Once time was up, everyone handed his or her papers forward. Jelly had a great big grin on her face and looked over at Tommy. Tommy scrunched up his face and demanded, “What are you so happy about? Did someone hit you in the head with that dumb pencil?
Jelly calmly replied, “No. In fact, this pencil is anything but dumb. It is a very smart pencil. It is a magic pencil and writes whatever I tell it to.”
Tommy rolled his eyes. “You really did get hit over the head,” he sneered.
However, this did not phase Jelly at all. After recess, Mrs. Squarenot announced that she had graded all the quizzes. She handed them back to the class one at a time. Jelly could hardly wait to see what her score was. Mrs. Squarenot soon came by her desk and lay down the paper and gave Jelly a small pat on the back. Jelly’s eyes got as big as coconuts when she saw the beautiful green A+ with a circle around it and three smiley faces. She had never gotten an A, and most definitely never got any smiley faces. Three smiley faces was incredible.
She held her quiz out in front of Tommy’s face and gloated, “Maybe you need a hit over the head, Tommy Craggin.” Tommy looked down at his C- and frowned.
Jelly hated Tommy. She thought he was so disgusting. She hated his freckles, his gross hair, and his ugly eyes. He had bad breath and wore dirty shirts with holes in them. He was always picking his nose and spitting. All the girls called him Tommy the Trash.
For the rest of the semester, Jelly got straight A’s in all her subjects. Her parents could not believe it. How could their girl, who did as little as possible, somehow start producing perfect results? They did not understand it, but they were happy and did not care how it was happening.
At the end of the semester, the dreaded book report became due. “Who cares about stupid Romeo and Juliet? Why did they have to use old dumb words like thou and art?” thought Jelly. She had no worries now with her magic pencil. The night before the report was due, she sat down at her desk with the book and her magic pencil.
“Please write me a book report on Romeo and Juliet. Make sure to use proper grammar, examples, and quotes from the book. It needs to be five pages long and in my handwriting.” asked Jelly.
As expected, the pencil began writing furiously. Within a few minutes, it had completed the five pages. Jelly was so confident that it would be an A+; she did not even read it. She put it in her folder and went downstairs to watch TV.
The next day she handed in the paper with confidence. After Mrs. Squarenot had collected all the papers, she announced that she would be reading one paragraph to the class from each one. The class groaned in unison. Jelly could not wait until Mrs. Squarenot read her report. She knew the whole class would be super impressed with her awesome book report.
After several boring book reports, Mrs. Squarenot finally arrived at Jelly’s. “A Synopsis of the Classic Shakespeare Novel ‘Romeo and Juliet’ written by Miss Jelly Jenkins.” Jelly lifted her head high and looked down her nose at Tommy. He stuck his tongue out at her and made the letter ‘W” with his thumb and finger signifying ‘whatever’.
Mrs. Squarenot continued, “Romeo and Juliet is a beautiful story of two young adults who are in deep love with each other. However, their families are sworn enemies and their love would be surely forbidden. Just as Jelly must hide her true love for Tommy, Juliet hides her love for Romeo from her parents.”
“WHAT!” cried out Jelly. “I did not write that!”
All the children in the classroom laughed. Then came the taunts. “Oooooh, Jelly is in love.” “Wherefore art thou my Tommy?” “Jelly is Tommy’s sun.”
Tommy was furious. His face became bright red. “Shut Up!” he yelled. Jelly ran out of the classroom and started crying in the hallway. Mrs. Squarenot came after her.
“I am sorry Jelly. I did not mean to embarrass you,” said Mrs. Squarenot, trying to comfort Jelly. “It was a very nice book report.”
Jelly just kept on crying.
Tommy and Jelly had to endure all the jokes the rest of the year. They were called; ‘Tomeo and Jelliet’. Kids would make kissing sounds and then laugh behind their backs.
Jelly brought the pencil back to the older woman’s house and put it in her mailbox. After that, Jelly decided that she would do all the work herself from then on. Being lazy was not worth all the trouble.
