had sex.”
“Okay. So.” Janie frowned. “The Dragarian bond, though? You have to have done something.” She held up her hand before I could speak. “No need for more details. The blades were ignited, and that’s all I need to know. But you’re heading out soon, into dangerous territory. I doubt you’ll have time for the third part of the Felidaekin bond. Twenty-four-hours of sex, that is. You don’t need to do it every second.” She laughed at my raised eyebrows. “But once you start that bond, you need to finish. Otherwise, it could end badly.”
“What happens if we don’t have sex?”
“I believe the bond dissolves,” she said. “Of course, if that happens, once you return here and things are settled, you can start the process over again and finish it.”
“We won’t. We can’t.” We’d never have the chance to take it that far.
“You will,” Janie said with utter certainty. “Sure, tell yourself you kissed him, and that’s it. But you won’t be able to help yourself. If Jag’s like my Leo, you must want him desperately already.”
What I felt was just a normal physical need, maybe enhanced by the two Felidaekin bonds. I’d shake it off. Complete this project, then do what needed to be done.
“Leo and I…” Janie said. “We were separated before we could finish the twenty-four-hours. It was a tough time for us.” She directed her gaze down at her clasped hands. “I think he went half out of his mind.” Her shaky laugh held no humor. “He had this wild idea about sacrificing himself to save me. Save us. Thankfully, you saw what was happening and talked some sense into him.” Her arms wrapped around me again, before she released me. “I owe you so much. Which is why I’m going to tell you to go easy on Jag. Take time to think about this, instead of reflexively pushing him away.”
“I don’t—”
She shook her head. “I can see what you’re doing.”
“You have no idea what I’m doing.”
“Don’t I? You’re not the only one who grew up in a crappy family.” Her silver hair flicked across her shoulder when she shook her head. “But let me tell you one thing about these bonds. You won’t be able to hold yourself back.” She shrugged. “Might as well go with the flow. Felidaekin bonds are rare. They’re something to be savored. Treasured. Don’t throw yours away.”
I didn’t have time for this. “We can end with the kiss.”
“Sounds simple, but trust me, it won’t be easy. Just promise me you won’t do anything hasty.”
Shrugging, I kept my mouth shut. She had no idea what I would soon deal with. I couldn’t agree to anything like that. “Look, I’ve got to go. I need to get ready.”
“Lyrie’s…formidable,” she said, as I was turning toward the door.
Why bring her into this?
I grimaced. “Gods, don’t I know it? She hates me because of my connection to Smithton.”
“She has a good reason to hate him, but I think you’re reading her wrong. You know who my father was and you don’t hold that against me.”
“Lyrie killed your father.” I studied her face, but couldn’t read the emotions flickering through her eyes. “How does that make you feel?”
Janie blinked fast. Did she actually shed a tear for her father? “He brought on his own death. Lyrie pulled the trigger, but he might as well have put the gun to his own head.” She stalked across the tiny room. After smoothing a sheet that lay on a stretcher, she turned and leaned her bottom against it, crossing her arms on her chest. “He wasn’t much of a father.”
Something we shared.
“Now you’re going to do the same thing to Smithton,” she said dryly. “Kill him, that is.”
How could this woman see all the way to my soul? “I have to go,” I grumbled.
I stomped toward the door, but she reached out and pinched my sleeve, holding me back. “Revenge is a nasty business.”
I ground my teeth together. “You don’t understand.”
“And you don’t have time to explain. I get it.”
My sigh eased out of me. “Let’s just say that my father has held the gun to his own head for a long time, too.”
“Only this time, you’ll be the one pulling the trigger.”
Before I could speak, the door opened, and Leo swept in.
“Hey,” he said to me. “Jag’s looking for you.” His gaze focused on Janie, like she was his sole reason for existing. He scooped her up and held her close. Kissed her. Then nuzzled her neck while she giggled and sighed and stroked his hair. He set her bottom on the stretcher and stepped between her parted legs.
I slipped from the room without saying goodbye. They wouldn’t have heard me, anyway. They were lost in each other, in this moment together.
Hurrying down the hall, I clenched my hands until they blanched.
I couldn’t define the feelings squeezing my heart tight. I’d never had anything like what Janie and Leo had. A certainty that, without this person in my life, I couldn’t go on.
My mind immediately went to Jag, but I shoved aside the notion. We weren’t like Janie and Leo, Herc and Maya. Lyrie and Khal.
Our bond had been deliberately engineered to ignite the blades.
Not the Felidaekin bond, my mind insisted. That bond is real.
“It’s not real,” I whispered.
Picking up my pace, I crossed the central hub, my boots crunching on the gravel, and entered the residential wing.
I skimmed my fingertips along the cold, damp walls as I passed.
What if Jag and I truly were bondmating? If life and circumstances hadn’t predicted our end already, would we have loved, settled in a home together, begun a family?
Images of dark-haired boys with deep blue eyes flashed through my mind.
No. Don’t do this to yourself.
I had an obligation to Tracin. He’d saved me. Showed me how to survive in this harsh wasteland. He’d taken me in when no one else would’ve. Without him, I had no place in this world. No purpose.
I owed him.
I owed my blade.
Striding faster, I arrived at my quarters and unlocked the door. I found Terra inside, stooped down in front of her chest, stuffing something into a pillion hide bag. When I stepped inside the room, she dropped the bag by her feet and straightened, though she still had to look up to meet my eye. She’d braided her white hair, and she wore her traveling cloak.