Behaving Badly
Burp
Fart
Stupid!
Move it!
Whatever!
Everyone in Willakaville had lost his or her manners. People left garbage everywhere. They spit on the floor. Nobody said please or thank you. They sneezed and coughed without covering their mouths. Old ladies cut in line. Mothers used 3 parking spaces to park their cars. It was total chaos.
The town was so dirty from all the litter that it was up to your knees. Over half the town was sick. And they were getting sicker by the minute. Since the doctors and the nurses were getting sick, more people got sick. Grocery stores, gas stations and restaurants closed. The nice little town of Willakaville became a complete dump. It even smelled like one.
Before we go any further, we need to go back one month. Willakaville was the normal friendly town where everyone was happy and healthy. Then, one day a stranger came through. He arrived just after dark in an old black car. He wore a black suit with a shiny red shirt and tie. A long black cape trailed behind him with frayed ends that resembled the wings of a raven. His black leather boots echoed in the street as he slowly walked towards the friendliest place in town, Happy Burger.
Everyone was super friendly at Happy Burger. They always smiled one hundred percent of the time. Every sentence the spoke there started with "Please" and ended with "Thank you". It was nearly impossible to leave without being complimented. Everyone who ate there always felt happier when they left.
The stranger grasped the door handle with his left hand shrouded in a black leather glove. As he stepped in, those who could see him looked at his black hat and sunglasses. They questioned why he would need sunglasses in the evening.
Immediately, a Happy Burger employee greeted him. "Welcome to Happy Burger," chimed the teenage girl with braces at the door. The man did not answer. The girl thought he did not hear her. She smiled and tried again, "Welcome to Happy Burger!" The man slowly turned his head toward her and replied with his dark yellow teeth showing, "I do not want to hear another annoying sound come from your mouth!."
The girl and those around her were so shocked, they stopped talking. Nobody could look the man in the eyes. They had not seen such rudeness. The manager of Happy Burger, have a keen sense of happiness, noticed the commotion. He quickly made his way to the man.
"My fine sir," boomed the manager confidently. "What can we do for you to make this a more pleasurable experience?" Then he extended his hand for a handshake to the man dressed in black.
The man in black grabbed the fingertip on his right hand and slowly removed the glove covering it. He then grabbed the manager’s hand with a python's grip. The manager dipped his body down in pain. Then the man in black spoke, "You can wipe those smiles off your faces." Then he gave a cold stare to his audience of customers. He continued, "All the smiling and politeness and welcoming makes me sick." Then he clasped his gloved hand over the top of the manager’s hand and squeezed. The manager fell to his knees in pain.
With a final grin of his stained teeth, the man in black announced, "The time for rudeness has begun!” Then he did something spectacular and disgusting. He coughed, sneezed, spit, burped, farted, yelled, pushed, kicked and picked his nose and ears all at the same time! From this, a green electrical fog surrounded him and began expanding. The evil man laughed an evil laugh, farted and walked out the door, got in his car and drove off.
As the green cloud filled the restaurant, people began coughing and vomiting. Then, something even worse happened. They started being extra rude. People were swearing and pushing (some were even biting). Others took food from the plates of those eating. They began shoving each other a
nd demanding hamburgers.
One employee behind the counter told everyone to shut up. Another threw ketchup at people. A third told a customer they were too fat to be eating hamburgers. It was total chaos and pandemonium. There was yelling and screaming, fighting and spitting.
That’s how it all started. Things only got worse from there. Rudeness spread it’s way through Willakaville like a bad disease. It seemed as though the town would never recover. Until one day, a different stranger came to town. He arrived in style with a shiny new white Ferrari.
He parked it in front of the Happy Burger the same as the man dressed in black. Only now, someone had removed out the ‘H’ in Happy and replaced it with the letters ‘C’ and ‘R’. The place was just about out of business since most of the town was sick and half the employees did not show up for work. The service was horrible. But then again it was horrible everywhere in Willakaville. The restaurant smelled horrible since they never cleaned it.
The stranger stepped out of the Ferrari wearing a neatly pressed white suit. He appeared as a knight in shining armor against the desolate background of garbage and run down buildings. He stood tall and walked with confidence toward the door. As he entered, nobody paid any attention to him at first.
Then the impolite comments came. “Where did you get that ugly suit?” commented the teenage boy working the cash register. “You look like an idiot.”
The man in white replied kindly and confidently, “Why young man. I do believe that is a matter of taste. I myself happen to like this suit. That is not to say that your wardrobe is any less worthy.” Then he looked the boy up and down.
The boy replied with a disgusted look on his face, “You sound like an idiot too.”
The man in white simply smiled and asked for a hamburger, fries and a vanilla milkshake.
The teenage boy turned his head away from the man and with a whiny voice said, “Whatever, I will get to it when I feel like it.”
To which the man in white replied, “I believe I have just the thing you need.” Then he put his hand in his pocket and pulled it out with a fist full of a glittering white powder. As the boy turned to look at him, the man blew the powder in his face. The boy stood there stunned with a look of bewilderment on his face.
The look quickly turned into one of happiness and the boy had a smile as wide as the Panama canal. Immediately he faced the man in white and said, “Sir, I will get that for you right away.”
The man in white enjoyed his hamburger, fried and milkshake. Then he proceeded to engage the few other people in the restaurant. He was greeted with similar rudeness and replied with a puff of the same white powder. Every time, the receiver of the powder would turn polite.
A secondary effect of the powder did something to the voices of those who breathed it. When they spoke to someone afflicted with the rudeness, their voice seemed to sooth whoever heard it. They would snap out of their impolite haze and start becoming polite again.
By sundown, practically everyone in Willakaville had returned to his or her normal nice state.
As the sun set, people gathered in the town center to celebrate. Everyone was laughing, dancing, and having a great time. The man in white attended and made friends wherever he went.
Just before midnight, the old black car appeared in the town center and out stepped the man in black.
The man in white was nearby and made his way over. He smiled and tipped his hat as he said, “Good evening to you sir!”
The man in black angrily replied, “It will be better when I dispose of you, you little cockroach!” He then blew his nose into a tissue and threw it at the man in white.
The man in white, with cat-like reflexes, pulled out a plastic sack and caught the tissue. After seeing this, the man in black screamed, “Aaaaarggghh!” He ran toward the man in white. At the same time, the man in white ran towards the man I black. They both jumped in the air simultaneously and as they collided, a large flash of strange grey light appeared and turned into a dark grey mist.
As the mist dissipated, the man in black and the man in white were nowhere to be seen. Neither were either of their cars.
The people of Willakaville did not know what to make of this and decided it was time to go home. They quietly shook each other’s hands and said their goodbyes.
For the next few weeks everyone was extra polite. Eventually things turned back to normal in Willakaville. Well, as normal as Willakaville can be.
Amayonaising
Every morning before school, Charley would make himself a sandwich. He tried to make a different sandwich each time. He loved coming up with crazy ideas. His masterpiece was a shrimp sandwich with jalapenos, mayonnaise, cilantro, tomatoes, onions and cream cheese. He added a touch of salt, pepper and oregano. Today he would make something similar, but with carrots instead of onions.
He decided to use the jar of mayonnaise the little man dressed in white had given him. Charlie got all the ingredients out on the countertop. Within a few minutes, he would create a new masterpiece. Charley took one last smell of the sandwich before taking a bite. It smelled so good his mouth started watering. Just as he was going to sink his teeth into it, his mother came in.
“Charley,” she scolded. “You need to clean this mess up right now.”
Charley sighed, put the sandwich down and started cleaning. His mom picked up his sandwich and took a bite. He could see the joy on her face as her smile grew larger with each chew.
“Mmmmmm. This is soooo goooood!” she said taking another bite. She kept shoving the sandwich in her mouth, taking bigger bites each time.
“Moooommm!” Charley whined. “That was my new masterpiece!”
She answered with mayonnaise stuck to the corner of her mouth, “You can just make another one.”
“But I just put everything away!” Charley said folding his arms. He decided to eat an apple instead. He was too lazy to make another one.
“Charley, that sandwich was amazing!” chimed his mother. “You need to patent that one! I have never tasted so many flavors in a sandwich.”
Charley was surprised that is was so good. He was about to decide if he should get everything out and make another one when his dad came down.
Before Charley could do anything, his mom insisted that he make one for his dad. Charley did. His dad also loved it. He loved it so much that he wanted to take all of the ingredients straight away to his sandwich shop.
Charley’s dad owned a small sandwich shop downtown. It was very popular and everyone around came there for lunch. His dad knew this was the sandwich to make his shop famous. “I will name it the ‘Charley’ after you buddy. Thanks.” Then he left in a rush.
Charley wondered if he would ever get to taste his sandwich. He grabbed a few snack bars and an orange for his lunch and took off for school.
Later, when Charley got home from school, his father was there.
“My boy!” he exclaimed. “Your sandwiches were a hit! Everybody loved them. We used all of your magic mayonnaise. Where did you get that stuff? I really need some more.”
“Umm,” replied Charley nervously. “I got it from Billy. I think his grandma makes it.”
“Do you think you could get some more? I would pay for it, fifty dollars. I need it tonight so I can make more sandwiches tomorrow. I have to get his grandmother’s recipe,” said his father excitedly.
Charley answered, “I will ask.” Charley took the phone upstairs and called Billy. Billy agreed and brought the mayonnaise over after dinner. He did not like mayonnaise anyways and fifty dollars was more money than he ever had in his life at one time. Billy collected his money, thanked Charley’s father and went back home.
The next morning Billy and Charley met for their walk to school. Billy started talking frantically, “Charley, the mayonnaise, we have to get it back. Something is wrong with it.”
“What do you mean?” asked Charley. “My parents loved it. My dad is making sandwiches with it for his shop.”
Billy still f
rantic said, “No. It makes people crazy. I am serious. You cannot let anyone else eat it.”
“But hundreds of people already have. Why is it so bad? What is wrong with it?” asked Charley.
Billy grabbed Charley by the shoulders and said, “My mother made a sandwich two nights ago. She kept going on and on about how good it was. So, she made one for my father as well. He loved it too. Everything seemed normal until this morning. They both started acting crazy. My mom was making chicken sounds and flapping her arms. She made a huge mess in the kitchen. My dad? He thinks he is a cat. He keeps meowing and licking himself. They are totally mental. I knew that mayonnaise was too good to be true.”
Charley smiled and said in disbelief, “Come on Billy. You really expect me to believe that? Nice try. I almost believed you for a second. I told you. My parents ate it and they are fine.”
“That is because it takes a day and a half for it to cause the symptoms,” said Billy desperately. “If you don’t believe me, follow me back to my house and see for yourself.”
Charley was starting to get worried now. Billy did not look like he was joking. Charley decided to follow Billy, but still wanted to see what was going on. They made it back to Billy’s house. They could hear strange cat and chicken noises coming from the house as they approached.
Billy cracked the door open a little bit to peek inside. “Here,” he said. “Look.” Then he opened the door a bit wider for Charley to see. Charley stood frozen in astonishment at the incredible scene in front of him.
Billy’s mother was on top of the coffee table clucking like a chicken and strutting back and forth. Billy’s dad was on top of the couch, scratching the curtains and hissing.
Charley went ahead and shut the door for Billy. “I have seen enough,” said Charley with eyes as big as fried eggs. He continued talking as they walked away, “We have to do something! My dad is going to serve hundreds more of those sandwiches today!”
“Let’s go then!” exclaimed Billy.
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